Hand Shakes?

NFLDERS

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Joined
Jan 22, 2013
Is it rude not to shake an extended hand? If we do not wish to do so, what may we say/do?
 
It depends. Is it because you don't want to touch someone, or because of a physical disability?

I have a friend who has severe arthritis in her right hand, so if someone extends a hand to her, she kind of grasps their hand in her left hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. Sometimes she says something like, "my arthritis is acting up in my other hand." Most folks smile, nod or say something like, "no problem."
 
Good question...I've had times when I've had a cold when I've said just that to the person offering the hand "Oh I've got a bad cold, I don't think you want to shake my hand right now!" I always say it with a smile and a laugh and I've never found it to be uncomfortable. Can't think of any other instance though when I've not taken the hand that is offered or vice versa.

Maybe a little more info, is there a reason why you don't want to shake hands??
 
I step back a tiny bit and say "I won't shake your hand -I think I might be getting a cold" Then smile
 


I think it would depend on what you did instead.

Just stood there awkwardly not shaking, not acknowledging it, not offering an alternative...yeah, that would strike me as quite rude.

But I also understand there are people with germ issues that don't touch other people, someone may be ill, or hurt, etc...a simple explanation of why you won't/don't IMO would be fine and wouldn't come across as rude.
 
I think in general it would be rude to ignore an outstretched hand without explanation. As others have said, you need to explain that you are ill, or whatever. If you have a phobia about it, I'd probably lie and say I was ill rather than going into details.
 
I will say this, better to explain and no handshake than to give the dead fish handshake..I so hate that and women are particularly prone to giving it. Nothing feels worse than trying to shake a limp (not a physical problem, mind you) hand.
 


"I'm sorry - I think I am coming down with a cold!" works wonders...no one takes offense to that either, actually, most people are appreciative.

About once every winter, our pastor will be outside of church, greeting the parishioners, with her arms crossed tightly across her stomach. And that is when she has or feels like she is coming down with a cold.

We have a vendor who comes to our workplace, and ironically - we "always" have something going around the office. We just feel that he is a germy and has managed to pick his ear several times during meetings and ends up with tiny drops of blood on his fingers. EWWW.
 
Good question...I've had times when I've had a cold when I've said just that to the person offering the hand "Oh I've got a bad cold, I don't think you want to shake my hand right now!" I always say it with a smile and a laugh and I've never found it to be uncomfortable. Can't think of any other instance though when I've not taken the hand that is offered or vice versa.

Maybe a little more info, is there a reason why you don't want to shake hands??

Mostly because the Medical Community in our area is advising against it. We were under Mandatory lockdown during the Sars situation. Since then non shaking is recommended.
 
I would just step back and say, "Sorry, I don't want to shake....first day with my new hands."
 
I try to avoid handshakes due to germs ( and am usually surprised when doctors shake) but I usually shake or excuse with "sorry wet hands" or "getting a cold"

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In a business setting, and unless the person or I was ill, I would find it extremely rude and, to be blunt, would almost certainly not enter into a business agreement or do business with somebody unwilling to shake hands.

In a social setting, I'd be surprised and find it rude, but it wouldn't bother me quite as much. If I am feeling saucy, I might say "oh, you're a hugger" and then just move in like I'm going to give them a hug. :rotfl2:

Hand shakes tell a lot about a person, in my opinion, and somebody declining to shake hands says even more. Prophylactically declining to shake hands when there is no compelling reason is, in my opinion, rude. That's not the same as when somebody IS actually ill, but that's not what I'm reading that people are doing in this thread.
 
In a business setting, and unless the person or I was ill, I would find it extremely rude and, to be blunt, would almost certainly not enter into a business agreement or do business with somebody unwilling to shake hands.

In a social setting, I'd be surprised and find it rude, but it wouldn't bother me quite as much. If I am feeling saucy, I might say "oh, you're a hugger" and then just move in like I'm going to give them a hug. :rotfl2:

Hand shakes tell a lot about a person, in my opinion, and somebody declining to shake hands says even more. Prophylactically declining to shake hands when there is no compelling reason is, in my opinion, rude. That's not the same as when somebody IS actually ill, but that's not what I'm reading that people are doing in this thread.

Can't believe it took 13 replies to hear the word 'rude'.
 
In a business setting, and unless the person or I was ill, I would find it extremely rude and, to be blunt, would almost certainly not enter into a business agreement or do business with somebody unwilling to shake hands.

In a social setting, I'd be surprised and find it rude, but it wouldn't bother me quite as much. If I am feeling saucy, I might say "oh, you're a hugger" and then just move in like I'm going to give them a hug. :rotfl2:

Hand shakes tell a lot about a person, in my opinion, and somebody declining to shake hands says even more. Prophylactically declining to shake hands when there is no compelling reason is, in my opinion, rude. That's not the same as when somebody IS actually ill, but that's not what I'm reading that people are doing in this thread.

This is a tricky one though due to cultural differences. I am very assertive in my role professionally and always initiate greetings with an offered hand. Not only have I had to not be offended when clients of different ethnic backgrounds demure, I have also learned not to even offer my hand to certain clients as it is actually an offence to them.
 
Can't believe it took 13 replies to hear the word 'rude'.

Cute post (although technically it was the 12th reply), and I know how you love to make it ad nauseum, but what is your objection in this context? The OP asked a question that could only be answered in a binary way.

This is a tricky one though due to cultural differences. I am very assertive in my role professionally and always initiate greetings with an offered hand. Not only have I had to not be offended when clients of different ethnic backgrounds demure, I have also learned not to even offer my hand to certain clients as it is actually an offence to them.

That is correct, but in my field (and therefore the context to which I was referring, although that was obviously unclear in my post) Wall Street's social and business moires still govern, even across cultures that don't typically shake hands (particularly certain Asian cultures) so in any business setting in which I find myself, handshakes are still appropriate and expected (and yes, we'll also usually reciprocate with a deferential bow or other appropriate greeting or sign of assent, as well). You do make a good point, however, that it is not culturally universal in every sector of the economy.
 
Cute post (although technically it was the 12th reply), and I know how you love to make it ad nauseum, but what is your objection in this context? The OP asked a question that could only be answered in a binary way.

Actually, it didn't even take one reply. It was in the OP. I have no idea how the PP could have a problem with you directly answering the question as asked.

I'm not sure that I remember the last time a handshake that I offered was refused (maybe during SARS - as an epidemiologist, I was based in a hospital that had SARS patients). Like you though (in your follow up post), I've had handshakes followed up by (or preceded by) bows etc. Admittedly, the world of academia and population health are very different from the corporate world.
 
Jewish men cannot shake women's hands. I know and have worked with a lot of Jewish people and have seen lots of uncomfortable situations where women extend their hands and a Jewish man wont shake it.
 
Cute post (although technically it was the 12th reply), and I know how you love to make it ad nauseum, but what is your objection in this context? The OP asked a question that could only be answered in a binary way.

Ok. You win. Chances are I wouldn't be shaking hands with you.


:rotfl2:
 

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