Dr. Laura said what???

[poohandwendy]

As much as I fear the flaming I will receive from agreeing with you, I have seen some real life experiences that have confirmed some of what Dr Laura is saying.

It's not an excuse, nor am I defending Spitzer's actions. What he did was wrong, stupid, and illegal. I have seen though over the years by watching and listening to my buddies and male coworkers that all seem to have the same complaints. They all seem to be dissatisfied with the lack of sex and the current state of the relationship they have with their wife. I bet you I have seen at least 6 marriages of friends that I knew over the years to end due to both people just "checking out" of their commitment. I have never strayed in my marriage, but known many men who have. It all seems to come down to sex, at least that's what they told me.


I know from 11 years of marriage that some things change and with the addition of children, multiple things going on at once, etc, that sex becomes almost a chore for some. I think a lot of women have to realise that a lot of men don't stop thinking about it just because they get older, etc. Just Google escort services in your area. Take a look a Craigslist and read some of the casual encounters and erotic services offered, it's beyond shocking what's out there. Plus look at the multi billion dollar sales of E.D medications. Someone has to be buying all that Viagra and Cialis, not that it's me.

I'm not defending anyone who cheats because it's wrong. Period. I'm just pointing out that sometimes there's a cause for it, right or wrong.

We always hear about what men are lacking when there is a intimacy issue in a marriage. In every marriage I have known where men were dissatisfied with their sex life, the men were not putting very much energy into the relationship, period.

I ask disgruntled husbands this: If you went to a bar to get sex, how would you have to treat a woman to get her to want to go home with you? (or any other example of how you would go about getting a woman to want to have sex with you, just using a bar pickup as an example) Are you treating your wife like a woman you would like to go home with?

If you are upset because you are not getting enough sex and you are not putting more emotional effort into your marriage than simply going to work and coming home every night,(which many men think is all it really takes to be a great husband) you are guilty of cutting your nose off and calling it someone else's crime.

I definitely buy "I was not getting enough sex, she refused to work on/talk about the relationship and that is why I asked for a divorce"...but cheating is equals "She stopped being easy to get in bed, I didn't feel like dealing with the marriage so I took the lazy way by chasing someone else (or paying for sex)"

 

[cccm]

Interesting.

In our house, the priority is our marriage...and no, that doesn't mean our children are neglected or any such nonsense like that.

It means we were a couple before we had children, and we nurture our marriage so we remain a couple once our children are grown and gone.

Our children know that Mom and Dad love each other and sometimes, they don't come first.

Family dynamics are very interesting. A friend and I were discussing that today during coffee. Both of share many of the same views, but arrived there differently.

My husband and I, as a couple and in our marriage have never known life without a child. I married DH when DD was 3 1/2. His first wife, DD's mother died of cancer 10 days before DD's first birthday.

I am not sure of what life will be like in 8 years for us when we are finally empty nesters and a couple, but am hoping we can and looking forward to it.

 

[jimmiej]

Interesting.

In our house, the priority is our marriage...and no, that doesn't mean our children are neglected or any such nonsense like that.

It means we were a couple before we had children, and we nurture our marriage so we remain a couple once our children are grown and gone.

Our children know that Mom and Dad love each other and sometimes, they don't come first.

Same here.

 

[grinningghost]

Dr. Laura should be shot. Her advice has always been rotten and this, well, it's so far over the top, even most guys don't agree with her (at least from what I could tell when this topic was discussed on local talk radio yesterday).

 

[Pigeon]

I respectfully disagree. He has enough $$$ that he doesn't need to be handsome. Look at Donald Trump and others like him. They are ugly men and still women are with them.

Yup. He had wealth and power. He's not particularly handsome, but he's not train-stoppingly ugly, either. There are tons of far worse looking rich, powerful guys with sweet young things. The money and the power can compensate for a great deal with some people. He would have had no trouble whatsoever attracting women.

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

We always hear about what men are lacking when there is a intimacy issue in a marriage. In every marriage I have known where men were dissatisfied with their sex life, the men were not putting very much energy into the relationship, period.

I ask disgruntled husbands this: If you went to a bar to get sex, how would you have to treat a woman to get her to want to go home with you? (or any other example of how you would go about getting a woman to want to have sex with you, just using a bar pickup as an example) Are you treating your wife like a woman you would like to go home with?

If you are upset because you are not getting enough sex and you are not putting more emotional effort into your marriage than simply going to work and coming home every night,(which many men think is all it really takes to be a great husband) you are guilty of cutting your nose off and calling it someone else's crime.

I definitely buy "I was not getting enough sex, she refused to work on/talk about the relationship and that is why I asked for a divorce"...but cheating is equals "She stopped being easy to get in bed, I didn't feel like dealing with the marriage so I took the lazy way by chasing someone else (or paying for sex)"

You say it more eloquently than I could earlier.
This is at the heart of what I think Dr. Laura is saying that may be worth listening to without just blowing off as being rude and off-base. Marriage is a two way street. I think it is so true that men are often guilty of not putting emotional effort (good phrase!) into marriage. When that happens the distance between husbands and wives increase, which almost always results in women becoming physically withdrawn from husbands.

What I hear Dr Laura saying is challenging women to be gracious and give in first. Treat husbands with the physical connection that is an integral part of relationships and then the emotional connection will be restored. Maybe she's right and maybe she's full of hooey. I just think it's something worth not dismissing out of hand. IMO Dr Laura's bio is irrelevant to the discussion.

Having said that, I in no way condone what Spitzer did. In my mind, especially when it comes to marriage vows, a promise made should be a promise kept.

 

[PaulaSB12]

This is all from the woman behind this comment

http://www.snet.net/features/network/articles/1999/11170105.shtml

Sara Miller is the winner. I mean, I can not believe this - I'm reading this and I can not believe how stupid and dangerous I think this is. That children are being supported and taught this kind of stuff. This is amazing. If this doesn't epitomize what I've been saying on this show, I quit. Sara Miller, (not the show, I just quit trying [unintelligible].)"

"Sara Miller opposed Internet restrictions. OK, I don't have a problem with that. I think it's wrong headed, but I don't have a problem with that. Except, here's the quote: 'Every person has a different set of moral values that they live by. Nobody's values are wrong, unfit, or too strict.' "

"Nobody's values are wrong or unfit. REALLY? How about people who lie, cheat, steal, murder, have sex with kids, have affairs, betray vows? That's their set of values. They feel entitled because of whatever."

"If this were my daughter, I'd probably put her up for adoption


In the days when you could listen to Dr Laura on the internet without paying I remember one phone call when she told a pregnant widow that she should put her baby up for adoption!!!!!!!!

 

[DISUNC]

I was listening to talk radio today and heard that Dr. Laura said that it was the woman's fault if her spouse looked for sex outside of their marriage. That women in today's time don't try to satisfy and put their husbands first anymore.

This is precisely how a woman who has been "the other woman" thinks!

 

[hentob]

He's not particularly handsome, but he's not train-stoppingly ugly, either.

Oh, Pigeon I agree with you on many subjects, but this one I have to pass on.

He scares me. He has always looked like a gross perv to me

 

[Sandy V.]

Yup. He had wealth and power. He's not particularly handsome, but he's not train-stoppingly ugly, either. There are tons of far worse looking rich, powerful guys with sweet young things. The money and the power can compensate for a great deal with some people. He would have had no trouble whatsoever attracting women.

We're going to have to disagree on this one. I think he IS pretty close to train-stoppingly skeevy. He makes Donald Trump look like a WAY more favorable alternative!!

 

[Daxx]

Oh, Pigeon I agree with you on many subjects, but this one I have to pass on.

He scares me. He has always looked like a gross perv to me

We're going to have to disagree on this one. I think he IS pretty close to train-stoppingly skeevy. He makes Donald Trump look like a more favorable alternative!!

Yeah ... gonna agree w/Sandy V. and hentob!!!!!! Scary perv is what he looks like to me, too. Gagging over Trump being a more favorable alternative, though!!!!! I suppose if I had to pick one, I'd pick the Donald ... then I could cut his hair when he was asleep!!!!!! Plus, he has (had?) millions invested in Tiffany & Co. ... which means easy access to jewels at T&Co!

 

[Planogirl]

Lots of people blame Hillary for Bill's straying so this doesn't really surprise me. There is some of this 'blame the victim' attitude out there still particularly if the woman doesn't react 'right'.

By the way, Dr Laura is completely NOT on my wavelength and I do my best to avoid her. (That was fairly polite wasn't it? )

 

[robertsmom]

Dr. Laura is a freaking idiot. I can't believe she promots the old "blame-the-victim" mentality.

 

[Pigeon]

We're going to have to disagree on this one. I think he IS pretty close to train-stoppingly skeevy. He makes Donald Trump look like a more favorable alternative!!

There are tons of rich, powerful homely men with very attractive, much younger women. Personally, I don't think any of these guys are any more appealing than Elliot, but they seemed to do OK.


Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall
Carli Bruni and Nicolas Sarkozy
Jeri Kehn Thompson and Fred Thompson (sorry, I'd take Elliot any day)
Shawn Southwick and Larry King (ugh, ugh, ugh)
Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett
Patti Hansen and Keith Richards
Too many bimbos to mention and Mick Jagger

 

[Cindyluwho]

I know from 11 years of marriage that some things change and with the addition of children, multiple things going on at once, etc, that sex becomes almost a chore for some. I think a lot of women have to realise that a lot of men don't stop thinking about it just because they get older, etc. Just Google escort services in your area. Take a look a Craigslist and read some of the casual encounters and erotic services offered, it's beyond shocking what's out there. Plus look at the multi billion dollar sales of E.D medications. Someone has to be buying all that Viagra and Cialis, not that it's me.
.

That seems logical, but wouldn't that work both ways?? Why are there nowhere near the number of male prostitutes and male escorts as there are female? and the ones that are out there are for men? In other words, the vast majority of women would never pay for sex but men do and always will. I'm in no way saying that all men pay for sex but I'm saying that prostitution has been around forever and it's always for the men. Do men need sex more than women??

 

[Disney Doll]

I think that there are times during a marriage when it is easy to take each other for granted or be worn down by the rigors or work of the marriage. I think those are the times when straying becomes more likely. For most women, there is an emotional component to sex. For many men, there is not. That is not good or bad, it is not an indictment of men. It is an innate difference between the genders.

I would agree that women have to put forth an effort for their husbands and for their marriage. I would also agree that men have to put forth the same effort. It takes effort to remain physically appealing...and by that I don't mean with a perfect buff body, but neat, clean, looking like you made an effort. No man wants to come home to a frumpy wife in a dirty bathrobe everyday, just like no woman wants to come home to a couch potato sitting there drinking beer with potato chip crumbs all over his dirty undershirt.

It takes effort to think that "maybe I should try a bit to get in the mood tonight and who knows might end up enjoying it".

It takes effort to look for the good in your spouse and comment on it, when God knows it's easier to spot the bad right off the bat!

It takes effort to notice some little thing that your spouse may need done...run the vacuum for her, mow the lawn for him during a week where he's swamped at work and getting home late every day.

Do I think Dr.Laura is right in "blaming" the wife...of course not, but as PPs have said, she was "the other woman" so she has to justify that somehow. But the kernel of truth is there that marriage takes effort, it takes trust in the integrity of the person to whom you are married, it takes commitment to the vow. It's easy to be married when things are going well. The test comes when things aren't going so well. That's usually when the commitment and integrity is tested.

I don't live in the Spitzer's house. I have no idea if they can't stand each other and are just together for the sake of their net financial worth. I have no idea if she has no self-esteem & knew this was going on and tolerated it. I have no idea if she knew this was going on and didn't care and is just ticked off now because he got caught and life as she knows it is over. I have no idea if she loved the guy with all her heart, trusted him implicitly and now feels like she got kicked in the stomach.

What I do know is that clearly she made a poor choice in him as a husband. And that's too bad...for her and for their daughters.

 

[Angelhalo]

She's wrong.

And I have some not very nice thoughts about her in general, but I'll keep them to myself.

Amen.

She is on my list of most worthless people to listen too.

 

[Carly_Roach]

From a woman's POV, this is a true statement. I believe for men it's more of a body function than intimacy and closeness. Maintenance sex, if you will.

Women have to be "in the mood" to desire sex. Men just have to be breathing.

this is such a ridiculous generalization ... and it's actually quite sad if it's your POV.

Like it or not, *BOOM* there it is. Anyone who thinks differently is either fooling themselves or listening to the romantic lies that their man tells them in order to (survey says) get sex.

Or maybe a little peace and quiet. Men like that, too.

Sorry. Just the facts, ma'am.

 

[Handbag Lady]

From a woman's POV, this is a true statement. I believe for men it's more of a body function than intimacy and closeness. Maintenance sex, if you will.

Women have to be "in the mood" to desire sex. Men just have to be breathing.

I totally disagree with your last statement and I'm a woman.

 

[douglisa]

She and all other pop shrinks should be dropped from tv/radio. I think many of them are not out to help but more to shock or draw more people into their psychobabble. There is no way you can truly help someone in an hour or how ever long their show is. Educate about certain things maybe, but lets leave the real deal to people that are not motivated by ratings. GRRR!! They make me mad!! Lisa MAD!!! lol My sister likes to quote Dr. Phil to me or tell me what self help book she is reading. None of it has helped her and sometimes I feel as though she is being a chump for it.