Do I really want another baby??

[KimRaye]

Sorry to butt in on this thread but,

Actually someone just emailed me from the Chicago thread about a bow order- thank you!!

That would be me. Thanks Aliisa!!! AND, Debbie!

 

[7krazykids]

my husband and i have 7...thats right i said 7.... 4 girls and 3 boys....

the reason we have so many is this....

we had dd1..ds1 then dd2... 2 years later...we had ds2... he was to be our last one... but, he died a few days after birth... so dh and i decided we wuld have another..so 1 1/2 years later we had dd#3 and 13 months after her came dd#4... we thought we were maybe done.... so i sold all of my baby stuff and then decided we would try for 1 more ..so in 2005 our ds# 3 was born... and what a blessing they all are..i couldnt imagine life without them....

my hubby really wanted a couple more, but i knew after our last son was born that i was done... it was a weird feeling..becuase for so long i always flet like i would have another ..but now..i know im done...

 

[SeeDisney]

I say go with your heart and follow it. You may regret it later on in life when you're much older.

I have four and I love it and don't regret it. I too remember feeling the twinge around the age of 34 and decided to do so. Baby #4 was a suprised.

Follow your heart.

 

[Aliisa]

Awwww I was looking through old posts and saw this one from 2006. My baby #3 was born 1/31/12. It only took me 5 years to realize what my heart knew all along.

 

[gr8leg8]

OMG!!
She is so incredibly cute

Congrats to you and your family

 

[Aliisa]

Thank you gr8leg8!

 

[Blessedwith3boys]

I had that 3rd baby....and he is wonderful! I have never met anyone that followed their heart, had that baby and regretted it ! Children are such a gift! You will know when your family is complete!

 

[Aliisa]

Blessedwith3boys I agree, good things come in threes If money was no object I'd have more!

 

[kandb]

Aliisa,

Congrats on your new addition. Always follow your heart! We had twins and I always wanted another. We had a son when my twins were 5 1/2 years old. He has been the best thing that has ever happened to our family. We all love and enjoy him soooooo much. And he LOVES disney. Your daughter is beautiful.

 

[rt2dz]

I have read none of the replies...

All I can say is that when I was done, I just knew it. There are no pangs. There is no jealousy. No what ifs. I offer congratulations to friends, but never any thoughts/wishes/oh how I miss that. I did not feel that way until I had #4.

I say I was done at 3, but I did have pangs. I did feel wishes. I missed those feelings of a little baby. I wondered what it would be like if I had just one more. I look at the dinner table and feel complete now; I didn't with "only" 3. All of mine are boys, but I could care less about that girl. THAT is how I know I'm done. No day dreaming of baby names. When you know, you know.

ETA: I've read a few of the replies, I will add that I had #4 at 38 (there is the same age difference between #3 and #4 as there is between #1 and #3). Most the hospital staff was surprised he wasn't my first. Even more surprised he was #4!

 

[mjkacmom]

For those trying to decide whether or not to have another, please take the going back to bottles and diapers out of the equation. When my kids were little, I was always hearing "enjoy them - they grow up so fast!" It didn't seem like it at the time, but I blinked, and they were all in school. It's been 5 years since I tried to freeze them (the twins were almost 5, my oldest was 11). It seems like yesterday!

I can't imagine being in the same boat as many of my friends, having their only 2 kids in HS. My oldest has only one more year, and then she is off to college. They are busy with their friends, and their lives. I'm so fortunate to still have younger kids, who like nothing more than family game night, going out for ice cream, hanging with mom and dad. It helps lessen the blow! I'm hoping that by the time they fly the nest, I will be ready.

 

[rainynight]

We knew we wanted an only child. I do get a bit sad when I see a little girl (we have a boy) but the feeling passes.

Seeing babies makes me mourn a little, but its more the sadness that that part of our sons life is over. I think its natural for females to get that feeling around babies and miss that stage. What's important is figuring out whether its the normal longing you feel to experience the baby stage again or the actual desirel to have another child who will only be a baby for a very brief period of time. I know a few women who take their love of babies as a desire to have more kids but as soon as the baby stage is over their kids are not as exciting to them. So I think you need to determine if you want to raise another human being rather than if you want another baby cause there is a HUGE difference between the two.

As far as feeling complete I don't have that feeling but I also love our small family of three that I have no desire to change it anytime soon. We got taken care of and can no longer have biological children and neither of us has regretted that decision at all yet and in fact are much happier not having to worry about an accidental pregnancy (we are 27 and 29). I do feel though that an adoption is in our future and that's something I've felt my whole life but I think that will be years down the road.

 

[rainynight]

For those trying to decide whether or not to have another, please take the going back to bottles and diapers out of the equation. When my kids were little, I was always hearing "enjoy them - they grow up so fast!" It didn't seem like it at the time, but I blinked, and they were all in school. It's been 5 years since I tried to freeze them (the twins were almost 5, my oldest was 11). It seems like yesterday!

I can't imagine being in the same boat as many of my friends, having their only 2 kids in HS. My oldest has only one more year, and then she is off to college. They are busy with their friends, and their lives. I'm so fortunate to still have younger kids, who like nothing more than family game night, going out for ice cream, hanging with mom and dad. It helps lessen the blow! I'm hoping that by the time they fly the nest, I will be ready.

I disagree. No matter how many kids you have the youngest will grow up and it will be just as hard. My grandma had 9 and she said it was just as hard when the youngest left as when then oldest did. Then you watch your grandkids grow up and that's a whole other level of sadness. Kids grow up, you can prolong the young stage by having more kids but eventually it will come to an end. That's why I say people should have kids because they want to raise a human being to adulthood rather than because they enjoy babies or kids because that's only a tiny part of parenting and only a small part of our lives. Enjoy the young stage but don't having kids just because you enjoy being pregnant and babies is just kinda sad and not a valid reason to bring another person into the world, and yes I've met a few women like that who enjoy pregnancy, bragging about their homebirths and showing off their new babies much more than they enjoy actually raising their older kids.

 

[quandrea]

Hi,
I am hoping for some responses from woman who feel or have felt like me- none of my friends understand this at all! I have 2 beautiful healthy children ages 5 and 2, a girl and a boy- one of each PERFECT! But recently I have been feeling that I want another. I don't feel like my family is not complete at all. My head is telling me no way, I am so busy now, no way can I have another, but my heart tells me something else. Its really been bothering me lately and I'm hoping is just a "hormone thing" and it will go away. I'm truly happy the way things are right now, I just want 2, so why do I feel so sad? I have 2 neighbors that are pregnant and I can't help but feel a little jealous. Sometime I think its just the exitement of being pregnant and the new baby that I miss- Am I crazy?! Someone please tell me this feeling will go away! BTW, I'm 34 so its pretty much now or never time!
Thanks!!!

Haven't read the whole thread (no time with three kids!!), but here's my take. If you feel like you aren't done, you aren't. Forget about the intellectual side of things. I have three--9, 3 and 3 and I know I'm done. I don't ever get any new baby pangs when I see people with their newborns or little ones. I know my family is complete. At this point I feel so blessed to be watching my three little ones mature and grow into little people. Prior to having the three, I was relentless in my pursuit for a bigger family. Go for it. Three is a blast. It will add chaos to your life, but so much joy.

 

[mjkacmom]

That's why I say people should have kids because they want to raise a human being to adulthood rather than because they enjoy babies or kids because that's only a tiny part of parenting and only a small part of our lives. Enjoy the young stage but don't having kids just because you enjoy being pregnant and babies is just kinda sad and not a valid reason to bring another person into the world, and yes I've met a few women like that who enjoy pregnancy, bragging about their homebirths and showing off their new babies much more than they enjoy actually raising their older kids.

Ha - I had great pregnancies, and I hated being pregnant. Never was big on babies either! If someone had offered to keep my kids for the first 3 months of their lives, I probably would've taken them up on it. My favorite part is watching them grow up, and seeing them develop as individuals. I love how similar they all are, and how different they all are.

Because I was "over-done" (we planned on 3 children), I wasn't sad packing up the cribs, strollers, baby toys. Sure, there are days I wish I could have a day or so with my babies/toddlers/preschoolers, but no more than that.

The child raising stage in my life was one I was really looking forward to, and I will be sad when it's over. It's like a vacation you are looking forward to. Mine happened to be an extra-long vacation! A very fun, very expensive one.

 

[LauraJean]

I wanted 3 kids for a long time. 1st was a happy surprise then when she turned 2 we decided we would soon try for another. They were getting older. I had some medical stuff going on with pre cancer cells so getting pregnant we had to to hold off. 3 Years later I was finally given the ok. They were 6.5 and 6 weeks shy of a 10th bday when our 3rd was born. Before my 3rd I was sad to see someone pregnant or always have that wish it were me feeling. Seeing a baby and I wanted one more badly! Since having my 3rd I feel totally complete. I don't wish for a baby anymore. I hear a baby cry now and I am more like I am glad that is not me now My oldest is 12 middle is 9 and my baby is now 2.5...Life is good

 

[laughinplace199]

OP - congrats on your baby #3 - she's beautiful!

At first, I didn't notice the original date of your post and I was about to tell you how we had a girl and then a boy, two years apart, and thought we were done. When our son was 4, we decided that our family wasn't complete and we wanted one more.

Our baby #3 was born 10/28/06 - two days after your original post. I never saw this post back then - I was probably too busy trying to talk DS into making his appearance (he was 10 days late)!

 

[Sheaboys]

Our first 3 are all 2 yrs apart, all boys. Ds1 was easy, easy going, easy training, easy nursing, easy sleeping. Ds2, was difficult nursing, never slept, walked late, talked late, got teeth late. Ds3, was a well....difficult in the sense, he was a klingon, but otherwise, pretty textbook. Then ds4 came, 4 yrs later, ds3 then became more independent, stopped screaming at prek drop off (he was 4), and he got LOUD, he is 10 and still the loudest child ever. Ds4, well he is my most difficult, he is just into everything, safety is furthest from his mind, however, he keeps us more than busy. I probably would have stopped at him, but.. we had ds5, I can tell you he is much like ds1, so refreshing.

Once you have 3 it does not matter how many kids you have. I always thought I would have a little girl, but it was not in our cards I guess. I feel good, the mini van is full, and now we can just cart these kids everywhere.

Your only 34, still young. I was 37 when I had ds5. Pregnancy wise, they were all pretty miserable in the beginning, morning sickness so bad, hospitalized a few times during pregnancy 2. Pregnancy 4 was difficult from start to finish, but I still would have done it.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Aliisa]

Thanks for all the replies! LOL Many of you didn't see my update on this post. I have baby #3! I'm so glad I followed my heart. She is a perfect, bow wearing, Disney loving 15 month old, that fits perfectly in our family
laughinplace199 Thank you!!! Boston strong here too

 

[kkmcan]

**Oops, just now saw that I replied to an old post. Congrats on your new baby!! **

We have a girl and a boy, 16 and 13. I was so sad when I realized that those baby days were over. I now realize I didn't want another baby, I just wanted my kids babyhoods and childhoods to not go by so fast. I miss them being babies. I went by so fast.

No they aren't grown and gone yet but there are no more toys in our house, no more kids who believe in Santa and the Easter bunny and Tooth Fairy. No more days of building forts out of sheets and blankets. Some days I'm so sad that those days are over but most of the time I'm completely happy with my kids now being teenagers. They are experiencing so many great things now and I'm happy for them- dd has her drivers permit and just got her first job at the movie theater down the street. She's loving it! DS has one year left of middle school and then he's off to high school, which I know he will love! He has a complete love of sports (especially U of A sports) just like his dad and I'm so proud that they can share that together.

I don't need babysitters anymore when dh and I get the opportunity to go out together. They pretty much entertain themselves so I don't have to plan activities and stuff to keep them busy.

I do have to say that having teenagers is freakin' expensive and I don't know how large families do it. We've almost paid off braces for both of them, dd needs car insurance and possibly something to drive soon, they have school trips, fees, uniforms, etc that add up so quickly not to mention impending college tuition in 2 years!

We have traveled a lot and bought a new house and built a pool and maybe those were things we wouldn't have been able to do with more kids so in closing I will say that although I was sad about not having more kids, we made the right decision for us. And I'm totally sure about that now.