DD19 wants to withdraw from college, advice please?

[Jeanne B]

My DD shocked me tonight by announcing that she's not happy at the local university here and wants to withdraw. She's a sophomore and really likes her major but long story short, she's not happy with the college, professors, their teaching methods, etc.

I understand why she wants to withdraw and I feel I need to support her decision but what I'm not sure of is if it's best for her to finish out this semester or withdraw tomorrow (which I believe is the deadline to get 50% of the tuition back).

She told me she is definitely still very interested in her major (communicative disorders) and wants to pursue it again at a later date but she's struggling academically (she's on academic probation) and it seems to have to do a lot with her unhappiness at the university. She was always an A/B student in highschool taking AP classes so she knows, and I know, that she's capable of doing much better.

Her intent is to withdraw and take the time she needs to figure out what college she wants to transfer to (most likely out of state) but is it even considered a transfer if she doesn't transfer immediately? Obviously I want to make sure she doesn't do something that costs her the credits she's earned to date during her freshman year. And I'm also concerned that her being on academic probation could affect her acceptance at another college.

We're planning to go to the University tomorrow to find out what the procedure is for withdrawing but I'd be interested in some feedback from those who have had a child do the same, or from those who have been through this themselves as a student.

 

[kate_wdw]

If I were you/her and her intention is to graduate college, I'd be concerned about how another college or university would view her transcript (i.e., struggling academically and withdrawing mid-semester). I'd also be concerned about what she will be doing if she withdraws, specifically, if she would be able to get good-paying and resume-enhancing job.

I'd also be curious to know what the urgency is in her withdrawing now (besides the opportunity to get 50% of her tuition back). Does she have assignments or tests in the near future that she's freaking out about?

Unless she's miserable, I would want her to fight out this semester (hopefully demonstrating to future schools that she's capable of more than what's she's been doing), particularly since it seems she's capable of getting good grades. The fact that you have to suffer through stuff short-term to get where you want to be long-term is an unfortunate and unavoidable part of adult life.

 

[zurgswife]

It might be better to have W on a transcript and to explain that you decided to change universities then have a couple of D's or F's and C's.

A W doesn't necessarily mean you are failing when you withdrawal. More poor grades might continue to bring down her GPA which might cause more issues at another college. If she was a freshman first semester I might suggest sticking it out. She's not.

If you can get any of the money back that might be a smart move. Though if she has loans she might want to investigate how she will be effected if she leaves school and pay back requirements. Or how long she has to return to school before the loans will be due.

 

[elaine amj]

I withdrew from my college after my first term. It was OK and I was not unhappy. However, I didn't like the work (I didn't find it challenging enough) and I felt it wouldn't take me where I wanted to go. I knew I wanted to stick to my major though. I did finish out the whole term though with straight As. I ended up switching plans to head to another university. Because of a variety of factors, I never transferred the credits and pretty much consider that semester a waste now. Half the time I forget it even happened.

It wasn't the first time I switched tracks and it wasn't the last time...but I was always careful to have a very solid plan for switching tracks. Looking back, I probably should have attempted to get those credits transferred but because I couldn't do it at that time I forgot all about it. To be honest, i don't think I even kept the transcript from that time.

In your DD's case, I would caution her to make sure she finds out all the repercussions of withdrawal, and carefully consider all the pros and cons. That said, if she's already on academic probation and can drop her classes with a 50% refund, then it might well be the best course to pursue. It may not even have to be anywhere on her record after this?

Good luck with helping her through this time. Transition to university can be very difficult and there are many high school star students who suddenly find themselves in academic difficulties - often because the independence gets to their heads.

 

[firecracker725]

I withdrew from a community college my sophomore year. I was miserable which led to my grades being awful/dropping classes, so I took the rest of the year off. After doing some soul-searching, I re-enrolled at a four year university and had much better grades.

 

[Jeanne B]

She's definitely very miserable...and the timing of when she withdraws is my biggest question so zurgswife, what you've mentioned is why I'm thinking it may be best for her to withdraw now, I'm concerned if she goes through another semester with bad grades that's one more negative against her.

I read that withdrawing in the second third of the semester goes on her academic record as a W but if she withdraws in the first third (which would be the case if she withdraws this week) there's no academic penalty and all dropped courses are deleted from the students academic record.

 

[Jeanne B]

I withdrew from a community college my sophomore year. I was miserable which led to my grades being awful/dropping classes, so I took the rest of the year off. After doing some soul-searching, I re-enrolled at a four year university and had much better grades.

This seems very similar to what my DD is going through. She doesn't want to waste a 4 year degree at the wrong university...she's mature for her age and I know she wouldn't be considering this if she didn't truly feel it was the best thing for her in the long run which is why I'm being supportive, I just want to make sure she chooses the best timing for withdrawing.

 

[AddictedtoDoleWhip]

Question, you said she was/is on Academic Probation which means her GPA is below a 2.0 right? (That's what it's like here anyway) If she is going to transfer how is she going to get accepted into a University with such a poor GPA? Most schools will not accept someone who is on academic probation, unless she is planning on going to a community college until she figures out what she wants to do/where she wants to go, and then she will have raised her GPA.

I think it's best if she withdraws if she's not very happy with where she is, and getting 50% back on her tuition is nice. What are her plans after she withdraws?

 

[jujube]

Better to withdraw with a "W" and also getting some of your money back. What if you pushed her to stay and next week she said she has to quit? Then she wont have "W"s and you will not get money.

 

[kitgal421]

The first years of college are so difficult! I went through something similar just a few short years ago. High really doesn't prepare students for college at all. They just don't.

I was lucky that I was terrible at high school, but good at college. Most people experience the reverse. I still had a TERRIBLE burn-out the middle of my sophomore year. I knew the college I was at was not the right one for me. I wanted to drop out mid-year, but my mother convinced me to stick it out til the end. This was because I wasn't actually out-right failing any classes. However, if your DD is actually in danger of failing I would take my 50% and head home.

Transferring to a different college was the best choice I made. Does she have her gen eds out of the way? If not I would suggest a local community college. She can get some basic credit without too terrible of a load and being close to home.

Tell her it does get better! Many people are forced into the idea of 4 year intensive college when they are not ready and their heart is not in it. Take it slow and do what she feels is best. 19 is still very young and a hundred things could change in the next year.

 

[Jeanne B]

Thanks for the input everyone, this is what I love about the disboards.

In your DD's case, I would caution her to make sure she finds out all the repercussions of withdrawal, and carefully consider all the pros and cons. That said, if she's already on academic probation and can drop her classes with a 50% refund, then it might well be the best course to pursue. It may not even have to be anywhere on her record after this?

I'm intending to go with her tomorrow so I can ask some of these important questions and talk with her about the pros/cons before she makes any definite decisions, the repercussions are my biggest concern.

 

[bdcp]

Let her. My DS (26) didn't tell us til after his 3rd year he wanted to drop out. I wish he had told us earlier. We spent a lot to get him that far. He moved home, completed his Associates at a CC and has a great job in IT. He's currently interviewing to move to a new job and working on certifications and probably going back to finish his bachelors degree. Everyone is different and every school is different. If she really loves her major, she will finish elsewhere.

 

[Jeanne B]

Question, you said she was/is on Academic Probation which means her GPA is below a 2.0 right? (That's what it's like here anyway) If she is going to transfer how is she going to get accepted into a University with such a poor GPA? Most schools will not accept someone who is on academic probation, unless she is planning on going to a community college until she figures out what she wants to do/where she wants to go, and then she will have raised her GPA?

This is exactly what I'm concerned about, and it's not something I thought of until after she and I talked. She definitely wants to go back to college but if her GPA is below 2.0 (which it is) that could be her roadblock.

 

[AddictedtoDoleWhip]

This is exactly what I'm concerned about, and it's not something I thought of until after she and I talked. She definitely wants to go back to college but if her GPA is below 2.0 (which it is) that could be her roadblock.

It can also be a major roadblock if she wants to continue as a Communicative Disorders major, which is a heavily impacted major and many people are now interested in that field. She has to have a better GPA than a 2.0, most colleges now want people to have a 2.5+, and impacted majors want incoming freshmen or transfers to sometime have 3.0 to be in the major. It's very competitive at least here.

Her best bet right now with her below 2.0 GPA is to go to a community college, or to try and finish out this semester with good grades (which seems she does not want to stay, or will do worse. Which can in turn get her kicked out or suspended from the University.. or that's what happens at some schools.) I would opt for dropping out and going the CC route.

I just worry with all those "W"'s that it may raise some concern to the university's she applies for in the future wondering if she can handle being in their school, it doesn't look good at have a lot of W's on a transcript even if it doesn't affect the GPA.

 

[violetrose]

It might be better to have W on a transcript and to explain that you decided to change universities then have a couple of D's or F's and C's.

A W doesn't necessarily mean you are failing when you withdrawal. More poor grades might continue to bring down her GPA which might cause more issues at another college. If she was a freshman first semester I might suggest sticking it out. She's not.

If you can get any of the money back that might be a smart move. Though if she has loans she might want to investigate how she will be effected if she leaves school and pay back requirements. Or how long she has to return to school before the loans will be due.

I agree with what this poster said. And I applaud you for keeping an even head through this. We went through a similar problem with our oldest son who figured out in his first year of college that he really wanted a trade school. It was a blow at first but it ended up working out best for all. I think the most important factor is DH and I managed to keep our cool so we could understand exactly what it was that making him unhappy and narrowing down what it was he wanted. Once we established that we were choosier about how we proceeded. Good luck to you and your daughter.

 

[fall08CP]

I would have her consider a work program like Disney college program or americorps. They're both a great way to take a gap year/semester and give her time to think things through. With americorps, she can go to any of the 50 states and work within an area she's interested. They'll also give her $$ towards future education. Disney will, of course, be in Florida or California, and a really fun way to meet people and find your nich (and free tickets and resort discounts for family!)

Both programs look amazing on a future resume as well. Feel free to PM me with any questions

 

[Hannathy]

A semester of w's is much better than a semester of d's and f's, way, way better.

When she goes to apply at another school she can truthfully say she withdrew due to personal problems, that she wasn't ready for school, that she had some emotional problems BUT she went home got together, knew she wanted an education, went to a CC got A's in what ever she takes and is ready to try again because now she has matured is ready.


It is very hard Mom, I'm sorry you are going thru this and your DD is to.

 

[leebee]

I would worry about your daughter being able to transfer to another institution with a GPA that puts her on academic probation. At my DD's university, that would mean a GPA below 2.0. I would think that if she has a GPA this low, she might be better off withdrawing from her current university and then just applying as a freshman all over again when she finds a place she's more comfortable attending. IF she took classes last year and got grades of B or A (or even a C), she could see about transferring the credit for each specific course AFTER she was accepted as a freshman at the new school, but honestly, I don't think that any school will accept her as a transfer student with a GPA of a 2 or less.

Is there any chance she could withdraw from some of her classes and keep those she feels she can earn decent grades in? If she only took 4 classes (3 credits each) that'd be 12 credits, she'd be full time so wouldn't jeopardize any financial aid, and maybe have a shot at raising her GPA enough to be able to transfer someplace. Also... does she live on campus or at home (from your post it sounds like you live near her school)? If she's in the dorms, would she be happier if she finished the semester (with a reduced course load) out at home, where she will have more control of her own environment and not have to deal with roommates, noise, dining halls, etc.?

My DD is a sophomore at the University here in town. She has done really well but many of her friends, who had terrific grades in high school, are struggling in college. I don't think high school adequately prepares them for college. I know several of DD's friends who breezed through high school, taking honors and AP classes, but did really poorly freshman year. What they have learned in college is that high school didn't teach them how to study. US high schools have to keep their "scores" high, so they teach to the testing systems. Colleges don't... and they expect the student to do the majority of learning ON THEIR OWN instead of being spoon-fed the information they'll be tested on, like the high schools often do. A close friend who is an academic dean just finished compiling the data from a survey that the University conducted last spring, asking 2nd semester freshmen how much studying they had done each week during fall semester. The average reported was 10 hours a week for all courses combined, because that's what worked in high school. If they want to be successful in college, they should be studying 10 hours per week PER COURSE! No wonder the kids are struggling; they are woefully unprepared when it comes to study skills and approaches. They literally do not know how to study to learn and retain information. You need to know more than how to answer specific questions on tests (that you have practiced in advance)! (I mean this in general, not your DD, OP!)

 

[Jeanne B]

I would have her consider a work program like Disney college program or americorps. They're both a great way to take a gap year/semester and give her time to think things through. With americorps, she can go to any of the 50 states and work within an area she's interested. They'll also give her $$ towards future education. Disney will, of course, be in Florida or California, and a really fun way to meet people and find your nich (and free tickets and resort discounts for family!)

Both programs look amazing on a future resume as well. Feel free to PM me with any questions

My boyfriend used to work as a program director or something at Americorps years ago and he'd mentioned it to me in the past as a possibility for my DD but I'd forgotten about it until seeing your post.

I really appreciate all the input and advice from you all, it's certainly giving me things to think about it and I'll be printing this out for DD to read since this is ultimately her decision.

 

[Jeanne B]

Is there any chance she could withdraw from some of her classes and keep those she feels she can earn decent grades in? If she only took 4 classes (3 credits each) that'd be 12 credits, she'd be full time so wouldn't jeopardize any financial aid, and maybe have a shot at raising her GPA enough to be able to transfer someplace. Also... does she live on campus or at home (from your post it sounds like you live near her school)? If she's in the dorms, would she be happier if she finished the semester (with a reduced course load) out at home, where she will have more control of her own environment and not have to deal with roommates, noise, dining halls, etc.?

leebee, my DD is at UMaine as well. She was in the dorms last year but now she has an apartment in Bangor, I thought that might make the difference this year but apparently not. Withdrawing from just some of the classes might be an option too...so much to consider!!