OP, first of all, hugs to you both- I know this may seem like an insurmountable task right now, but maybe if you can break it down into smaller pieces, it will seem more manageable.
First of all, forgive me if this is a dumb question, but do you have a working monthly budget? I know you said you live within your means, but how willing are you to live below your means for a little while? DH and I have been doing a Total Money Makeover since Jan 1, and we were surprised at places we cut our monthly budget that we never thought of before. For example, we don't eat out more than once a month now, we cut back on cable/phone/internet bill by calling the company and asking for a price break, we changed cell phone plans, we lowered our car insurance, etc. You may have some "found" money there.
I don't think anyone has mentioned it yet here, but I would really recommend going to a library and checking out the book Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. It really isn't rocket science, but he is very motivating to a lot of people looking to get rid of their debt. He also has a radio show that you can call into and get free advice on your situation.
Also, before you refinance, I would look at your debts one by one on paper. How many cards are the $65,000 spread out on? Which one has the lowest balance, and how fast could you pay it off if you concentrated on just that one? We had originally thought about refinancing, but once we sat down and really crunched the numbers, we will be much better off by paying off the smallest debt first, then using that payment to snowball onto the next lowest one, etc.
I wish you all the best- financial issues can really be a burden on everyone. I am glad dh is doing well with his health, and it sounds like you both will work great together to get out of debt.
Lisa
PS- I frequent another board that uses Dave Ramsey's principles. I am not sure if I can post the link here, but if you want to pm me, I will gladly share that with you.