Having a third baby??

[BraveLittleToaster2]

My husband and I were having a discussion about whether or not we are done having children. I can think of MORE reasons NOT to, then to have another including financially it will be tighter and it would make my youngest a middle child (which I'd like to avoid, since I was one and it was miserable) and my youngest is already going to be turning 4 years old.

Which means if we decided on 1 more it would be about 5 years YOUNGER then my youngest...I currently have a 7 and almost 4 year old.

How did you know you were done? Did you ever have doubts?

Did you have a child spaced 4 or 5 years apart?

I worry that it will hinder the activities we like to do with our older children. I will have to bring a bag with me everywhere I go again. Change diapers again etc etc. But even with all the negatives I still can't make up my mind.

Any thoughts?

 

[handinpocket]

I don't think that is something people on a message board can help you decide. You need to talk to your husband and do what is best for YOUR family.

 

[BraveLittleToaster2]

I know it's only up to us. I just thought maybe other peoples reasoning on what they did would help me get some insight...or at the least make me feel like I'm not alone on being confused.

 

[SideshowBob]

We debated on third and so very glad that we decided "to", as can't imagine life without him!

 

[my3sonsagn]

We have three kids, and sometimes I still don't *feel* done, but I have to be since my tubes are tied. I know many women truly feel that "I'm so over baby-making" feeling, but many don't ever get that feeling. My boys are 16, 11, and 5-next-month, so we have big age gaps. They were totally into different things when they were younger, but as they age, their interests are starting to mesh more. Having a much younger sibling has also, at times, allowed them to indulge in a "baby" toy (like action figures, legos, etc) when they otherwise would never admit to such an uncool interest. It has also been nice for me that my older boys were pretty self-sufficient by the time my youngest came along - it really helped me not to feel overwhelmed. They're also a big help - like my 16yo can help supervise when my 11yo wants to use the stove for something, and my 11yo can change batteries in a toy for the youngest... nothing huge for them, but definitely a time saver for me. As for bags and such, I just switched to a backpack by the time #3 showed up - I already had to make sure we had meds, snacks, wipes (my boys are messy!) for the older 2 (plus myself and, frequently, DH), so throwing a few diapers and baby stuff in was no big deal.

Good luck deciding!

 

[mickeyboat]

We thought for a long time about a third.

Our girls were born less than a year apart, and it was a difficult whilrlwind when they were babies. We thought we would wait a while and then think about trying for a third.

When they were not quite 1 and 2, DH's mom died. It was really tough for us to think of bringing another grandchild into the world that she was never going to meet.

By the time we got over that feeling, the girls were a little older, a little more independent, and we knew that #2's nose would be way out of joint if we had another one. We were comfortable with the size of our family - financial, travel, etc. By this point we also realized that the girls would be in the same grade in school together and participating in the same activities, so we would both be able to do everything with them. That sealed the deal.

But we waited until they were 9 & 10 before we did something permanent - just in case. We are now comfortable with our decision to be done, and we are looking forward to the time when they leave the nest and it will just be us again.

Good luck to you OP!

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

We are torn about #2. We are buying a new house next month and would want that all squared away and fix before having a baby. We also have a Disney trip planned in Nov and I don't want to so Disney pregnant. So that pushes it out and if we get pregnant right away our DS would be almost 4 when the baby would be born. Plus we are comfortable money wise and what would a second (possibly 3rd due to fertility issues) due? How would my son handle it? But on the other hand babies are so wonderful and we love our son so much I would love to have more.

 

[WL Fan]

My 3 are spaced out (23, 21 and 11), and it worked out wonderfully well. I can't imagine not having our 3rd, she made things complete in our family. But after 10 years, I was ready for the baby thing again, and it wasn't that big of a deal. I had more time to spend with her than I would of had they been close together in age. And there's nothing like watching two big brothers picking on their little sister - and she giving as good as she gets! Good luck with your decision!

 

[BraveLittleToaster2]

I guess the hardest part of making the decision is that I'm SO happy with the family I have now that I guess I can't imagine it getting any better. So I only end up worrying, what if we had a third who wasn't born healthy and it affected our family forever?? Things can change so fast. So I wonder why fix something that isn't broken, you know??

But then again, I wonder about the unknown.

 

[Kat77]

We have three kids, and sometimes I still don't *feel* done, but I have to be since my tubes are tied. I know many women truly feel that "I'm so over baby-making" feeling, but many don't ever get that feeling.
Good luck deciding!

I'm another one (with a tubal) who still gets baby fever. Even looked into reversal a couple times then the doubts set in . It's completely normal! OP- You do not have to decide anything right now. What's right for you now, may change in two years. Give it time, if your not sure.

 

[christiane]

I'm already a couple of children beyond 3. But I do remember the decision making and only you know in your heart if it is best to have another child. I was so happy with my first child I wasn't sure I wanted to share that love with another, but here I am with 4 more and that loves spreads around pretty easily. I couldn't imagine not having each & everyone one of them.

We are deciding on whether to have another right now so I know how you feel. My oldest child is almost 14, so there will be quite a gap in ages. But the gap will be much closer with the youngest ones. It is always nice when the diaper & 'carry every baby item you own' phase is over, but I don't think that would be my main-decision making point if we decide not to have another. That is such a short time and you kind of miss those young years when they get older!

 

[Kellydelly]

I wanted a third and ended up with twins . So now we have four and our family is complete. My "middle child" is the best of the bunch, so don't worry about middle child syndrome . I grew up with 3 siblings, I say the more the merrier .

 

[shinysparklybubbles]

We are torn about #2. We are buying a new house next month and would want that all squared away and fix before having a baby. We also have a Disney trip planned in Nov and I don't want to so Disney pregnant. So that pushes it out and if we get pregnant right away our DS would be almost 4 when the baby would be born. Plus we are comfortable money wise and what would a second (possibly 3rd due to fertility issues) due? How would my son handle it? But on the other hand babies are so wonderful and we love our son so much I would love to have more.

 

[EeyoreEma]

After 3 miscarriages (1 in between 1st two kids, 2 after 2nd child) I know I am done. I don't want to go through that again. Obviously, I wanted a 3rd but honestly, I am happy with our family size now. It took some time, but we're at a good place for us. I love having my 2 kids and I love that things are getting easier as they are getting older.

 

[justhat]

We have 3 and I am currently having the same thought as you, but about a 4th. Our older 2 are similar ages to yours (7 and 4), and the baby is 14 months. So there's a larger gap between #2 and #3 (3.5 years) than the 1st 2 (2.5 years). I can't say either spacing is really better or worse, as they each have their own merits.

But regarding adding a kid, I have the same feelings right now. I am satisfied with the 3 kids we have, and I am at a point where I am ready to move beyond having babies around, and everything that comes with them. But at the same time, I always wanted 4 kids, I don't like having an uneven number, I don't like that my son (the middle kid) is always singled out when my oldest declares things to be girls only or whatever. Of course, no guarantee that would improve with a 4th as we could have another girl so then he'd really be the odd man out.

Oh, and my 3rd was, and still is, a handful. She had severe reflux when she was born, along with allergies to dairy and nuts. So since I was nursing, that meant no dairy/nuts for me for a year. And the constant projectile vomiting and screaming and crying, even after we found a medicine that worked. And she is still definitely the crabbiest of all 3. My first 2 were happy babies, this one, not so much. She constantly has a gripe. Her only saving graces are that she's cute and sleeps 12 hours at night and a 2 hour nap. So when I think that a 4th one could have the same temperment as my 3rd, well, it makes me think maybe 3 is just fine!

 

[ZellyB]

We have three, although we were only planning on two but ended up with twins.

I was answering more for your age spread question. Our son is 5 1/2 years older than our twin daughters. It can be a tough age spread although it's made even more difficult due to the gender difference. Their ideas of fun play and activities are very different and it can lead to a lot of disagreements and fighting. But, I don't know that it's that much harder than any age spread. There are always sibling issues regardless of ages. The age spread shouldn't be something you let discourage you. It's completely managable like any other age spread is.

 

[laughinplace199]

We have three. DD was 7 and DS was 5 when the baby was born. They were so excited to have a baby in the house! I think they were old enough that they didn't get jealous - they just love him to pieces!

Now they are 11, 9, and 4. The older ones are so good with him and they are a huge help to me. Even when DD was 8 or 9, she was happy to change a diaper (as long as it was just wet) or get the baby dressed. Now we are starting to let DD babysit if I need to make a quick trip to the store or to drop DS at baseball, etc.

We were on the fence for a while before we decided to have #3. Now I can't imagine life without him. He is so funny and he has such a big personality for a little guy.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[luvmarypoppins]

We had #3 because it was the only way dh could get me to move from NY to TX.

After ds#3 was born, then people kept asking us or saying, so are you gonna try for a girl now?? Um, no, 3 is it for us.

Also ds3 was born 3 days before my sister died, so in the midst of all the sadness he brought joy to everyone.

 

[BraveLittleToaster2]

Also ds3 was born 3 days before my sister died, so in the midst of all the sadness he brought joy to everyone.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but what a wonderful blessing that baby must have been!!

 

[Family Fun Mom]

We thought we were done with two. We had one girl, one boy, 16 months apart. They were best buds. Everyone always said we had the "perfect" family. I always had little urges for another one but we never gave too much thought into having a third. I really thought we'd be a family of four forever. Then life stepped in and we got pregnant with #3 unexpectedly. For 2 solid years after he was born I'd look at him and think "Wow! I can't believe I had another baby" .

There is a 4 year difference between him and his brother. Compared to the 16 month difference I was used to, it took some adjustment. But the kids loved being a part of my pregnancy and adored their little brother from the second he was born. There was never an ounce of sibling rivalry or jealousy. I was very grateful for that. He's 8 now and, of course, I can't imagine life without him. I still get urges for another one every now and then, but dh was completely positive 3 is enough (small house, money issues, ect) so, after a lot of discussion, he had the big V done when number 3 was about a year old.

Three kids is pretty different than 2 but we are an extremely happy family. I am very glad fate stepped in and ruined our "perfect" family of four. I always say "who needs perfection? I'd rather have my Luke"