Do you love your MIL?

[DebD4T]

From the day I met them, my DMIL and DFIL welcomed me into their lives and always made me feel like a member of the family.

DH has 3 brothers and 5 sisters. (he is #7 in birth order) Every in-law is treated as if they were born into the family.

They have always been there for us (and all their children) whether any of us needed a ride, a meal, or a downpayment for a house!! LOL!!

DFIL is 81 and has unfortunately been battling leukemia for the past 1 1/2 years. It has slowed him down a bit, but he is putting up a good fight.

There are 19 grandchildren ranging in age from 31 years old to 6 years old. For the most part, they are all very close and love to spend time together.

So to answer the thread question...

YES, I love my MIL.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

First I have 2 MILs. I have always have good relationships with them.

However, MIL1 (the biologic mom) treated DH very poorly in his youth, and I can't ever really forgive her for the hurt she caused him.

MIL2 (the stepmom) is fine, but it's clear that she favors her biological daughter and her own extended family over us. It's annoying, but understandable.

 

[tlbwriter]

I do love my MIL. She drives me crazy sometimes, but then so does her son, and I love him to death, so how could I expect her not to?

Like the OP I am shocked and amazed at the MIL threads on this board. Mostly because they are woman vs woman. We need to uplift and support each other, not cause rifts like some of the MILs I've read about on this board. It's truly sad. Women like to be in charge of households, which is a side I understand. But to put someone down for your own happiness is horrible.

But many of the MIL problems are caused when a MIL tries to put her DIL down. Why is it bad or "unsisterly" to complain about a woman who is treating you badly, and ask for support for your situation?

 

[TinkPirateMom]

I am having so much fun reading about the crazy MILs on the other thread, but I have nothing to add.

I thought I would start my own. My MIL is Italian. She raised four kids by herself. She was a hairdresser but after the ex left, she also became a respiratory therapist.

When the twins were born, she had about an hour between jobs, twice a week. She would come over, bring me lunch, let me take a shower and bathe my boys. (For some reason I was terrified of bathing the boys, I always thought that that was when the other would choke and I would have to choose between letting one choke or letting one drown.)

Now that the boys are older, she will call and say things like "I know you don't get off work until 8:30 so is it OK if I come over and teach the boys how to make something and cut their hair? I will cut DH's and yours when you get home." So instead of me feeling guilty about leaving the kids home alone, they cook me something fabulous and our hair looks great.

Every time the bad MIL threads pop up, I show them to her and she feels so bad for you all.

I'm jealous!

 

[punkin]

I'm jealous!

I am also positively green with envy. I don't hate my MIL but she has a very "hands off" attitude and refuses to "meddle." The truth is she's just not very interested in our lives. My kids hardly know her. It's just so sad to me.

 

[RC Fan]

Yes, I love my MIL. She has great humor and is up for anything. I can't complain at all--I am very lucky.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

I am also positively green with envy. I don't hate my MIL but she has a very "hands off" attitude and refuses to "meddle." The truth is she's just not very interested in our lives. My kids hardly know her. It's just so sad to me.

We are in the exact same situations then. I guess when I hear horror stories of overbearing/controlling MIL's, I feel better about our situation, but the lack of interest my MIl has in her only son and her 2 grandchildren really makes me sad.

My parents called me a few days ago and said, it's really nice out and we haven't seen DGS in a few days, can we come over and take him for a walk? When I told DH, his response was, I wish my parents would do that. I felt really bad for him. Oh and my parents live farther away from us than his so location is not the issue.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

Yes, I love my MIL (and FIL) wholeheartedly. I am incredibly blessed to have them in my life.
I pray I'll be as wonderful a MIL to my sons' wives someday as my MIL is to me.

 

[Robinrs]

I do love my MIL. She drives me crazy sometimes, but then so does her son, and I love him to death, so how could I expect her not to?



But many of the MIL problems are caused when a MIL tries to put her DIL down. Why is it bad or "unsisterly" to complain about a woman who is treating you badly, and ask for support for your situation?

I didn't point out which woman put the other down. It happens on both sides.

 

[tlbwriter]

I didn't point out which woman put the other down. It happens on both sides.

Then I agree that it would be nice if all women could avoid that. But I also don't feel it's fair to slam a woman who complains about being treated poorly.

 

[budafam]

My MIL passed away almost 17 years ago. My DH and I had only been married for 3 months when she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Thirteen months later, she was gone. She was a beautiful person, who loved her children and lived for her grandchildren. The one gift we were able to give her was the knowledge that she would be having another grandchild (our first DS). She was able to understand when we told her, but by the time I was showing, she had no idea. She passed away when I was 6 months pregnant.

This is so sad and really hits home for me. My mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor September 1st 2009 and passed away November 28, 2011. She had surgery on the tumor and was in the hospital for 2 weeks when she passed from a hemorhage in her stomach She did get to meet my kids though (DS was 3 and DD was 1). She had always wanted a grand daughter and it just breaks my heart that she's not here to see my little girl and how adorable she is. My mom would've just loved her so much. It is so hard to even look at her sometimes.

 

[DVC-Don]

My MiL was an adorable little lady. I miss her, she passed away in 2004.

*her only fault was if she was on a local road with no painted lanes, she considered the whole road hers.

 

[marcyinPA]

This is so sad and really hits home for me. My mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor September 1st 2009 and passed away November 28, 2011. She had surgery on the tumor and was in the hospital for 2 weeks when she passed from a hemorhage in her stomach She did get to meet my kids though (DS was 3 and DD was 1). She had always wanted a grand daughter and it just breaks my heart that she's not here to see my little girl and how adorable she is. My mom would've just loved her so much. It is so hard to even look at her sometimes.

I am so sorry for your loss. It really is a terrible disease that robs people of themselves.

I didn't add this in my original post, but my MIL was only 60 when she passed away.

 

[Va-bear]

Yes, I have come to love my MIL. Has she been a great MIL? No.

I have many, many stories about things she's said and done, but she seems to have changed and I am grateful.

This is the same as my answer. I can tell some funny and also some painful stories (she likes to snoop through closets! ) But she's come a long way and now I love her, plus, she definately means well.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I had a wonderful MIL and I miss her very much.

I married the youngest of her 4 kids and DS was her first (and the only one she had the chance to meet) grandchild. She loved and doted on DS - reading to him every chance she could, making sure he was warm enough and that he had enough to eat. Unfortunately, she passed when DS was only 4. He says he remembers her but I can't imagine that his memories would be any better than fuzzy recollections.

Before I had DS, she and her sister would let me tag along to yard sales and craft fairs. She'd always say "oh, you don't want to hang out with a couple of old ladies" but those were the best times. She had a wicked fun sense of humor and was a very kind and lovely woman.

I hope the few years that I had with her taught me enough to be a good MIL too when the time comes.

 

[scottishduffy]

I have two MIL's! One of them is DH's Biological mother whom I posted about in the 'other' thread.

The other MIL is DH's Mom. Technically speaking, DH's step-mom... but this woman raised him from the age of 3 and he calls her Mom.

She an amazingly sweet woman. Kind hearted and loving. She is a health nut who adores yoga, pilates, and vegetarian cooking. She is also a child psychiatrist and did wonders for DH and his older brother after their bio-mom left them. I have always felt welcomed in their home and we get along wonderfully. Heck, sometimes I tolerate her better than my own mom!

We visit with them often and are making a point to see them more often now that we just had our first baby. This is the first grandbaby for them and MIL has been thrilled about it since she found out. When we are down there visiting it is obvious how much she loves DD. I enjoy just watching the two of them interact and seeing how happy it makes both of them! DD thinks MIL is one of the greatest things in the world. I fully intend to let gramma spoil her rotten... though to make it fun I will "tsk tsk tsk" and shake my head when DD gets home and tells me of all the things gramma let her get away with. It is the 'badness' of being spoiled that makes it fun for kids! Secretly, I will love this. DD is only 2 months old now but I look forward to seeing how their relationship grows and am doing my best to make sure they have plenty of time together.

What a difference from Bio-Mom! Whom DH decided years ago, before we ever had kids, that bio-mom would never be allowed unsupervised with any child of ours.

FIL is about 18 yrs older than MIL and I can tell there is a small fear in her heart that once FIL passes she will lose DH and his older brother since they will no longer have that tie to her. I hope she knows how much we desperately love her. She will NEVER be alone in this world, she will ALWAYS have us to care for her, and she will ALWAYS be an integral part in her grand-daughters life. Blood has nothing to do with it. She earned her title of "Mom" and words can not fully express what a wonderful person she is. DH absolutely adores her and so do I.

If I have to put up with the crazy MIL to have the pleasure of having the other one in my life, it is well worth it.

P.S I love watching her giggle when DH, BIL, SIL, and I share stories about the Bio-Mom. "Good MIL, isn't it nice to know you will always be everyones favorite? I mean really.... there is no competition there!"

I also dearly love FIL, and both of DH's Brothers (one older, one younger). My SIL and Younger BIL's boyfriend are also very cool people and we all enjoy spending time together! DH's Aunties are a hilarious bunch and no visit home would be complete without them. Excepting for the *one* person in the other thread I got very lucky with DH's entire family.

 

[budbeerlady]

90% of the time I love my MIL. We didnt start out the best, I avoided her for a couple of years. She speaks before she thinks too often.

We did the family in hiding for a while, then we both tried to come around for Dd. Dd was the 1st Grandchild and once I learned to let it go things went better. Now Dd and Grandma are thick as thieves. We dont see them all the time, its best that way with family.

 

[budafam]

I am so sorry for your loss. It really is a terrible disease that robs people of themselves.

I didn't add this in my original post, but my MIL was only 60 when she passed away.

My mom was 65. I was 26 when she passed away. Too young to be without a mom

 

[roscoepc1]

I have two MIL's! One of them is DH's Biological mother whom I posted about in the 'other' thread.

The other MIL is DH's Mom. Technically speaking, DH's step-mom... but this woman raised him from the age of 3 and he calls her Mom.

She an amazingly sweet woman. Kind hearted and loving. She is a health nut who adores yoga, pilates, and vegetarian cooking. She is also a child psychiatrist and did wonders for DH and his older brother after their bio-mom left them. I have always felt welcomed in their home and we get along wonderfully. Heck, sometimes I tolerate her better than my own mom!

We visit with them often and are making a point to see them more often now that we just had our first baby. This is the first grandbaby for them and MIL has been thrilled about it since she found out. When we are down there visiting it is obvious how much she loves DD. I enjoy just watching the two of them interact and seeing how happy it makes both of them! DD thinks MIL is one of the greatest things in the world. I fully intend to let gramma spoil her rotten... though to make it fun I will "tsk tsk tsk" and shake my head when DD gets home and tells me of all the things gramma let her get away with. It is the 'badness' of being spoiled that makes it fun for kids! Secretly, I will love this. DD is only 2 months old now but I look forward to seeing how their relationship grows and am doing my best to make sure they have plenty of time together.

What a difference from Bio-Mom! Whom DH decided years ago, before we ever had kids, that bio-mom would never be allowed unsupervised with any child of ours.

FIL is about 18 yrs older than MIL and I can tell there is a small fear in her heart that once FIL passes she will lose DH and his older brother since they will no longer have that tie to her. I hope she knows how much we desperately love her. She will NEVER be alone in this world, she will ALWAYS have us to care for her, and she will ALWAYS be an integral part in her grand-daughters life. Blood has nothing to do with it. She earned her title of "Mom" and words can not fully express what a wonderful person she is. DH absolutely adores her and so do I.
If I have to put up with the crazy MIL to have the pleasure of having the other one in my life, it is well worth it.

P.S I love watching her giggle when DH, BIL, SIL, and I share stories about the Bio-Mom. "Good MIL, isn't it nice to know you will always be everyones favorite? I mean really.... there is no competition there!"

I also dearly love FIL, and both of DH's Brothers (one older, one younger). My SIL and Younger BIL's boyfriend are also very cool people and we all enjoy spending time together! DH's Aunties are a hilarious bunch and no visit home would be complete without them. Excepting for the *one* person in the other thread I got very lucky with DH's entire family.

Tell her. Often. I'd even make an adoption certificate for her and frame it for her for Christmas or something. Heck, I'd call a lawyer and see if there's any way you can adopt an older person legally!

 

[tar heel]

My MIL was a second mother to me and I loved her totally. I was so lucky to have her in my life. She's been gone three years, and I still miss her terribly. Like me, she had three sons and no daughters. She said she had to wait until he sons got married to get her daughters. She will be my model when I become a MIL.