Does your child go to college but live at home?

[RabbitFood]

I think it takes a certain level of maturity (and perhaps a bit of wisdom, too) to understand that something that works for ME does not make it the be-all and end-all for everyone else.

I LOVED my university experience. I LOVED living on campus. I would LOVE my children to have that same great experience, but I know that they are their own people who will quite possibly have very different (not wrong, just different) experiences than I did. Including the fact that they may not get jobs right out of college. (Heck, I'm assuming they'll graduate college. It's the goal, but the world will not end if that does not happen.) They do know they are ALWAYS welcome back in my home if their career plans do not pan out, much like my parents said their home would always be my home.

I cannot imagine telling my kids they no longer had a home when they were of a certain age. Life doesn't always work the way we think it should. And that's okay, because I expect the unexpected and will just roll with it. To me, there's no other option.

 

[rackofelk]

I did misinterpret your initial post. I thought you were being elitist, and bragging you had the funds to bankroll your kids's college education, regardless of the costs. Now I see it has little to do with education. You just want your kids out your darn house.

given the attitude I'm hearing, she may not have to ask them twice. They may jump at the chance!

We hear stories about couples moving apart, children distancing themselves and wonder what's wrong with families today. If a child is raised to not believe they have support system what happns to them as an adult. what kind of parent or spouse do they become? It's sad really...

 

[SaraJayne]

Are they expected to pay their own way through college? Will they ever be welcomed back into your home, or do you believe that once they turn 18 they are on their own?

Yes, they will be expected to pay some of their way through school. DH and I paid for our own schooling (me with loans/scholarships and with him working during the summer to make enough for the school year).

They'll be welcome to live here during the summer, but once most people move off campus, they stay in their apartments during the summer, unless they would sublet it for some reason.

 

[Deb in IA]

I think it takes a certain level of maturity (and perhaps a bit of wisdom, too) to understand that something that works for ME does not make it the be-all and end-all for everyone else.

I LOVED my university experience. I LOVED living on campus. I would LOVE my children to have that same great experience, but I know that they are their own people who will quite possibly have very different (not wrong, just different) experiences than I did. Including the fact that they may not get jobs right out of college. (Heck, I'm assuming they'll graduate college. It's the goal, but the world will not end if that does not happen.) They do know they are ALWAYS welcome back in my home if their career plans do not pan out, much like my parents said their home would always be my home.

I cannot imagine telling my kids they no longer had a home when they were of a certain age. Life doesn't always work the way we think it should. And that's okay, because I expect the unexpected and will just roll with it. To me, there's no other option.

EXACTLY.

I LOVED going to college, and I went as far from home as I could.

Our DD, after living in the dorm for 2 years and hating it, wanted to live at home. SHE is much happier and thriving.

I realized that I am NOT my daughter. We have different personalities, and what I loved may not be what she likes.

I hope that when the time comes, Sara Jayne, if your children do not choose one of your pre-determined options, you will show a little compassion toward them.

 

[lustergirl]

Honestly, I'm shocked at the amount of kids (in this thread) who still live with their parents and go to college.

And we wonder why kids don't ever want to grow up?

Living with us as a college student is not an option. You go to college, you live there. I'm not interested in having a 13th grader living in my house.

My best friend in college lived off campus (I went to UW-RF and she lived in Stillwater) and commuted every day.

She missed SO much and she hated it. After the first year, she finally moved to campus and LOVED it.

Living at home and going to college is just like high school. You miss out on so much.

Actually, on second thought, after being around the Dis for a while, I'm not shocked at all the kids that still live at home and go to college.

Why are you so shocked? My son is 22 years old, in the marines reserve, goes to college,has a full time job,and still lives at home.

My younger son,he is 18 now, has just started college, and guess what? He lives at home and can continue doing so as long as he wants. I would of never thought to have them move away from home and my door will always be open.

Sorry but to get the chance to see my older son every day, after spending almost a whole year in Afghanistan is definitely worth it.

What is right for you is your decision and maybe not others.

 

[Poppin Fresh]

New to Amazon - Laissez-Faire Parenting: Doing it the SaraJayne Way

 

[wtccheermom]

Sorry but I have to agree with SaraJayne a little bit because I really do think you miss out by not living on campus or close to it. I am by no means ready for my children to go off and leave me but I think that by not going away to college it will be something they will regret. I also hope they go to a big SEC university so that they can be immersed in the college atmosphere with football games/ tailgating, sororities/ fraternities and all the fun stuff that go with being in college. I know I had a blast and cherish my college years AWAY from home. I also don’t raise snowflakes so they will probably be ready to fly coop when it is time. I just hope they pick the right SEC school!

 

[IUTBAM]

The idea that he would need to live at school in order to grow up is completely absurd as far as I'm concerned.

Amen to that! I started this post because I wanted to read about others who were doing the same thing as my daughter...not hear about how kids won't grow up if they don't move away to college. But this is America, and the speech is free!

My daughter was grown up BEFORE she even graduated high school...valedictorian, numerous scholarships and academic awards, loads of integrity, excellent work ethic...to think she can't grow up unless she moves away is RIDICULOUS. She's already more mature and insightful than many people 5-10years older than her (including those who DO live on their own or are away at college, just to clarify).

And my children will always be able to "come home" when/if they need it once they are out on their own. I can't even fathom refusing to ever help my child in that manner (short of something bizarre like drug or alcohol addiction, but that isn't the case, and I doubt it ever will be, knowing my daughter).

 

[beachcomber]

While I have told my children that my job is to make them WANT to go to college, I would in no way want them to forgo college if they would prefer to live at home. Of course, we do live in an area with many great universities within a comfortable driving distance.

However, I see no glorious college experience that is the end all, be all that everyone must experience in order to succeed.

Is mine the right one? Living on campus and then off, working 30+ hours a week to support myself, getting an engineering degree, and taking loans out for all of it? I had no time to really "party" or hang out every night of the week, staying up until 3 am and doing whatever. I was too busy doing pages long thermodynamics problems or doing design calculations for wastewater treatment facilities. I had multiple job offers upon graduation (with sign on bonuses), and was totally sufficient after graduating.

Is a college athlete's the right one? (My husband was one) Many many hours spent working out under the direction of a task-master coach, dealing with injuries, getting two majors, working 15-20 hours per week to help his parents out (he was #6 that they put through), etc.? He had far more time to get into trouble than I did though? He had to turn down job offers to go with me...but had multiple offers by the time we had married.

Or how about one of our friends? Was her experience better? She ended college with a child and a husband.

Or how about the one that really enjoyed the college experience? He became an expert at growing pot....but not actually finishing his degree?

I could keep going on and on....but everyone's college experience is different. No one experience is the right one....and where you put your head on the pillow at night is only one facet.

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I could keep going on and on....but everyone's college experience is different. No one experience is the right one....and where you put your head on the pillow at night is only one facet.

Exactly. I always laugh when people talk about "the college experience." There is no such thing. Everyone's is different. Your college experience is 100% what you make of it.

 

[doxdogy]

Amen to that! I started this post because I wanted to read about others who were doing the same thing as my daughter...not hear about how kids won't grow up if they don't move away to college. But this is America, and the speech is free!

My daughter was grown up BEFORE she even graduated high school...valedictorian, numerous scholarships and academic awards, loads of integrity, excellent work ethic...to think she can't grow up unless she moves away is RIDICULOUS. She's already more mature and insightful than many people 5-10years older than her (including those who DO live on their own or are away at college, just to clarify).

And my children will always be able to "come home" when/if they need it once they are out on their own. I can't even fathom refusing to ever help my child in that manner (short of something bizarre like drug or alcohol addiction, but that isn't the case, and I doubt it ever will be, knowing my daughter).

I honestly don't understand why others seem to think that all kids "need" or "should have" dorm life in college. I personally thinks it takes a mature kid to realize that this is not important to them and would rather save either themselves or their parents money by living it home. They have their whole life ahead of them to experience life.

I am like you, my kid will always be able to come home if she wants. That also includes my niece and nephew. If they need a roof over their head, we will provide one for them.

 

[nathalee81]

I did live at home during college.

My mom had the money for my tuition, not much else. I had a full time job to pay for gas, car, books, etc.

Could I have taken out loans to pay for dorms? Probably. Would it have been worth it? Nope. Not for me.

I sincerely appreciate the fact my mother paid for my college education. I also appreciate that she allowed me to live at home while I was continuing my education.

I am one of those strange ones that had a curfew (2 AM). I respected it. Their house, their rules. If I didn't want to follow their rules, I could have left.

I remember my college years very, very fondly. I loved my classes, I loved my major, I loved my social life. I really just can't say I missed much by not living in the dorms.

On a side note, the month after I graduated, I moved out. Got a full time job (with benefits and everything) and moved to my first dumpy apt. All my friends returned from their various schools and....moved in with their parents!!! It is was so ironic...I was the only one with an apt. for awhile!

 

[Swan4Me]

After high school graduation, my children have three options. They can move to college, get a full time job and find their own place or join the military.

That goes for both my son and daughter.

Doesnt sound like you want them around

We live in a University city-I wasnt paying for their room & board when it was free at my house
If mine wanted to move out-they got a job
One kid did-one didnt
Both have great jobs-both enjoyed their college experience

 

[Buckalew11]

Ugh.

I just can't imagine saying to your kid(s) "Here are your three choices" or "Pick an SEC school." Guess what, we tailgate every home football game for DIII private, liberal arts schools too.

Reminds me of when a friend told her DD that she had to go AWAY to college and gave her a radius on the map. Sure, being away from home can be a great experience for some kids (and I mean AWAY) but it is not for everyone. Talk about controlling... Of course, now, the DD completed grad school 900 miles away, met and married and gave birth to their only grandchild. I think she wishes she had not sent her off so far away because this may or may not have happened otherwise.

Reading these thoughts of pushing kids away from home at 18 make me see where my divorcing BIL is coming from...he has 2 kids over 18 (19 and 22) and they are on their own--he does not see them unless he needs computer help. He also has 2 kids still at home, 15 and 17. He keeps asking the 17 how she is going to pay for college next year and he tells her she needs to go to the local CC. He has less than 12 months and then he can cut contact with her also.

I've wondered about this type of "parenting" but I can see it isn't exclusive to what I think a deadbeat dad is all about. Cut'em loose, it is time. It just isn't so cut and dry for every kid.

 

[MnMomtoboys]

Why are you so shocked? My son is 22 years old, in the marines reserve, goes to college,has a full time job,and still lives at home.

My younger son,he is 18 now, has just started college, and guess what? He lives at home and can continue doing so as long as he wants. I would of never thought to have them move away from home and my door will always be open.

Sorry but to get the chance to see my older son every day, after spending almost a whole year in Afghanistan is definitely worth it.

What is right for you is your decision and maybe not others.

You can thank your son for me for his service. This man gave up a year of his life so the rest of us can have a choice.

 

[SaraJayne]

I'd love to continue to read the pile-on, but we're taking our kids-that-will-despise-us-when-they-turn-18 out for dinner to celebrate my birthday and our wedding anniversary.

Have a good evening, everyone.

 

[ilovemk76]

I'd love to continue to read the pile-on, but we're taking our kids-that-will-despise-us-when-they-turn-18 out for dinner to celebrate my birthday and our wedding anniversary.

Have a good evening, everyone.

They are not going out but going to honor their oh so loving mother.

 

[Swan4Me]

So the all knowing SaraJayne still has all the kiddos at home-none college age.......yet when everyone GOING THRU This experience gives their thoughts-only her way is the right way?

 

[powellrj]

Sorry but I have to agree with SaraJayne a little bit because I really do think you miss out by not living on campus or close to it. I am by no means ready for my children to go off and leave me but I think that by not going away to college it will be something they will regret. I also hope they go to a big SEC university so that they can be immersed in the college atmosphere with football games/ tailgating, sororities/ fraternities and all the fun stuff that go with being in college. I know I had a blast and cherish my college years AWAY from home. I also don’t raise snowflakes so they will probably be ready to fly coop when it is time. I just hope they pick the right SEC school!

Not to be snarky, but what college experience do you miss out on by living at home? My DS has lived about everywhere and is planning on moving back home when his lease is up. We had to have a little talk last semester about how fraturnity life isn't a major in school. He joined the fraturnity when he was a commuter student and is one of the more active members. Like I said earlier, he is on the interfraternity council, is a flame for a sorority, is an officer with his fraturnity and is a homecoming king canadate this year. He is also a member of a political group on campus.

He hates most of what is on campus. I don't think he has ever been to a basketball game and only goes to homecoming football game for the alumni. He has never been to any of the movies they show on friday nights because there is always a fraternity outing or he has to work. He did play intramural sports. He also saw some plays back when he was taking a drama class, but I don't think its something he would do on his own.

He likes to live at home to get away from all the noise! Even when he is living here, I will go days that I never see him. I joke that I would love to see him stay at school, but to be honest, it really doesn't matter one way or another.

During the summer he worked 2 jobs and did visit with some of his local friends, but they are all kids in college too. A few of them go to a local college, but they all have summer jobs too and he has made lots of friends at his jobs that he hangs out with too, so he isn't a wallflower in any way.

I'll have to text him later and tell him he can't come home anytime soon or that will make him a snowflake!!!

 

[NotUrsula]

I don't think that believing that it is good for young adults to fly out of the parental nest is the same thing as simply not wanting them around; not at all.

Sometimes the choices that we make regarding our kids are not the easiest or most comfortable ones that we could make, and very often when we make those hard choices we do it for reasons that we believe are to their eventual benefit.

Some people think that it is their duty to be sure that a child knows how to play piano by the time they are 10. We all have our own ideas of what things we think that our kids should learn how to do, and by what age they should learn how to do them.