DBF NOT a fan, how do you handle it?

Discussion in 'The DIS Unplugged Podcast' started by Mickeyflower, Jun 28, 2011.

  1. Mickeyflower

    Mickeyflower I find that The Dis is my happy place frequently

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2009
    Messages:
    448
    Hello all: I recently discovered my DBF of 2 years, is not even willing to go to Disneyland or WDW. I can't seem to convince him that they are so much more than "Amusement Parks" I totally cringed :headache: when he said that too. He said "Convince me to spend the money to go there instead of Alaska or Greece" and as I tried to, he was rolling his eyes. So, to avoid an ugly fight, I dropped it.

    It's clear to me that I am alone in my desire to revisit my favorite places on earth. My question is: How did any of you handle it when you found out that not only was your significant other NOT a fan, but had NO DESIRE to go there EVER. I knew he wasn't a fan when we started dating, but had no idea he would be so close minded about going.

    I have a couple friends who would be willing to go with me, but I am very disappointed that he doesn't want to go with me.
     
  2. Avatar

    Google AdSense Guest Advertisement


    to hide this advert.
  3. roomthreeseventeen

    roomthreeseventeen Inaugural Dopey Challenge finisher

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2009
    Messages:
    8,047
    My husband is not a huge fan. He likes the Grand Floridian well enough, and some of the parades, but he is never in a rush to go down to Orlando.

    The reason he does it is that it's important to me. We go lots of other places, too. We just went to Cooperstown, we're going to the Poconos, Canada, Europe next summer, etc. It's a trade off.

    The one thing I can tell you is that you definitely do not want to go if he's going to be miserable about it. Far better to go with your friends and have a great time.
     
  4. *NikkiBell*

    *NikkiBell* The WDW Merchandise Walking Bible Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2005
    Messages:
    12,528
    It has taken me awhile to come to the realization that some people were just not born with the "Disney gene" and that is okay. If your partner does not want to go, what is stopping you? :) Go alone or with friends. I strongly believe that WDW should be experienced with a multitude of people, not just one.

    Speaking personally, I am SO incredibly glad that I made sure to experience WDW without my ex (we did go together as well). If I didn't, I would have a very difficult time going back there now that we are no longer together. I am not saying that this will happen to you, but its my experience and just drives home the fact that it's okay for you to go without him. :)
     
  5. NancyIL

    NancyIL DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 1999
    Messages:
    21,635
    I think it's great that he is willing to go to Alaska and Greece!

    My husband isn't a big Disney fan, so I usually go to WDW (and Disneyland) SOLO. If your bf won't agree to go with you - go with your friends. When he sees that it's important enough to you that you'd go without him, maybe he will be willing to give it a try some day.
     
  6. OKW Lover

    OKW Lover Retired and living 2 miles from The Castle. DIS Lifetime Sponsor

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2004
    Messages:
    23,409
    How about striking a compromise? One year you vacation where he wants, the next year you vacation where you want.
     
  7. Mickeyflower

    Mickeyflower I find that The Dis is my happy place frequently

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2009
    Messages:
    448
    Didn't think about alternating vacations, that's a good idea. I am hoping that he will give in and go someday with me. I guess I was just surprised that he wasn't even the least bit willing. I pointed out to him that I have tried things (camping, watching Duke basketball) that I wasn't thrilled about either, but I did because I love him. He got a very guilty look on his face LOL. But I told him I didn't want him to go because I think he'd be a sour puss the entire time. His response, "You're probably right"
     
  8. NancyIL

    NancyIL DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 1999
    Messages:
    21,635
    There's your answer: Leave him home!
     
  9. SamSam

    SamSam http://www.wdwinfo.com/dis-sponsor/index.

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2001
    Messages:
    6,623
    I like the idea of alternating years. Who knows, he may actually find he likes going. If he doesn't and is no fun when you're there, then start going without him.
     
  10. Mickeyflower

    Mickeyflower I find that The Dis is my happy place frequently

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2009
    Messages:
    448
    I will definitely be going without him. It is still pretty disappointing though.
     
  11. Allison

    Allison DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2005
    Messages:
    12,640
    DH has no desire to go anymore.

    I've gone with friends several times, took one of my kids before and I'll probably go solo at some point.
     
  12. Alztybrn

    Alztybrn Was there life before TIVO?

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2006
    Messages:
    518
    ~edited :)

     
  13. NancyIL

    NancyIL DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 1999
    Messages:
    21,635
    I hope others notice that you left out the word "home"! :lmao:
     
  14. djblu883

    djblu883 DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2006
    Messages:
    2,210
    How about mentioning GOLF, Fishing, all kinds of water sports???? Braves baseball practice, racecar driving....just a food for thought...and thinking of food: Food and Wine Festival!!!!:flower3:



     
  15. dansyr2514

    dansyr2514 DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2006
    Messages:
    2,273
    I know what your feeling. DBF is not a fan either. He does go but he is not a parks fan. I compromise and do every other day a park day. We eat at the nicer places and he lives with it and might even have fun..although he will never admit it.
    However, if he said he would never go...it might be a dealbreaker for me.
     
  16. poohbearwithme

    poohbearwithme I don't believe in Tag Fairies....whoops

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2006
    Messages:
    416
    My DH refuses to go also...so I go without him and go with friends or family that does. Do you really want to go to Disney with someone who really doesn't want to be there? You know it's more than a Theme Park but can't convince otherwise, trust me been there done that!!! I tried the videos, books, the vacation DVD Disney sends and even websites to convince him otherwise...no luck. Finally after going twice without him my family is planning a trip next year and he wants (or should I say willing) to talk about going along. He may not go to the Parks but he will be on Disney Property...that's a huge step trust me. So my advice back-off and go without him, and maybe one day after seeing how important it is to you, that maybe enough to get him to tag-along.
     
  17. Cin

    Cin DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2010
    Messages:
    927
    I have the same problem. My DH knew from the first date I was a Disneyholic, and he even gave me a stuffed Tigger on our first date. Sooo fast forward 10 years and I insisted that for our 10 year anniversary from our first date that he take me to meet the real Tigger. He did and he grumbled pretty much the whole trip and we had a marital moment day 3 and I ended up at the parks alone for rope drop, while he stayed behind sleeping in or whatever. We finally worked it out so that I got up went to the parks for rope drop and did my thing and then we would meet up for lunch go to the resort and do what he wanted and return to the park in the evening and he would join me in the parks for a couple of hours to ride whatever FP's I had picked up and then leave. He did enjoy DHS very much and we ended up staying there all day!!! That was the only park he stayed more than 3 hours in. So now fast forward to us getting home and him telling me he was never going to Disney again, I better find someone else to accompany me. Then out of the blue he tells me, "That Disney man was a genius", and he wants to go back and stay at the AKL and he wants to golf and he wants to do the Richard Petty nascar experience and lay at the pool and fish and just rest and relax. I think he secretly enjoyed being pampered by the Disney resorts and it was his first "real" vacation ever in his life. He admits now he just didn't know how to not be in charge and he is used to taking control and not letting someone else do things for him. Now he says he wants to go back as long as he doesn't have to do the parks. He thinks they are for little kids. Especially MK, which is my favorite! But, (and don't tell anyone) but he was practically hopping skipping and jumping and grinning ear to ear when we got on the Pirates of the Caribbean. I got him to ride it twice! And Splash mountain he enjoyed with me too. I was really scared to ride on Splash Mountain as I have bad motion sensitivity issues, so he rode the first time with me to "protect and take care of me" and the second time because he liked it. He even pulled out his phone and took video of the ride the 2nd time! I don't expect him to really go back to the parks much again, but he surprised me the other day and played a Disneyworld show he found on Netflix and while we were watching he saw the Electrical Parade and Wishes and a few other things and he said, "Hey why didn't we do that?!!!" :headache:ummm... I bit my tongue and smiled smugly. :rolleyes1Next time honey.
    I kind of kept my sweetie supplied with Margaritas during the trip and tried to find guy things for him to enjoy and not so many girlie things so I kept out of the shops for the most part and led him to all the thrill rides. He loved Rock n Rollercoaster and rode it over and over and over. He enjoyed Downtown Disney and the musicians and artists performing live there. We stayed on property at ASM but it sort of screams Disney too much for him so our next trip will be a split at AKL (his pick) and WL or Fort Wilderness cabins. Good luck with your non Disney lover. I got lucky that Disney magic and pixie dust landed on mine so he at least is willing to return. Even though he was so grumpy the entire trip and I couldn't tell he was having fun. :cool2:
     
  18. FireDancer

    FireDancer DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2008
    Messages:
    13,275
    While I get that Disney isn't for everyone I do find the inability of people to compromise a bit odd. I like active travel. My idea of vacation is to bike Tuscany or Provance and stuff like that. I even try to incorporate races into trips I take to different cities and to Disney. I have no desire to go anywhere and sit on a beach for a week. A day or two maybe but not a week. If I dated someone who wanted to do that I'd suck it up and take a couple of beach vacations and I'm sure she would suck it up and take some active vacations.

    When you care about people you do things you don't want to do sometimes and try to be supportive. I think someone dating or marrying a Disney fan would be the same and hopefully that Disney fan is just as willing to compromise and go other places. I think we all have deal breakers in a relationship but I would be concerned with the lack of compromising (and the underlying communication issues most likely involved) then their lack of a Disney gene.
     
  19. Mickeyflower

    Mickeyflower I find that The Dis is my happy place frequently

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2009
    Messages:
    448
    First of all, it is NOT absolutely NOT a deal breaker that he does not have the love or like even for Disney that I do. In my opinion, it is very shallow to dump someone because they don't want to go to Disney with me. He definitely respects my love for Disney, he shakes is head a little but that's okay with me. I do the same with his love for Duke basketball, wrestling, and other boy things he loves. If he turned intolerant of it, then we'd have a problem.

    We have amazing communication. This was just a very tiny bump in our road. By no means is it insurmountable. I think by doing what several of you have suggested and leave him home and go and have a good time with others, is the way to go. Maybe I will eventually slip a little pixie dust on his head :cutie: and he'll join me. As long as he doesn't forbid me to go, we are okay.:love:
     
  20. lisaisanurse

    lisaisanurse Mouseketeer

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2011
    Messages:
    223
    DH does NOT like Disney either, to be honest, we both don't feel it's a vacation, rather it's a trip but we do go every other year to assist my family (brothe in a w/c). We do have fun, none the less but we don't spend a lot of time in the parks, we do DXDP, we do a lot on the boardwalk area...we are NEVER in the park in the afternoon past 12N (unless we are finishing up lunch). DH stocks up on his cigars, his favorite wines and enjoys the pool for several hours in the afternoons...DH is going on 2 days of bass fishing, 6 hours each day! We are going 12 days so we take our TIME and we DO NOT RUSH, we don't do any rope drops, we see the things we didnt see the last time............it works out quite well. We always eat together as a family, we meet up for meals (most of the times). So, it's a compromise.........................(although it appears DH is getting the better deal, lol.. not really, he is the best thing that ever happened to me and he does for me in return NO DOUBT!

    P.S. We are staying at the Fort Wilderness Cabins, on the DXDP...he likes that idea!
     
  21. DisneyKevin

    DisneyKevin Kelvis Moderator

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Messages:
    9,190
    I dont see where anyone suggested that you dump anyone.

    I see a relationship issue when you tell us that he refuses to discuss it or rolls his eyes when you talk to him about it.

    For a relationship to survive, you have to be willing to compromise. If he wont compromise or even consider this....what will be the next thing that he roll his eyes about?

    No one is required to love and / or visit Disney, but when their significant other suggests that it's something important to him / her...it should be at least important enough to discuss.

    Again....I'm not suggesting that you dump him, but I'd definitely see this as a red flag.
     

Share This Page