For parents of more than 2 -- a ?

[shaylahc1]

I have 4 kids. They are 9, 7, 5 & almost 2. I found the hardest was going from 2 to 3. Then I felt like I was juggling responsibilities. When your children outnumber you, things can get scary I think a lot of it depends on the temperament of the children, too. My 3rd DD had reflux and rarely slept, and my 2nd child has special needs. Trying to juggle all the therapy appointments, medical testing, and sleep deprivation was not fun. I didn't find adding a 4th to be that much harder, but it does seem like the amount of work (and the expense of raising them) has gone up significantly.

Now that the kids are older the hardest part is trying to accomodate everyone. My older kids are at the age where they want to go places and do things, and my DS is little and sometimes the activities aren't always appropriate for his age. DH and I do a lot of splitting up---he keeps 1 kid while I take 3 somewhere, or I take 1 while he takes 3, etc. It is definitely all about the juggling when you have so many kids!

The other thing about having 4 is that you can no longer rent just 1 standard hotel room, or drive a standard car. We have to get 2 hotel rooms or a suite when we travel, and it is always a van or SUV for us now.

Just some food for thought! I don't know a single parent who regrets having any of their children no matter how many there are If you decide to adopt all 4, I am sure you will do great!

 

[dougsmom98]

We have four children ages 7,5,5 and 1. Our situation is a little different because we went from one to three when we had the twins. That was a little trying because they were so little and needed so much attention and we definately had trouble juggling our time between them and our oldest. The fourth is a breeze compared to that. It all depends on how independent your other children are. If they have some understanding of what it means to wait their turn while you deal with the youngest then they will be fine. I agree with the post about zone defense. You also need to decide right off what you plan to enforce and enforce it. There are some battles that just aren't worth the time and effort to fight and there are others that are non negotiable. The bottom line is that it sounds like this is something you want to do. If you want to do it, you will be able to do it. Good luck.

 

[carrie s]

I have 4 kids, ages 3,6,10,11. I found that each baby I had was easier then the last.I knew more what I was doing and was more relaxed after each baby. the older kids also like to help with the youngest,my 6 year old loves to entertain his little brother and make him laugh.Right now my 3 year old is playing is his sisters room.

My house is louder and messier then the houses of people I know with less kids, but the mess is temporary and its worth it.

 

[pigletof4]

So far it has been an easy adjustment for us. I always wanted three, but dh had said two was enough. Well, I guess god had a different story for us because he suprised us with number three. So far she hasn't been too bad, but she is only three weeks old. LOL. I am finding that the middle child is having a hard time adjusting since he is already five. I hope in the coming years that it will be easier and they won't all gang up on us at one time.

 

[Tink561]

We had our third son when our first was almost 4 and our second was 10.5 months. It wasn't that difficult to transition because we were knee deep in tot mode. It was, however, tiring for the first two years. It was all worth it and now our sons are 16, 13 and 13. We're adding number 4 within a couple of months via China adoption. I'm expecting a more difficult transition this time because my boys are all self-sufficient around the house.

It's all worth it!

 

[PoohHappens]

I only have one, so I have no business answering your question. (he is adopted) What I would like to say is you are in my prayers, and WOW!!!!!!
SO you are possibly going from no children to 4 children 3 and under in less than a year??? Your blessings have been pouring down. My thoughts and prayers for the best possible outcome. P.S. I think horseygirl on the trip reports board has three adopted sibblings. I can't remember if they are all bio sibs or not. She might have some insight.

 

[wdwpjs]

We have a mixed family as well! I have DD14 and DD10. My husband has a DD26 and a GDD8. We also have aDS4 and aDD8 mos, together! So all in all we have a 26,14,10,8,4,and 8 mos. FOr us the number of kids work. I stay at home so that helps. Everyone helps not only with the housework but with each other.....homework, play time, baths, dance moves etc..
The only thing that I would remind people is that you never only have just your kids. You have their "best friends", the neighbors, your friends children. We always have a house full and i love it. Thats when all the collectible mugs from disney comes in handy!lol!!!

 

[dementia412]

We have three, and like an earlier poster I wish I hadn't had a tubal after dd. I love having them although they sometimes drive me up a wall, and as far as the kids are concerned I think having three was no harder than having two except for two things... one, going places when they were little. When my youngest got here it was a newborn, a two and half year old, and an almost four year old... trying to anywhere alone was difficult (had to ride the bus) so I pretty much couldn't do anything unless my dh had the day off... when they got a little older it stopped being a problem. The other issue is that so many places base everything on FOUR people. Restaurants where tables only seat four, and if you need one more seat it's like you're asking for steak at hot dog prices.... cars that can't hold three car seats... two seater grocery carts, hotel rooms with maximum occupancy of 4 (AKL,WL ), the difficulty of getting enough seats on an airplane TOGETHER and so it goes.... people assume you will only have one or two kids, so things have evolved to fit only those families.... your kids wont be a problem, but the rest of the world may be.
Sorry, the whole larger family= nothing fits issue drives me nuts, and sometimes I get a little and over it.

 

[3princesses+aprince]

I have 3 daughters, and dh has a son that is with us alot. When I had my third daughter, it was like, wow, for a few months, but you adjust. Like I said ,dss is with us alot, we do nothing without him. I love the 4 of them. It is no problem for me to take care of them, or take them out. People stop me in public and say "How do you do it" . I don't really like that, How do I do what?, Take care of my kids. My kids are great , they are so good, and If I had the chance to do it over again, I'd still have the 4 of them.
I am in school for x-ray right now and when I finish and we buy a house I would love to become a foster parent. I've wanted to do that forever.
Good Luck to you, You can do it. Especially if you want to. I figured out you just need a little more organization with 4. But it works!!!

Big Families are Wonderful

The only problem I can think of is when they all start hitting 10 and are charged as adults in Disney.

 

[Minnie's Friend Dar5]

I have 5 kids- ds12, dd11, dd8 and twin ds1 1/2. Some days go really smoothly and other days, well...!!!!! Go with the flow and don't sweat the little stuff because if you do, you'll lose it. Good luck!

 

[dementia412]

3princesses+aprince, I couldn't help but notice that your kids names are almost exactly mine... I have Samantha, Eliza (Lizzy), and my son's middle name is Anthony... and weirdest of all, I lost my first two, and the girls names I wanted then was Emily or Emma

 

[lizardqueen]

Thank you everybody for your honest replies and all of your prayers/well wishes. Some days we go from being ecstatic to thinking what the heck are we getting ourselves into! It was devastating for us when we found out that we couldn't have children biologically. Then it took us so long to come to the route we are at now. So it has been wonderful but overwhelming at the same time.

DD has a myriad of emotional/behavioral problems that we are seeing multiple "therapists" for and it is our understanding that her DB that is in the other foster home (2 yo) is displaying almost the exact same behaviors. We know that this is due to the neglect that they were experiencing in the bio home. Luckily we got DS at such a young age that he is showing no effects from the neglect (was a totally different story when we first got him).

We are planning on moving closer to our family and friends (we are about an hour away from our closest relatives now) in a month and a half. So I know that will be helpful. When DS came to us, I became a SAHM and until they are ALL older and in school, that is how it will remain. DH is absolutely fine with that and MIL will be very close by to help us out at any time. I think what scares me most is the fact, like PoohHappens said, is that we are going from 0 to possibly 4 children in a years time. We are just getting used to being "first time parents" with the 2 that we have, so the whole thing is just mind blowing.

So thank you for everything. It really helps to have other people to discuss this with!

 

[smschex]

What a blessing for those kids to find such a caring "forever home!" It sounds like they couldn't be in better hands.

I have four--DD16, DS12, DD10, and DD just turned 7. It is a challenge to keep up with all they are involved in and nuture their individual personalities. My youngest thought her home address was our car license for the first couple of years, but she is game for anything now. I wouldn't trade it for the world. As I am facing sending my oldest off to college in two short years I am realizing how short a time we really have them.

Your transition will be more dramatic, going from 0 to 4, but you really will not have a basis to compare--what I mean is you won't know how relatively easy it is to have just one baby. Four will be your baseline! I have no doubt "challenge" will be an understatement with that many little ones all at once, but the rewards to you and them will be beyond measure. And they are all so close in age they will do everything together, learning from each other.

God bless you and you are all in my prayers.

 

[rgribik]

Good for you!! We have 5 kids(3 dd's and twin ds). There are busy days and not so busy days. My hardest thing is the noise, some days it is all I can do not to stay in the quiet of the bathroom for hours. I am a sahm and I am with them pretty much 24/7, it can be done. You should see us pile out of our conversion van(yes, I drive it everywhere). We just came back from our yearly trip to Dis, and we all had a great time(of course!). Everyone needs to pitch in, and take it slow. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[ZachnElli]

I had no problems going from 2 to 3 kids. But it was a long process and #3 is adopted also. I have a wide age range, but have no problems with it, they are 11, 7, and 17 months.

 

[Gillian]

Those kids are lucky to have you!

I also feel that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. That's why I only have 2, LOL! But it could also be why there is a small family of kittens hanging around our house this week.

I hope all goes well for your family, whatever you decide.

 

[PaulaSue]

For me I had problems from the start, but I would never change it. I was a nanny before my own children so I thought I knew it all. It was a shock having one DD 24/7 with dh away most of the time. Once I had DD2 I had my rountine down it went much better. Number 3 really threw me out of my comfort zone but thankfully I have great friends, Mom really started helping me (she didn't with the other kids, at all) and the staff at preschool.

It was harder being preggo and having another to take to preschool and another little sister to take care of. Forget about really resting at rest times. I was on rest since she had a 2 vessel cord so that added to the many doctors visits all the time and the 2 older girls came with me all the time to each visit.

Once she was born it was harder (Breastfeeding and still taking care of 3) since dh worked and only was off for b-day and 2 half days. He had a week off with the other 2 births. I prepared a lot knowing he couldn't be home then.

Breastfeeding and taking care of 3 with mild PPD (had it with my first also) but somehow I got thorugh it one day at time. Once Ash turned one things seemed to get better with my oldest starting K and I having a bit more free time.

Baby steps really do it.

 

[KJMAX1]

We are foster to adopt parents as well. We chose to adopt however, and did not face issues of infertility. So that being said....Its not so odd that we have 4 kids in 4 years time. I can imagine all in one year with special needs!! Anyway, I think as long as you know how to handle the other child, and you are willing to make a lifelong commitment to it, then do it. Otherwise, if you think it would add too much stress, or disrupt your other children I wouldnt do it unless he had NO adoptive home lined up. As sad as it is, its a reality in foster care that some children cannot work well in a family even if they are bio related, due to the issues you mentioned. We too never planned any of our children except our first. All of our other children came the day I got a call and we werent even thinking of adopting! Our last came when he was 1 day old..BY FAR the easiest. He was a friends grandson, and was not a state adoption case. Her daughter wanted to place him for adoption but didnt have a family yet, and they wanted to know if we could care for him until she found one...Guess what...a month later after all those families being interviewed, she asked us!

Pray for me going to the airport in a few weeks. We are taking 4 kids 7 and under..... I get that pre stomach flu feeling everytime I imagine it at the airport.. Anyway, its fun..I mean at times the house looks like ToysRUs threw up all over it...Or that I havent done dishes in ages, but in reality its only been since the morning. Actually I tend to thrive on insanity, and these kids know how to drive there reallly fast. Sometimes I feel like Im before the Senate trying to become a Supreme Court Justice, with all the questions and badgering and rehashing..

However, people LOVE being around the kids. All of our friends, and family think having all these kids are fun....Honestly, now that I have four, I will admit its more work, but 4 kinda seems small, which scares me!! Cause as an adoptive parent Im sure you know what that means!!

 

[lizardqueen]

KJMAX1: I'll certainly be thinking about you and your "airport situation" LOL! Looks like we will probably just miss each other, unless you will be at Pop for over a week. We are arriving there on Aug 30. This adoptive parenting is so much more than we ever imagined. I am sorta glad that they capped us out at 4, or DH and I would be in BIG trouble.

 

[kkevcamsmom]

Going from one to two was terrifing! But my oldest was nine when our first boy was born. Going from two to three was a breeze, but I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I was now a home daycare provider so it wasn't a big deal.

I grew up with 3 brothers and 2 sisters. Mom had 3 of us in a 3 yr period (dr said she couldn't have anymore so they adopted my older sister, on the day they picked her up they found out she was prego with my second older brother, then 2 yrs and 4 days later I came along...poor mom!!!). One thing I learned from my mom was "If there's a will there's a way" and "Consistancy is the key"

I always thought my mom was crazy, but now I am a mom and those two things really do hold true.

Follow your heart, it is never wrong. It may not be easy or the way you want it but it wont be wrong.

Good Luck!!!

Lori