Do you believe in spanking??

[Disneyland1084]

I'm just not sure if I do. My husband does though. Although our daughter isn't old enough to be spanked yet, he said he will when she's old enough and needs to be punished. I just don't get how spanking is different then child abuse. A parent can get arrested by beating their kids on the face, but not swatting them on the butt? What do you all think?

 

[SamIAm21]

I think this thread is going to be a doozy!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Yes, I do believe in it, when used properly.

 

[RitaZ.]

 

[Nancy]

I'll jump into the fray. Yes, I do believe in spanking and no I don't think it's a form of child abuse and I don't think it leads to violence in kids.

BUT there are spankings and there is spanking. A single hit on the butt is one thing, repeating hitting on the butt is another. I don't think hitting the face is a good idea, even though once I did slap my oldest DD one time (and felt bad about too) cause she "oh welled" me one too many times.

 

[wdwmom2]

I'll jump into the fray. Yes, I do believe in spanking and no I don't think it's a form of child abuse and I don't think it leads to violence in kids.

BUT there are spankings and there is spanking. A single hit on the butt is one thing, repeating hitting on the butt is another. I don't think hitting the face is a good idea, even though once I did slap my oldest DD one time (and felt bad about too) cause she "oh welled" me one too many times.

My thoughts as well.

 

[Pigeon]

I'll bite. No, I don't. I think it teaches kids that it's OK to hit other people and that force is the best way to get what you want. I also think there are much more effective methods of discipline out there, but they require a modicum of effort on the part of the parents.

I have two kids, one of whom is a pretty stubborn kid. We have used 1-2-3 Magic (a non-violent discipline method available as a book or video) with great success. Your public library probably has a copy. We seldom even raise our voices to get cooperation, let alone hit the children.

 

[MrsKreamer]

 

[missypie]

Not really. I guess DH and I officially "believed in it" when our kids were little, but they never got more than a swat with our hand and that was very rarely. And the only time I ever even swatted them was when I was angry, which is what I know you aren't supposed to do. I really don't see how a parent is supposed to teach a child not to hit, when they are hitting the kid.

The Dallas Morning News had an article yesterday about the local school districts that still paddle. At one school, 46% of the kids got paddled at least once last year. I can't believe that paddling at any school is still legal.

 

[carolfoy]

You bet!!!! Especially when the woman is tied to the bed!

or the man

 

[Disney Ella]

Animals use violence with each other because they can't speak. As a person who can speak, I would rather use my brain and come up with a way to deal with the behavior in way that I wouldn't purposely hurt my own child. I have always told my kids that when they aren't getting along that hitting isn't the answer, that reasonable people can find other ways to handle their problems than resorting to violence. It seems hypocritical to say "You can't hit your sister when she does something you don't like, but it's fine for me to hit you if you do something I don't like." There are always other solutions as far as I'm concerned.

 

[laurietg]

Maybe I just have a miracle child, but she is an amazing girl who respects me and herself. I have never hit her. I believe that hitting a child changes who they are. I also don't want to teach her to react that way when she is angry.

She heard a mother tell her child that she was going to hit her if she misbehaved again. I will never forget the look on my DD's face. She was horrified. She asked me if a mommy would really hit her kid.

 

[MareQ]

Nope don't believe in spanking. I want to teach my children and have them fear my disappointment - not fear me.

That said - I don't have a problem with other people spanking their own children - they have their reasons just like I have mine - my way is MY way not the right way.

If you disagree with spanking and DH doesn't then you need to address that issue otherwise it's going to be a problem in your marriage and in your parenting.

 

[4cruisin]

I do although I don't have kids so I guess my opinion doesn't count.

My parents raised 5 kids and there was the occasional swat on the butt but in all honesty, my mother could send shivers down our spines with just a look. One of those looks was all it took to keep us in line. We were taught to behave through respect not through hitting. I was 40 y.o.when my mom passed away and even at that age, if I got "the look", I knew I was in trouble.

Kids now-a-days just don't care if they get into trouble.

 

[cardaway]

Animals use violence with each other because they can't speak. As a person who can speak, I would rather use my brain and come up with a way to deal with the behavior in way that I wouldn't purposely hurt my own child. I have always told my kids that when they aren't getting along that hitting isn't the answer, that reasonable people can find other ways to handle their problems than resorting to violence. It seems hypocritical to say "You can't hit your sister when she does something you don't like, but it's fine for me to hit you if you do something I don't like." There are always other solutions as far as I'm concerned.

Animals do speak to each other, but I agree with the rest. No way it makes sense tell two kids to stop hitting each other and then spank them if they don't stop.

 

[kennancat]

I should start by saying DH and I are DINKS with no plans to have kids, so take this for whatever's it worth We were both spanked as children. To me, the difference is that child abuse is done in anger and that the abuser is not thinking about the effect on the child. Spanking is a punishment and the child is aware of it as a possible consequence. It should hurt, but it should not leave permanent marks or physical damage. We've discussed it, and we would spank if we had kids. However, we agree that it's a last resort punishment. I was a stubborn, willful kid and there are times that nothing would have worked on me but spanking.

All that being said, here's the problem:

I'm just not sure if I do. My husband does though. Although our daughter isn't old enough to be spanked yet, he said he will when she's old enough and needs to be punished.

You and your DH need to agree on your approach to this, not whether it's right or wrong. Whether everyone else here thinks spanking is right or wrong is irrelevant.

 

[minnieandme]

I'll jump into the fray. Yes, I do believe in spanking and no I don't think it's a form of child abuse and I don't think it leads to violence in kids.

I know this post will have some flames but I agree. I am from the old school and spanking is NOT a form of child abuse although some people believe it is. All I know is I received quite a few growing up and I deserved every one. I didn't turn into some crazy adult with mental issues nor did it teach me violence. I learned to not do whatever it is I did again. Although I don't like to spank my kids, they know they will get it if it comes down to it. I would never ever hit them in their face though. Now if you hit your kids every single day just because you want to, that could be a form of child abuse. But to spank them to teach them correction is not. If my kids do something wrong, I will let them know what it is they did and not to do it again. But if they continue to do it, then they deserve a butt whooping.

I think we have way too many child psychologists that push their opinions on the government leaders and get us parents to believe that what they say is right. It's either their way or no way at all. I know that my kids will grow up learning right from wrong and not become some spoiled brat who expects to get everything they want and won't know how to accept rejection later on in life.

 

[Master Mason]

you could count on one hand the number of times I had to spank my kids... but they knew that it wasn't an idle threat.

I also think it is more effective when they are below the age of 5 as well. It is almost impossible to reason with someone that is below the age of 5 (there are exceptions, but they are rare), so there must be something they do understand that is quick and to the point.

As an example, a kid that won't listen when you tell them not to try and play with a knife. I would much rather see them get a swat on the butt, which causes pain that they then associate with trying to play with the knife, than to feel the pain that would be caused by actually getting ahold of the knife and playing with it.

Youngest son is 14 now, last time I laid a hand on him, he was 6. He has had the capacity to listen since that time, and understand I was serious when I told him things that were for his protection.

 

[NMAmy]

Nope. As I overheard dd telling a friend when she's little, "My mom is not a spanking mom."

Her dad does believe in spanking although we agreed he would not spank dd when she was little. So, it's kind of weird because her half sister and her stepsisters get spanked at his house but she never did. She's a bit old for it now at almost 16 but I'm more tempted to spank her now than I ever was when she was little!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Animals use violence with each other because they can't speak. As a person who can speak, I would rather use my brain and come up with a way to deal with the behavior in way that I wouldn't purposely hurt my own child.

Ugh! Me caveman!! Me hit because me no smart!!