DH Fired...Again

[Biscuitsmom31]

Well, DH has lost another job. I'm finding it difficult to be sympathetic.

I know he does his best but he has lost two jobs this year and we have a new house we have to pay for. This time his boss told him he just wasn't catching on fast enough and needed too much hand holding. That's the same reason his last boss gave him.

I thought I married a smart man. Now I'm starting to think maybe he's not too smart. Maybe I'm just frustrated that once again the financial burden is all on me. DH feels terrible. He says he's a loser and a failure. I hate it that he feels that way but I can't help but feel annoyed that he can't keep a job.

I'm his wife and I need to be on his side. Why can't I make myself do that?

 

[FreshTressa]

Hugs to you both. You must both feel terrible.

Is he lazy in other areas, or is he really trying?

 

[Barb D]

I thought I married a smart man. Now I'm starting to think maybe he's not too smart.

Maybe it's not a matter of intelligence, but fear. I know people who are so afraid of messing up that they move slowly and refuse to take risks. It can be very frustrating to work with people like that. (I remember a computer programmer I once worked with who was terrified to compile and run a program because it might not work. She had a tough time getting her head around the idea that if it didn't work, you could figure out why and fix it.)

In any case, I'm sorry you're dealing with this -- and especially right before Christmas.

 

[graygables]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, especially this time of year. I feel your pain, we just closed my hubby's business that was his father's business and had been around for 40 years b/c he let it wither away to nothing, by not seeking new contracts and just waiting for the jobs to come to him. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling b/c mine is pulling the same "I'm a loser" CR@%. I want to tell him to get over himself, get up off his rear, GET A JOB, and make it work, for Pete's sake. I'm also self-employed (although my business is growing b/c I'm working it), so it's VERY scary to look into the future with no paycheck in sight.

I also agree that it might be the fear factor Barb mentioned. Is it possible that he's just not in the right field for him and maybe he needs to look into other avenues?

to you.

 

[grlpwrd]

Well, DH has lost another job. I'm finding it difficult to be sympathetic.

I know he does his best but he has lost two jobs this year and we have a new house we have to pay for. This time his boss told him he just wasn't catching on fast enough and needed too much hand holding. That's the same reason his last boss gave him.

I thought I married a smart man. Now I'm starting to think maybe he's not too smart. Maybe I'm just frustrated that once again the financial burden is all on me. DH feels terrible. He says he's a loser and a failure. I hate it that he feels that way but I can't help but feel annoyed that he can't keep a job.

I'm his wife and I need to be on his side. Why can't I make myself do that?

You know, my dad was the type to never hold down a job. Not something I am proud to say .... I think part of it was because he didn't like to listen to authority , but part of it was because working for others wasn't in synch with his personality.

He eventually started his own packing and moving company in Hawaii. Of course, I don't know your dh's issues (ie maybe he has a learning disability), but I am just saying that perhaps one day he will find the "right fit." Or perhaps he needs to find the right field for now that best matches his ability.


Best of luck to you and your family ...

 

[fan of the TTA]

dam it.....and so near to christmas!. hope he can maybe get another job.....soon enough!

 

[Allison]

What kind of work does your husband do? Is it something that just isn't a good fit?

 

[fan of the TTA]

What kind of work does your husband do? Is it something that just isn't a good fit?

would like to know that as well

 

[kdibattista]

I'm sorry

 

[shortbun]

I'm his wife and I need to be on his side. Why can't I make myself do that?

Keep working on it. You are in shock and disappointed. Work hard to stay supportive of him and send him out to look for work with a smile on your face and a can do attitude. He doesn't need more demoralizing; strangers are doing a great job. I'm sure you were correct about him being smart. Not everyone has every apptitude, smart or not. If you can't say anything nice, sing - there are loads of great Christmas songs to sing right now, just sing.

 

[barbeml]

He could be a smart person with a learning disorder. My DBIL has always been very slow to learn, but once he knows it he knows it, and he is certainly not stupid. However, he sometimes gives up to easily in frustration (especially when trying to do something for the first time while being observed).

My stepfather is a very bright man with severe memory issues that cause him difficuty in retaining what he has learned.

A neurological evaluation might be in order. There are ways to compensate once you know what the challenge is.

 

[Launchpad11B]

Changing career fields sounds like good advice. Depending on his age and education level maybe a shake up is just what he needs to find something for which he has an aptitude. Good luck.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

A doctor could also evaluate him for ADD.

 

[java]

Perhaps he is in the wrong field. If he is not doing what he loves then perhaps he isn't trying.

I'm so sorry. DH has lost jobs, the nature of his business. And it is sometimes difficult to be supportive, but really if you are not they can slide down deeper. Last time, several years ago now, I got proactive and would mention industry job fairs that I had found. I printed out his resumes- fine tuned it a little. And sent him out there. He treated looking for a job like a job. And would get up and get out there meeting with everyone he knew.
When it came down to it he had the choice of a couple of jobs. He is very happy now and at a much better job. Good luck I hope you have the same luck that we did. Things have a way of working out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Depression is sure to follow this.

I would certainly do some serious discussion with your DH about goals & his careers, etc...
Get him some counseling & a medical eval. if you think he is in need of it.

 

[bigbabyblues]

I'm so sorry.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm so sorry. Maybe he is having trouble catching on because he isn't confident in his abilities? He's so afraid of failing that it makes it hard for him to learn? I don't have any advice but I hope it all works out soon for you.

 

[Metro West]

That stinks...especially when it happens this time of year. Hopefully something great will happen in 2008!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm so sorry. What field is he in? Is it a truly difficult job? If so, maybe he should switch to another. If not, maybe he just needs to build his confidence up. We rarely do a great job if we feel we can't. I know financially this is a rough time, but maybe he should talk to a therapist. If you do not think you can afford it, your county should have something available based on ability to pay.

 

[DebbieB]

What kind of work does your husband do? Is it something that just isn't a good fit?

That's what I was thinking. I am a trainer for an insurance company and there are people who just can't get it despite trying very hard. It just isn't their thing. They need to look for something in a different field.