Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[cabanafrau]

DD will once again be at school for the summer, taking a few classes and working. They wanted her full-time, but she informed them she has classes. They asked her what she could give, she said up to 25 hours, what hours do you want me -- all of them.

I'd always heard how hard it is to adjust when they come home for summer, Christmas breaks, etc., but about the most time we get is 10 days. She'll be home for 7 days this time. I had a feeling when she left for college she'd never really "come home" again. I'm jealous of those of you struggling to make the adjustment of yours at home again.

 

[HERSEY]

Hey everyone, I wanted to give you an update with my health. I have to admit I didn't post because I had to make a decision, and had a hard time wrestling with it, but after talking with one of the doc's this past week I finally feel pretty good about it.

The GOOD news is that all of the tests came back negative!!!! I was so happy to hear that. However then my primary MD calls me to tell me she thinks we should revisit closing the hole in my heart. It was originally denied by insurance, they deemed it experimental. That is what my decision was all about. Should I pursue this. I had read about it a while back, and people were having problems so I was in the end happy back then not to close it. Now I decided not to pursue closing it, I just don't think it is the right thing to do. I did ask for a sign that I was making the right decision and the ophthalmologist from work that I saw that day called me and we talked about what my primary wants me to do, and he actually agreed with me that it seems like since he found NO sign of any damage in my eye that it doesn't seem like it was a clot that was the cause.

So now I just have to get in to see my primary so we can talk about this.

So, in a nutshell I am OK!

You can challenge that. Your doctor would be the best person to start
that process. It could be the method that makes it experimental or it could be that the Insurance is using old information. Good luck

 

[LisaR]

Hey everyone, I wanted to give you an update with my health. I have to admit I didn't post because I had to make a decision, and had a hard time wrestling with it, but after talking with one of the doc's this past week I finally feel pretty good about it.

The GOOD news is that all of the tests came back negative!!!! I was so happy to hear that. However then my primary MD calls me to tell me she thinks we should revisit closing the hole in my heart. It was originally denied by insurance, they deemed it experimental. That is what my decision was all about. Should I pursue this. I had read about it a while back, and people were having problems so I was in the end happy back then not to close it. Now I decided not to pursue closing it, I just don't think it is the right thing to do. I did ask for a sign that I was making the right decision and the ophthalmologist from work that I saw that day called me and we talked about what my primary wants me to do, and he actually agreed with me that it seems like since he found NO sign of any damage in my eye that it doesn't seem like it was a clot that was the cause.

So now I just have to get in to see my primary so we can talk about this.

So, in a nutshell I am OK!

Glad your tests were all negative! I'm not up on medical stuff, but a hole in the heart sounds kind of serious. If it was me, I'd get opinions from specialist instead of a primary care doctor. Best of luck!

Oh, and I wanted to update you guys about DS for this summer. So, I did have a long talk with him and he is staying at college over the summer. He will be at the fraternity house.

Every time I see him I can see/sense how independent he has become. I don't think he wants to ever move "back home".

BUT I did tell him that since he was going to not come home that I was pulling rank and that he WOULD be coming on vacation with us! and told him to "make it happen"!

So... he is coming!!!!! And I can not wait!!!! We will be going to WDW and I will savor the time that my family will be together again. I am so very excited! AND I just booked a tour that I read about and can't wait! Apparently the Marceline to Main street tour goes behind the scenes at Haunted mansion, a family favorite, so I am going to really enjoy that with my family!!!!!

Have fun in Disney! We're going as a family, as well. Should be fun....and hot.

DD will once again be at school for the summer, taking a few classes and working. They wanted her full-time, but she informed them she has classes. They asked her what she could give, she said up to 25 hours, what hours do you want me -- all of them.

I'd always heard how hard it is to adjust when they come home for summer, Christmas breaks, etc., but about the most time we get is 10 days. She'll be home for 7 days this time. I had a feeling when she left for college she'd never really "come home" again. I'm jealous of those of you struggling to make the adjustment of yours at home again.

I prepared myself for this when DD left. She has a great summer job here and that really is the primary reason she is coming home; not that she doesn't want to, but she is growing up. I can't blame her. I will be shocked if she comes home next summer. Enjoy the time you do have.

 

[LisaR]

DD posted this and I thought it was pretty accurate. I put my two favorites in bold.

http://jesssiroo.wordpress.com/2014/04/24/22-things-your-freshman-year-of-college-teaches-you/

22 Things your freshman year of college will teach you:


You’ll abuse the new freedom you have. It’s okay.

You’ll mess up and call Dad to fix it. It’s okay.

You’ll spend all of your money on all of the wrong things, and you’ll find outrageous ways to make more money. It’s okay.

You’ll kiss a lot of boys… And most likely regret the majority of them. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, right? It’s okay.

You’ll embarrass yourself and do things that won’t make Mom proud. It’s okay.

You’ll realize Mom is right about everything, and you’ll continue to live your life as if she isn’t, pushing off your final surrender to the inevitable as long as possible. It’s okay.

You’ll lose touch with the people you talked to everyday in high school and keep up with the people you should’ve spent more time with when you had the chance. It’s okay.

You’ll feel lost and alone, and you will cry. It’s okay.

You’ll change your major (or add a minor or two). It’s okay.

You’ll try new things that you will love, and you’ll try new things that you will hate. It’s okay.

You’ll question everything your life was the last 18 years and wonder how you got to where you are. It’s okay.

You’ll eat. You will eat a lot. It’s okay.

You’ll learn that exercise isn’t an option… It’s a must. Yet you’ll still struggle to get to the gym regularly. It’s okay.

You’ll get a taste of marriage after living with your first roommate (especially if she also becomes your best friend) and your desire to be married in the future will be made even more unattainable because you’ll want nothing more than to live alone for the rest of your life. It’s okay.
But you’ll continue to search for Mr. Right, knowing at this point it’s a lost cause and accepting that you’ll die alone. It’s okay.

However, you’ll still keep faith in your fairytale; even on the days you won’t admit it. It’s okay.

You’ll still deal with the typical annoying people that always seem to show up in your life. They’re not going anywhere. It’s okay.

You’ll realize that adults don’t have it all figured out either. And you’ll panic. It’s okay.

You’ll pick just about anything else there is to do over class some days. It’s okay.

You’ll realize how important it is to go to class and regret all of the times you didn’t. It’s okay.

You’ll realize that there’s no place like home, and whether or not you let it show, you’ll be ecstatic when you get the chance to go back, even if you thought you wanted to run away forever. It’s okay.

And when it’s all over… You’ll want to go back and do it all again because despite it being the craziest, scariest time of your life, it was sort of beautiful and liberating. It’s okay.

 

[Katy Belle]

Well, the Big Guy has a summer job! Yay! Proud of him. I actually gave him a lead and he JUMPED on it and it worked out! I sat with another Band Mom at a concert that both of our younger kiddos were in. We talked about out College Freshmen and their summer plans. I told her DS really needed a job. She said the produce stand is probably hiring, because they are losing at least one, maybe all 3, of their employees from last year. Her DS worked there and it was a good job! So...I texted DS, he talked to her son, got the phone # of the lady that runs the produce stand, called her and left a message, she called back, interviewed him over the phone... basically, "can you life 50lbs?" and she had already spoken to the boy that worked there last year and had her "character reference" and she hired him on the spot! Yay! $8 an hour, and (hopefully) close to 40 hours a week, and she will let him have his week off in July to go on his vacation with his buddies, that he has done for the past 5 years!

Hugs to all! Here we go again, transition time!

 

[mom2rtk]

Hey everyone, I wanted to give you an update with my health. I have to admit I didn't post because I had to make a decision, and had a hard time wrestling with it, but after talking with one of the doc's this past week I finally feel pretty good about it.

The GOOD news is that all of the tests came back negative!!!! I was so happy to hear that. However then my primary MD calls me to tell me she thinks we should revisit closing the hole in my heart. It was originally denied by insurance, they deemed it experimental. That is what my decision was all about. Should I pursue this. I had read about it a while back, and people were having problems so I was in the end happy back then not to close it. Now I decided not to pursue closing it, I just don't think it is the right thing to do. I did ask for a sign that I was making the right decision and the ophthalmologist from work that I saw that day called me and we talked about what my primary wants me to do, and he actually agreed with me that it seems like since he found NO sign of any damage in my eye that it doesn't seem like it was a clot that was the cause.

So now I just have to get in to see my primary so we can talk about this.

So, in a nutshell I am OK!

I'm so glad your tests came out OK! I was wondering about you.

I'll pray you find the right course with your heart issue.

Oh, and I wanted to update you guys about DS for this summer. So, I did have a long talk with him and he is staying at college over the summer. He will be at the fraternity house.

Every time I see him I can see/sense how independent he has become. I don't think he wants to ever move "back home".

BUT I did tell him that since he was going to not come home that I was pulling rank and that he WOULD be coming on vacation with us! and told him to "make it happen"!

So... he is coming!!!!! And I can not wait!!!! We will be going to WDW and I will savor the time that my family will be together again. I am so very excited! AND I just booked a tour that I read about and can't wait! Apparently the Marceline to Main street tour goes behind the scenes at Haunted mansion, a family favorite, so I am going to really enjoy that with my family!!!!!

I hope you have an awesome trip. I'm sure you know this, but pat yourself on the back for a job well done with your son. What we want for all of them is to be able to spread their wings, yet fly home on occasion.

Well, the Big Guy has a summer job! Yay! Proud of him. I actually gave him a lead and he JUMPED on it and it worked out! I sat with another Band Mom at a concert that both of our younger kiddos were in. We talked about out College Freshmen and their summer plans. I told her DS really needed a job. She said the produce stand is probably hiring, because they are losing at least one, maybe all 3, of their employees from last year. Her DS worked there and it was a good job! So...I texted DS, he talked to her son, got the phone # of the lady that runs the produce stand, called her and left a message, she called back, interviewed him over the phone... basically, "can you life 50lbs?" and she had already spoken to the boy that worked there last year and had her "character reference" and she hired him on the spot! Yay! $8 an hour, and (hopefully) close to 40 hours a week, and she will let him have his week off in July to go on his vacation with his buddies, that he has done for the past 5 years!

Hugs to all! Here we go again, transition time!

YEAH! Congrats! Sounds like your son aced that interview! I'd love for my DS to find a job this summer, but just don't know where that would be, given that he's leaving 3 months later. On the up side, I think he's taking a couple gen ed classes through the University where my husband works. That should allow him more flexibility down the road as he gets farther down the road with internships and coops.

Our other son is taking 4 classes this summer. Could be a quiet summer here.

 

[clh2]

Hello all - I was on the hunt for something a little different from what I've previously sent DD in care packages.

I found this for $6.99, including shipping:

POPCORN FACTORY SAMPLER

I just wanted to send DD a little something before exams start. And, while she loves getting Cheryl's Cookies, I feel like I've done that too often.

Good luck to all in their finals!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

With Mother's day around the corner I just wanted to wish all of us Mom's a wonderful Mother's day! Hopefully we will all be able to have some contact with all of our kids!

DS called last night... Called after I was already asleep... but of course I got up to talk, how can you not when he calls - right???

Well he wanted to tell us that he has some stuff he would like for us to bring home (remember he isn't coming home this summer...), BUT that he would "Love to spend some time hanging out with you guys". that made my heart very happy!!!!

Can't wait to see him and I hope you guys all have a great weekend, especially on Sunday!!!!

 

[LisaR]

Wanted to drop by and wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day and a great summer!! I also wanted to say a great big THANK YOU for all the support during this first year. Everyone has been so helpful and supportive. My goal is to stay off the computer as much as humanly possible this summer, but I hope to read updates from everyone as the kids all move on to their next year.

I also have one piece of "moving-out of the dorm" advice. If your son or daughter has one of those big, comfy, expensive, memory foam toppers on their dorm bed that came in a normal size box, it will NOT fit back in that box! We couldn't believe the number of people struggling to get those things into their vehicles. They're so bulky and most people already had their vehicles stuffed full before they stripped the bed and realized those things just wouldn't fit. Some people were telling us they had paid $400 - $500 on those things. DD's roommate had a $300 one and if it wasn't for DH managing to get it in their vehicle for them, she would have had to leave it behind. Thankfully, we didn't have a problem. We had moved a good chunk of DD's stuff home a few weeks early so we had spare room and I am way too cheap to spend that much on a mattress topper. I bought two egg crate toppers for $12 each and a thick pad for $15. They fit fine in our vehicle, but even if they didn't, it was only about $40 we'd have to pitch. My advice is to get it into the vehicle first and put everything else on top of it. There was a lot of swearing going on in that parking garage thanks to those toppers!

Hope everyone has a great summer!!

 

[mom2travel]

I have enjoyed traveling through this freshman year together. It's amazing how quickly it went! DS is home and so far we are all enjoying getting back to being a family of 4 - I will appreciate it while I have it :

Happy Mother's Day to all!

 

[PlutoPony]

Got the dreaded phone call at 7:30 am today "Mom I'm sick. Which of these OTC meds you packed should I take?". This is 2 hours before his 1st final (yes - they have finals on Saturday). Thank goodness I sent some basic meds with him, something he thought was totally unnecessary . So here's hoping this is a nasty summer cold and not the flu..... will see if he reports in later today.

Think his school is among the last to finish. Finals started Friday and go until Wednesday....and of course his last final is Wednesday. He really envies those kids with classes don't have finals (some majors are known for that there).

Wonder if he'll even remember to call me for Mother's Day tomorrow? Have to say it's totally ok if he doesn't.... Poor guy is pretty stressed, he's got a really tough class load and to feel bad on top of it is such a bummer.

 

[Christine]

Got the dreaded phone call at 7:30 am today "Mom I'm sick. Which of these OTC meds you packed should I take?". This is 2 hours before his 1st final (yes - they have finals on Saturday). Thank goodness I sent some basic meds with him, something he thought was totally unnecessary . So here's hoping this is a nasty summer cold and not the flu..... will see if he reports in later today.

Think his school is among the last to finish. Finals started Friday and go until Wednesday....and of course his last final is Wednesday. He really envies those kids with classes don't have finals (some majors are known for that there).

Wonder if he'll even remember to call me for Mother's Day tomorrow? Have to say it's totally ok if he doesn't.... Poor guy is pretty stressed, he's got a really tough class load and to feel bad on top of it is such a bummer.

OMG, SAME HERE!!!!

My son called me this past Sunday (right before finals). He started getting a sore throat on Saturday night. By Sunday it was raging and he had a fever. He had tons of ibuprofen and lozenges on him but nothing was helping. On Monday morning, he went to the Student Health Center. They did a rapid strep on him and it was negative. The doctor noted there were some "sores" in his throat. He said it was viral and to just hang in there. My son was miserable but seemed to be getting on top of it.

He came home very late on Wednesday night. On Thursday he was complaining about how bad his throat hurt, yet he still seemed in a decent mood and had an appetite. I asked him if he wanted to make an appointment with his pediatrician since the pain had not abated at all. Called and got one of their later evening appointments that same day. We went there, repeated strep, but negative. Again, nothing they could do.

On Friday he took a turn back for the worse. Could barely function. Last night at 11:30 he came into my room and said he could barely open his mouth, turn his head, and the pain was radiating up through his head and down through is neck and shoulder. Temp was going back up. So my husband took him to the small ER associated with hospital. He was seen very quickly. They didn't bother to do a strep but the doctor felt that he should not be worsening on Day 6. So he got penicillan and a dose of steriod. He's feeling markedly better today, though still couch bound. And we are supposed to be going to West Virginia tomorrow for my DD's college graduation!

What a week it has been. The house went from calm to chaos in about 5 minutes!

 

[mom2rtk]

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY everyone!

I'm so happy we all have this first year over, or almost over. We pick my DS up on Friday. Between now and then he has finals in Calc III, Chem III and Physics. Better him than me! It really has been a challenging course load this second semester.

I actually decided to postpone Mother's Day at our house until next weekend. We usually go out for a nice lunch somewhere and it just wouldn't seem right with one still off at school.

I've really enjoyed the camaraderie on this thread through this transitional year for everyone. And I'm looking forward to a summer without so much of a huge unknown in front of us.

PlutoPony and Christine...... oh NO! To make it this far and get sick right at the home stretch really just stinks. Fingers crossed they get through it and do fine on their finals.

Have a great weekend and an even better summer everyone!

 

[Katy Belle]

I hope all the sick kiddos are feeling better! Big Guy got sick during Dead Week, but was good to go by Finals Week. He had Finals until 4p.m. on Friday, then had to check out of the dorm, then headed home!

He's been home 6 days. I'm happy he's here, but we are having some growing pains!!! Anyone else? What are you doing about curfew? I know he's been on his own for a year and has been setting his own hours...but I'm kinda feeling, "my house my rules." I haven't had to say it yet and we have been able to reach an agreement each time. But it has been stressful. I've been using "What time will you be home?" a lot and if he says, "I don't know." Then I pick a time and tell him to call and discuss if he wants to stay out later. Anyone else?

And money. He's going out for meals with all his old friends. Wonderful! But expensive! He went on a date last night and he got water and ravioli, because it was the cheapest thing on the menu! His date got Chicken Parm and a soda, which was over double his. He has $, but he wants to use it for a trip with his buddies in July. I just explained that I am still cooking dinner here, as I ALWAYS have and he is welcome to eat here, as are his friends, with advance notice. "You have money and you need to decide how you want to spend it. If you spend it all on meals out, fine, but that is your choice." I really can't afford to give him $ every lunch and dinner! Even though..."all my friends parents give them money for their social lives."

His job starts Thursday. Hoping this will help with some of these issues! And once he buys his plane ticket for his trip, he should be able to relax a bit about money too. He has well over $350, but he will need that, plus some, for his plane ticket!

Hugs to all! I'm thinking some of you may still need hugs! I sure do!

 

[nancygirl1]

The transition was hard when they came home for the summer after their Freshman year. We weren't quite sure what to do either. What we ended up doing was asking them for some common courtesy and letting us know where they were going and when they thought they'd be back. They had no curfew. What we did ask was for them to let us know if they weren't coming home that night. A text was fine. Most of the time when we asked them where they were going they were great about telling us. All 3 of them are pretty easy going kids so we have never encountered any problems with getting information. Even now with 2 going into their senior year and one a super-senior they still are good about it.

It can be a tricky transition, but we've weathered it well. We didn't need to know everything they were doing, but the basics were important. We talked to them about how it was important to us to at least have an idea where they were and with who in case we needed to get ahold of them for some reason.

We figured that they'd been on their own for 8-9 months and they weren't the same "kids" that left in August. We didn't find it necessary to go back to the rules they had in high school.

Good luck!

 

[clh2]

ACK....I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

We are just having a hard time with FAFSA this year. DH and I both had job changes forced on us last year, so we had the forced-opportunity to move our respective 401K and 403B monies around. This relates to FAFSA, as when you "import your tax info" - which we have tried several times -

We now have a EFC that is 6 digits long.

Hopefully this just won't impact DD's ability to get the regular $7500 loan, and we weren't eligible for a subsidized loan, so I just I'm not sure it even makes sense to try to correct it, and, I simply cannot correct it, as I just do not have those options.

I've already been on the phone with DD's financial aid office this morning. I'll wait till Monday to see what to do about this new problem..

 

[clh2]

Should have added (but this is not FAFSA related), hence the 2 posts in a row:

DD will be home this weekend for about 10 days. Then she is off back to campus for the summer. She is "allowing" me to come down at the beginning of June, when her house lease starts to bring some of her stuff. I also think that she and her roommates will be wanting a parent or two or 5 or 6 to go through the house, to see if everything is up to snuff, before they sign off with the landlord.

Funny thing - DD found a dresser on the University's facebook "buy/sell/trade" page that she wanted to purchase, and DD determined that it is from someone moving out of the exact house she is moving in to. Landlord will allow the dresser to remain in the house during the transition, so no need for DD to figure out how to get it moved. AND - the current tenants have a small chest freezer that they will be selling to the new tenants, so that can also remain in the house.

Good luck to all of you with your now-independent adults coming back into the households!

 

[marcyinPA]

It's been months since I've visited this thread. I just wanted to check in to see how everyone is doing with their kids home for the summer. We have been having some growing pains- as in his room is messier than EVER and it's making me nuts, even though I make him keep the door shut. I feel like he should show some respect for my home by at least picking the garbage up off the floor.....

He is working 40 hours a week at the Y and taking an online math class through the community college. He is "EXHAUSTED" and apparently we just don't understand how tiring working full time is...*roll eyes* He has grown up in some ways but is still 19 in others- lol.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Happy summer everyone!

How is everyone doing? It has been a while since we all checked in... I'd love to hear updates...

DS stayed up at college and he is loving it, me- not so much! But I know he is happy, so I guess... grudgingly I'll be happy for him.

We went on vacation and told him since he was going to stay at college HE WILL go on vacation with us. So we went on a road trip to WDW. Fun stuff along the way including the Jack Daniel's Distillery tour. During the tour... DS gave me a smile... a hug... a kiss... and said "I love you Mom, thanks for bringing me here"!!!!!! LOVED that!

We have seen him here and there throughout the summer. I am glad he is happy... but I still miss him.

DD is not doing so well... her BFF just moved away last week and she is so sad. We were close with her BFF and called her our "second daughter". I am sad she left as well. the pain that DD has felt has been really hard. This is not easy.

How is everyone else doing?

 

[HERSEY]

PRINCESS VIJA That tour sounds interesting. I am glad you son is adjusting and doing well.

My son has been busy this summer, I haven't seen much of him. He is doing well and seems excited about starting his sophomore yr. Wow time is going so fast. Seems like just yesterday we were all crying about our babies leaving the nest.