Empty Nesters--Tell me it gets better

[NMAmy]

Oh, I just thought of one more fun development. We're really reconnecting with old friends and we are so much more social with our old friends (and new friends) than when we were all busy parenting. It's unusual for a weekend to pass without an outing or get together. It's fantastic.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Oh, I just thought of one more fun development. We're really reconnecting with old friends and we are so much more social with our old friends (and new friends) than when we were all busy parenting. It's unusual for a weekend to pass without an outing or get together. It's fantastic.

I agree with this. My wife and I very rarely cook anymore because we're always out with friends for lunch and/or dinner. Can't believe all the things we can do now that we never even knew we missed until now.

 

[sasywtch]

I had a daughter in traveling fast pitch, boys in baseball so when that all stopped I had no idea what to do with my weekends. I had no idea how much it consumed my life until it all stopped. Now I have grandkids, they are in Little League and I'm the only grandparent there for most games. (my ex is there for some but he just moved 90 miles away with his new gf). My DIL parents didn't raise their girls in sports so this is new to them and have no concept at sitting for a full game. They may come for 2 innings but always have something else to do.

It's a matter of finding new things for you to enjoy. I went on my first adult only DL trip this past February (until my grandkids showed up a few days later). My daughter and I tried rides we'd never done, places to eat we've never eaten at. Got in the single rider line. We walked Rodeo Drive and did the walk by of Real Housewives dress shop and restraurant. My kids are 25-38 so it's been awhile and I have a hard time not seeing at least one of them once a week. Last week I hadn't seen my grandkids in a week so I bought a half gallon of ice cream and went over to their house. The missing them doesn't go away but it's a new relationship. Make some time, invite them out to dinner once a month. I found at first they weren't receptive because they were "on their own" but after a few years, they like their mommy again. It's funny how that works. I think it takes them a few years to do the "on my own thing" and then they want to be around their parents again.

My DIL just mentioned having family dinners on Sundays like I use to with my dad's family did many years ago. It all comes around.

 

[Tiggeroo]

It is really up to you how this part of your life goes. I just had my last one move out. But over the past 7 years or so they kind of have been coming and going. One thing I have found is that when they really move out, unless they move far away (one has) you actually in a way see them more. This is because before they were coming and going so much and mostly only saying hi and by. Now when they come over they actually visit and our time is spent enjoying each others' company.
But you really have to put yourself out there and find interests. I'm traveling and finally flying out to visit my sister who lives a ways from here. I am exercising every day. I am going to start spin class next week. I don't have friends right now and am very sad about this. DH and I let ourselves get much too busy with kids and had lots of hello and quick talk friends, but no more. But I am making myself try things in the hopes we can change that.

 

[Nohal]

My boys are 4 years apart. When DS1 went off to college DS2 was still home. In the beginning I missed DS1 terribly but then got used to it being the 3 of us. When it was time for DS2 to go to college DS1 still had 1 semester to finish so they were both in at the same time. DH & I went to Disney without the kids and it was wonderful. By the time DS2 finished college DS1 had moved out. DS2 stayed with us until he was 28 and has now moved away to another state 6hrs away. DS1 lives 2 miles away. It took some getting used to but we find we are able to do what we want and not worry about what the kids have planned for the day. You start to realize that it is time for you.

 

[powellrj]

I am still waiting to find out what its like to have an empty nest. I know we had our youngest DD late in life, but to be honest, I always thought once they left, they left. Just as the last DD left, we had another DS move back. I thought this trip was going to be an adults only trip, but DH invited the DS who still lives here to go with us and he said yes, so I guess our couples trip is now a trip for the 3 of us.

 

[mom2rtk]

Hang in there. You need time to adjust. The first days really are the hardest.

 

[momto2girls]

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry. I'm not there yet, but my first one is in high school now, so I can see it on the horizon. I know that I will feel just like you. I am definitely not looking forward to it. I know that these are the best years of my life and will be so sad when they are over.

 

[Southernmiss]

We finished moving in 3 of our 4 kids to college yesterday. I'm really struggling with my emotions this morning. I know this sounds dramatic especially since I have Dd12 still at home, but I'm feeling like the best part of my life is over with I've loved being a mom and having a full house of kids. I'm not ready to transition into a new phase of my life. Feeling so so sad

I get it and am right there with you. We have 2 in college this year. Oldest DS is only an hour away and for his first 2 years, DH worked in his college town. So DH could have lunch with DS and give me an update periodically. Now that he's been out for 3 years now, we are used to his being gone.

DS#2 is a freshman 5 hours away. Moved him in 2 weeks ago. It's taken until this weekend to not be sad all the time. He seems to have settled in and is ok. Although, he did ask if we'll be home next weekend. He's already considering riding home with a friend. This DS is a homebody, so his place at the dining room table where he used his laptop is very empty. He's always been so good humored and since the age of 3 would tell us a "punny" joke at least once a day. We knew we'd miss his daily jokes and do so dearly.

We still have 2 kids at home who are an eighth grader and a high school junior. Both are keeping us busy with marching band, volleyball and soccer, but I don't look forward to doing this again in just 2 years.

 

[dashofsunshine]

I just wanted to chime in and give you perspective from the other side I'm 27 and very, very close to my Mom. I have an older brother who just turned 29. We both went to college 2 hours from home, so we visited quite often. I don't think my Mom and Dad really felt the "empty nest" feeling until both my brother and I married our significant others last year. Neither of us makes it home as often as we used to, although I still drive in once or twice a month, as I can. I know it makes my Mom sad sometimes, but she and my Dad are planning trips to Alaska and the beach, and they are out with friends every single weekend. My Mom leads the choir at church and volunteers locally for several things and keeps busy. We talk every day on the phone, and she is my best friend in the entire world. I have absolutely no clue what I would do without her. I know the empty nest thing is getting easier for her every day your kids love you and think you are wonderful, and they always will. Wherever you are, that will always be home to them. Go out and have some fun

 

[tigercat]

I'm really on the other side. I would love to be an empty nester. I have my 2 sons still at home and they are both 35. I would love to just have the house to ourselves but don't see it happening soon. I had my 4 kids really early in life (done by 24) and have had kids in the house every since. My oldest dd turns 40 this year. I did have my oldest granddaughter get married and has now moved out this past June as she also lived with us for the past 3 yrs. I look after and have looked after all 5 of my grandkids with the youngest ones still coming here during school breaks. They go back to school in a week and I will get a little time to myself.
tigercat

 

[tigercat]

I'm really on the other side. I would love to be an empty nester. I have my 2 sons still at home and they are both 35. I would love to just have the house to ourselves but don't see it happening soon. I had my 4 kids really early in life (done by 24) and have had kids in the house every since. My oldest dd turns 40 this year. I did have my oldest granddaughter get married and has now moved out this past June as she also lived with us for the past 3 yrs. I look after and have looked after all 5 of my grandkids with the youngest ones still coming here during school breaks. They go back to school in a week and I will get a little time to myself.
tigercat

 

[OhMari]

It will get better, just wait for the "walking to class phone calls."

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

It is hard now and it will take time getting used to your new situation.

 

[Kae]

I have a senior this year. my sister and BIL are empty nesters after 37 years, they married at 16. It is an exciting time for them. I am so excited for them.

 

[minniecarousel]

It will get better, just wait for the "walking to class phone calls."

So true! I loved that my boys actually ended up at a State College together (they shared an apt one year & managed not to kill each other!) it rarely snows here and their college is about 3-4 hours away. I received calls from each of them that it was snowing there! They each knew that I'd get a kick out of that!

 

[Bec3b1g]

Thanks everyone. Feeling better tonight after a day of cleaning--my go to activity when I'm stressed. I do believe that life is what you make of it. I know I'll adjust.

 

[nancygirl1]

I promise it will get better. You are not over reacting. I started the same type of thread as you back in 2011. Has it really been that long ago?!! My oldest had been in college for 2 years when my twins both went off to college. We moved all 3 into college the same weekend. It was horrible to come home to an empty house. My husband and I literally stood in the kitchen held each other and cried. We weren't ready for our new reality. It was a very difficult transition for me. It took a long time for me to get used to it. I felt like I hadn't had enough time with them. It was too soon for them to be gone.

You will get used to your "new reality". It will just take time. They all did come home to visit at various times and we went to them, but it isn't the same and it will never be the same. You will adjust and then the new life you lead will be your normal.

Mine have all graduated from college and are back home again I know it won't last and my babies are gone, but they are wonderful adults now. And that's my new reality.

Good luck to you...you will survive!

 

[Bec3b1g]

I promise it will get better. You are not over reacting. I started the same type of thread as you back in 2011. Has it really been that long ago?!! My oldest had been in college for 2 years when my twins both went off to college. We moved all 3 into college the same weekend. It was horrible to come home to an empty house. My husband and I literally stood in the kitchen held each other and cried. We weren't ready for our new reality. It was a very difficult transition for me. It took a long time for me to get used to it. I felt like I hadn't had enough time with them. It was too soon for them to be gone.

You will get used to your "new reality". It will just take time. They all did come home to visit at various times and we went to them, but it isn't the same and it will never be the same. You will adjust and then the new life you lead will be your normal.

Mine have all graduated from college and are back home again I know it won't last and my babies are gone, but they are wonderful adults now. And that's my new reality.

Good luck to you...you will survive!

Thank You! I think part of why this has hit me so hard is that we have 3 kids so close together in age. Sending our twins off on the heels of their older brother is a triple whammy.

 

[Tinijocaro]

DS 20 left for college 20 minutes away but I still had three at home. Next year dd leaves, the year after that ds#2 leaves and I'll be down to one.

The emotions when I allow myself to really think about it are tough. It's a sad thing to be largely finished with child-rearing (but in some ways a great thing). I love the maturity that comes with a college student, it's amazing to see the independence and growth that happens. I just hope I get grandbabies.