Destination Wedding, your thoughts/opinions.

[Mouse House Mama]

We had people from age 6 to age 70 at our wedding in the Caribbean. Im not making excuses. And not just young couples have DW.. just pointing that out.

We made adjustments. My entire family lives in CT, ME, FL, MA.. we now live in Utah.. no matter what there would be traveling on both ends. Everyone in our family was able to celebrate with us at our reception in the states.

AGAIN I will say you can not please everyone all the darn time.
There was no hard feelings towards anyone that could not attend our DW. It was something we wanted to do so we did it.That is it. agree or disagree.It happened!

Like I said, it worked for your family. I would bet though that if your parents couldn't come you would have changed your plans because you wanted them there. That is what I am trying to say.

NO ONE WAS FORCED TO GO!

oh my heck.

I never said anyone was forced to go. I only pointed out that it was cheaper for you because you weren't the one paying for everyone's vacation.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Not sure how many people here are from the NY/NJ area, but yes $100 a plate is the norm here. I have looked. We live 2 miles from the beach. There is one place that will do the reception, ceremony, etc, on the beach but there has to be a min # of guests (130!), a min amount that you have to spend ($1200) during peak season. Which April-Oct, the warmer months here in Jersey. And this place is between $120-$145 a head. I'm a non practicing catholic and I really didn't care to get married in a church.

If i had a local wedding here it would be big b/c since my mom and dad are offering to pay more than half they are going to want to invite more people (bosses, extended families, etc). and since they are paying I don't think I should really be telling them "no" you can't invite so an so. And since it would be bigger we'd have to have the DJ, flowers, invites, etc. Just my mom's family alone last night I counted 40.

In terms of DF's parents, I don't want to say he's just not that close to them, but its like a totally different relationship . They live out of state, they talk once a month, and I have to remind him to call them on their birthdays, holidays, etc. And they also will send DF birthday cards 2 weeks later, IDK, just a different relationship I guess. When DD was going to 3 different drs in 1 week and was hospitalized and drs wanted her to go for an MRI, no one ever called to see how she felt or how she was doing. He has lived on his own since he's 18. So, I really am unsure of his feelings about it, he keeps saying lets do what we want to do. I am not trying to exclude them or anything but given their relationship and his feelings towards the wedding (let's just do what we want) I just don't know how to react to it.

I was going to do the memories wedding in WDW (private ceremony just the 3 of us) but then everyone got mad about that!

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

OP please check out

www.bestdestinationwedding.com

It is an amazing site and it may very well help you with your decision.

Thanks, I will check it out after I make dinner.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Not sure how many people here are from the NY/NJ area, but yes $100 a plate is the norm here. I have looked. We live 2 miles from the beach. There is one place that will do the reception, ceremony, etc, on the beach but there has to be a min # of guests (130!), a min amount that you have to spend ($1200) during peak season. Which April-Oct, the warmer months here in Jersey. And this place is between $120-$145 a head. I'm a non practicing catholic and I really didn't care to get married in a church.

If i had a local wedding here it would be big b/c since my mom and dad are offering to pay more than half they are going to want to invite more people (bosses, extended families, etc). and since they are paying I don't think I should really be telling them "no" you can't invite so an so. And since it would be bigger we'd have to have the DJ, flowers, invites, etc. Just my mom's family alone last night I counted 40.

In terms of DF's parents, I don't want to say he's just not that close to them, but its like a totally different relationship . They live out of state, they talk once a month, and I have to remind him to call them on their birthdays, holidays, etc. And they also will send DF birthday cards 2 weeks later, IDK, just a different relationship I guess. When DD was going to 3 different drs in 1 week and was hospitalized and drs wanted her to go for an MRI, no one ever called to see how she felt or how she was doing. He has lived on his own since he's 18. So, I really am unsure of his feelings about it, he keeps saying lets do what we want to do. I am not trying to exclude them or anything but given their relationship and his feelings towards the wedding (let's just do what we want) I just don't know how to react to it.

I was going to do the memories wedding in WDW (private ceremony just the 3 of us) but then everyone got mad about that!

So what is your total for a wedding in NY/NJ and what is the total for a WDW wedding? And is the difference in amounts worth having a grumpy grandfather or brother for a few weeks?

It sounds like your DF's parents aren't really all that hands-on and don't really bother themselves about his life. If he's given you this impression and truly doesn't care, then ignore all the 'advice' you're hearing here about how hurt his folks might be to be left out of the wedding. It seems that they've already chosen to leave themselves out of their child's and grandchild's lives at this point. Missing a wedding is just one more thing they can choose to be left out of. If it's important to them, they'll find a way to attend.

 

[*Meagan*]

Like I said, it worked for your family. I would bet though that if your parents couldn't come you would have changed your plans because you wanted them there. That is what I am trying to say.


I never said anyone was forced to go. I only pointed out that it was cheaper for you because you weren't the one paying for everyone's vacation.

My parents would never say "nope sorry were not coming". If my parents were sick or if something was out of their control it would be a totally different ball game.

Right. But I would never pay for anyones vacation nor would most people. So again pointing out.. no one was "forced" to go. They chose to go on vacation and it just happened to be when we were getting married.

We paid plenty of $$$ in the states for our reception that everyone was able to attend.

Not sure how many people here are from the NY/NJ area, but yes $100 a plate is the norm here. I have looked. We live 2 miles from the beach. There is one place that will do the reception, ceremony, etc, on the beach but there has to be a min # of guests (130!), a min amount that you have to spend ($1200) during peak season. Which April-Oct, the warmer months here in Jersey. And this place is between $120-$145 a head. I'm a non practicing catholic and I really didn't care to get married in a church.

If i had a local wedding here it would be big b/c since my mom and dad are offering to pay more than half they are going to want to invite more people (bosses, extended families, etc). and since they are paying I don't think I should really be telling them "no" you can't invite so an so. And since it would be bigger we'd have to have the DJ, flowers, invites, etc. Just my mom's family alone last night I counted 40.

In terms of DF's parents, I don't want to say he's just not that close to them, but its like a totally different relationship . They live out of state, they talk once a month, and I have to remind him to call them on their birthdays, holidays, etc. And they also will send DF birthday cards 2 weeks later, IDK, just a different relationship I guess. When DD was going to 3 different drs in 1 week and was hospitalized and drs wanted her to go for an MRI, no one ever called to see how she felt or how she was doing. He has lived on his own since he's 18. So, I really am unsure of his feelings about it, he keeps saying lets do what we want to do. I am not trying to exclude them or anything but given their relationship and his feelings towards the wedding (let's just do what we want) I just don't know how to react to it.

I was going to do the memories wedding in WDW (private ceremony just the 3 of us) but then everyone got mad about that!

My DH has such a strange relationship with his mother.
Im an only child where as DH has 4 younger brothers who he practically raised. Two totally different family situations.

Im from CT and its the same way there.. east coast weddings are not cheap. Even in the cheapest way.

 

[BELLE1109]

again, I had a destination wedding and loved every second of it. It was exactly what I had always pictured. We were blessed that both sets of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends could attend. I can honestly say everyone had a BLAST.
however, there were people who I wanted to share my day with who could not attend. This is why we had a welcome home reception where we paid for food and drinks.
I really feel like I was able to have the best of both worlds.

A general comment, this thread weirdly got negative. You don't 'owe' anyone anything for your wedding. Its between you and DF. If someone is offput that you won't have a traditional wedding- who cares. They can have their wedding their way.

again, congrats

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[*Meagan*]

again, I had a destination wedding and loved every second of it. It was exactly what I had always pictured. We were blessed that both sets of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends could attend. I can honestly say everyone had a BLAST.
however, there were people who I wanted to share my day with who could not attend. This is why we had a welcome home reception where we paid for food and drinks.
I really feel like I was able to have the best of both worlds.

A general comment, this thread weirdly got negative. You don't 'owe' anyone anything for your wedding. Its between you and DF. If someone is offput that you won't have a traditional wedding- who cares. They can have their wedding their way.

again, congrats

we did the same. Where did you have your DW?

 

[Scurvy]

In terms of DF's parents, I don't want to say he's just not that close to them, but its like a totally different relationship . They live out of state, they talk once a month, and I have to remind him to call them on their birthdays, holidays, etc. And they also will send DF birthday cards 2 weeks later, IDK, just a different relationship I guess. When DD was going to 3 different drs in 1 week and was hospitalized and drs wanted her to go for an MRI, no one ever called to see how she felt or how she was doing. He has lived on his own since he's 18. So, I really am unsure of his feelings about it, he keeps saying lets do what we want to do. I am not trying to exclude them or anything but given their relationship and his feelings towards the wedding (let's just do what we want) I just don't know how to react to it.

If your fiance doesn't care if his parents attend, and they have said they don't want to attend, then I'd take them all at their word and I'd have the Disney wedding if that's your dream wedding. It sounds like everyone who matters will be there. It might be different if your husband wanted them at his wedding or if they wanted to see their son be married but were unable to come to your destination, but if no one cares if they go, why worry about it?

As an aside, though, if your main reason for not having the wedding at home is that you want a small wedding (and assuming you aren't willing or able to cover the cost yourself) why don't you ask your parents if they would still be willing to pay if you were to choose to have a comparably small wedding at home instead of Disney? Maybe they would surprise you and say yes. If not then you're no worse off than you are right now.

 

[BELLE1109]

we did the same. Where did you have your DW?

Cancun, MX. Where was yours?

 

[Disney Doll]

OP, I personally don't have a problem with destination weddings. I have gone to most I have been invited to. There have been a couple I've had to skip because of conflicts or finances, but there were no hard feelings on my part (toward the bridal couple for planning a destination wedding) or their part (for having invited me and then I couldn't attend).

That being said, it seems to me your choices are:

1. Have a destination wedding where you will potentially NOT have some of the important "players" in your family there...in-laws, grandpa, brother.

2. Have an "local" wedding which means you may be spending bigger $ than you want to.

What it boils down to is "how important is it to you to have those people at your wedding?"

Once you figure that out, you'll figure out what to do. As far as a local wedding...you can do a lovely local wedding inexpensively...you just have to get out of the mindset that your wedding has to be like all the other weddings you've gone to in your area.

It doesn't have to be a big sit down shindig. You can do cocktails & hours d'ourvres, you can do a backyard barbeque, you can do lots of thigs that could be really lovely or really fun and not break the bank.

 

[*Meagan*]

Cancun, MX. Where was yours?

Turks and caicos!

 

[Wishing on a star]

In terms of DF's parents, I don't want to say he's just not that close to them, but its like a totally different relationship . They live out of state, ....

Thanks!
That's what I wanted to find out.

So, given that his parents would have to travel either way... (and I am assuming that they have not seen fit to travel to see you guys) they have to travel, that is the way it is... Wherever the wedding is, they can choose to attend, or not to attend.... It doesn't sound like there is any guarantee either way.

In that case, I say that since most everyone else can probably make your dream wedding at WDW, if they really wish, I would seriously consider going for it.

I am not a big fan of destination weddings...
But, in your case, I don't see a lot of huge negative factors.
And, I am not one to try to let my own preferences dictate what might be right for somebody else.

If this is what you REALLY want...
And most people can attend....
And if this will prevent your mom from trying to turn your wedding into an 'event' with everybody you've ever head of invited...

Then I would say, yes, continue to give this some strong consideration.

Again, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

[disykat]

If your fiance doesn't care if his parents attend, and they have said they don't want to attend, then I'd take them all at their word and I'd have the Disney wedding if that's your dream wedding. It sounds like everyone who matters will be there. It might be different if your husband wanted them at his wedding or if they wanted to see their son be married but were unable to come to your destination, but if no one cares if they go, why worry about it?

Just because her fiance doesn't seem to care if they attend doesn't mean they don't want to! My impression is that he hasn't even asked them if they will attend a destination wedding. There's been no mention of whether they are physically or financially able to, etc. There's been no mention of abuse, a crappy childhood, etc. Just because he isn't feeling particularly close to them at the moment doesn't mean they don't matter. He justs wants to please his bride and doesn't really care about this so he'll let her plan the wedding of her dreams with her family. There's been no indication whether they care or not. The fact that they live in another state and don't call a lot doesn't automatically mean they don't care. They are his PARENTS, and barring a whole lot of junk that could have happened but we've heard nothing of, they matter!

I honestly don't understand why no one is asking them if they would be able to attend if... and explain the different scenarios. If they truly don't care or wouldn't be able to attend either way then it would be a no brainer. However, no one has said that is the case. In the OP my impression was that her choices are a small local wedding, which his parents could attend, or a destination wedding, which her parents are pushing for, that would exclude his parents.

 

[okeydokey]

It's your wedding so you can have it wherever you want to. However, if close family members would like to come and can't afford it, it would be nice if you offered to pay their way or at least parts of it.

 

[Squishypig]

My it's just my circle but I'm finding that the trend these days is to have a small, immediate family only event near home. The last three of my friends who got married all went this route.

Destination weddings can be a lot of fun and a good compromise for couples who each have guests who will have to travel. I would have had a destination wedding but it was important to my husband to have one here at home so that is what we did. Like previous posters have said, if a destination wedding is what you want, go for it but you really can't get upset if any of your guests decline. Well you can and your feelings are always valid but destination weddings have a much higher rate of declines because it can potentially put a lot of burden on your guests.

And to those who say that they can't believe people would get upset if guests don't go? Yeah. Last year my mom and I had a huge fight because she mentioned that my brother and his girlfriend at the time were discussing a destination wedding that would consist of a week long party cruise and then a long weekend at beach location for the wedding. I told her that I would definitely fly to whatever the destination was for the actual wedding but I wasn't so sure about the week long cruise as I don't have a lot of vacation time and it can be hard for my husband to get away for that long due to work projects as such. She said that he was my brother and to not go to everything was selfish. So here I am saying that I would go to this hypothetical destination wedding just not the weeklong party beforehand and I started WWIII.

 

[Scurvy]

Just because her fiance doesn't seem to care if they attend doesn't mean they don't want to! My impression is that he hasn't even asked them if they will attend a destination wedding. There's been no mention of whether they are physically or financially able to, etc. There's been no mention of abuse, a crappy childhood, etc. Just because he isn't feeling particularly close to them at the moment doesn't mean they don't matter. He justs wants to please his bride and doesn't really care about this so he'll let her plan the wedding of her dreams with her family. There's been no indication whether they care or not. The fact that they live in another state and don't call a lot doesn't automatically mean they don't care. They are his PARENTS, and barring a whole lot of junk that could have happened but we've heard nothing of, they matter!

I honestly don't understand why no one is asking them if they would be able to attend if... and explain the different scenarios. If they truly don't care or wouldn't be able to attend either way then it would be a no brainer. However, no one has said that is the case. In the OP my impression was that her choices are a small local wedding, which his parents could attend, or a destination wedding, which her parents are pushing for, that would exclude his parents.

You're right. For whatever reason, I was remembering that the OP had said that they weren't going to attend. But I went back and looked and she actually said:

The problem? FIance isn't too sure his parents would go, he thinks it would just be his sis, grandmother and his best friend. And I don't think my grandfather would come or my brother. My grandfather is older and I don't know if he'd want to travel and my brother has dogs that he doesn't want to leave.
---------
I guess, I am sad that my grandfather and brother probably won't come, but I understand that they can't, I wouldn't be mad, but at the same time I don't want them to be mad at me for not getting married locally.

Not sure what to do...WWYD?

So she doesn't actually know if any of these people would want to go. OP, if you want to know whether they would come or not, you ought to just ask them. You shouldn't just assume you know how they would respond. There's no reason to stress yourself out about these "what ifs" - if you intend to invite them to your wedding, why not just tell them the possible destination and ask right now if they'd be interested in coming?

I understand that your inlaws are out of state. Are you assuming they would come to a home wedding but not a destination one? If so, why? Is the travel time for them to get to each of the places significantly different?

 

[EllNat11]

Best of luck to you with whatever you choose! I think you've gotten some great points of view here...