DS's Principal Really Annoyed Me

[lsyorke]

Totally agree. The principle was fine. He has a kid in his office that was in a fight. He is not having luck getting hold of a parent. Lots of names, numbers and what not. He has all the right in the world to try to figure this thing out.

Yup, he has the right to figure it all out....calling the student a liar doesn't meet that goal. The contact sheet was provided by the parent, not the child. Any questions he had about those contacts should have been addressed to the parent.
Calling a child a liar without knowing the facts doesn't foster any respect for the Principal.

 

[phorsenuf]

I think I would start with a very calm, non-accusing letter or phone call to the principal because after all you are only getting one side of the story. Just let him know that your son indicated to you that there seemed to be some confusion with the different last names and just take it from there.
See what his side of the story is.

 

[Angelhalo]

I wouldn't make an appointment with the principal for this but I would send an e-mail under the guise of clarifying his contact list.

Something like this:

Principal XXXX:

I'm sorry you had to meet my son XXXX under such unpleasant circumstances, but I did wish to clarify our contact information. My son is in the unusal circumstance in which he has a different last name than any of his parents. Strange, but true. I, Kilee Smith am usually easiest to reach by cel phone (insert number), followed by DS step-father XXX Jones (insert number). DS father is the most difficult to reach since he is often out of town on tour as a musician. The best number to reach him at is (insert number).

Sorry about the confusion. Please call me if you have any questions. Hopefully, the next time you have the opportunity to talk to DS will be under better circumstances.

Kilee

If you send an e-mail you can get your point across without being confrontational. Just a suggestion. I wouldn't go up to school spitting nails, though.

In the case of this jerky principal I bet he'd just assume the son wrote the e-mail since he thinks he's such a sneaky liar.

I'd make an appointment to speak with the principal in person.

 

[tonilea]

When you are constantly lied to, at some point, you become suspicious of almost everything you are told. You eventually get over it, if you didn't it would make you crazy.

Not defending the principal - just offering a different perspective.

 

[Stacerita]

A lot have stated that the parent fills out the contact sheet, so of course the numbers are correct. Well, most times the packets are picked up and dropped off by the student. At least in this district. The parent may never actually see the contact sheet and anyone can fill it out. Not saying that is the case, but sometimes parents don't fill out all the paper work. Either by their own doing, or by kids not wanting their parents contacted.

 

[laurafergie]

Just want to clarify his father is "no rock star". He happens to play in a band that opened this most recent tour for Toby Keith. Even if the singer he plays for becomes " very famous"--- in country music-- he'll never be famous being in the band. Think about any "famous" country singer....pretty much their band members are unknown.

I also think it's the point that he referenced him being a "liar" that really irritated me. My son is no angel, that is for sure. He's a class clown, that I know. Thing is he pretty much always owns up to what he did wrong. I just think this guy wants respect and he's there to be a role model for the students. This isn't the way to get it. He can think in his own head what he wants until he checks the facts, but he should not voice to any student he thinks they are a liar, especially over silly info like that until he knows for sure.

I guess working in a peds office I see lots of families w/ kids who have different last names from mom and dad. Honestly his ignorance to the fact that there are lots of blended families these days makes me question his ability to be open-minded and non-judgemental.

I would like to make a point that hasn't been brought up - I absolutely can not stand it when adults do not speak to teenagers/children in the manner in which they would like to be spoken to. Calling your child a liar was beyond rude. The example the principal gave was - it is okay for a person in power to belittle and judge (lying) without proof.

This absolutely needs to be addressed. I personally would start with a short, concise email stating you wanted a meeting and why. The reason for the email is not to make your case before hand, but to a have written, documented start to your contact with the principal. Then I would go to his office in person and let him have it. I don't think you'll be lucky enough to get an apology, but I would certainly ask for it. At the end of the interview, you can decide if it is worth pursuing to the higher ups.

Good luck, Mom of 5 kids here - ages 23-5. I've been there.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

A lot have stated that the parent fills out the contact sheet, so of course the numbers are correct. Well, most times the packets are picked up and dropped off by the student. At least in this district. The parent may never actually see the contact sheet and anyone can fill it out. Not saying that is the case, but sometimes parents don't fill out all the paper work. Either by their own doing, or by kids not wanting their parents contacted.

So then--in the event of an emergency, they are pretty screwed aren't they?

The time to verify this information is at registration or the first week of school. Not when there is a problem--and accusing the student of falsifying information if the school had not taken the time to follow up and validate the information.

It really seems that this board is too quick and easy at saying kids cannot be trusted.

My kids are young--but are we raising a society of liars and cheaters where something as simple as a contact sheet cannot be trusted?

Now--I went to 3 high schools, so my mother had to drag her butt into the school 3 times and fill out my information and get me registered.

Perhaps schools that have their students stay all four years do not have the luxury of having a parent physically come in.

But the hyperbole of schools having to deal with liars on a daily basis and using that as justification for the principals actions is simply stamping approval of bullying simply b/c the principal is in power.

If the school has a problem with lying on contact forms, then it is probably time they change the manner in which they collect the information versus accusing a student who is telling the truth of lying.

If that happened in the work place, it could be a lawsuit waiting to happen (depending on the states employment laws and/or union status).

Just b/c it is a school, doesn't entitle any educator or administrator to jump to those conclusions.

Sometimes, I feel we give school officials and teachers much more leeway than they deserve.

On a bad day, when I followed school administrator instructions, I ended up tardy to class. I was essentially called a liar and accused of cutting class when I followed clear instructions on what to do for school make up photos.

I do not know what caused my teacher to accuse me, but I lost all respect for her. She was my pre-algebra teacher (loved math!), she was my math coach--and she chewed me up and spit me out b/c she didn't listen to announcements that morning.

It made me feel better when several classmates felt bad for me and let me know that they heard the same announcement depsite being in different homerooms at the time of the announcement.

Curiously-the following year, she was equally po'd at me when beyond MY control, my mother moved and I had to switch schools. At my new school, my math team kicked her math team's butt.

Perhaps she held me to a higher standard--I don't know, but the woman had a serious complex and possibily some anger issues as well.

Unfortunately, not all students get to move away and then "get even" in a healthy manner with an educator who did them wrong. But I have to say that it was nice to beat her math team.

 

[sunnydoozer]

When you are constantly lied to, at some point, you become suspicious of almost everything you are told. You eventually get over it, if you didn't it would make you crazy.

Not defending the principal - just offering a different perspective.

Talking to students is part of the job, on top of which its a stretch to decide the student was lieing because he couldn't contact the parents in a short tie span.

Its a stretch to say that the different names is suspicious. I used to teach swimming and the kids would often have bio-dads name, Mom would have her maiden name and step dad would have his own name This happened all the time, not unusual in the least.

 

[sarasotamom]

As a mom who has raised 3 teenagers, I would write an e-mail to the principal. The truth generally is somewhere in the middle. You have only heard your son's version. I am putting on my flamesuit..I know I will be flamed for saying this...Please don't make a big deal out of this, until you have heard both sides...Maybe the principal made your son feel bad, but he may not have meant to make him feel this way..Life is too short..Don't fret over every little slight in life...

 

[allison443]

At my dd's school, when we fill out the emergency contact form, we give names and phone numbers, and it asks "person's relationship to child". If your form doesn't say that, I guess I don't see anything wrong with the principal asking who was who on your form. It wasn't clear from the names, like you said. It sounds like the principal was planning to speak to whatever adult came-I could see him wanting to make sure he spoke to a parent, not another relative or neighbor, kwim? Wouldn't it be his business to make sure he spoke with a parent/guardian, not another relative or unrelated person? You said the principal is new, so he didn't know your situation. How else would he know unless he asked (unless you listed it on the form who was who).

At one point I had myself listed and also my sister and brother in law listed (different last name than my dd) because they both were nearby during the day, my dh wasn't. So if they were trying to contact someone to pick up my dd, I don't think it's wrong for them to ask who they are calling. Like your uncle, aunt, whoever.


Are you more upset about the principal or about the fight your son got in, that will probably be on his school record permanently since it is a suspension? I realize they are two different issues, but maybe the stress from the fight is affecting how you are dealing with the principal, kwim?

I sympathize, I know these teenage years can be tough.

 

[luvsJack]

Regardless of the principal's opinion of what the OP's son was saying, he had no business saying that the boy was lying. All he had to do was wait until one of the adults on the list got to the school and ask them. When someone showed up, ask what their relationship is to the boy. And then casually mention to the boy's dad, (if he picks him up)"Jay here says you play in a band?" "And you opened for Toby Keith! I bet that was exiting!" The truth would come out and no one would be accused of being a liar.

A principal should know how to handle a situation such as this.

 

[BuffettFan]

If you dealt with liars and sneaky kids on an hourly basis, you'd question kids too. This isn't something I'd get all bent out of shape over.

I totally agree!

This wasnt one of h is teachers....it was a principal who oversees MANY students every day....I can see why he'd feel the need to question your son.
I dont think its a big deal.

 

[shortbun]

Wonder if Toby Keith would call the principal, lol! The principal sound like a grumpy, very old guy. His head would explode if he had to deal with some of the family dynamics of kids in my son's school. Just tell your son to ignore him. You should ignore him too. People like him get way too much of our time and attention. Go take a long walk with your child instead.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Regardless of the principal's opinion of what the OP's son was saying, he had no business saying that the boy was lying. All he had to do was wait until one of the adults on the list got to the school and ask them. When someone showed up, ask what their relationship is to the boy. And then casually mention to the boy's dad, (if he picks him up)"Jay here says you play in a band?" "And you opened for Toby Keith! I bet that was exiting!" The truth would come out and no one would be accused of being a liar.

A principal should know how to handle a situation such as this.

I agree. I don't understand how people can say it's okay to unjustly call your DS a liar. Would one of them liked to be called a liar? Would it be okay for the principal to call a teacher a liar because another teacher or teachers have lied to him? To me that's absurd! Your DS is an individual and he shouldn't be treated as a liar because of the actions of others.

It's a separate issue from the fighting. The principal was unprofessional. And he wouldn't get a free pass from me.

 

[jenrose66]

Hi OP I'm sorry to hear this happened to your son, but I'm not surprised. I live near Buffalo too and I'd swear your DS goes to the district that I live in. I don't have any kids there yet but I graduated from the same district and swore I'd never send my kids there.

The problems are embedded into the school from the top administration down to many of the teachers. Our school does have a chalenging demographic makeup of children and unfortunately they are shown no respect, the kids are instead treated like they are in jail.

Let me give an example of how they rule over there. You can't go to your locker in between classes, only in the beginning of the day, before lunch, and after school. Oh and they lock the bathrooms between classes. The bathrooms are actually locked the first 10 minutes of class, the last 10 minutes of class and between classes. It's also locked the whole last period of the day. It never made sense to me that we had to miss instruction time if we had to use the bathroom. Not to mention they paid people to sit outside and guard the bathrooms...that's a great use of taxpayer money.

Personally I always thought that if the admisitration didn't treat us like caged animals then student behavior and test scores would actually improve. Currently the district ranks 96 or 98 out of 100 schools in the county.

I will be homeschooling my kids or sending them to private school.

 

[golfgal]

OK, my standard response to something like this get BOTH sides of the story before you go flying off the handle. Kids are WELL known for twisting what is said to make them look better. It might have happened the way your son said but it could have also been COMPLETELY different and you are going to look foolish if you go in there on a rampage. Find the post about what kids tell their teachers about what happens at home.

Everyone assumes that the child is right and the principal is wrong but we don't have the principal's side of the story yet do we?

And people wonder what is wrong with the schools.....

 

[OceanAnnie]

OK, my standard response to something like this get BOTH sides of the story before you go flying off the handle. Kids are WELL known for twisting what is said to make them look better. It might have happened the way your son said but it could have also been COMPLETELY different and you are going to look foolish if you go in there on a rampage. Find the post about what kids tell their teachers about what happens at home.

Everyone assumes that the child is right and the principal is wrong but we don't have the principal's side of the story yet do we?

And people wonder what is wrong with the schools.....

I was addressing the issue of letting it go altogether. Ofcourse it's always best to get both sides of the story. I mentioned calm and polite in addressing the principal. Which *may* very well have been more than what was afforded the OP's DS in the conversation being discussed.

Nothing wrong with having an idea of how things went prior to going. Nor is there anything wrong with knowing what you want if you are right.

 

[Sanchez]

I agree. I don't understand how people can say it's okay to unjustly call your DS a liar. Would one of them liked to be called a liar? Would it be okay for the principal to call a teacher a liar because another teacher or teachers have lied to him? To me that's absurd! Your DS is an individual and he shouldn't be treated as a liar because of the actions of others.

It's a separate issue from the fighting. The principal was unprofessional. And he wouldn't get a free pass from me.

It seems as if there a number of people ready to believe that the principal called this boy a liar. I have no idea what happened but it is possible that the liar part of this story was drummed up to deflect the true issue - fighting. Doesn't anyone think is is possible that a teen (who seems to get into quite a bit of trouble per the OP) would focus on the part of the story where he can play the victim? If so, it seems to have worked.

Assuming the principal did call him a liar it seems as if this is something an 18 year old high school student can deal with on his own. To the poster quoted above, your "free pass" comment falls in line with what I think of as helicopter parenting. What exactly would you do to nullify this "free pass?"

 

[damo]

What does your son think should be done?

 

[luvsJack]

I have found in dealing with the schools and my own kids, that usually when a kid comes home telling something--there is some truth to it. They don't normally fabricate something completely out of thin air.

The OP's son may have misunderstood and took offense too easily, he may actually be putting words in the principal's mouth because of some way the principal acted or something he did actually say, but I don't believe that he just made the whole thing up.

My point was not that the mom should go down there ready to jump on the principal. She should handle it as professionally as the principal should have (but very possibly did not).


Sanchez,
There are some that are also ready to assume the boy is a liar. He may get into a lot of trouble but that doesn't make him a liar. Getting into fights does not always = telling lies. And a high school student should not have to handle the principal calling him a liar alone. A high school student (sometimes especially one that gets into trouble a lot) needs to know that mom and dad are on his side if he needs them. If this principal has decided to label the Op's son a liar, then she needs to handle it because there is no way for her son to handle it or for him to change the principal's mind.