Help... Husband has a son!

[usnuzuloose]

My DH found out a few years ago he has a daughter. We were floored. But the girl is in her late 20's. We have no idea if he is on the birth certificate or not. But the way we found out was the young lady actually went to DH's dads house. We live out of state and she lives close to them. I really don't know their reaction.

The girl says she doesn't want anything, just wants to know who her dad was. I find it heart breaking this woman never told him. As it really makes it difficult to start a relationship.

But in your case I find it odd that the mother would drop him off at the doorstep and leave him there. But yes, DNA is the first step. Attorney help is a must since he is under 18. And what does the mom want? Why is she just now telling you. Please stand by your husband. He must have many thoughts running through his mind.

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

The need to reach out and find sympathy or empathy or just an ear to listen to us is a strong feeling that is hard to overcome. I am sorry that you chose this place to look for comfort. I haven't posted much in the past year until recently due to the serious negativity that can found here. For every soul who wants to help you, you will find another who has the need to poke holes in every single word that has been posted. This is the danger of posting in a public forum. Which we often forget when we post.

And while I lurked and fell for the Canada Baby Story, I refuse to believe that every story is an untrue one. Gullible, I own it.

I hope your story has an happy ending that the journey to it is peaceful.

 

[Trish.Glenn]

My DH found out a few years ago he has a daughter. We were floored. But the girl is in her late 20's. We have no idea if he is on the birth certificate or not. But the way we found out was the young lady actually went to DH's dads house. We live out of state and she lives close to them. I really don't know their reaction.

The girl says she doesn't want anything, just wants to know who her dad was. I find it heart breaking this woman never told him. As it really makes it difficult to start a relationship.

But in your case I find it odd that the mother would drop him off at the doorstep and leave him there. But yes, DNA is the first step. Attorney help is a must since he is under 18. And what does the mom want? Why is she just now telling you. Please stand by your husband. He must have many thoughts running through his mind.

The boy got to our house on his own. It is hard to really know how but he is here and we have to deal with him.
As to what they want I do not know. I do know that another man was tested when the child was younger.
I feel bad for my husband but worse for the son. His life has been very hard so far, at least that is what it looks like to me.

 

[Trish.Glenn]

The need to reach out and find sympathy or empathy or just an ear to listen to us is a strong feeling that is hard to overcome. I am sorry that you chose this place to look for comfort. I haven't posted much in the past year until recently due to the serious negativity that can found here. For every soul who wants to help you, you will find another who has the need to poke wholes in every single word that has been posted. This is the danger of posting in a public forum. Which we often forget when we post.

And while I lurked and fell for the Canada Baby Story, I refuse to believe that every story is an untrue one. Gullible, I own it.

I hope your story has an happy ending that the journey to it is peaceful.

I am surprised how much negativity there is. I was just feeling very overwhelmed and wrote the post. I think it was a big mistake now but thanks for the nice words.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

This would be way too much for me to handle. God bless you for your strength through this all. I'm not sure how I would be able to process this all.

 

[chris1gill]

From someone with a very complicated family that includes some of your elements, I don't find your story so incredible as to not believe it. I would want to know what the motivation of the mother of this child is and I would involve an attorney in whatever you and your husband decide to do.

My Husband and I fostered not all that long ago, it didn't end well with the child but to be honest we never had much of an idea how the system worked or didn't work, it was an unreal story I would never have believed in a million years.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well OP, I wouldn'[t call it negativity. There are 2 different things happneing here.

You are on an Internet message board...one where there have been some pretty big stories told. So we are naturally a bit jaded when it comes to that. If you are not telling a tal tale, then you have no reason to be offended...just consider it as another perspective.

As far as specific advice about your situation, you have mostly received cautions about contacting a lawyer and proceeding slowly. Wise advice in a situation such as yours.

 

[TLuvsD]

Good luck to the OP and family. This sounds like a complicated, tough situation.

 

[TraceyDisney2008]

Good luck to all of you. This breaks my heart for all of you.

 

[wdwmom3]

Yep that is it in a nutshell thanks for explaining it so nicely. I pray your life is uncomplicated and never messy.

Hey just wanted to say to the op try not to let the crazies on here who are picking you apart get you down. Come on people give her a break. Do you guys not have a life that you have to sit here and try and pick people apart and catch every inconstancy.

 

[elizke]

OP, sounds complicated! It also sounds like you are used to multi-faceted family life and you will work this out. And as always here, just take the advice you need from the pool of what's given.


But off topic here, what? The Canada lady was a hoax? I followed that for a while! What happened?

 

[Dsnyfireman]

This. Because even if he gets custody now, at 13, the mother still raised him, either on her own or with government assistance, to this point. There's going to be thousands of dollars of arrears involved.

Not always. My friend found out he had a daughter when we was about 12 and his first question was if be owed back support. The state of Maine said no due to him never having been notified before. And that he would only be responsible from then on. He ended up with full custody anyway so it worked out. That is Maine so not sure how your state will work but need DNA test for sure and then go from there. Hope it all works out for you and the young boy.

 

[DisneyBelle99]

OP, sounds complicated! It also sounds like you are used to multi-faceted family life and you will work this out. And as always here, just take the advice you need from the pool of what's given.

But off topic here, what? The Canada lady was a hoax? I followed that for a while! What happened?

Yup, I was following along, praying for her, etc. One day I saw a post saying something about how unfortunate it was that some people do this sort of thing, and the thread was closed down. !!!

 

[TanyaS]

Just an FYI for some of you who were questioning the idea of DNA tests being done so quickly - you can buy a DNA test kit at your local drugstore, swab at home, and send the swabs in for testing in a lab.

It might take a few days to get the results, but the test can be performed the same day the question of paternity comes up.

No personal experience with this! Just something I saw!

 

[bdcp]

Just an FYI for some of you who were questioning the idea of DNA tests being done so quickly - you can buy a DNA test kit at your local drugstore, swab at home, and send the swabs in for testing in a lab.

It might take a few days to get the results, but the test can be performed the same day the question of paternity comes up.

No personal experience with this! Just something I saw!

DNA testing for paternity isn't all that complicated. Whether it's true or not, I certainly wouldn't go on a internet board looking for support. That's what friends and family is for. But, that's just my personal feeling about it. I never believed the Canadian baby thread, but this one seems more plausible. Stranger things have happened.

 

[Mickey'sMainMami]

I just wanted to send you some hugs during this difficult time. Good luck.

 

[NoSoup4U]

Yup, I was following along, praying for her, etc. One day I saw a post saying something about how unfortunate it was that some people do this sort of thing, and the thread was closed down. !!!

OP, sounds complicated! It also sounds like you are used to multi-faceted family life and you will work this out. And as always here, just take the advice you need from the pool of what's given.


But off topic here, what? The Canada lady was a hoax? I followed that for a while! What happened?

The moderators had indicated that the Canada hoax person had two different screen names. One screen name/story was about her cheating husband and how she moved to Canada. Another screen name indicated how happy she is with her husband and kids, and lived in the US. Thus the reason they shut the thread down. These disboards mods are fantastic! They even tracked her IP address! The reason they investigated was because some posters felt so bad for the OP they offered to donate baby goods etc. Thats when the mods decided to step in.

 

[TheAviator]

If you have had foster kids before, why not embrace this kid as your own?