Gabby Petito

[mjkacmom]

You need to do some serious studying of how common it is for women in abusive relationships to stay or cover up for their abuser, or not even realize they are being abused thinking they are the problem and taking the blame. IT is very common for many reasons. In this case it could have been simply bc she loves the guy or depends on him and just wants the abuse to stop and think it would if she did things differently etc, could have been as simple as that and not realizing how far this guy could go.

Or maybe he wasn’t abusive?

 

[JimMIA]

Right. But I thought the more interesting part of that article was the reports that three people entered the camping area and only two left. Bringing up the possibility that they brought him out there and made sure he was supplied to survive out there for a long period of time. It will be interesting to see if this new information is one, accurate, and two, leads to authorities finally finding Brian.

That report comes from Dog on Fox, and occurred 3 weeks ago. Also if you look at DeSoto State Park on the terrain view of Google Maps, or Google Earth, you'll see that there are not many places to hide there. It's a very popular park right at the tip of St. Petersburg, and has a several parking lots (one of them huge) for thousands of cars. There are also a ranger station and people living there.

Today, Dog sent a private K-9 team (who looked very amateurish) to search a nearby island --also conveniently broadcast by Fox. It's amazing how they always show up at exactly the right time!

That park is the Egmont Key National Wildlife Refuge, located between Anna Maria Island and DeSoto State Park. It's accessible only by boat, but very popular with boaters, hikers, etc. It's laced with easily accessible trails, has rangers living there...not a prime hideout venue.

 

[Dentam]

That report comes from Dog on Fox, and occurred 3 weeks ago.

You mean the camping trip was 3 weeks ago? Yes, it sounds like it was in early September and took place after he returned home without Gabby and right before she was reported missing. Like I said, it will be interesting to see if the report is accurate and if they can find Brian. Doesn't really matter who finds him at this point or who reports it first.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

There's a lot of shame around abuse in general from kids to adults, from male to female, etc.

From my own situation it took me many years to stop rationalizing and giving the "but it wasn't always bad" speeches about the abusive toxic situation I was put in as a kid. I used to say "but I was taken on vacation" (although I was a 15 year old paying for things on the cruise or a 16 year old paying for my Disney parks tickets) as a means to brush aside the fact that I lived out of a suitcase for 11 years because my dad never bought me clothing despite a court order to do so.

In any case I agree with you.

Many posters here seem to assume that people aren’t familiar with abusive situations, which isn’t necessarily true, as your post well demonstrates. I’m sorry about yours.

 

[JimMIA]

You mean the camping trip was 3 weeks ago? Yes, it sounds like it was in early September and took place after he returned home without Gabby and right before she was reported missing. Like I said, it will be interesting to see if the report is accurate and if they can find Brian. Doesn't really matter who finds him at this point or who reports it first.

Yes, part of it is accurate. At first it was claimed that there were two trips, but apparently there was only one on Sept 6-8. According to Fox, the family camped there in campsite #1, and there are supposedly people reporting that they think they saw the truck/camper there.

Three weeks ago, in a public state park campsite with hundreds of campsites -- on Labor Day weekend.

But again, look at it on Google Earth and see if you would pick that park for a hideout.

Here's the map of the campground -- 236 campsites. They were in campsite #1, highlighted in yellow and right on the beach in the middle of everything. Sept 6, their arrival date, was Labor Day. Their reservation would have to have been many months in advance.

 

[DLgal]

Where, in that moment on the side of the road, would she have decided was the place she could go to be safely away from him long term?

I'm pretty sure the cops would have set her up with a safe place to stay while she waited for her parents to come to her, and they likely would have arrested Brian. If she had, indeed, been abused by Brian and was truly fearful for her life, she could have said so right at the outset (I suspect this is why the cops separated them immediately and took her to the car and questioned her first). She was given that opportunity. She was given another opportunity when the female officer arrived and separately spoke to her, in case she didn't feel comfortable saying such a thing to the male cops, due to being intimidated. For her part, Gabby was not forthcoming IF she was being abused and was truly scared. She very convincingly took the blame for all the aggression that occurred, which I'm sorry, I just can't wrap my head around.

 

[DLgal]

They were together for 5 years, you would think that people would be stepping up left and right with stories of how he was abusive. plenty of folks know them personally, the rest of us have a body cam video.

This is the part that puzzles me too. My younger sister was involved in 3 separate abusive relationships and we ALL knew it. These guys weren't very covert about it. For her part, she didn't talk about this until later in life, but looking back, I saw the potential in ALL the guys. They were all absolute jerks. One had the "charming, charismatic guy" thing going but he was SO insecure and jealous and controlling.

It is odd to me that everyone that knew Brian WELL has said the same thing about him and only one person is saying there were red flags.

I am leaning more towards accidental killing or an actual mental breakdown rather than an abusive relationship that was building towards murder.

 

[Dentam]

Yes, part of it is accurate. At first it was claimed that there were two trips, but apparently there was only one on Sept 6-8. According to Fox, the family camped there in campsite #1, and there are supposedly people reporting that they think they saw the truck/camper there.

Three weeks ago, in a public state park campsite with hundreds of campsites -- on Labor Day weekend.

But again, look at it on Google Earth and see if you would pick that park for a hideout.

Here's the map of the campground -- 236 campsites. They were in campsite #1, highlighted in yellow and right on the beach in the middle of everything. Sept 6, their arrival date, was Labor Day. Their reservation would have to have been many months in advance.

View attachment 608630

Ah, okay - interesting. That does seem like an unlikely spot to hide out then.

 

[tinkerdorabelle]

Or maybe he wasn’t abusive?

My post was regarding the point that women that are abused don't always tell people or the police when asked. I was responding to someone that specifically said that if she were actually abused she would have absolutely told the police when they pulled them over. So read my post in the context of what I was responding to. Yes, it is possible she wasn't abused and maybe he ran off with her van and just left her there, stealing money from her or someone's credit card, and just did not give a rat crud that she was missing or may have been hurt or murdered and never told anyone for many days and just did not give info to the police and decided to just run off, because I don't know, he was just a nervous nelly or he just felt like taking another vacay.

 

[DLgal]

The FBI is going to be SO embarrassed if "Dog" actually finds him!

My money is totally on Dog at this point. It seems like he's gotten further in a few days than the cops/FBI have in almost 3 weeks.

 

[neverlandsky]

I'm pretty sure the cops would have set her up with a safe place to stay while she waited for her parents to come to her, and they likely would have arrested Brian. If she had, indeed, been abused by Brian and was truly fearful for her life, she could have said so right at the outset (I suspect this is why the cops separated them immediately and took her to the car and questioned her first). She was given that opportunity. She was given another opportunity when the female officer arrived and separately spoke to her, in case she didn't feel comfortable saying such a thing to the male cops, due to being intimidated. For her part, Gabby was not forthcoming IF she was being abused and was truly scared. She very convincingly took the blame for all the aggression that occurred, which I'm sorry, I just can't wrap my head around.

You don't neccessary have all the tools to cope with what is going on. You tend to gaslight yourself into believing, it's my fault or they didn't mean it. I'll take all the blame. Love and that connection blinds you HUGE. Especially when you're stuck in the cycle of abuse/toxic relationship. Especially if growing up wasn't the best. You tend to go into survival mode. Despite having all the resources in the world at your fingertips, it's only you that can ultimately break away from it. When you do break away from it, it isn't enough. They pull out all the stops to win you back. You're stalked and your life is threaten when they realize you're not coming back. All to the point where you have to move to an undisclosed location and go into hiding. You warn those closest to you & your job what's happening so you can stay safe. Even when the coast was clear, you have others do that person's bidding in hopes you eventually reconsider and come back. Hi, I was that person.

 

[neverlandsky]

My money is totally on Dog at this point. It seems like he's gotten further in a few days than the cops/FBI have in almost 3 weeks.

Agreed.

 

[DLgal]

That report comes from Dog on Fox, and occurred 3 weeks ago. Also if you look at DeSoto State Park on the terrain view of Google Maps, or Google Earth, you'll see that there are not many places to hide there. It's a very popular park right at the tip of St. Petersburg, and has a several parking lots (one of them huge) for thousands of cars. There are also a ranger station and people living there.

Today, Dog sent a private K-9 team (who looked very amateurish) to search a nearby island --also conveniently broadcast by Fox. It's amazing how they always show up at exactly the right time!

That park is the Egmont Key National Wildlife Refuge, located between Anna Maria Island and DeSoto State Park. It's accessible only by boat, but very popular with boaters, hikers, etc. It's laced with easily accessible trails, has rangers living there...not a prime hideout venue.

We also should probably consider that SOMEONE ELSE is hiding him, either there or somewhere else. Brian's parents are apparently worth a few million. They could have paid someone off to hide him. There is little chance that he's just out there completely on his own, if his parents are actually involved. They could have paid someone far more than the FBI reward for his capture.

 

[JimMIA]

My money is totally on Dog at this point. It seems like he's gotten further in a few days than the cops/FBI have in almost 3 weeks.

He's gotten publicity, and a LOT of money.

That said, he probably will generate some tips the FBI hasn't gotten. In the end, if he contributes anything positive to finding Brian, that will be a good thing.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Many posters here seem to assume that people aren’t familiar with abusive situations, which isn’t necessarily true, as your post well demonstrates. I’m sorry about yours.

Thank you, I appreciate it and you speak truth we're still people at the end of the day even if we're typing on keyboards on this Board. There's a quite a bit more (and things I've shared over the time I've been here on the DIS) but yeah I know how it feels to rationalize, to excuse the behavior because of something, to at times not even recognizing the behavior until retrospection steps in, etc. I don't think one ever gets over abuse but I do know I'm at peace with the decisions I've made and will defend them when I hear not intentionally mean but still said "how can you not have a relationship with one of your parents, they are your parent, etc" I never chose my parents but I did choose eventually to get out of the most abusive part.


**Sorry to sorta derail things here

 

[PixieT78]

That is terrible and I'm sorry it happened to you.

Kids and parents are different because you are not an adult free make your own decisions and require a guardian of some sort. A kid can't unilaterally decide they are moving out but an adult can. She is 22, that is old enough to be finishing your first active tour oversees at war, not an 8th grader.

She had the opportunity to tell the police what really happened there so I have no reason to believe what both of them said isn't the truth. That doesn't mean it was but the end of the encounter produced a police report, after interviewing the witness, and it came to the conclusion she was the abuser and he the abused. If the police got it wrong it is because one of the two parties didn't speak up when they could have.

I strongly encourage you to do more research about abuse and why those that are abused lie to cover for their abusers. Not to say at all that this is the case here, because I have no idea, but there are many many reasons why the abused don't speak up. Not being believed is one of them. Financial requirements. Kids. Blaming themselves. Thinking it will get better. etc, etc etc. I honestly implore you to do more research into this for your own understanding.

 

[DLgal]

You don't neccessary have all the tools to cope with what is going on. You tend to gaslight yourself into believing, it's my fault or they didn't mean it. I'll take all the blame. Love and that connection blinds you HUGE. Especially when you're stuck in the cycle of abuse/toxic relationship. Especially if growing up wasn't the best. You tend to go into survival mode. Despite having all the resources in the world at your fingertips, it's only you that can ultimately break away from it. When you do break away from it, it isn't enough. They pull out all the stops to win you back. You're stalked and your life is threaten when they realize you're not coming back. All to the point where you have to move to an undisclosed location and go into hiding. You warn those closest to you & your job what's happening so you can stay safe. Even when the coast was clear, you have others do that person's bidding in hopes you eventually reconsider and come back. Hi, I was that person.

I understand all of that, but then where does that leave us when all these people are out there crying "The Moab PD dropped the ball! They should have seen the signs! Gabby was a victim!"

What else can be done then, when the victims won't admit the truth to the people who can actually help them? Why all this outcry about how cops need better training if their efforts will be fruitless because victims won't ever admit to being victims?

 

[PixieT78]

I understand all of that, but then where does that leave us when all these people are out there crying "The Moab PD dropped the ball! They should have seen the signs! Gabby was a victim!"

What else can be done then, when the victims won't admit the truth to the people who can actually help them? Why all this outcry about how cops need better training if their efforts will be fruitless because victims won't ever admit to being victims?

Can also be rephrased as: "what can police do in order to understand their victims better and be a better support to victims of abuse so they can be more comfortable coming forward". And also, it isn't all victims, it is some victims and some victims eventually do say something. There's a trust level that needs to be developed and when the response one gets is "well what did you do to make him hit you", you can see why it it harder and harder for the victims to come forward.

I don't really think the Moab PD dropped the ball myself.

 

[JimMIA]

We also should probably consider that SOMEONE ELSE is hiding him, either there or somewhere else. Brian's parents are apparently worth a few million. They could have paid someone off to hide him. There is little chance that he's just out there completely on his own, if his parents are actually involved. They could have paid someone far more than the FBI reward for his capture.

I tend to agree with you. I don't know how wealthy they are. Their house is certainly nothing special, but they do own a business.

But -- you wouldn't have to be a billionaire to get someone out of the country and into a place where they could be very difficult to find, and also difficult to extradite. To me that's a much more believable scenario than him hiding out in the wilderness somewhere by himself.

 

[DLgal]

If it is a matter of physical abuse, he has the power there and the stats show that. Also the financial power. But yes I am sure that there are absolutely relationships that both are abusers in one way or another. But women are abused horribly all over this planet by men and it is not equal when it comes to men and women in this abuse. Women are injured more severely, women experience more fear, women are more apt to get physical from defending themselves. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2968709/

Well, just to throw a wrench at you, the WORST of these relationships I witnessed (this couple lived with us for 4 months once), it was the WIFE who was the worse physical abuser AND the one who had more money in the end. The husband was a retired Marine, and she was former Army. She started training heavily when she joined the LA County Sheriffs Academy. At that point, her husband was literally paying the trainer who was helping her get stronger so she could beat him worse. She eventually walked out on him and their young kids, saying she was "done being a mother" and a judge ruled that she could have no unsupervised contact with her kids due to abuse they had endured. She got zero custody consideration. The husband moved away out if state with the kids. The ex wife has been paying child and spousal support for several years. She is currently an LA County Sheriff's Deputy. She spends all her time badmouthing her ex on FB, claiming that she is the victim in ALL of this, and that her ex is a narcissist, manipulator who lied to everyone just to ruin her life. Meanwhile, we literally witnessed HER getting physical with him on more than one occasion, and while we never saw him lay a hand on her, he admitted that they often got into physical arguments in private. How is that for messed up?