Do you tell kids you don't know to behave?

[manhattanman]

This scares me. For child predators, this attitude is an open invitation.

but the expectation that a child should truthfully answer the question " where are your parents" isn't ? Kids today know that talking to strangers is not a good idea, kids have avoided being abducted because the person who was supposed to be representing their parents didn't know the "secret word".

I dont want all kids running the ship willy nilly, but there are kids who are mature enough ( and some that you might think are mature enough but end up not being). the only way to tell is give them more freedom and independence.

 

[SnipsNSnails]

The only time I will say something to another child is if they are in direct danger of seriously injuring themself, they are hurting another child and no one is intervening, or what they are doing affects me or my child. I will always stand up for my child as long as they are doing the right thing, if they did something to cause the situation then I will be focused on their bad behavior not the response of the other child.

Once at a waterpark there was a child who was pushing past all the other children waiting in line to get to the top of the waterslide repeatedly. These were small slides with no lifeguard at the top. I got in line with my children and when he got to us I positioned myself so that I was in his way and when he tried to push past me anyway, I told him nicely but firmly that he would not be pushing past us, he needed to wait his turn. I will speak up to adults who's bad behavior affects me or mine as well. When we had been waiting patiently in line for the show on the Magic and a mother with her children in tow walked up at the last minute right past the line in front of us and the group ahead of us, I politely pointed out that there is a line and she needed to go to the back.

 

[justmestace]

I'll usually only do it if the child is in danger, or in danger of hurting another child.


We were in the Walt Disney theater once, and a little girl of about 4 years old was behind us. She was walking back and forth behind my seat, and grabbing the back of my seat, each time pulling my hair. When she did sit down, she kicked the back of my seat. I turned and looked at her mother a couple of times, but the mom ignored me. Finally I asked the mother if she could ask her daughter to sit nicely. The mother's only reply "WELL, this IS a Disney cruise, afterall!" spoken rather indignantly. As if, since it's a cruise geared toward children, that made it okay for her daughter to behave badly.
In that particular case, I would have been better off asking the child to sit nicely.

This is probably not going to be a popular point of view, but I think most children's bad behavior is a direct result of bad parenting.

 

[jeniamt]

We are taking our first DCL trip this summer. Maybe I am missing someting but one of the main reasons we are taking a cruise (and a Disney one at that) is to allow our boys some "controlled freedom". One of the big benefits of taking a cruise (in my humble opinion) is that my boys can "run around" the ship without parents. THey can go to the age appropriate activities, eat meals, swim and have fun (reasonable fun) all on their own. My boys are 10 and 13. I like to think they are well behaved. I would ream them up one side and down the other if they hurt/tried to hurt another kid or anyone else. I hope anyone else, be it other parents, cast members or anyone who saw them do something dangerous (to themselves or anyone) else would ream them out too and have a cast member use the appropriate methods to let us know.

On the other hand, I don't think splashing, jumping in the pool or running around fall in that same category. Sometimes children, boys most especially, just are oblivious to what they are doing or those around them. A look or a word of correction is normally all that is needed but all in context. Annoying is a big distance from dangerous. A lot of that is in the eye of the beholder.

As a first timer on DCL, am I out of line in thinking that the norm would be a lot of kids running around without parents?

This is why we have enjoyed DCL. The older kids love the sense of freedom. We set ground rules and our expectations of their behavior. They love the freedom, especially being able to go get a plate of fries or an ice cream cone pretty much whenever they want. I carried a wave phone and they would call me and let me know where they were headed. If I learned they were misbehaving or disturbing other cruisers, they know i would quarentine them to the cabin!! Have a great cruise!

I don't mind if an adult speaks up to my kids about unsafe or obnoxious behavior I can't stand when an adults butt in to situations that don't affect them or anyone else's safety. My kids and their cousins were trying to fit into one of the big portholes for a photo. A lady walked up to them and said, with a tisk tisk look on her face, "I don't think Mickey wants you sitting in that". I was standing right there!!

 

[pearlieq]

The only time I will say something to another child is if they are in direct danger of seriously injuring themself, they are hurting another child and no one is intervening, or what they are doing affects me or my child.

I agree completely.

If kids are just running around being obnoxious, I will stay out and let a CM deal with it. If a kid is kicking my seat, I will definitely address it with them directly, politely but firmly.

I've had very good success dealing directly with kids. I think being directly addressed by another adult shocks them and reminds them that they're responsible for their own behavior. They hear mom & dad all day, every day and sometimes tend to tune them out.

 

[jjje]

It depends on the child. some have the smarts to stay out of trouble. Others seem to be magnets, attracting it wherever they go.

Hmmm. This seems ... not exactly true. Bad things can happen to any kid no matter how smart. Of course kids are better off if they've been given information on how to keep themselves safe. And of course statistically kids are going to be pretty safe running around a cruise ship unsupervised without anyone telling them what to do all day long. Also at some point they'll probably end up annoying the heck out of someone because that's just what kids do.

 

[Carrie in AZ]

THANK YOU!!! On Easter he said his name for the first time! I continue to hope. Encouragement is soooo welcome.

OMG!!!!! I burst into tears when I read this!! How WONDERFUL for you!!! I am positively THRILLED for you!! What a victory!! I hope he says it again real soon.

 

[Melcatfish]

respect is earned, it should not be presumed. You address my child unsolicited, i dont know if you are genuinely being helpful or have less than noble motives. the idea that kids should by definition, respect everyone who is older (including ones they dont know) isnt event quaintly antiquated, its absurd.

I suspect that if parents taught their children that their default attitude should be respectful then societies around the world would be in a whole better shape.

As a UK school teacher I find that parents who teach their child to be respectful are quickly becoming the minority and the entitled "my interests before everyone elses" attitude has created a generation of selfish young adults who believe the world owes them a living and have no concept of the give aspect of give and take. I see nothing to persuade me that this is any different on your side of the pond.

There is a world of difference between teaching children to be safe and not leaving themselves vulnerable to "stranger danger" and teaching them to treat other people with respect.

Just my opinion.
Mel
x

 

[JnDRader]

I suspect that if parents taught their children that their default attitude should be respectful then societies around the world would be in a whole better shape.

As a UK school teacher I find that parents who teach their child to be respectful are quickly becoming the minority and the entitled "my interests before everyone elses" attitude has created a generation of selfish young adults who believe the world owes them a living and have no concept of the give aspect of give and take. I see nothing to persuade me that this is any different on your side of the pond.

There is a world of difference between teaching children to be safe and not leaving themselves vulnerable to "stranger danger" and teaching them to treat other people with respect.

Just my opinion.
Mel
x

Well said!

 

[manhattanman]

I suspect that if parents taught their children that their default attitude should be respectful then societies around the world would be in a whole better shape.

As a UK school teacher I find that parents who teach their child to be respectful are quickly becoming the minority and the entitled "my interests before everyone elses" attitude has created a generation of selfish young adults who believe the world owes them a living and have no concept of the give aspect of give and take. I see nothing to persuade me that this is any different on your side of the pond.

There is a world of difference between teaching children to be safe and not leaving themselves vulnerable to "stranger danger" and teaching them to treat other people with respect.

Just my opinion.
Mel
x

I have no problem with respect, I resent the notion that adults MUST be respected by default. Perhaps its the libertarian streak in me but I think that if people focused on things that affect them personally instead of trying to impose their own narrow social Moore's on society, there would be a lot less conflict.

I have zero qualms if, for example, an adult demanded to know " where your parents are" of my children and if they were to respond " I don't know you, I can't talk to you".

My kids primary goal is not to engage in give and take, its to do that which is the safest for them and to learn as they grow up. If this means offending self entitled adults, that's a cross I am willing to bear on their behalf.

 

[chris31997]

THANK YOU!!! On Easter he said his name for the first time! I continue to hope. Encouragement is soooo welcome.

Keep working with him. Little steps, major miracles/milestones

 

[k3chantal]

I suspect that if parents taught their children that their default attitude should be respectful then societies around the world would be in a whole better shape.

As a UK school teacher I find that parents who teach their child to be respectful are quickly becoming the minority and the entitled "my interests before everyone elses" attitude has created a generation of selfish young adults who believe the world owes them a living and have no concept of the give aspect of give and take. I see nothing to persuade me that this is any different on your side of the pond.

There is a world of difference between teaching children to be safe and not leaving themselves vulnerable to "stranger danger" and teaching them to treat other people with respect.

Just my opinion.
Mel
x

Beautifully said; definitely should be more than just your opinion! My 'opinion' mirrors yours; but your ability to profoundly respond in a eloquent manner seems to have alluded me during this thread.

 

[mbrocker]

I have no problem with respect, I resent the notion that adults MUST be respected by default. Perhaps its the libertarian streak in me but I think that if people focused on things that affect them personally instead of trying to impose their own narrow social Moore's on society, there would be a lot less conflict.

I have zero qualms if, for example, an adult demanded to know " where your parents are" of my children and if they were to respond " I don't know you, I can't talk to you".

My kids primary goal is not to engage in give and take, its to do that which is the safest for them and to learn as they grow up. If this means offending self entitled adults, that's a cross I am willing to bear on their behalf.

I think perhaps you have a different definition of "respect". I expect my children to respect *everyone.* Adults, children, you know, all fellow human beings.

Now, respect doesn't mean bow down .. it means to treat others in a kind and graceful manner. You know, the golden rule - treat others how you wish to be treated.

That said, entitled idiots (adult and child alike) can lose all *rights* to be respected pretty quickly. If someone tells off my child for being a silly child -- well, go jump in a lake. If someone tells off my child for being unkind, aggressive or posing a threat to themselves or others -- well please do. Children are not tiny adults; they sometimes need direction from other well meaning grown ups.

I should ask - would you cruise and not have your child know where you are or how to reach you? I don't expect my child to have to argue with another adult. If an adult asks them where I am, they can give my wave phone number (or explain where I am) and the adult can bring their issue to me, an adult. I would much rather they give me a dressing down than my child.

 

[k3chantal]

I think perhaps you have a different definition of "respect". I expect my children to respect *everyone.* Adults, children, you know, all fellow human beings.

Now, respect doesn't mean bow down .. it means to treat others in a kind and graceful manner. You know, the golden rule - treat others how you wish to be treated.

That said, entitled idiots (adult and child alike) can lose all *rights* to be respected pretty quickly. If someone tells off my child for being a silly child -- well, go jump in a lake. If someone tells off my child for being unkind, aggressive or posing a threat to themselves or others -- well please do. Children are not tiny adults; they sometimes need direction from other well meaning grown ups.

I should ask - would you cruise and not have your child know where you are or how to reach you? I don't expect my child to have to argue with another adult. If an adult asks them where I am, they can give my wave phone number (or explain where I am) and the adult can bring their issue to me, an adult. I would much rather they give me a dressing down than my child.

Thank you for being so eloquent. Your ability to accurately express what I know to be true is fantastic. Especially the reminder that children are not tiny adults and they do definitely need direction from other well meaning grown ups......

Nice to know there are truly reasonable people in the world......

 

[manhattanman]

I think perhaps you have a different definition of "respect". I expect my children to respect *everyone.* Adults, children, you know, all fellow human beings.

Now, respect doesn't mean bow down .. it means to treat others in a kind and graceful manner. You know, the golden rule - treat others how you wish to be treated.

That said, entitled idiots (adult and child alike) can lose all *rights* to be respected pretty quickly. If someone tells off my child for being a silly child -- well, go jump in a lake. If someone tells off my child for being unkind, aggressive or posing a threat to themselves or others -- well please do. Children are not tiny adults; they sometimes need direction from other well meaning grown ups.

I should ask - would you cruise and not have your child know where you are or how to reach you? I don't expect my child to have to argue with another adult. If an adult asks them where I am, they can give my wave phone number (or explain where I am) and the adult can bring their issue to me, an adult. I would much rather they give me a dressing down than my child.

What a lot of adults seem to think is that children, even those they dont know, are expected to obey adults, simply because they are older. A lot of people in this thread have no problem exploiting the child adult dynamic for their own good, some even revel in it. That's wrong.

I don't know you, but if I came up to you unsolicited and opined that perhaps you should not have that piece of pie, those salty snacks, perhaps hit the gym more, cover up those tattoos and put on some less revealing clothes or that you would be better served putting down that drivel you are reading and pick up some real edifying literature, I could make a case that I am really doing it in your best interest. And I would be a jerk for doing it and I don't know a single adult who would not resent it. That being said, why should adults be able to do the same ( but only to kids) and get a pass? Its based on the premise of an existing power structure that most certainly exists, but is NOT universal. I get to tell my kids how to act, some third party does not.

If I hypothetically did that to you, an appropriate response would for you to tell me to get bent. But because it is unlikely that kids will respond this way, it gives these buttinskis fake courage.
I still maintain that if you chose to do something not based on principle but on the likelihood of an unpleasant response, that this makes you bully, no matter how you convince yourself that your motives are pure.

 

[mbrocker]

What a lot of adults seem to think is that children, even those they dont know, are expected to obey adults, simply because they are older. A lot of people in this thread have no problem exploiting the child adult dynamic for their own good, some even revel in it. That's wrong.

I don't know you, but if I came up to you unsolicited and opined that perhaps you should not have that piece of pie, those salty snacks, perhaps hit the gym more, cover up those tattoos and put on some less revealing clothes or that you would be better served putting down that drivel you are reading and pick up some real edifying literature, I could make a case that I am really doing it in your best interest. And I would be a jerk for doing it and I don't know a single adult who would not resent it. That being said, why should adults be able to do the same ( but only to kids) and get a pass? Its based on the premise of an existing power structure that most certainly exists, but is NOT universal. I get to tell my kids how to act, some third party does not.

If I hypothetically did that to you, an appropriate response would for you to tell me to get bent. But because it is unlikely that kids will respond this way, it gives these buttinskis fake courage.
I still maintain that if you chose to do something not based on principle but on the likelihood of an unpleasant response, that this makes you bully, no matter how you convince yourself that your motives are pure.

OH MY WORD .. really? How often does that happen? I mean - is it regional perhaps. I know my grandma from Philly and grandpa from NY are more likely to give you their unsolicited opinion.. but sheesh.

Read the responses on this thread. Adults are not telling other peoples children how to dress or how to eat. Behavior correction from stranger to child typically consist of things like:

- Please stop running in this area, you're knocking over the babies
- Kids, you can't just run the soda fountain to waste it like that, it isn't polite
- Disney Language kiddos, there are little ears nearby
- Guys, don't climb on those rails, it's really dangerous

I mean, really, would you have a problem with this type of correction to your children? And I would hope, as a reasonable human being and a parent, if your child were to intentionally hit my child .. or knock over my baby multiple times .. or continue to climb on the railings, despite danger warnings and I asked where their parent was .. so I could explain to you why you may want to supervise their behavior more closely (Which.. for the record.. I've NEVER actually needed to do).. would you give them permission to tell me to "get bent?"

Just wondering how far apart on this subject we really are..

And yes, if someone told my child to stop eating so many fries or tone down the giggles or go change as shorts are not appropriate in the dining room. Well, yes, I'd expect them to *respectfully* ignore the idiot completely.

 

[manhattanman]

OH MY WORD .. really? How often does that happen? I mean - is it regional perhaps. I know my grandma from Philly and grandpa from NY are more likely to give you their unsolicited opinion.. but sheesh.

Read the responses on this thread. Adults are not telling other peoples children how to dress or how to eat. Behavior correction from stranger to child typically consist of things like:

- Please stop running in this area, you're knocking over the babies
- Kids, you can't just run the soda fountain to waste it like that, it isn't polite
- Disney Language kiddos, there are little ears nearby
- Guys, don't climb on those rails, it's really dangerous

I mean, really, would you have a problem with this type of correction to your children? And I would hope, as a reasonable human being and a parent, if your child were to intentionally hit my child .. or knock over my baby multiple times .. or continue to climb on the railings, despite danger warnings and I asked where their parent was .. so I could explain to you why you may want to supervise their behavior more closely (Which.. for the record.. I've NEVER actually needed to do).. would you give them permission to tell me to "get bent?"

Just wondering how far apart on this subject we really are..

And yes, if someone told my child to stop eating so many fries or tone down the giggles or go change as shorts are not appropriate in the dining room. Well, yes, I'd expect them to *respectfully* ignore the idiot completely.

Then we agree, there are times when adults expect kids to do things that are unwarranted, and the kids are under no obligation to do it even if it came from an adult. nice to know. This position, unfortunately, puts you in the minority in this thread.

Picking events at the extremes is not informative and as to how often it happens, to adults almost never. To kids it happens way more than you think.
I like the example previously provided a mother tries to take a picture of two kids in a porthole, and some lady comes by and offers up her opinion as to whether Mickey would like it or not. What's it to her? I was grocery shopping and asked my son to take a coupon for a can of peas, find the right can and bring it back to me at the end of the aisle. While he was looking at the 10 different types on cans of peas some old hag started chastising him for not putting the wrong cans back straight ( the labels not forward) then threatened to call the store manager. To a freaking kid. If that's the type of company you want to keep, be my guest.

If you don't think that there are tons of adults who will complain about anything that kids do (as part of being kids) read anyone of the flying with kids threads.
If you have the stomach for it.

People have different concepts of what is acceptable. If my kids roughhouse every day at home to little injurious effect and they do what they do every day, why should they stop because some person who is completely clueless as to the context, asks them to stop. My kids can do things to each other that they would never be allowed to do to some unknown party because context matters.

If kids are in danger, step in. If it doesn't affect you or the kids, butt out. If you want to hold your own kids to adult standards that's your prerogative. If you want me to defer to your expectations for my kids, I'm sorry I'm not going to enable you.

 

[sweetlovin']

I was grocery shopping and asked my son to take a coupon for a can of peas, find the right can and bring it back to me at the end of the aisle. While he was looking at the 10 different types on cans of peas some old hag started chastising him for not putting the wrong cans back straight ( the labels not forward) then threatened to call the store manager. To a freaking kid. .

While I would never use the term "old Hag" I think what she did to your child was rude and horrible and i would be livid if it was my child. To be honest, I probably wouldn't put the peas back with the labels out, so I would never expect a child to. Who cares if the labels are backwards

The mickey picture is extreme as well. I think taking pics in the portholes is normal, for kids and adults. I am sure they were laughing or smiling and to me, the best sound in the world is a child's laughter.

On those two instances, the adults were rude and I agree that a child should brush it off (as an adult would).

I remember standing at a store counter when I was 12/13 waiting to buy something from the cosmetic department for my mom. I stood there for 15 minutes and watched another adult come up and be helped as this sales person ignored me. I finally said, "Excuse me, I am standing right here and I was first. Are you choosing to ignore me because I am a kid?" At that point, my mom was behind me and she apologized, but I was frustrated.

I agree that in situations where the child isn't doing something wrong, there is no reason to say anything. For example, IF your child had been throwing the peas on the floor on purpose, not dropping, throwing, I think an adult could have said, "that isn't a good idea." Your child was putting them back on the shelf, there was no excuse for that lady to be so rude.

I also agree that if someone told my child to change clothing, I would expect my child to ignore the person and walk away.

 

[k3chantal]

OH MY WORD .. really? How often does that happen? I mean - is it regional perhaps. I know my grandma from Philly and grandpa from NY are more likely to give you their unsolicited opinion.. but sheesh.

Read the responses on this thread. Adults are not telling other peoples children how to dress or how to eat. Behavior correction from stranger to child typically consist of things like:

- Please stop running in this area, you're knocking over the babies
- Kids, you can't just run the soda fountain to waste it like that, it isn't polite
- Disney Language kiddos, there are little ears nearby
- Guys, don't climb on those rails, it's really dangerous

I mean, really, would you have a problem with this type of correction to your children? And I would hope, as a reasonable human being and a parent, if your child were to intentionally hit my child .. or knock over my baby multiple times .. or continue to climb on the railings, despite danger warnings and I asked where their parent was .. so I could explain to you why you may want to supervise their behavior more closely (Which.. for the record.. I've NEVER actually needed to do).. would you give them permission to tell me to "get bent?"

Just wondering how far apart on this subject we really are..

And yes, if someone told my child to stop eating so many fries or tone down the giggles or go change as shorts are not appropriate in the dining room. Well, yes, I'd expect them to *respectfully* ignore the idiot completely.

Where's the 'like' button? Again, you were able to express exactly how I feel about this situation.

 

[jjje]

I don't think anyone in this thread thinks adults should be telling random kids what to eat or how to dress. People are talking about kids engaging in dangerous or disruptive behavior. The idea that an adult should not speak up if a child is doing something dangerous (because they don't want to stifle them? Or infringe on their rights? Or disrespect them?) just boggles my mind.