Dis lawyers: Divorce/custody

[amwildwood]

Take steps to protect yourself financially if she is unstable. As other have said - document everything. If you can have another adult around to witness that might be even better. If your wife's family or parents are around, could they help her so that you can take are of the kids and yourself?

 

[lauradis]

Don't post anything that could be used against you on here or anywhere on the Internet.

How old are kids. Sometimes kids have a say in who they live with.

Good luck

 

[Lorelei Lee]

No one is looking at you like "trash".

We live with it and I understand. Hopefully you read my informative posts sans the off topic Santanist discussions.

Most important thing is to realize that your wife is probably in psychosis at the moment. She is not able to make decisions regarding her well being and the well being of your children.

Since you are "new" to this you may not even understand what psychosis is.

Personally I would get temporary custody of my children right now. I would also try my hardest to allow her only supervised visits with her children.

Not sure how you would go about doing that but I do wish you well in going forward.

You suggest "supervised visits" as if the courts routinely grant that on the other parent's say-so. You need considerable evidence that the children would be in a dangerous situation without supervised visitation. Considering that the OP says this is a recent change in behavior, it's not going to be easy to have a court grant supervised visitation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You suggest "supervised visits" as if the courts routinely grant that on the other parent's say-so. You need considerable evidence that the children would be in a dangerous situation without supervised visitation. Considering that the OP says this is a recent change in behavior, it's not going to be easy to have a court grant supervised visitation.

Oh, I know.

However it is really scary to think of your kids going off with a possibly unmedicated schizophrenic who is likely in a psychotic state.

What does temporary custody do? Would you be able to not allow her to take the kids?

I hate to say it but you can create a paper trail with police calls if you have to resort to that. You know she shows up and demands to take the kids, you don't allow it and then call the police.

What about that?

I know that with my MIL the police were the ones who helped out getting MIL to getting her back on track on a couple of occasions.

This is such a tough situation.

 

[Lorelei Lee]

Oh, I know.

However it is really scary to think of your kids going off with a possibly unmedicated schizophrenic who is likely in a psychotic state.

What does temporary custody do? Would you be able to not allow her to take the kids?

I hate to say it but you can create a paper trail with police calls if you have to resort to that. You know she shows up and demands to take the kids, you don't allow it and then call the police.

What about that?

I know that with my MIL the police were the ones who helped out getting MIL to getting her back on track on a couple of occasions.

This is such a tough situation.

Until there is a court order awarding custody and spelling out visitation rights, both parents are presumed to have custody of the children and neither parent's right is superior to the other's. Refusing to allow the other parent access to the children has consequences. Proving that the other parent is a danger to the children and should not have access or should have only supervised access is a difficult proposition.

Those of us on this thread have only a few details that the OP provided. and none of us are family law attorneys practicing in Ohio.

The OP is going to an attorney on Monday. that's the person who should be giving him advice on this. The rest of us are just muddying the waters here. Following the well-meaning advice given here could actually make the OP's situation worse.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Until there is a court order awarding custody and spelling out visitation rights, both parents are presumed to have custody of the children and neither parent's right is superior to the other's. Refusing to allow the other parent access to the children has consequences. Proving that the other parent is a danger to the children and should not have access or should have only supervised access is a difficult proposition.

Those of us on this thread have only a few details that the OP provided. and none of us are family law attorneys practicing in Ohio.

The OP is going to an attorney on Monday. that's the person who should be giving him advice on this. The rest of us are just muddying the waters here. Following the well-meaning advice given here could actually make the OP's situation worse.

Good points.

 

[lisaviolet]

I know by posting this most will think I am trash, I can take it. I am not ashamed, we were a normal happy family until about six months ago. Something in her head snapped and here we are. I need the advice but on top of that one person might read this and see that they do no have to be ashamed by the bad things that happen to us in life. Mental illness could happen to ANY of us, I think part of the reason it has gotten to this point is her and I were both ashamed and embarrassed. We did not do all we could because we were afraid of people finding out. If one person reads this and knows that it is nothing to be ashamed of and avoids this heartache by facing it head on then I am ok with looking like trash.

Stop. Please. You don't look like trash, not even close - but you know that. You know the ins and outs of it all. And judgments are ridiculous anyway.

And Lord knows no one knows anyone's life beyond these keys.

I found it rude to joke about thank goodness we posted it, but forgot to come on and say that.

And I was going to come on and suggest that you ask a moderator to take this down and come on under a different name for advice with less information and *maybe* think about the coping and compassion instead. Why? I don't think it's fair to your wife to have all of this out there under her DIS name, that's all - not because of the content. Because she's ill. Not an attack on your decisions at all, just a thought.

Regardless, I'm so very sorry that you are going through all this and I don't pray much but I will most definitely say a prayer for you all.

 

[ptlohmysoul]

I know there are some lawyers here and I am hoping someone can ease my mind a little bit. The wife is having an affair as we speak, the first time she slept with this person she checked herself into the Psych ward because the voices in her head told her to drive in front of a semi. While in the hospital she was diagnosed with schizophrenia, as far as I can tell she has been taking her meds. She was ok for a little while after coming home, in the last week she has resumed the physical part of the affair and has only come home three of the last six nights. I know that it is not that simple but am I going to get custody? What type of documentation do I need to prove the illness? Does the fact that she is not coming home to our kids help my case, if so what kind of records should I keep of that? The guy she is sleeping with is literally a satanist, we have raised our children in a christian home, can this play a role? We are in Ohio BTW. Thanks in advance.

You will get much better and more detailed advice from your lawyer, but...

Keep in mind that the standard is "best interests of the child" and that courts tend to want both parents to be involved in their children's lives.


Document, document, document.

Having an affair does not preclude an award of custody. It's the other items you mention that have me concerned for the welfare of the children, such as her hospitalization for mental illness and her apparent inability or interest in providing care for the children.

Being a Satanist, in and of itself, would probably not preclude your wife's new friend from having contact with your children. It's conduct, not belief, that would be relevant.

Good luck.

I agree. Important thing is to document as much as possible with specific information including dates/times, etc. I'm sure your lawyer will recommend filing papers immediately for child custody. Does she have a formal diagnosis? That will help make the case easier, but custody is never easy. Requesting supervised visitation only should be granted. Specific laws depend on the state you live in.

 

[JakeJenna]

Stop. Please. You don't look like trash, not even close - but you know that. You know the ins and outs of it all. And judgments are ridiculous anyway.

And Lord knows no one knows anyone's life beyond these keys.

I found it rude to joke about thank goodness we posted it, but forgot to come on and say that.

And I was going to come on and suggest that you ask a moderator to take this down and come on under a different name for advice with less information and *maybe* think about the coping and compassion instead. Why? I don't think it's fair to your wife to have all of this out there under her DIS name, that's all - not because of the content. Because she's ill. Not an attack on your decisions at all, just a thought.

Regardless, I'm so very sorry that you are going through all this and I don't pray much but I will most definitely say a prayer for you all.

Its not her account, it was supposed to be a joint account for planning our Disneyland trip but she lost interest( I should have known something was wrong then ). She has never used it though.

 

[lisaviolet]

Its not her account, it was supposed to be a joint account for planning our Disneyland trip but she lost interest( I should have known something was wrong then ). She has never used it though.

My apologies, I misunderstood. And I communicated poorly, I meant joint when I said hers.

 

[Peanut Giggleface]

OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this and I imagine this is very hard on the kids this time of year.

The only advice I can give is something I read here on the boards a few months ago. Now I don't know if this is applicable in your situation, but from waht I read previously, you can get temporary and immediate custody of your kids based on your wife's abandonment of the children and your belief that she is not only a harm to herself but to her children. What you would need to do is contact your police department and explain the details of your situation. They will decide if you qualify for this temporary form of custody. They will then arrange a time for you to go before a judge to explain your situation further. She does not need to be present and you can get this all accomplished in a very short period of time. This does not replace a divorce hearing of final custody, but I would think it would help your case a lot for determining permanent custody arrangements.

Like I said above I don't know much about this subject so I may have missed some details, but it's worth a shot. You have nothing to lose by calling the police and finding out.

Blessings to you.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Never assume anything. When you assume you let your guard down and that is dangerous. You can file for an emergency custody order. They can be difficult to get, but if you feel your children are in danger you need to try. Until you have that order, or until you see your lawyer, do not let your children out of your sight. At this point she has as much right to take the kids and leave as you do. You must protect them. You are going to be in a position to have to prove allegations. DOCUMENT everything. Many people hire private investigates to help them build cases. Many lawyers will recommend this to you. Know what you want when you go to your lawyer. Do you want her out of the house? Do you need a restraining order?
Prayers for you all as you tread this scary situation.

 

[topolino]

What the devil is going on in this thread??

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

What the devil is going on in this thread??

Pun intended?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I know by posting this most will think I am trash, I can take it. I am not ashamed, we were a normal happy family until about six months ago. Something in her head snapped and here we are. I need the advice but on top of that one person might read this and see that they do no have to be ashamed by the bad things that happen to us in life. Mental illness could happen to ANY of us, I think part of the reason it has gotten to this point is her and I were both ashamed and embarrassed. We did not do all we could because we were afraid of people finding out. If one person reads this and knows that it is nothing to be ashamed of and avoids this heartache by facing it head on then I am ok with looking like trash.

Honey, no one thinks you're trash. Mental illness can hit anyone, like you said, just like any illness. It's nothing she or you have done, especially if it's schizophrenia.

Openly talking about it helps remove the stigma. It's time for everyone to stop being ashamed of mental illness. It's a part of all of us. I truly believe that mental health is a spectrum just like physical health, ranging from maybe poor self esteem to psychosis, just like physical illness can range from a mild allergy to a terminal illness. No one is 100% healthy all of the time.

 

[topolino]

Pun intended?

OP, I don't have any advice for you, but I hope it all works out.

 

[KaLyn]

Phew...I got past the first few posts and was worried no one would follow the rule!!! OP...No advice, but I am very sorry your family has to go through this right now.

This is off topic and I apologize...I've seen things posted about "the rule" though I can never figure out what it is. What is it?

 

[goofinoff]

This is off topic and I apologize...I've seen things posted about "the rule" though I can never figure out what it is. What is it?

The first person who responds is supposed to quote the original post.

 

[KaLyn]

The first person who responds is supposed to quote the original post.

Ummm....I'm feeling a little dumb here. What's the point of that? I mean, who else would they have to be replying to except to the OP?

 

[topolino]

Ummm....I'm feeling a little dumb here. What's the point of that? I mean, who else would they have to be replying to except to the OP?

Because it's been known to happen that when threads take a dramatic turn, or if things don't go the OP's way, they will edit their original post. They can't edit their quoted post, so by quoting it, it will always be visible, even if it is later altered.