Do you feel some threads try to make you inadequate??

Discussion in 'Budget Board' started by Lorikr65, Jul 7, 2006.

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  1. Lorikr65

    Lorikr65 Lorikr65

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    I know it's not intentional and I don't mean to pick on anyone. I also know we ask these questions to see how we line up with the rest of our peers. But, I feel like some people here have hundreds of thousands in savings and college funds and 401K, etc. I have some but I choose to be a SAHM so not nearly as much as others seem to have. I know some people come on and say how they are in debt and I've seen people be comforting to them and others chew them out for what they got themselves into. This is for the people reading these threads and feeling a bit inadequate because they haven't saved as much as others - we all don't have tons of money saved for retirement so don't feel bad!!!!
     
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  3. formernyer

    formernyer DIS Veteran

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    I don't think anybody is trying to make you feel inadequate. If not saving as much money as other people bothers you, then get a job.

    Some people work by choice and make a ton of money.

    Some people work by necessity and make a decent living.

    Some people work hard and manage their money responsibly, but don't make enough money to ever get rich.

    Some people choose to not work and, therefore, have less savings than those who work.

    Some people hold a steady job, but live above their means and never get ahead.

    Some people are lazy, don't work, and live off of the system.

    Life is all about choices. Make the choices that are right for you and don't worry about what other people are doing.

    (Admittedly, I can't help but remain angered by the irresponsible people who spend above their means, live off credit cards, default on payments, and cost the responsible people like me more money in the long run, but that's an entirely different topic).
     
  4. imsayin

    imsayin DIS Veteran

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    And the first response is one that can make some feel inadequate :confused3

    You can never put a price on being a SAHM. To me, that is worth more than tons of money in the bank. I've been a SAHM for years, and I do struggle with not earning/saving what I could, but I prefer to be home with my kids, and it works for us, so I do.
     
  5. EnnEss

    EnnEss DIS Veteran

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    Wow......


    Lorik, I wouldn't be too worried about it. Some people probably are 'looking down' or whatever at others, but its just to be ignored. Everyone has different financial situations for so many different reasons its impossible to judge them on it without reading a 1000 page summary of their life to that point and even then.....

    Those that have debt probably struggle with it daily and are on these boards to either plan a vacation that they've worked hard to accomadate or are simply enjoying the magic of disney from home (basically to enoy themselves). Just ignore those negative posts :goodvibes and have fun!
     
  6. FayeW

    FayeW DIS Veteran

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    Yeah, some posters tend to get a little preachy, but those types are on all the boards, not just this one. The Dining Plan sub-board has a lot of "holier than thou" types on it, as does the resort board. It is great to aspire to be debt free, with fully funded retirement and college funds, but the reality is that this board is not proportionate to the population, and there are many more of us who make a good living, pay our bills, and provide well for our families. Having some debt is not something to be ashamed of. For us, it is all about balance. We have some debt, some savings, good equity in our home. We watch our pennies, and that usually means we can afford some of the big things in life. Certainly, we could make more financially sound decisions than we do, but we've made some excellent decisions along the way, and we live a comfortable life, (payments and all).
     
  7. Todd&Copper

    Todd&Copper <font color=darkorchid>Sweet Chicken, that is one

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    Lorikr,

    I stopped reading a lot of threads on this board b/c I was reading them as people bragging about what they have and how smart they are. I am an attorney, but I do not work in private practice, so I am not rolling in money. My husband was recently laid off. I wish we had more money to invest right now, but we don't. Thank God for my 401(k) and the fact that we have no kids (yet). Now, I kind of skip over most threads where people are asking about financial advice. It's better for my blood pressure.
     
  8. nbodyhome

    nbodyhome DIS Veteran

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    Wow, the first response was a bit harsh.

    Not everyone has enough money to even get by, even if they work really hard.

    I don't have as much savings at this point as many of the people here - but I certainly don't feel inadequate. I don't think anyone can make you feel inadequate but yourself. I do think that posting here and reading the threads is great in that it can help everyone with spending/saving habits.

    I do get frustrated - not so much with anonymous posters, but with family members who make money, say they have none to save, and then they waste it without thought. I hope we never have to support any of them due to their bad habits. But it took me many years, and a lot of trial and error, to get to the point I'm at now as well.

    Anyway - each person is different, and if you do the best you can, then that is the most important thing. Not everyone will have a million dollars in the bank for retirement and a large house. I also prefer Clark Howard to Dave Ramsay, because I think that his approach is more sound for the average person (and he doesnt' come across judgementally most of the time).
     
  9. ClarabelleCowFan

    ClarabelleCowFan <font color=teal>Found Someone You Have<br><font c

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    Actually I take it the other way. I have to admire someone who has been disciplined enough to build their savings up the way they have and still be able to find money for vacations to Disney.

    We all make choices and no one can make you feel bad about those choices unless you let them. A friend of mine used to say "you can't be a doormat unless you lay down in front of someone and let them walk all over you".

    I have made bad choices in life but I have learned from them and don't make them again. I have a career that I love that allows me to pay the bills, take the kids to Disney twice a year AND stay home with them the vast majority of the time. I could have gotten a more traditional job that didn't require me to travel or that offered a retirement plan but I would not be happy in a job like that.

    We don't try to keep up with the Joneses - we just do what is best for our family.
     
  10. midwestdee

    midwestdee Mouseketeer

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    I think there is a lot of middle ground between irresponsible welfare cheats and millionaires - a view apparently not shared by formernyer. It is true that a website devoted to WDW will probably have a disportionate share of high income people - not everyone is - I don't care what anyone says there is a limited # of jobs that pay $150 thousand or more a year. Among baby boomers - many inherited between a nice nest egg to invest with and a good size pile of money from their parents that probably wouldn't spring for central airconditioning in their own houses while they were alive. I do know what you meant in your post - you can get the feeling that you are the only person on the website without a BMW in the driveway, unlimited resources, etc..... So relax, you have plenty of company. I'm a pretty lucky person - so that while it would be nice to be filthy rich - I really can't say I am lacking for anything. I have 2 healthy kids and a husband I'm still speaking to after nearly 30 years - so I can't complain! Thanks for an interesting post and the responses it prompted - there sure are a lot of ways to measure wealth!
     
  11. mamalle

    mamalle DIS Veteran

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    I 2nd ya Midwestdee.
    I tend to skip over some threads lately too. I also tend to wonder if its all really true in real life also. I wouldnt be boasting to people all over the internet. :confused3
     
  12. FayeW

    FayeW DIS Veteran

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    OK, this line made me giggle! I'm still speaking to mine after 16+ yrs, and home renovations.
     
  13. utahkennedys

    utahkennedys DIS Veteran

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    Whew, I'm glad there are some "regular" people on this board! I spend a lot of time on the DVC boards where I read of many people owning 1,000+ DVC points (equal to over $85,000!) and I start to feel like somewhere we took a wrong turn! I have a J.D., a great part time job, and DH has his MBA with a fabulous job, and there is no way, no how we could afford to pay $85k for a vacation plan! Even at our income, between paying off student loans and our large mortgage payment, we drive old cars that are paid for, etc. we still don't have tons leftover after 401k contributions. So, you aren't alone! And, all the money in the world doesn't matter if at the end of it all you aren't satisfied with the kind of life you led. Being a SAHM is very, very honorable.
     
  14. Rozzie

    Rozzie DIS Cast Member<br><font color=blue>give me a good

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    I have lurked here for years, and really value the advice I have gleamed from these boards. Go to creditboards.com and the game is fixing credit and getting a lot credit. The DIS Budget boards theme is saving and learning to do without. (the last two I could fine tune).
    I do have some debt, and like to knock it out this year. I am not drowning in debt, and live a very comfortable lifestyle. Yet, spending time on the financial threads helps me remind myself of my debt free goal. Kinda like what my tennis coach used to tell me "if you want to get better, play with better players than yourself."

    Don't ever feel bad for being a SAHM. I admire the sacrifices you make. :thumbsup2
     
  15. tinaluis

    tinaluis DIS Veteran

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    OP I hear ya! Our family has decided that DH will be a SAHD so we're not always able to save as much as we'd like to. (Of course, we'd have more money to save if he worked, but that defeats the idea of him staying home with our DDs). When I see estimates about how much $$$ we'll need in retirement thrown around here, I'm speechless. However, when I look at what DH and I would like our actual retirement to be, I think we're doing OK. We hardly "live large" now and don't expect to when we're retired either. We're on target to only have to eat cat food 2x a month, instead of every day ;). Seriously, though, we do the best we can with what we have, enjoy our time together, and try not to live off of our credit cards. To some, that may mean living foolishly, but it suits us just fine!

    Also, the "ignore" button is a great feature on these boards. It's saved me from getting aggravated many times.
     
  16. nbodyhome

    nbodyhome DIS Veteran

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    Wow, I didn't realize it cost that much for that many points? I often have read about people taking their "free" vacations, but that definitely isn't free!

    I think the most important thing is to really instill money management in younger people. I didn't learn this, and learning young is the most important thing. I've a family friend who has a 21 year old son, with a $300K house, a good job, and drives an old car instead of something new to save money (he is very frugal). He bought his fiancee's diamond ring on Ebay, and he did spend a couple of thousand - but some co-workers of his changed the ring in the envelope (which he'd sent to work) with a crackerjack type ring as a joke. He is known as being really thrifty, and I wish I'd learned that young.
     
  17. tarheelmjfan

    tarheelmjfan <font color=red>Proud Redhead<br><font color=blue>

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    Over time I've learned which threads to skip. Although, I didn't think this would be one of them. Some people just feel the need to express their opinion no matter how harsh, & offer it whether it's solicited or not. :sad2: Thankfully, this isn't nearly as prevalent on this board as it was a few months ago. :thumbsup2 I was about ready to abandon the Budget Board at that time. :guilty:

    Personally, I enjoy the threads offering constrructive advice on saving, investing, etc. on a personal finance level. I skip the threads about specific money matters on a personal or national level. Frankly, I couldn't care less how much money anyone else has, or how they choose to spend it. IMHO, those who feel the need to constantly criticize strangers who don't make decisions they think they should just really need to get a life. Noone wants to hear it!!!
     
  18. shirleyb

    shirleyb I'm a lot funnier in real life.

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    Stick around the internet long enough and you'll find all kinds of opinions and you can't let them get you down.

    I've always been a working mom, and frankly always been jealous of the SAHMs, so I certainly wouldn't look down on you. I applaud any that are able to do that.
     
  19. pearlieq

    pearlieq <font color=green>They can sit & spin<br><font col

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    I get your point, to an extent, but I hope you realize the answer lies in you, not the people in this community.

    As the old saying goes, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    No one is perfect, no one has it all. I wish I were richer, thinner, and wiser, and sometimes when I read about a person who has more than me, I feel a twinge of jealousy. But 99.9% of people here aren't out to make anyone feel bad or inadequate. They're just interested in discussing and learning.

    No one should have to apologize for having money. Sometimes I feel there are people on these boards that would want that and I find it frustrating.

    Here's a metaphor:

    I have a weight problem. Sometimes on the WISH boards, people will post of their success when they meet a weight goal, or talk about how much they have lost. Sometimes I get a little jealous of these posters and wish I were in their shoes.

    Would it be productive of me to decide they were posting about their success to make me feel bad? Would it help me at all to decide that their achievements were unrealistic? Would it be better if I found a community where a bunch of us overweight people got together and told each other that losing weight is impossible and that it's just fine to be big?

    What if instead I recognized that my feeling a little inadequate in front of other people's successes meant that there were things in my life I wished I would improve? And then what if I decided to listen to people who have lost weight successfully and tried the methods they used? Wouldn't that be a better use of my time and energy?

    That's how I see it, anyway...
     
  20. Jalva22

    Jalva22 DIS Veteran

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    More power to all of you SAHM's! In the long run, that will be worth far more than any financial guru's advice you'll ever see on this board.
     
  21. imsayin

    imsayin DIS Veteran

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    I totally agree with this analogy (and sometimes that little jealousy can motivate you). The problem sometimes is in the delivery of the information. Are the people meeting their weight goals sharing their success or are they talking down to those that haven't. If I lose weight and post how easy it was, why can't everyone just control their urges, etc., it doesn't come across the same as just saying "hey I met my goal, yeah!". Same applies to financial info. That said, this is a public board, and you will get all opinions on all topics. Like you said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" (BTW, love that quote, sounds a bit Dr. Phil-ish, lol).
     
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