Having a 3rd

[sau418]

We have been blessed with two wonderful little girls and for almost 3 years now I have thought our family was complete, but now I am starting to get a baby bug. The girls are 10.5 months apart and the first two years was very rough as DH travels alot for work and we do not really have alot of family nearby to help. The older will be four in July and the younger will be 3 in May.

Due to their closeness in age they have become wonderful friends and playmates which is why I think I now want a third. I sort of feel like I missed out on some of the things I would have done if I would have had the girls further apart in age. Part of me is feeling selfish and thinking about the things I would be temporarily giving up if we did have a third...

How does someone make this decision...I keep talking myself into reasons to have a third and then reasons I am not sure to have a third.

DH could go either way, he will not come right out and say he wants another, but he does not say he does not want another either.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[Riviera510]

Well from a Disney point of view, you will have less options for hotels if you add a 5th person.

It seems like everything is for a family of 4.

Dont let that hold you back though.

I have 3 and everybody who has had 3 (and the kids are older) say I should have 1 more. That then one kid isn't always left out of play, etc. That it is easier.

If we had a bigger house, car and more money I might have had a 4th..


You might want to think though...if your first 2 are so close, best of friends, if you have a 3rd will that child be left out?

 

[krcit]

I have 3. I just knew I wasn't done after I had my second dd My DH would've been happy to stop after 2 but I just knew I wanted another. I was blessed with my ds and probably would've had one more after him if DH was on board but he wasn't and now ds is almost 9 and I know I am done and I feel at peace with that. Doesn't mean I don't feel a bit sad now and then that my baby days are over but then all 3 of them start fighting and I get over it quickly

Good luck. It is a hard decision to make.

 

[sau418]

disrupting our delicate balance is something I have thought about. The girls are pretty much like twins and I would hate to have a third be left out and there is no way my sanity would handle 4 kids


I have a brother 8 years older than me and a sister 10 years older than me, I do not want that big of a gap if I do have more babies, which is why I am really starting to think about this. As it stands now, there would be close to a 4 and 5 year gap between the kids if we were to start trying and get lucky quickly. But on the other hand, I would have more time with a third as the other two will be in school when the third would arrive...

Oh why is this so hard to decide...but as DH says lets just see what happens...I am too much of a planner to just say that, as can be evidenced with my obsessive Disney planning.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Do you want another child? Can you afford another child? How will adding another child affect the dynamic of the family?

These are my three main questions I kept asking myself when we were thinking about adopting (we have 2 biological kids). I still feel heartbroken about it, but decided in the end that adding another child would cause too much stress to an already busy family.

But only you can answer these questions for yourself.

 

[clairemolly]

I had been having this debate with myself for months. We had always said we would probably have 3, but that we would decide for sure when the youngest turned 2. I went back and forth many times and right around the time the little one turned 2 (mid-Nov), I decided that I was happy with our family of 4 and that I would go back onto the pill in December (I hadn't been on the pill since before I got pregnant with the 2 year old)...although I was still sort of struggling with that decision and thought maybe I would change my mind in another year.

Instead of having my regular cycle in December, I found out I am expecting our 3rd in August. God's plan apparently is bigger than mine, and I have come to grips with it (it was not quite was I was expecting). We are now excited...yes it will be challenging being a family of 5 in a world more fitting for 4, but who cares!

I guess my point is, go with your heart. My kids will be 7 and not quite 3 when this one is born. We'll just find a new balance in our life and our family. Good luck to you whatever you may decide.

 

[marieNJkitty]

A year ago, I thought I wanted to have another, but I wasn't sure. My DH was the same way as yours. As the summer got closer that feeling went away and I was happy with just two kids. After summer, the feelings came back again. I felt like it was now or never. I didn't want the kids to be that far apart in age and didn't want get any older. I was surprised that my DH understood me and we agreed to have another. I feel like it was meant to be.

There are some times, when I think I am crazy (when kids fight or whine)? But most of the time I am happy and feel very blessed. I am also lucky to stay home with my kids, so I don't have worry about work. My husband does work a lot, but spends all his free time with the kids and I. I guess the real test for us will be when the baby arrives.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[kim_o]

I think if you're really wavering and have enough desire to have a third and are just searching out logical reasons not to, then that's your answer right there. When your heart desire to be done having children, it seems so much more definitive. There's not the back and forth wavering. So, as long as you have the resources (money, room, time, etc)....why not go for it? You never hear someone say "wow, I really regret having my last kid" but you will hear "I really wish I had one more".

 

[Crazy Disney Fan]

I went through the same thing, we had two children son and daughter 2.5 years apart, a "perfect" family of four. My hubby always wanted a third and I enjoyed our family and thought a baby would "mess it up". Well, God had bigger plans for our family, we welcomed a baby boy last summer. The age difference is pretty big, 9 and 7 years, but it is great. They are soooo much help, the entertain him when I am busy. DD7 even wanted to change a poopy diaper, she called for help, but she is such a big help.

As far as money and so on, who has enough money and time? I don't think anyone would have kids if they waited for the perfect time. I think you need to follow your heart. No one ever says after they have a baby, I wish I didn't have another, but if you didn't you would feel incomplete. Put it in God's hands and he'll make the decision for ya.

 

[mom of 3 blondes]

What you are feeling is normal and I think every parent goes thru it. I did. We had 2 daughters and I thought I wanted a 3rd. We tried for a bit, it didnt work so I gave away ALL the baby stuff. Thought it was the fates making the plans. Anyways, along came a 3rd daughter and my DH and myself have been truly blessed. Oh yes, there are days you want to tape them together and put them in the basementbut that feeling goes away. You can let the fates decide or actively try but either way, what will be, will be.....

 

[NEV2OLD4DIS]

We have 3 in our family, ages 7, 17, 19. The middle being a girl. The two oldest fought insanely until last year, and now that the oldest is in college they get along at last! I though when my youngest went to kindergarten that I might want one more, even though the oldest two made me want to pull my hair out when there was no one else around to play with to keep things calm. There were times though when those hormones would act up and make me want another one, only to calm down once again.

Just after getting used to the baby being in school, I decided that I did enjoy having time for myself again. Well, 3 years after that we were surprised to find out we were having another! The oldest really were wonderful with him at first, but then they became teens and little DS got a mind of his own. It is hard for the youngest to get carted around to soccer games, dance and cheering competitions, bringing daughter some place, etc., and then to find time with him when we aren't attending events. Emotionally, they can have you in all directions also, as they'll be many events both good and bad in their lives.

I didn't think that kids were very expensive, but that changed in J.H.S. Suddenly mall clothes are in, many clothes for the DD and the higher prices for food and activities. I know I'll never be rich, as someday they'll probably be spouses and grandchildren to treat at holidays and special times too. Hopefully, my reward will be appreciation and respect along with regular visits and invites throughout my life! Should you have a 3rd? You and your husband have to talk and be sure that it feels right for you. It definitely is easier when both of you are on the same page, and a lot more fun for the trying too! The school day may be easy, but are you prepared for the time, love and money they will need right through the college years? If they 3rd doesn't get along with the others, it will leave you mentally exhausted some days!

My thought is just don't rush, but don't wait 9 years for another like I did. Talk, talk, talk it through and don't let the hormones interfere!

 

[Samar]

Well, our 3rd came farther spaced than we wanted. DS and DD #1 are 19 months apart. And after RPL and Secondary IF, it took us a couple years for a sticky #3.

The world seems to made for a family of 4 or less but if you really want another child, go for it Especially if you think 3 is IT and no more, this way he/she will have some things in common with their older sibs. The good thing about the bigger age gap is that my older 2 are more independant so I can coddle the baby a little more.

If you can afford it and you and your DH both want to expand your family, go for it and good luck either way

 

[formill]

We have been blessed with two wonderful little girls and for almost 3 years now I have thought our family was complete, but now I am starting to get a baby bug. The girls are 10.5 months apart and the first two years was very rough as DH travels alot for work and we do not really have alot of family nearby to help. The older will be four in July and the younger will be 3 in May.

Due to their closeness in age they have become wonderful friends and playmates which is why I think I now want a third. I sort of feel like I missed out on some of the things I would have done if I would have had the girls further apart in age. Part of me is feeling selfish and thinking about the things I would be temporarily giving up if we did have a third...

How does someone make this decision...I keep talking myself into reasons to have a third and then reasons I am not sure to have a third.

DH could go either way, he will not come right out and say he wants another, but he does not say he does not want another either.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Careful what you wish for. I REALLY wanted a third child.....husband did not....in the end it took a few years to convince him "one" more could work......and SURPRISE- identical twin girls..... now they are 7 (other kids are 14 and 18). Really now would not have changed a thing......however going to that third child we thought we could handle.....the surprise fourth added on a lot......the pregnancy was harder....we had to put an addition on the house......driving a car was no longer an option.... I think I just heard the odds of having identical twins are 1 in 278.......

 

[monkey30]

We went back and forth for almost 2 years, then decided xmas 08 that I would go off the pill and come the spring if nothing happened DH would have the big V!! Well the fates decided while we were in Mexico (maybe it was the tequila!!) that we were to have another, and DS#3 was born this past Nov. So far so good. It was a hard decision, and after having the 3rd we would have more but again money just isn't there and we want to give the best quality of life we can to our sons.

Good luck with whatever you decide, don't rush it, gaps in childrens ages always have pros and cons, just think if your children are a little older you might be able to enjoy baby stage more!

 

[Vility]

We are currently trying for a third.
I just know we are not complete and our family is not yet final.

 

[mjkacmom]

My first 2 are 20 months apart, and I had to space #3 almost 3 years away from #2 because of my sister's wedding. She is the light of my life! I love all of my kids, but she has to be the most sweet, gentle, compassionate, people-pleasing child on the planet. The only thing I felt bad about was the 3 year gap. However, right after she turned 1, we unexpectedly became pregnant with twins! The 3 of them are now best buddies!

BTW, some people say it's hard to know when you are "done" - trust me, when you are "done," you know it! I'm done!

 

[Momto3cuties]

Never thought I'd have 3 children - we suffered through years of infertilty and pregnancy loss. Ultimately adopted our son. After all we went through we felt so blessed to be parents and to have one amazing son. When he was about 2 he started asking for a brother -not any old brother would do, he had to be from Russia, just like him. So back to Russia we traveled with hopes of completing our family. Our second son came home in March of '08, at a year old. Imagine our surprise when 5 months later I think I have the stomach flu, only to find out that I am PREGNANT! Yep, our miracle baby was born in March '09, she is the perfect caboose to our family! I couldn't be happier being a Mom to 3 and luckily at 5, 3, and almost a year, they get along very well. My point is you can plan and try and even not try, but I think it is all in God's hands.
Best of luck to you in whatever you and your hubby decide!

 

[laughinplace199]

Go with your heart.

As others have mentioned, you'll never regret having another baby, but you may regret not having one.

DH & I decided we were done after our 2nd baby was born. His delivery was difficult and scary and I knew I couldn't go through that again.

Fast forward a few years. DD is 6 and DS is 4. I start thinking that I really want one more, but I'm sure DH will not agree. When I brought up the idea to DH, I thought I was safe from actually having to make a decision - I knew DH would veto the idea. Well, imagine my surprise when DH agrees that we should have a 3rd. I was shocked, and even backpedaled a bit, needing time to make sure this was the right thing for us. In the end, we decided to try and if it happened, great - if not, that was fine too.

Baby #3 came along when DD was 7 and DS was 5. I cannot imagine our lives without him. He's 3 now and such a charmer. He's adorable and funny and the older kids adore him as much as we do.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[AliciaS]

We're trying for baby #3 now, too!

When our #2 was just a week or two old (so I wasn't missing having a baby around) I had a distinct feeling that everyone wasn't here who was supposed to be. We were missing someone. With my mom's sudden death two years ago I just emotionally, mentally, and logistically couldn't imagine making life more complicated by adding a third. I was finally able to turn my attention back to expanding our family and we hope to soon be on our way to a house filled with even more love.

If the OP is a Christian, don't forget prayer. I prayed about the decision and soon after (that day? next day?) I opened a magazine and EVERY picture of a family had three children. There were several other "signs" I can't remember at the moment. It seemed to me like God was saying "go ahead, already, it will all be fine."

Vility - Maybe we'll "see" each other in the November or December 2010 Babycenter club?!

 

[Colleen27]

I don't think DH & I have ever waffled so much in our lives as we did over the question of baby #3. We were sure we wanted a 3rd when the timing was right... But the timing never seemed right. Then we decided it was now or never when our 2nd was turning 4, only to have problems carrying to term. For a long time after that we weren't really on the same page. I'd want to try again and DH would say no, that it wasn't worth the heartache, or he'd want to try again and I wouldn't feel strong enough. Then we finally got to a point where we were both content to be a family of 4 forever, and confident enough to take permanent measures to ensure we stay that way. And then surprise! Baby #3 came along when we threw out the birth control just a little too soon after DH's vasectomy, and I can't imagine life without her!