for those with only one child

[kkacar]

I think that it all depends on who you are and what you are your family needs and wants. I am not an only and neither is DH. I have a very very very blended family. Technically I am am the only CHILD my parents share together. My Dad is remarried to a wonderful woman that is my mother in every sense of the word with the exception of the fact that she did not give birth to me. I even call her Mom. She and my Dad have 2 boys and they are my brother's, one is five years younger than me and one is 8 years younger than me. We are all close. My biological is my Mother, this is true. But she is not anyone that I have anything to do with. Now that I have a choice. Although what people find interesting is my "sister" my Mom was married to her Dad when we were younger and we spend about 4 years living together and sharing a room and all that before our parents divorced. We like to say, we got each in the settlement. As far as we are concerned we are sister. I also have another brother that we share the same mother, I could not tell you that last time I seen him. Hubby has a traditional family baby of four boys. 2 of his brothers he is semi close to, the oldest he has nothing to do with unless he comes to town and that is rare.

Saying all of that, when something happens to Hubby's parents, I know it will come to Hubby to take care of it. We are already the ones that make sure they go to the doctor or need something. The other 3 are entirely to selfish to take away from what they have going on. Yet I know when something happens in my family (Mom had a breast cancer scare) we will all be there for each other.

Now in saying all of that above, we never dreamed DD9 would be an only. We also never dreamed it would take us nearly 5 years to have a baby or that I would spend nearly 9 months in and out of the hospital and on bed rest. She truly is a miracle. When she was about 18 months old I had baby blues so bad. I wanted another one. Hubby and I talked about it and he said he would rather have just the girls has now, then have a DD and a new baby and potentially no Mom. So yes we have an only. She has lots of cousins and lots of friends and yes occasionally she will say she wants a brother. But on a whole she is very happy with the undivided attention. And believe me that is what she gets. Until a year ago she was the only grand on my side of the family. We have since welcomed a new nephew and a new sis-nlaw that brought a new nephew when she became part of the family. DD9 is not jealous, she is very secure in her place in the family and that she knows she has people who love her and care about her whether they are siblings or not.

So all of that to say, you know what is right for your family. If an only is right for you and your hubby, do it. But if you feel your family is not complete without one more, do that. I wouldn't not have another though because I was worried about the monetary value or valuable time spent with each. You will manage and you will mange fine.

kelli

 

[*Seanaci*]

I can't speak from experience...as DS is only 3. But, I look forward to vacations with jus the 3 of us because we can devote all our attention to him.

 

[StitchBuddy]

I was an only child for the first 14 yrs of my life and it never bothered me on vacations. I had cousins that I was close too. My own child is also an only. She loves it and wouldn't want it any other way. She realizes that she gets more attention and that we can afford to give her more experiences than if we had more children.

 

[Golden Rose]

I was raised as an only (I lived with my mom), but I have two younger half-sisters (my dad's daughters), whom I love very much and am fairly close to. I sort of feel like I got the best of both worlds - I got the attention of an only, but I get the pleasure of having wonderful adult sisters. Still, I got to do a lot of fairly exotic travel as a child, because I was my (single) mother's traveling companion, and we had an amazing time together. I wasn't exactly lonely, and for most of my life I've had a best friend who really is my sister in all ways but blood, but I didn't want to raise and only child.

I always thought I wanted 3 children, and that is what DH and I planned on. However, after our DS was born, we went through 3.5 years on the infertility rollercoaster (and an ectopic pregnancy that almost cost me my life) before determining that we would would have to adopt if we wanted to increase the size of our family. We researched our options, and eventually signed on with an agency, but after almost a year and a half waiting, we were actually coming to terms with having an only. It felt like we'd never be matched, and we were getting older. DS was 5.5 at that point, he was a wonderful little traveler, and so we were able to start taking him on more types of vacations, and we sort of felt like we were in a good place in our lives. And then we got the call that we were matched. It was still our choice, we could decide if we wanted the baby; we discussed it very briefly, and then agreed to the match, and we are now the parents of a really gorgeous baby girl.

Although we'd wanted 3 kids originally, I think we're done. (The adoption process was expensive, emotional, and stressful, although our agency was absolutely wonderful, and I just don't know that I want to put us through that again.) We're tremendously grateful for the two children we have. We're all happier, (including DS, who adores his baby sister) to have the second child in the family. This was the right decision for us. Could we have had a happy life with just one? Yes, of course. But I feel like our life is richer with our daughter in it. (Our _life_ not our pocketbook )

 

[lisaann1170]

It really depends greatly on the personality of the child. As an only child, I wasn't thrilled vacationing with my parents. I wasn't happy being an "only," though.

My soon-to-be 7-year-old son is an only child and he's pretty happy with life this way. He's losing his "only" status, though!

 

[PollyannaMom]

My only loves it on vacations because it's pretty much all about him!

He never had to sit at the base of big rides he couldn't go on, waiting for an older sibling, or suffer through "baby rides" for a younger sibling, or princess stuff for a sister. (Well, once he watched the Beauty and the Beast show for me.) And he basks in the undivided attention at a time when DH and I are relaxed and both focused on him.

There are certainly times when he wishes he had a sibling (which didn't happen for medical reasons) but vacation isn't one of them.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm and only and never wanted anyone else on our family vacations.

I have an only and I will offer the idea of bringing a friend on vacation.

I have always only wanted one. The amount of time and attention we can give her is great. Plus i could never see myself not having a favorite. She would be my favorite and I know that would be unfair. Being an only she doesn't have to live up to anyone's expectations or be in anyone elses shadow. She won't be forgotten or told she needs to wait for a sibling. Plus life is a heck of a lot cheaper with an only.

People ALWAYS assume siblings will be there for one another but that just simple is not true. I know if DH could choose it he would have wished hi mother had stopped at him.

I doted on my oldest when she was little. Before ds13 was born, I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I loved her. I don't have a favorite, but if I did have to pick one, trust me, it would NOT be dd14!

 

[kacaju]

She is outgoing, and she makes friends everywhere. On vacation, she always finds someone to play with whether it be at the pool, ocean, or in the playground areas of the Disney parks or in lines. Occasionally, she will encounter a set of siblings that tend to keep to themselves, and sometimes seem surprised and initially resistant when she approaches them to play

That would be my girls when they were young. Sorry, but when we are on vacation it is all about family and my 3 girls did not understand why a strange kid would want to play with them on vacation. Now in their teens they are only interested in the boys on vacation!! LOL!

 

[stm61]

It really depends greatly on the personality of the child. As an only child, I wasn't thrilled vacationing with my parents. I wasn't happy being an "only," though.

My soon-to-be 7-year-old son is an only child and he's pretty happy with life this way. He's losing his "only" status, though!

I agree that it really depends on the child's personality. My sister has an only daughter that is 8. She is incapable of entertaining herself and constantly complains she's bored. Her mother was 40 when she had her and isn't into being a playmate, though she does spend a lot of time with her and gives her everything she wants. Every trip or vacation they take, there has to be another child to keep my niece entertained. They have an in-ground pool at home, niece will not get in without someone else in there with her. Niece is also very timid and will not approach other children unless an adult goes with her. She has a very hard time making friends, but is perfectly comfortable with adults. She has meltdowns if she has to approach a group of kids (dance class, gymnastics, etc). My sister and her fiance (who also has a college age only daughter) recently bought a house together. Niece is very jealous of having to share her mother's attention. I had to laugh though because her new stepsister is also jealous of sharing her father and of my niece, but always begged for a younger sibling when she was younger.

 

[nycdisneygal]

Wow this is such an interesting thread!! I myself am trying to decide what to do. DD 5 does love the times with her parents and vacationing with us. For a while she was begging for a sibling but now seems to be jealous if we spend time with other kids. I want a sibling for her-and also would be nice to have another one-but the expense of raising a child in NYC is just too much. Which brings me to why i can't leave the city--my family-esp my SISTER who will likely always move to where we are because she is not married/will likely not get married--and she is very limited in where she can get licensed to work. She helps out a lot with my DD and we have been close since we were kids, so i am really torn on if i should try to have another one or not...

Definitely reading this thread makes me feel better if we do decide that this is it for our family...

 

[JohnsonsRUs]

Hi-We an only who is now 13, well 13.5 if you ask her-LOL! As most posters have stated, she loves the undivided attention she gets when we go on vacation to places like Disney. She is is able to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, pretty much the entire trip. We have taken vacations to DW with other families and with our own extended family and I will say our best one was when we went alone, just the 3 of us for her 13th birthday!

We do go on vacations at other times and take a big camping trip every year with a bunch of other families, so there are always a large variety of kids to hang with. We did take a friend this year and DD regretted it, although she did have an OK time.

DD has a good friend who is one of 4, so she gets the chaos of a large family with her and very much appreciates what she has as an only child. She occasionally used to mention she would like a sibling, but that has not been for many years.

She is outgoing and makes friends very easily and is comfortable both with adults and kids of pretty much any age. So it really depends on the kids and the family, it is what you make it.

Best of luck!

 

[Worfiedoodles]

I am an only and the mother of an only ds13. I can echo what many other posters have said -- I love being an only, even through my mother's passing, and my ds would disown us if we produced a sibling at this late date

I wanted 3 kids, but the reality of providing for one was eye-opening, and by the time we could afford to have more, we felt too old. I think it's really for the best --we are all very happy and close with our little family. DH was adamant that he did not want to have more, so I had to accept it. Two yes's = yes, but only one No = no, in my book. DS has had so many more opportunties, and we have everything we need and most of what we want, which is pretty incredible.

We have not taken friends with us on vacation, ds has never asked. It's also ironic because his best friends are twins, so if we took one we'd have to take both and then be a party of 5.

DS has had no problems with making friends or being sociable, he is very mature for his age.

As many other posters have stated, this is so personal for each family -- and you have to do what is right for you. My dh is a middle child between 2 sisters. The three could not be more different, and have very little in common.

One of the reasons I'm an only -- my mom was the oldest of 12, and she felt like she was lost in the crowd. She felt like she didn't have a childhood, she had to raise her siblings. She got married when she was 20, about a month before the youngest was born. Not that 12 is the same as 2 -- the point is her mom was not worrying about how it would affect the other kids. I think it is commendable that people are thinking about how having or not having siblings will affect the kids who are already here.

Great to see this much planning put into family composition!

Maria

 

[amandaw]

DH was adamant that he did not want to have more, so I had to accept it. Two yes's = yes, but only one No = no, in my book.

I feel the same way. My DH feels pretty strongly that he doesn't want us to have another baby. So, I definitely don't want to override him on such an important issue. Especially considering that when we first got married, I was adamant that I would never want children. He told me he did but if I never changed my mind, he was okay with that & we just wouldn't have children. Well, one day, my biological clock got to ticking & I wanted a baby! I would've never thought in a million years I would feel that way! But, I'm so glad that clock got to ticking on me. My son is the absolute light of life & I don't know what I'd do without him.

Great to see this much planning put into family composition!

Maria

Thank you for such nice words of support! I think I know in my heart that my DH & I have pretty much made up our minds now that we won't have another baby & we are okay. But, I do worry about how it will affect our son. I truly appreciate all the words of advice & support that have been given on this thread. Since becoming a mom in 2008, I've learned just how judgmental mothers can be of each other. I don't why but it seems to happen a lot. I would just like to thank everyone here for not being judgmental to those of us who have or who are considering to choose not to have more than 1 child. Again, I just want to thank everyone for being nice & supportive while sharing their advice & personal experiences.

 

[JohnsonsRUs]

It always amazes me how much people feel like they need to butt into your personal life, especially regarding how big or small your family is.

Here's a response my husband frequently gives when asked why we don't have more than 1 child: "When you got perfection the first time, there's no need to have any more!" Pretty much just shuts people down with that-LOL

Best of luck on your decision, we are more than happy with ours, as is our DD.

 

[AshtonsMom99]

It always amazes me how much people feel like they need to butt into your personal life, especially regarding how big or small your family is.

Here's a response my husband frequently gives when asked why we don't have more than 1 child: "When you got perfection the first time, there's no need to have any more!" Pretty much just shuts people down with that-LOL

Best of luck on your decision, we are more than happy with ours, as is our DD.

My thoughts exactly.....although now that my son is 12 people have stopped being rude about it....I find that when the kids are younger is when people start being all rude and judgemental about things....

1. It is nobody's business about our reproduction or lack therof but the people that are directly involved in the baby making process.

2. Why do other people care? It isn't like it is ever going to directly effect them...EVER

 

[jacksmomma]

My son is an only and I was an only until I was 13. I can say that neither of us missed a sibling on vacation. As pollyannaMom said, my DS loves having our undivided attention and being able to have choice is what we do (not having to wait on siblings). That being said, I am taking great care to raise an only son and not a "Little Prince". We work very hard at making sure that he practices things like sharing and not always being in charge.

I had the personality that was very happy playing by myself and being an only. So many people come up with the "they will never have anyone to play with" arguement when shunning only child families. I guess I just do not get that. I never had anyone to play with and that was just fine by me. It just meant that I could play what I wanted, when I wanted. I had a very active imagination and was never bored. I see that in my son a lot; though he does not have the imaginary friends that I had. When I was 13 my parents had more children, 3 in all. They always had someone to play with and they bicker and fight all the time! Unless, you work very hard to create it and have a zero tolerance policy against sibling abuse, a brother or sister is not a guarenteed best friend or playmate.

 

[Familyof4lovesDW]

It always amazes me how much people feel like they need to butt into your personal life, especially regarding how big or small your family is.

Here's a response my husband frequently gives when asked why we don't have more than 1 child: "When you got perfection the first time, there's no need to have any more!" Pretty much just shuts people down with that-LOL

Best of luck on your decision, we are more than happy with ours, as is our DD.

I will have to let my parents know, I was just too perfect for them to have more!

I remember being around 10 or so and my bff got to go to MI with me to see my dads friend. I think because we stayed with his friends who had no children, they may have wanted someone for me to play with so they could hang out. Funny thing was my bff looked like she could have been their kid.

Another friend who I am still friends with, who is also an only, went on vacation with us twice.

So I took a friend 3 times. Once I got a little older my parents would just go and I would stay with a friend (my choice). When I was younger, my parents played with me.

Also remember we were on vacation, so that ment no communicating with your friends until you got back, there were no cell phones and internet lol.

While looking back as an adult I liked being an only, but did not want to have an only. My DS and DD are only 22 months apart.

 

[wishiwereindisney]

thanks for the all responses - it's good to know that there are others in the same boat as me! from what i take from the responses so far it seems like every family is different.

 

[Dizneydaz]

I grew up one of four and we only took a few vacations.

My DD11 is the only one. I'm a single mom but my DM lives with us and has been on every trip to WDW with us. I think my DD11 has been 10-11 times.

She enjoys spending time with adults but she does make friends easily (at pools, playgrounds, etc.) She loves playing with younger kids and is really good with them.

Sometimes it does place more of the burden on me. If she can't find another kid to play with then mom will have to do! A few weeks back we meet up with some of her friends at the beach but the problem was none of them wanted to go in the water (very cold water here in California-like 65-69 degrees and it was pretty rough!). She kept asking if I would go in with her (like I do in Florida-where the water is so much warmer!). I finally did and we had a great time. She even mentioned the next day how much fun she had with me diving in the waves.

She and I do spend a lot of time together. We have AP to DLR and go, just the two of us, quite often. We have made friends with a few of the CMs who we seek out when we go. Like I said, she loves to talk to adults.

 

[mdftjh]

My daughter is 8 and we've always taken her on vacation with us. Everywhere we go, she finds a friend to play with. We've never has an issue.