First of all
to you and your family. I've been there and I know the pain and devastation you must feel. I remember feeling so alone, devastated, hurt, sad and angry. It is a huge thing to find out.
I will say that from my experience there would have been no way to go to Disney (this close to finding out)and enjoying it for me. I would have sat there thinking about how this is the last time we would do _______ as a family ever.
2nd if you are already separating and divorce may be a possibility it is EXPENSIVE and you may need some of that money for your situation.
3rd I would get your financial "ducks in a row" so to speak. Get copies of everything together, taxes, pay stubs, mortgage papers etc. Get a couple of copies and keep one with you and give one to someone you trust just in case.
4th your kids may not "know" the entire thing but believe me they know something is up.
5th if you are thinking that divorce may be an option make an appt with a couple of lawyers. Usually the first "visit" is free. My divorce was amicable, we went through mediation and it still cost me almost 10K. Be prepared for that.
6th it's ok to feel what you feel. I cried so much in the shower during those first months. It's ok to be sad, angry, feel violated or anything else you feel.
7th surviving infidelity is a great website and support tool. There are a lot of very helpful people on that site! I read this on that website after my husband rocked my world with his affairs and walked out the door and it took me a long time to believe it but I really agree with it wholeheartedly:
Honey they always affair down:
Yesterday, I was having a conversation with another SIer and a couple of the things we talked about are recurring topics especially for the newly betrayed wife. After DDay (discovery day), we take such a hit to our self-esteem, and question what it was about the other woman that was so attractive to our husbands? Why did they get the best parts, when we were left with the worst? The truth is, that is not how this works. She is not more attractive. She does not get the best parts.
Whats is attractive about the OW is that they are the sickest, the weakest, the most injured of the pack. The insecure WH(wayward husband), wanting to feel strong and powerful, scans the herd for the easiest to kill. The self assured, the strong, the healthy will not do as those women want nothing to do with a married man. Our wayward husbands, needy and looking for someone to boost his ego, must look for someone beneath them, someone who will look up to him, someone who will make him feel superior, if only temporarily. What better way for an insecure person to feel powerful, and admired, than to pick the least of the bunch? The fact is
they always trade down. If she happens to be prettier, or thinner its just pure luck that the wrapping is worth more than the gift inside. Whats inside, is no match for you. Youre beautiful, and faithful, strong and possibly the mother of his children. The truth is, the OW could be anyone, anyone slow enough to be caught and willing to accept what little our husbands had to offer.
She accepts the very worst parts of our husbands; the liar, the cheater, the deceiver, the broken man. His behavior is lower than low, but thats okay with her. Shes accepts trashy behavior, because she is trash. She has no self-esteem because she knows her value
her value as the weakest, the most injured of the herd. She accepts his cheating ways and lowlife behavior because she knows her place in the pack and its at the end of the row. Bringing up the rear, its just a matter of time before someone singles her out, and uses her for his own selfish reasons in his quest to be admired.
So what happens when we catch him with her? Most often he leaves her where he found her, at the end of the row, at the back of the pack even weaker and more injured than when he found her. Shes worse for the wear. Trust me, it is her self-esteem that is eroded, not ours. After all, she wasn't able to keep him even considering he was in a "loveless, sexless" marriage to a "cold-hearten woman." Because isn't that the way it always is? How pathetic that she's given the answer to the test, gave it her all, and she still failed? Self-esteem erosion 101.
Retake your position at the front of the pack. Regain your strength. Retake your rightful place.
Betrayal hurts, I know. Boy, do I know. But remember, when they find someone weak enough to have an affair with, they always affair down.
Power and peace to all of the newly betrayed wives today.
Hang in there and know that you WILL survive this and come out the other side
trust me I know...I've been there!
