For those that moved out of state - a question

[grinningghost]

Were you given a hard time by anyone? Were you ever made to feel guilty for leaving your family to move far away? Just curious.

 

[FINFAN]

Well, I haven't been fortunate enough to be ABLE to move...but I get grief just for mentioning it...ALL THE TIME! People act as if I have intentionally insulted them wanted to move from where they call home. If the opportunity comes up and it is a good match/timing for us...I will probably not even tell most people of our plans until I really have to. Just don't need the headaches and second guessing they will send my way.
Good Luck to you and stick to your guns if needed...jsu do it with a smile on your face and be sure to mention how many nice things you will miss about where you currently live.

 

[Kimberle]

No. I was the oldest. My parents had a lot of other kids to worry about.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I followed DH (BF at the time) down here to SC from MI in 1985. We got married a year later. My folks were thrilled (and I'm an only child) probably because I was way too old to still be living at home!! My DH's family was sad, I'm sure, but didn't show it. We got complete support from both sides. We get to see his family about once every year or so. My folks moved here about 4 years ago.

Now let me tell you another story. My DH's brother (in MI) was going to be phased out of his job, so he took a job in San Francisco. His wife had visited there with him and seemed to be thrilled to go, even though she was leaving a very close knit family of siblings, and a son who had disowned her(he is just plain evil..). At her going away party, after she was already having really serious doubts about moving away, her best friends kept going up to her in-laws say, "I can't believe that ___ is taking her away from us. She should stay here..." and on and on like that. This was very upsetting to DSIL, and my inlaws, too. What kind of people are her friends???

Anyway, she made the move, and was miserable. It's been a year, and I think she is still miserable, but doing better. Her DD is doing great, very popular, award winning cheerleader, DH is doing well, too. She is a SAHM, and a very talented artist, so slowly she is meeting people through that....

Her friends and family did not help this matter at all.

 

[gshoemate]

We moved from Michigan to Florida. I don't recall anyone making us feel guilty. I know my parents were very good about it. My mom waited until we left the driveway before she cried. DH's parents were really good also, they knew that we had to do what was right for our family. Good Luck.

 

[caitycaity]

nope. my parents were also the "ones who moved away" and they understood my need for space as i became an adult.

otoh, dh is the only one in his family that lives out of the state...and he lives 3000 miles away. his family gives him a hard time about it literally everytime they talk to him. they also ask us when we are moving back.

 

[Luckymommyx2]

My mom didn't have any problems with us moving away but my in-laws had a hissy fit at the time. MIL had to have all her 'little boys and girls' close by. Heck, we only moved an hour away! Now they're the ones moving over 1000 away.

 

[Pin Wizard]

Nine months after we were married, we moved from NJ to FL. Nope, no grief at all from parents. As a matter of fact, the day before we moved my Dad had major surgery. I wanted to stay and told him I would for as long as I felt I wanted to stay. He told me no! Said go live your life, it's too short.

 

[wdwnutze]

We are discussing the strong possibility of moving to FLorida in the next 6-8months and I am getting grief from my sister. I haven't even mentioned it to my mom yet cause I know she'll be heartbroken. It's only a 3 hour flight and then they will have a place to stay for free when they visit.

 

[auntpolly]

Imagine how the pioneer's parents felt! Or the European immigrants'! In those days there was a huge possibility that they'd never see their family members again. Today with calling plans, cell phones, and email, it's so easy to stay in touch.

We moved far away right after we got married and it's just the way it had to be. The economy was really bad in our area and we needed jobs! People were sad, of course (who wouldn't miss me? ) but everyone understood it was what was best for us and they didn't think just about themselves.

 

[Ibelieveinfairies]

Eleven years ago I married my DH. He was born/raised here in NY and I was from MO. After meeting in college and knowing that he was "the one", I knew I would be spending the rest of my life in NY...his family business is here, he has only lived away from this area during college.
Anyway, two days after our wedding, I moved to NY. My parents spent the next five years or so inundating us with job possibilities for my DH in the Mid-West and making us feel extremely guilty if we spent any vacation time anywhere other than their house.
I finally asked respectfully that they stop...couldn't take it anymore! They did for the most part, but occasionally that ugly topic will come up.

 

[Kallison]

We were considering moving to Florida and my Mom was very upset. We ended up staying because we could and we prefer where we are at right now. It really irritated me the last time we went to check out schools -- she knows I didn't want to move yet acted like it was the end of her world. I was thinking, so acting pissed off is going to make me want to stay?? I know it came out of love, but still...you gotta do what is right for your family.

 

[Sandy V.]

Moved to Colorado 19 years ago, and received mild grief about it from both our families.

We moved for job reasons, and I know that the move strengthened our marriage because it was just the two of us here (until the kids came along later). My husband's parents are very nice, but they have a tendency to meddle a bit in their kids' lives. I'm more independent, so for me personally, the 10-hour distance away from them is a good buffer!

As a previous poster indicated, we initially spent nearly every vacation going back there, until the kids were old enough to enjoy vacations elsewhere. We now go back to visit family members once or twice a year. Funny how the roads only seem to work one-way; family members don't come to see us as much as we go to see them!

The important thing to remember is that while we should respect our parents, once you marry, your #1 priority is your spouse and children (if you have any). Do what is in your IMMEDIATE family's best interests, and the rest should fall into place. Provided, of course, that your extended family act like adults!

 

[chrissyk]

Yes, my mother has given me lots of grief over our move from MA to FL. She tells me that she'll never see her grandchildren, etc. She will probably never come to visit me. My mom would only be happy if I lived in her house like my grown sister does. Heck, she gave me YEARS of grief when I bought a house 45 minutes away from her in the same state I can't win with her, so I don't even try anymore. I don't talk much about the move with her. She is really missing out on being a part of our lives because of her clingy and unstable behavior.

 

[Microcell]

My inlaws were upset when we moved across the city from DH's sister (they lived 6 hours away at the time) becasue they lived in the country and are scared to drive in the BIG CITY to see us, and it would be further. Well, they finally moved closer - now 1 hour away and got very upset when we joked about moving to Florida. Well..... Now FIL was offered a job at his old church- 6 hours away again. We told them we are moving to FL!! LOL!!!

On both sides we do what we need to do. SIL is very upset about their move! She is giving grief like crazy!

 

[Blondie]

Never once did we get any negative comments from my side of the family.

His side of the family was totally different, and for years after we moved, we'd get comments like "well, you're the one that decided to move away from everyone" and "you don't live around here anymore, so you don't know what we're talking about" and "if you didn't live so far away....." blah blah blah.