Dont want to watch nephew anymore...

[robinb]

I actually thought that most of the responses were very supportive. I also don't see the advise being any different than when anyone asks if they should quit their job: make sure you have another job when you quit. In this case it's: make sure you have a job when you quit that has the same flexibility and that makes the same amount of money since every penny counts in your family. I think the reason that the advise is so all over the board is that the OP seemed not to be 100% clear why she wanted to stop watching her nephew. She does say that she finds watching hew nephew to be stressful but she also seems to indicate that she wants to get back into the work force for her own satisfaction and for a bigger paycheck. The OP needs to prioritize why she wants to quit watching her nephew and then the solution will be clear. In any case, she shouldn't allow her family guilt to have any influence on her decision.

 

[Janepod]

I think you should either continue to sit, but declare the money, if you continue to accept public assistance. Or, find a new job that will lead to a career that will get you off public assistance.

I don't have any problem with people being on public assistance (my husband grew up on it at times) but the goal should be to get off it. It shouldn't be a long term way of life. I hope that is your goal. Good luck.

 

[LisaR]

This thread just has me laughing.

The OP asked for advice about whether she should feeling guilt over not wanting to watch her brother's kid because it's too difficult with her own kids and wanting to get a job out of the home.

She's been subtly accused of committing tax and public assistance fraud.
She's been subtly shamed for getting assistance.
Her plans have been shot down by people who don't know what kind of research she might have already done on about the job market.
Even though she can't stand watching one kid, she's been advised to stay home and take on even more kids.

Gotta love it.

And I always laugh at people that have this type of a response regarding a discussion group. I can't imagine being on a board where someone asks a question and everyone responds with yes or no. That seems quite boring to me.

The original question asked was if the OP'er should feel guilty for quitting. While I believe almost everyone on this thread could have replied with, "No, you shouldn't feel guilty," most of us don't feel that she is looking at the big picture.

If people don't want opinions, they should not post on message boards. Seems like common sense to me.

 

[JessB320]

This thread just has me laughing.

The OP asked for advice about whether she should feeling guilt over not wanting to watch her brother's kid because it's too difficult with her own kids and wanting to get a job out of the home.

She's been subtly accused of committing tax and public assistance fraud.
She's been subtly shamed for getting assistance.
Her plans have been shot down by people who don't know what kind of research she might have already done on about the job market.
Even though she can't stand watching one kid, she's been advised to stay home and take on even more kids.

Gotta love it.

Yes exactly, and then there are those whining about how they can't find a job working 3 hours a day every third Thursday or whatever and then say the OP will never be able to find a job, what the heck? No where did I see the op even asking anything about being able to find a job.
Just gotta shake your head sometimes

 

[denegate]

I hope she isn't one of them. That is fraud. And if you are collecting assistance from the government and not claiming all income, you can get in serious trouble. I was assuming that she was claiming it.

Let's just say she is watching her nephew out of the goodness of her heart and her brother gives her a gift of $600 per month since he is so appreciative. I bet this is what she meant anyway.

 

[eliza61]

This thread just has me laughing.

The OP asked for advice about whether she should feeling guilt over not wanting to watch her brother's kid because it's too difficult with her own kids and wanting to get a job out of the home.

She's been subtly accused of committing tax and public assistance fraud.
She's been subtly shamed for getting assistance.
Her plans have been shot down by people who don't know what kind of research she might have already done on about the job market.
Even though she can't stand watching one kid, she's been advised to stay home and take on even more kids.

Gotta love it.

I don't think that's it Pigeon. I know for me its hard not to give advice on all points. Now true op asked about not taking care of her nephew but she also mention financially they aren't making it. Those two things are not independant. She also gave a plan that may not be very realistic. Personally i answer questions based on ALL the info given.
Girl friend wants a high paying job with flexible hours and no stress. My soon wants to be a NFL professional athelete. Yes both"could" be done but just like OP, when my son ask, I give him all the possiblities NOT just the Suzy sunshine ones.

Now you are right, i don't know what research she has done but I know the pt job situation in South Jersey really well so I definitely feel assured in telling her the job atmosphere here. Could she find one? Sure. Are the plentiful? Not at all. If I my family was in her situation, sorry I would 100% want the whole unvarnished opinion does not do me any good to get a false picture.

 

[scoutie]

If you don't want to watch your nephew anymore, you owe it to the parents to tell them ASAP. As a working mom, I wouldn't want anybody watching my child who doesn't love doing it. She lights up when she sees my child, comes to visit him on the weekends and is like a member of the family. If you're feeling put upon or annoyed about watching the child....it's not fair to the child or the parents. Please tell them.

In my area (Chicago area) in home daycare providers get anywhere from $150 a week to $280 a week. $150 is on the low side, but if the parents can't claim it as a tax write-off, that's not so far off from fair pay. Most in-home providers take in four children, and that's how they make a living. I don't know any daycare provider that makes minimum wage. That's more than the most expensive daycare center charges for a toddler here. I pay my next door neighbor $235 a week, but she also gets my eldest son on the bus in the morning.

 

[Mkrop]

We pay people to shelve books. We also pay people to check them in and out. (library aides and circulation clerks). It pays much better than the mall and only a HS diploma needed for CC. LA's can actually be in HS.

Of course my branch alone does 1.5 million circs a year. Um yeah we pay people to keep that train rolling.

Our brances have senior volunteers shelve books.

Anyway, I gave my advice so the OP would think it through, she is frustrated now watching the nephew but will she be more frustrated when she no longer has the $600 to spend on necessities, and may or may not be able to find a job that suits her needs and her families schedule. And to make her think that just bc there are Help Wanted signs out there, they may not pay what she thinks or work with her schedule.

I already said I dont have the patience to watch other kids so if the OP wants out of that so be it, I just dont want her to regret it later. Dont cut off your nose to spite your face.

 

[Wendy31]

I think finding a PT that would work w/ your DDs' school hours & in which you would net at least $600 is going to be really hard to find.

Like others have said, a PT job that works w/ your kids' schedules & is flexible enough so that you can take off when your kids are sick or have activities or have school holidays is almost impossible to find.

In our case, sometimes I think I would like to find a part-time job just for a little bit more spending money. However, DH works 12 hour split shifts. Where he works is an hour away from where we live, so, on his work days, he is gone 14 hours/day. Additionally w/ his rotating schedule, he has 2 weekends off & 2 weekends where he works - his schedule changes from week to week (he's not off the same days or same # of days/week), so there's no way I could find a job that would let me work on his off days - since my available days would change week to week.

Someone has to be here for the kids & their activities. We homeschool right now, but, even if we put them back in school, someone would still need to be available to take them to school, pick them up, get them to their activities, be home on off days & sick days & during the summer, etc. Now that DD is 13, leaving them home is a little easier, but still she can't drive yet! Additionally, if I were to go back to work, we'd need childcare for our youngest - what I could make at a PT job, I would be turning right around & paying a childcare provider.

Plus, in our own situation, w/ my DH's crazy schedule, one of the reasons we decided I would stay home is to provide the kids w/ a stable & reliable routine - essentially, it's my "job" to keep things moving & "normal" here at home, if that makes sense.

I realize that your nephew is possibly a handful, but do think seriously about the amount of flexibility you have now that you would be giving up if you began outside work. Since he's your nephew, I would think having him would almost just be like having a 3rd child (somewhat different than keeping someone not related to you), & there would be ease in taking him w/ to your daughters' activities, etc. W/ my nephews & nieces, I would feel more comfortable integrating them into my family's schedule & "treating them as one of my own" than I would w/ a child that wasn't related to me.

Do you really want to give up the freedom & flexibility you have now? Can you?

Once you factor in all the different variables (taxes, gas money, work clothes, sitters for your daughters on sick days, etc.), can you clear more than $600/month at an outside PT job? If you can, I would consider it. However, I think I'd also think strongly about asking my brother for a raise first.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Let's just say she is watching her nephew out of the goodness of her heart and her brother gives her a gift of $600 per month since he is so appreciative. I bet this is what she meant anyway.

Legally, it is still income and still must be claimed. I assumed that she was claiming it (and she later confirmed that she was) and just pointed out to the posters who said that she shouldn't get a part time job because she would have to claim it that she was already receiving an income and claiming it. The arguments that she won't have the freedom that she currently does or that it might be difficult to find a new job are valid ones. I didn't really see the argument that she would have to claim the income as a valid one, though, since she was already claiming her current income.

 

[nathalee81]

This thread just has me laughing.

The OP asked for advice about whether she should feeling guilt over not wanting to watch her brother's kid because it's too difficult with her own kids and wanting to get a job out of the home.

She's been subtly accused of committing tax and public assistance fraud.
She's been subtly shamed for getting assistance.
Her plans have been shot down by people who don't know what kind of research she might have already done on about the job market.
Even though she can't stand watching one kid, she's been advised to stay home and take on even more kids.

Gotta love it.

But, why in the world would anyone admit that they are public assistance? I don't even understand how it pertains to her story and why she shared that tidbit.

Her plans have been shot down because they ARE unrealistic. A part time job that would allow her to take off holidays/school breaks and not work nights? AND, make more than 600 bucks a month! There are jobs out there like that, but they are few and far between. That is the reality.

She came to the message board for advice. She is getting it. It may not be what she wants to hear, but it is what she NEEDS to hear.

 

[LisaR]

Legally, it is still income and still must be claimed. I assumed that she was claiming it (and she later confirmed that she was) and just pointed out to the posters who said that she shouldn't get a part time job because she would have to claim it that she was already receiving an income and claiming it. The arguments that she won't have the freedom that she currently does or that it might be difficult to find a new job are valid ones. I didn't really see the argument that she would have to claim the income as a valid one, though, since she was already claiming her current income.

I was one who mentioned that she would have to claim a PT job and that might change her food stamp allowance IF she wasn't claiming the $600. I didn't make that statement to accuse the OP'er of anything. I also didn't assume she wasn't claiming it. I simply said the reality of it is that many people in that situation do not claim that type of money. It may not be legal but it is reality for a large percentage of people on public assistance.

 

[crashbb]

I was one who mentioned that she would have to claim a PT job and that might change her food stamp allowance IF she wasn't claiming the $600. I didn't make that statement to accuse the OP'er of anything. I also didn't assume she wasn't claiming it. I simply said the reality of it is that many people in that situation do not claim that type of money. It may not be legal but it is reality for a large percentage of people on public assistance.

I would argue that it is reality for a large percentage of people...full stop.

I suspect that many people do not claim and pay taxes (and social security etc.) on that kind of "income".

 

[Bob NC]

I don't have any problem with people being on public assistance

At least that's a load off the OP's mind.

 

[LisaR]

I would argue that it is reality for a large percentage of people...full stop.

I suspect that many people do not claim and pay taxes (and social security etc.) on that kind of "income".

Very true!

 

[CdnCarrie]

LOL. My school district was hiring last september for substitute cafeteria workers at 10 bucks an hour. wanted to get 2. they got 700 applications. the job posting was supposed to stay up for 1 week, they took it down after 36 hours. Op said she lives in NJ. Our govenor just cut financial aide to public librarys and if you are not some how superstorm sandy related, good luck getting it. not sure if she's north or south jersey but south jersey public librarys are having a hard enough time staying open let alone hiring some one at 9-10 hour.

There are a few postings for librarians. Must have a masters degree in information science and be accredited by some thing called the american library association. job is for 35 hours/week. Not exactly what I would call pt. Interestingly enough and I did not know this, all the clerical/shelving duties are performed by volunteers.

I'm not saying lightening doesn't strike and not to be debbie downer but some things reality really hurts when you plan one thing and it's totally a different thing once you get out there.

There are 3 types of library staff not including school media personnel.

Librarians - must have a Master's
Technicians - usually have a 2 year diploma
Clerks - no training at all

Our unions strongly prohibit volunteers in public and academic libraries. There may be volunteers in small town libraries or school libraries.

 

[disykat]

I don't think there's anyone here who has said she is obligated to watch her nephew if she doesn't want to.

The point many are trying to make is that, in their experience, it's hard to find part time jobs that work around their other children's schedules that bring in $600 a month take home.

When I was in this situation, I would have LOVED to find some of these other jobs people are talking about that are so easy to find in their areas! I substitute taught because I wasn't ABLE to find them. I've been trying to get on at the library for years! They have hundreds of applicants for each opening.

 

[tasha99]

Please tell me where these jobs are....I have yet to be able to find one that works with the hours the kids are in school, allows me flexibility if one gets sick or there is a 2 hour snow delay etc. They are not that easy to come by. And the money I would have to spend on sitters if anything happens or to drive my kids where they need to go in the afternoon so I could work later basically negates all my earnings. Maybe I am looking in the wrong places

I had to stop reading this thread at this post since lunch time is almost over and I have to get back to work. Maybe someone else has already mentioned this, but there are secretarial jobs that fit this.

I worked as a legal secretary/legal assistant for 3 years with very flexible hours making about $15/hour. Not the best pay and no benefits, but much, much better than retail, where you'd have lower pay and crazier hours.

There are sole practitioner attorneys who don't want a full time assistant--just someone to cover phones and put the paperwork through.

 

[firecracker725]

I have a part time job that pays more than $600/month with flexible hours. In fact, I work nights and weekends, so I can be home with my girls during the day. When my husband needs to be away, I ask off or switch shifts with someone to cover. It's not impossible. And guess what? I even LOVE my job.

The OP has already stated that she claims the income from watching her nephew, so can we puh-leeze stop beating that awesomely dead horse?

 

[nathalee81]

I have a part time job that pays more than $600/month with flexible hours. In fact, I work nights and weekends, so I can be home with my girls during the day. When my husband needs to be away, I ask off or switch shifts with someone to cover. It's not impossible. And guess what? I even LOVE my job.

The OP has already stated that she claims the income from watching her nephew, so can we puh-leeze stop beating that awesomely dead horse?

The OP couldn't work nights or weekends, though, if she is the only one that take care of her girls?

That limits her job search...