Disney after a death?

[TomB'sWidow]

My beloved Dh died in Aug 02 and I made a promise I would still take our surprise Dd to disney world in Dec 02 with my sister for a trip that had been planned long before his illness. He died of lung cancer after a short painful 8month battle.The trip was extremely hard but I knew I had to do it or I might not have went back. Let your wife decide and just take it as it comes.
Much prayers and support for your family.

 

[Blondy876]

I know many people will say that what I experienced wasn't a death but to me it was. I had a miscarriage 3 weeks before a planned trip to Disney. My dh and I were devastated and considered canceling the trip. In the end we decided to go because of our oldest dd who was 4 at the time and so excited to go. It was a good decision. There's nothing like seeing the joy and magic that takes place in Disney help heal a broken heart. If she wants to go then I think you should go. Expect her to fall apart at times though. I remember that often when I would see a family with a small baby I would tear up. A couple of times I had to go to the restroom and compose myself.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[The_Horned_King]

I can't help but chime in here...

1st)Everyone handles this differently. Do what she fells she needs to do.

For me I can say Go! Here is the reason why...

My mother who had a kidney transplant when I was 3 (27 now) was always getting sick. When things would go slightly wrong they would take her into the hospital as percaution and then things would be fine and she'd be out.

About a week before my last trip with my DW and our best friends my mom got sick. Talking to her that week in the hospital I had real thoughts about not going, but when I brought them up she started to cry and said I will not be the one to keep you from this trip. YOU NEED to go on this trip.((My mom was a huge disney fan btw)

She got out of the hospital on friday (I was due to leave tuesday) By sunday night they had decided they wanted her back in because her creatanin(sp?) levels were higher then normal. I taked to her on her way to the hospital. I asked should I stay? we can still cancell..her reply was "GO and Have fun no matter what happens here you STAY and you HAVE fun for me." With reservations I went.

Tuesday night I called her just after eating and sitting down to watch Wishes. She was incredible short with me on the phone...when I saked if everythign was all right she said she wasn't felling good, but it was all right. Usually we ended conversations with I love you....this time she said" I have to let you go now hunny." I said ok mom fell better soon.

Sitting watching the fireworks My stomach began to upturn. We got back to the hotel and I asked my wife to please call my sisters cell phone...she asked why not your dad I said just my sister do it please while I go get us somethign to drink.

I got back and i knew by the look on my wifes face...my mom had passed as we watched the fireworks. I screamed and yelled punched the steel door..and probably scared every kid at pop century that evening. My wife started to pack things up and my best friend and his waife said It doesn't matter if we lose the money we need to go home...through the tears I told them all to stop. My mom wanted me here with them with all the kids, and the excitement of Disney.

I talked to numerous realtives that night and they all asked if I was comming home I told them no, but I couldn't tell them why. I Talked to my dad and he said I know what your mother told you. I suggest you stay, but if you need to be with us then I understand.

We stayed and although the next day was a little rough to start by the end of the day I knew I had made the propper decision to stay. It was my mom's favorite place on earth and one of mine. I felt connected to her there. I bought a Captain Jack hat and pretended to be a pirate for the kids, the smiles on their faces as I walked by and just said "Ho mattie" and their great reactions made me realize that as my mom had always told me every smile counts!

I was able to make magic for others in my time of need...and thats what I needed wehere all their smiles!

I tell you this story just so you know there are people who need this type of grievement... talk to your DW and go what what her heart says.

 

[janette]

My FIL passed away 3yrs ago after a short illness right before we had a trip scheduled. It was too late to cancel when he got sick and it worked out that the service was 2 days before our flights out. My girls and I did the parks much more that trip than most of our others. We'd said that we were just going to take it easy and we didn't have any elaborate plans but that is what worked for us. Also because my FIL lived close by; we would have had more daily reminders at home, at Disney we didn't expect him to be there so it helped us through that first week.

 

[Robinrs]

My precious Daddy lost his fight with life on my birthday, March, 11, 2003.

Three weeks later, on April 7 I took my son to Orlando. It would've been his 84th birthday.

My son and I spent the time reminiscing and smiling about his life. Now I KNEW where he was, he was at peace and no longer in pain. AND I no longer had to worry about him...

Your wife needs to release and this is her way. I agree with the other posters who said to CELEBRATE his life. There will be tears, they will happen, but for now she needs something to look forward to.

God bless you both... she is so blessed to have you.

Robinrs

 

[anewvance]

My grandfather (who raised me & was the only father I've known) died 3 months ago and it's still like yesterday and i'm still hit hard by it.

We are going to Disney this weekend and I already know that when we go on It's A Small World, i'm going to cry because it was his favorite ride. When we would go, he would always ask how many times we rode. He would go on the ride when I was young and whistle the song the rest of the day.

I'm sorry to hear about your father in law, my thoughts and prayers are with your family. If she wants to go after he passes, I would say go...

 

[Buzz Litebeer]

First, let me be one among the many here to offer you my most profound sympathies... and to echo what others have already said. The grieving process is different for all of us. Some cannot stomach being in "the Happiest Place on Earth" during a time of loss; others go to escape the pressures of reality into the happy place that Walt promised. Only you can make that decision.

That said, I only have one bit of advice -- and it might seem strange, but hear me out. If you choose to come, make sure that if you have a camera or camcorder, all footage / film / photos of your FIL are removed / transferred to your home PC before you leave on your trip. Why? Well, I've seen some families in similar situations become extremely upset and distraught when they lost/misplaced a camera on their vacation that contained the last photos of the deceased's life. I would sincerely hate for that to happen to you.

Best wishes.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Back in 1996, when my kids were in 3rd and 5th grades, we had a trip planned to WDW leaving October 25. My father had been ill all summer but was at home with my mom when he died on October 20. After the funeral, we still went. He wouldn't have wanted us to cancel and I really needed the time away.

 

[motherhen17404]

I know this is not the same, but here goes. 17 years ago, I had 2 miscarriages in 3 months, was in the hospital with the 2nd one. I tried to go back to work only 3 days after the 2nd miscarriage. But I was not doing well. I remember walking out of work to go to the parking lot to cry. I called my DH and told him I was having a hard time. He worked in the mall at the time and walked over to the American Express travel store and told them he just had to get to WDW the next day. I came home from work and he told me to pack, we need to go somewhere fun and happy. I call that trip our "healing" trip. It felt so good to be in a happy place after all the sadness I had just gone through.

Talk to your wife and just do what she wants to do. I know some people might think it "cold" to go to Disney after a death, but you need to to what is best for both of you.

 

[Laura]

Can you purchase trip insurance in case she changes her mind at the last minute? It might sound like a good idea at the moment (she probably wants to escape it all right now), but it may feel different right after the fact.

I agree.

 

[Disney Doll]

If she thinks it's what she wants, then I'd say go.

A few years back, DH & I had a rough summer of trying to get pregnant, lots of meds, shots, procedures, and ultimately a miscarriage.

I had some kind of music from theparks CD and it was in the CD player and the SpectroMagic music came on ad I started bawling. I mean like a waterfall. DH came upon me in this state, asked what was wrong, and I said (bawled actually) "I want to go to Disney". We were there 3weeks later. He had some reservations because of all the children we would encounter there, but it was the only place I wanted to be and we stayed at the WL and had such a good time. I don't know if I wanted to be somewhere happy, relxed, away from it all....or some combo of the three. All I know is that I knew that WDW was where I wanted to be.

 

[momrek06]

DH's ONLY brother died in January 2001. Totally unexpected, massive heart attack, age 50yo. DH was devastated. DH was working in NYC at the WTC. Sept 2001 DH loses close close employee/friends (engineers) on 9/11. DH is devastated. We are now in October and he is beside himself with grief, reliving the death of his bro and now 9/11. DH is just so sad.

I decide WE ARE GOING TO WDW. I knew how magical the WORLD was and I knew how much DH loves the WORLD and I just needed my DH back, if not for me but for our two DS'.

I called the WL and booked rooms and called the airlines booked flights for Christmas week (one DS in h.s. and one in college, only time we could go).
So we are set. We are going to WDW.

November 2001, DH's father dies the Monday after Thanksgiving. FIL has been ill but he was doing so well. As a matter of fact, that Monday as MIL was packing up his belongings (as he was given the to go home)...FIL died. OMG!!

YES, it was arriving and walking into the MAGIC KINGDOM that finally finally put a smile back on my DH's face...omg...I was so elated but not for me more for our DS' and especially for DH!!

ETA: At FIL's funeral in Nov., absolutely everyone said to my MIL.... thank God, K's DH got out of the WTC on 9/11 or all three of MIL's men (2 DS' and DH) would have died in 2001.

 

[debster812]

My very first experience at WDW was when I was 7 years old. My grandfather had passed away in October. He and my grandmother ALWAYS had gone out on New Year's eve. Formal dinners and dances, evening gowns, the works. She could not bear to be home alone on New Years, so the day after Christmas she and I went to Disney. This would have been in 1973, we stayed at some motel offsite, and thus began a LIFETIME addiction. For both of us.

To the OP, if you think it would help your DW, and you can afford it, by all means, go for it.

 

[DebbieB]

Can you purchase trip insurance in case she changes her mind at the last minute? It might sound like a good idea at the moment (she probably wants to escape it all right now), but it may feel different right after the fact. If you know you can reschedule, that might help.

The other thing is, people tend not to die on a schedule so you won't really know when to book your reservation if you plan to go immediately after (it sounds like you live somewhere other than Florida and she wants to go while you're both still in the area, unless I'm reading your comments wrong). There will also (presumably) be a funeral to keep in mind, which could make specific planning a bit awkward.

I'd read the fine print before buying insurance. Usually you have to provide a medical reason for canceling. Just changing your mind usually isn't covered.

 

[RadioNate]

I know many people will say that what I experienced wasn't a death but to me it was. I had a miscarriage 3 weeks before a planned trip to Disney. My dh and I were devastated and considered canceling the trip. In the end we decided to go because of our oldest dd who was 4 at the time and so excited to go. It was a good decision. There's nothing like seeing the joy and magic that takes place in Disney help heal a broken heart. If she wants to go then I think you should go. Expect her to fall apart at times though. I remember that often when I would see a family with a small baby I would tear up. A couple of times I had to go to the restroom and compose myself.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss, I too experienced something similar. I found out that we had lost our child on a Wednesday at my 16 week apt. We were scheduled to go to WDW on Sat. My DR pulled strings to get me in for a D&C on Thursday and cleared me to travel on Sat.

Like you I didn't want to disappoint my 4 year old. He was already confused about why there would be no brother or sister and I didn't want to take away his long awaited trip too.

That trip was the BEST thing I could have done to heal myself and my family.

To the OP, if your wife wants to go, I'd take her.

 

[Iggipolka]

Wow..I'm really amazed and touched by the support and encouragement. I'm going to talk to my wife tomorrow in person and see if she still wants to go to Disney after her father dies, or if her asking that was just a wish to escape the moment.

We live in California, so we don't go to DisneyWorld very often, but we do love it. I've already purchase traveler's insurance for our flights and we can reschedule them due to her father's illness or death, if necessary. I'm sure we could just revise the policy to add on DisneyWorld if she wants to go.

btw: To the women who said that having a miscarriage may not be seen as a death, my heart goes out to you. It most certainly is a death.

 

[DVC Kathy]

We lost my mother in April, 2001. As it turned out, we buried her on Friday, and flew to Seattle the next day. DH had a conference, I already had a ticket, and I wasn't ready to spend a week at home by myself.

It was just what I needed. Some of my memories of the trip are a little fuzzy, and I'd like to go back to experience the area more clearly, but it really helped to get away right then.

Back in April 1993 we were in Orlando for another of DH's conferences. We managed to spend some time at Port Orleans French Quarter ahead of time, and moved to the conference hotel Saturday afternoon.

The phone rang just after we checked in, and DH was told to call home (DH's parents were house/catsitting), that there had been a death in the family. It was my favorite Uncle, who was also my godfather. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. When I couldn't reach my Aunt or cousins, I called one of my brothers and had him go tell my Mother. (This was her only sibling - her younger brother.)

DH couldn't go home, and my Mother told me to stay. I remember sitting in a section of the hotel's open area crying the morning of the funeral. DH was busy with his conference all day, but we spent almost every evening at the Adventurer's Club at Pleasure Island. It helped me get through that week - and I have only good feelings about being at Disney during that time.

Your wife probably won't have the clearest memories of this trip to Disney, but I agree that just being there will probably help her. As someone else said, don't plan a commando trip. Just soak up all the beauty and fun.

My sympathies to you and your family.

Kathy

 

[believe]

My Mom passed away 3 years ago. This is the first year I have truly enjoyed vacationing again. DH took me anywhere I wanted to go, they just weren't the best trips. This is just me, others may be fine with it. If she wants to go, take her, but don't have any expectations for the trip.

 

[Evil Genius]

If this is what she would like to do, please take her. She needs to relax and get away from all the emotions that she is dealing with right now.

As for her dark humor. That's a defense to help her get through it. At least she has some of her humor still in her.

I hope her father passes quietly. My prayers to you both.

 

[Andy B]

Not DIsney but my MIL died after a long period of ill health on 31st October 2005, we had scheduled a fancy dress party for my DD as her Birthday falls during the summer when we are on Vacation. My DW insisted we continue with the party which included adults and children wandering the streets in fancy dress trick or trating. Not a normal sight in the UK but my MIL was American.