Eloping Questions / Etiquette

[snickerharley]

Hello My Husband and I recently eloped, and we are considering sending announcements out to all of our family that is not "in the know" What is your opinion on this ? Also if we send out announcements should we make a registry and include that information? Part of me says yes another part says no? Thanks for the help.

 

[dmslush]

DH and myself considered our disney wedding an elopment because we didn't invite anyone. Later on we did have an at home reception. I sent out announcements and invitation to the reception that said:

Once in a while,
right in the middle of an ordinary life,
love gives us a fairy tale

On so and so date
dmslush and her husband
found that fairy tale at
Walt Disney World, Florida
When they became
Husband and wife

You are invited
to a casual reception..
blah blah..

No, we didn't register anywhere. I thought it was be tacky to register for gifts after we had not invited anyone to our wedding. We debated a lot on it. In the end, we decided that it sounded like we were saying, "We didn't want you at our wedding, but want you to buy us a gift anyway"

 

[OceanGdss]

I agree with dm. It is an awesome idea to throw a reception, but asking for gifts is a little tacky. Generally, the idea is that the gifts at a wedding will help the couple offset the money they put out for their guests to be at the wedding (food costs, etc). It goes along the same lines of "don't invite someone to the shower if they aren't invited to the wedding". It comes across as rude. Like "You're good enough for me to take a gift from you, but not good enough to be at my wedding."

Me personally, I always bring gifts to at-home-receptions, always send gifts to weddings I can't attend, etc. So I personally don't find it rude, but a lot of people will. Stick on the safe side and just throw a party, some will probably bring gifts anyways!

 

[Ember]

Sending out an announcement is a good idea. Including registry information is not.

Registry information should never be included in a wedding invitation anyway, you are inviting people, not gifts. However, to include this information in an announcement basically tells people they weren't good enough to invite to the wedding, but they are good enough to send you gifts in honor of the event having taken place. There's no real way to do this politely or tactfully.

People closest to you will probably get you something anyway, just join in the celebration, but most won't I'm afraid.

Don't worry about gifts, and focus on your new husband! CONGRATULATIONS!

 

[snickerharley]

Thanks for the input I thought it was rude /tacky as well, now I know for sure and we will not include a registry. Thanks

 

[IndyBride]

You can always register if you want to and not include any info. A friend registered, didn't include info but using the knot's registry search I found it and bought her something. But, I did go to her wedding. All this etiquette is too much sometimes!

 

[JandJ]

We registered because I had a bridal shower (actually 3 - one put on by my friends, a surprise one at work, and a bachelorette/lingerie shower). But we didn't invite a lot of people to the shower and had only 8 guests at our wedding. We did announcements and most everyone from DH's side sent a card with a check or asked DMIL where we were registered and sent us a gift. If they want to send you a gift to congratulate you they will ask you or a family member if you are registered.

One thing we put on our announcements and people have said they really appreciated was at the bottom:

Jen and Jon Last Name reside at
our home address

That way everyone knew that I took his last name and they had our address. Family and friends commented on how helpful it was that we added that information.

 

[Disneybride2386]

Not trying to hyjack the post, but from what I'm readin, shall I assume that most people dont bring presents to at home receptions? (Just wondering, I've never been to one)

 

[Ember]

Not trying to hyjack the post, but from what I'm readin, shall I assume that most people dont bring presents to at home receptions? (Just wondering, I've never been to one)

Gifts aren't anticipated when attending an at-home reception. There isn't the same social obligation because in the case it's a party celebrating your previously held wedding, rather than actually being part of the wedding festivities.

That said, many people will want to bring a gift to celebrate (I know I would). The classiest way I've seen this handled is to have an out of the way location for gifts (out of sight of the guests) that you can put presents when you receive them. That way no one is left feeling awkward or uncomfortable that they didn't bring something, when properly, nothing was expected.

 

[lurkyloo]

One thing we put on our announcements and people have said they really appreciated was at the bottom:

Jen and Jon Last Name reside at
our home address

D'oh! I wish I'd known about this! Apparently using a return address as My Last Name & His Last Name wasn't an obvious-enough hint - we're getting mail adressed to the His Last Names and to the hyphenated last names, etc.

Also, regarding gifts and the at-home reception, we were really surprised how many people brought or sent them to ours - we hadn't expected to get anything!