College: Who Pays - Parent or Kid?

[oopsiDAISY]

Three years ago I took a lower paying job at a local private university. My wages are lower than I would be making anywhere else, but tuition for my three children will be free when they are old enough to attend. We struggle financially right now. During those times when I wish I want to leave knowing it could easily higher paying job, I have to remind myself that I am investing in my childrens' futures. My oldest DD wants to be a veteranarian. I told her I have her first four years covered, but she will be responsible for paying for grad school.

 

[ccgirl]

My children will pay for their own just like I did. I came from a single parent home with no extra money whatsoever. I paid for every dime myself. It took me twice as long as a lot of other people but I did it. I did have a good deal of student loans. If I had listened to my mom in high school and got better grades maybe I would have received a scholarship. But, I didn't listen. My children know they are expected to pay. My daughter works her butt off in both school and sports in hopes of getting a scholarship one day.

 

[LisaR]

I am curious...is this the new 'norm' at college? Going home every weekend?

I ask this because (as I mentioned) my girls are living at home, but we are only 5 minutes from campus so they go over a lot, hang out with friends, are part of clubs and things. And they have both meet new people that they will invite to do things and will ask if they want to hang out on the weekend, but they seem to keep getting the response...."I go home on weekends."

Now they are Freshmen, and their new friends are also Freshmen....so maybe this is a Freshmen thing? Or is it the new norm? Maybe to work at a job on the weekends? Or they just want to be back with their old friends?

I am only asking because it seems as if making/being friends with local kids is going to be better since they are the only ones around to do stuff on the weekends.

I don't remember this way back in the day when I went to college. I left, came home on breaks and that was pretty much it.

So are others seeing this as a trend at college?

I think it depends on the college. We visited a college DD really liked and we purposely went back on the weekend to check it out and it was dead. I thought that would be the case because it is a smaller school, no sports, and on the outskirts of town. I wanted her to see for herself what the weekends would be like. Needless to say, she didn't like that college anymore.

We live an hour from one of the biggest universities in the country. There is more than enough to do both on campus and off. The girl across the street from us just started her sophomore year there a few weeks ago. As a freshman, I think she came home almost every weekend. It perplexed me. I talked to her once and her parents multiple times and they said she loves it there. I didn't ask why she was always home but I did find it rather odd. If I am paying for my kid to get that experience, she better stay there and actually take advantage of the experience more often than not. I'll be curious if I notice her coming home as frequently this year.

 

[disykat]

I've always thought schools with nothing to do are quite active on weekends compared to city places. My experience at a small school without easy access to a city was very active dorms, lots of activities, etc. with most kids staying on campus and participating. Even kids who lived nearby stayed on campus on the weekends.

My son goes to a big school in the middle of a city. His campus is dead because everyone is out around the city or at their homes in the surrounding suburbs. No planned dorm stuff at all. My younger son is planning on going to a big school, but it is out in the middle of nowhere and has a very active social life on campus because of that.

 

[imsayin]

My DW and I feel a moral obligation to pay for our children's education and have put in place mechanisms in order to ensure we have adequate resources to do so. I am expecting to pay for undergraduate degrees regardless of their course of study or other issues and will pay for graduate school as long as they can make a compelling case for why it will help them pursue their dreams and goals (in other words, I don't want them to hide in school just to avoid working).

My only wishes are for them to leave the state and to live away from home while in school. I think living away from home it is an important part of the maturation process. I'd also like them to attend the most prestigious school they can, as well, since I believe that the network is as important as the degree. Others obviously disagree with me on both fronts, based on my cursory reading of this and other threads, but it's how I was raised and how I intend to raise my children.

I agree with you on all of this! My oldest just started college this semester, out of state, and she is loving it. I commuted to college, had to pay all my expenses, and picked a bad college because of it. And no, I don't appreciate my degree more because I had to work so hard to get it.

 

[robin19871]

We are paying for as much as we can.. We only have one child and as of 2 years ago he is able to use my husbands GI Bill.. (18k) We have amassed quite a bit of money for his education as well as both grandparents have contributed greatly.. As of now, he has enough for 2 years at an Ivy League school.. I expect him to apply for anything that he is eligible (grants, scholarships) and the rest will be in loans... It was tough saving but I never went without in order to save.. Thank Goodness I only have one to pay for..

 

[DDM101]

In 1987 when I graduated from High School, my parents basically told me, "If you go to college directly out of High School, we will help pay for it. If you choose to take time off, we won't..." I chose the latter path and eventually graduated from college with a BS in 2000. Ultimately during those very busy years between beginning college and graduating, I was working a full-time job, going to college full-time AND raising a child solo while maintaining a household. I was a single mom who was very fortunate to receive pell grants and student loans to help pay for my college...(finally paid off in 2011! Yay!) I never received nor expected monetary help from my parents for my college education. Most of my friends paid for their own college educations, as well. My son is currently a freshman at our flagship state university, and I intend to help him out financially as best as I can. I certainly don't want to see him struggle financially, yet I truly believe that his working a part-time job while maintaining a strong GPA will benefit him, and that he should strive to meet his goals primarily on his own. He received a small student loan for the year ($5500, while tuition/room & board is approx. $22,000), so the rest is financed with loans and money previously set aside by us. Boy, that set-aside money sure doesn't go far! I'd love to be able to pay his way through college, but it's not feasible. Good for those of you who can afford to pay for your kid's college education and for those of you who have had parents who could afford to pay for yours... it's not in the cards for everybody.

 

[disykat]

In 1987 when I graduated from High School, my parents basically told me, "If you go to college directly out of High School, we will help pay for it. If you choose to take time off, we won't..." I chose the latter path and eventually graduated from college with a BS in 2000. Ultimately during those very busy years between beginning college and graduating, I was working a full-time job, going to college full-time AND raising a child solo while maintaining a household. I was a single mom who was very fortunate to receive pell grants and student loans to help pay for my college...(finally paid off in 2011! Yay!) I never received nor expected monetary help from my parents for my college education. Most of my friends paid for their own college educations, as well. My son is currently a freshman at our flagship state university, and I intend to help him out financially as best as I can. I certainly don't want to see him struggle financially, yet I truly believe that his working a part-time job while maintaining a strong GPA will benefit him, and that he should strive to meet his goals primarily on his own. He received a small student loan for the year ($5500, while tuition/room & board is approx. $22,000), so the rest is financed with loans and money previously set aside by us. Boy, that set-aside money sure doesn't go far! I'd love to be able to pay his way through college, but it's not feasible. Good for those of you who can afford to pay for your kid's college education and for those of you who have had parents who could afford to pay for yours... it's not in the cards for everybody.

It is a good thing, and I assume you're including yourself in those numbers since it was offered to you as well. You were offered money, you just chose not to take it. I don't think anyone here is saying EVERYONE has that offer or option. (and I assume that MOST adults who go back to school later don't get that offer from their parents - mine won't.) I think the only real disagreement here is whether parents think their kids (and I mean fresh out of high school kids, not adult kids) are responsible for their own school or whether parents should try to help as able. There have been very few posters who don't think the kids should contribute at all - I think I counted one?

 

[BubMunkeyBles]

We are paying for as much as we can.. We only have one child and as of 2 years ago he is able to use my husbands GI Bill.. (18k) We have amassed quite a bit of money for his education as well as both grandparents have contributed greatly.. As of now, he has enough for 2 years at an Ivy League school.. I expect him to apply for anything that he is eligible (grants, scholarships) and the rest will be in loans... It was tough saving but I never went without in order to save.. Thank Goodness I only have one to pay for..

If it's the post 9/11 GI Bill you should also look into the yellow ribbon program. A lot of schools (private schools mostly) will pay the rest of the tuition. The post 9/11 GI Bill is an awesome deal for kids because it pays books and housing too. My husband just transferred his GI Bill over.

 

[Faaatty]

AGREE AGREE AGREE!

I have two children in college. One attends (through YEARS of hard work, sacrifice, dedication and a huge brain) one of the top universities in the country, the culmination of lifelong dream. The other attends a state university and is currently in the final year of a 6 year journey to a bachelor's degree. Both are far from home. Two very different students, but we love them equally and I am thrilled we are able to pay their education bills without resorting to loans, even if that includes graduate school, which it appears it will.

I was blessed to have my parents pay for my education. I consider it one of my most valuable assets and accomplishments. My husband attended a military academy and served active duty for a number of years following his graduation as required to 'pay' for his. We were able to start our life together with zero education debt and that made all the difference in the world for us. It would be a waste of OUR educations if we did not plan to provide the same or more for our children.

To accomplish this we made spending choices like every other family. We bought used cars, we drove them longer, we maintained good credit, we kept discretionary spending in check, we ate at home, we ate leftovers, we saved, we invested, we didn't get the huge TV and premium cable packages, vacationed under our means, the younger kid wore hand me downs. You get the idea.

It's a lot of money but it's worth every penny.

My DW and I feel a moral obligation to pay for our children's education and have put in place mechanisms in order to ensure we have adequate resources to do so. I am expecting to pay for undergraduate degrees regardless of their course of study or other issues and will pay for graduate school as long as they can make a compelling case for why it will help them pursue their dreams and goals (in other words, I don't want them to hide in school just to avoid working).

My only wishes are for them to leave the state and to live away from home while in school. I think living away from home it is an important part of the maturation process. I'd also like them to attend the most prestigious school they can, as well, since I believe that the network is as important as the degree. Others obviously disagree with me on both fronts, based on my cursory reading of this and other threads, but it's how I was raised and how I intend to raise my children.

I've learned that my family talks about colleges and universities the way many families talk about their favorite athletic teams. We tour college campuses when we're traveling to see what's out there, we talk about which schools are best for different courses of study over dinner, etc.

 

[anelson81993]

I am curious...is this the new 'norm' at college? Going home every weekend?

I ask this because (as I mentioned) my girls are living at home, but we are only 5 minutes from campus so they go over a lot, hang out with friends, are part of clubs and things. And they have both meet new people that they will invite to do things and will ask if they want to hang out on the weekend, but they seem to keep getting the response...."I go home on weekends."

Now they are Freshmen, and their new friends are also Freshmen....so maybe this is a Freshmen thing? Or is it the new norm? Maybe to work at a job on the weekends? Or they just want to be back with their old friends?

I am only asking because it seems as if making/being friends with local kids is going to be better since they are the only ones around to do stuff on the weekends.

I don't remember this way back in the day when I went to college. I left, came home on breaks and that was pretty much it.

So are others seeing this as a trend at college?

I'm in college now, at one of our state universities, and I live in the dorms, and while I personally go home every weekend, a lot of the girls in my dorm don't. Our school has a football team and all sorts of weekend activities, plus there's plenty to do in town on the weekends. In fact, I only go home on the weekends because my job is there--I work at a grocery store off campus weekends. I worked there all through high school, and they pay me well enough that it is worth it to make the commute each weekend to stick with a good job with great hours in a store I like, with people I know, doing a job I know well. I live on campus during the week not because of the "experience," but because crunching the numbers, I came to the conclusion that living in my dorm (without a roommate) was the least-expensive and most appealing option for me, especially considering the variable cost of gas and my second job tutoring on campus.

 

[Elinor Dashwood]

Absolutely!

The reason so many of us want our kids to have that experience is because it was one of the most fun times of our lives. My experience, and that of many people I know who've lived in dorms past and present, is that even with occasional roommate issues etc. - living in a dorm is FUN. It's kind of a unique time period in your life, probably your only chance to live that way.

I moved off campus my last year of college, but spent a lot of time visiting friends in the dorms. My apartment with three other girls was boring in comparison. I certainly don't look back on it as a unique living experience. I shared apartments after college too, though they got nicer.

I worked at a National Park in the summers during college and had a locker and a bed in a 60 person sleeping porch. It was a blast! Having a room with only one roommate seemed like quite the luxury after that.

If we lived close to college I wouldn't really see the point in paying for my child to have his own apartment - he can do that after school. I would see a point in paying for the dorm so he could have that once in a lifetime experience.

I'm not arguing that living in a dorm is fun (I lived in a dorm too) but it isn't necessary. The reasons you gave have to do with fun times and a camp like experience. I just don't believe that having that is what college is all about. Especially considering how much it costs. If you look at what you want to accomplish with college, for me, it wasn't living it up in a dorm. It was getting a degree so that I could make a living. I will definitely encourage my children to live at home (if the college is close enough) and save money.

 

[ssawka]

I'm not arguing that living in a dorm is fun (I lived in a dorm too) but it isn't necessary. The reasons you gave have to do with fun times and a camp like experience. I just don't believe that having that is what college is all about. Especially considering how much it costs. If you look at what you want to accomplish with college, for me, it wasn't living it up in a dorm. It was getting a degree so that I could make a living. I will definitely encourage my children to live at home (if the college is close enough) and save money.

However, living in a dorm is a great way to learn how to live independently. In my family, I was the only one to go away to school. I think having the experience of living away from home provided me with more opportunities (as well as the courage) to pursue jobs in multiple locations. I was eventually recruited on campus for a job in a city 5 hours from home. I have had many great jobs since that time, all due to my decision to move away from home.

My siblings on the other hand went to school near home, lived at home until they got married, and then all bought houses within a half hour drive from my parents. They all have jobs, but not great jobs and all continue to mooch off of my parents. Also, they complain about the lack of jobs in the area but are unwilling to move away because they continue to be dependent on my parents. Who knows, if they had decided to go away to school maybe they would have better jobs and would actually act like independent adults.

Going away to school is about learning the lessons that they can't teach you in a classroom!

 

[Colleen27]

I think it depends on the college. We visited a college DD really liked and we purposely went back on the weekend to check it out and it was dead. I thought that would be the case because it is a smaller school, no sports, and on the outskirts of town. I wanted her to see for herself what the weekends would be like. Needless to say, she didn't like that college anymore.

That's a really good idea. I wish I'd had the foresight to think of that when I was looking at colleges and I will definitely keep that in mind as my kids start looking at schools.

 

[LisaR]

However, living in a dorm is a great way to learn how to live independently. In my family, I was the only one to go away to school. I think having the experience of living away from home provided me with more opportunities (as well as the courage) to pursue jobs in multiple locations. I was eventually recruited on campus for a job in a city 5 hours from home. I have had many great jobs since that time, all due to my decision to move away from home.

My siblings on the other hand went to school near home, lived at home until they got married, and then all bought houses within a half hour drive from my parents. They all have jobs, but not great jobs and all continue to mooch off of my parents. Also, they complain about the lack of jobs in the area but are unwilling to move away because they continue to be dependent on my parents. Who knows, if they had decided to go away to school maybe they would have better jobs and would actually act like independent adults.

Going away to school is about learning the lessons that they can't teach you in a classroom!

I don't think dorm living is a way to learn to live independently especially when mom and dad are footing the bills and all your meals are provided.

I think living away is a good thing and I've encouraged it, but I don't think it determines ones future anymore than going to a community college your first few years out of high school does. I know so many successful people and so many losers and there isn't any one thing that made them so except their personalities.

 

[disykat]

I don't get why when someone says they feel living in a dorm is a worthwhile experience a bunch of people come on and act like we're saying that students who don't get that experience are doomed.

This entire thread, people have talked about providing the best options for their student that they can AFFORD. No one has said, go into massive debt for things you can't afford. If I couldn't afford for my child to go off to school and live in a dorm, we wouldn't do it. That doesn't keep me from thinking it's the best case scenario for him.

 

[LisaR]

I don't get why when someone says they feel living in a dorm is a worthwhile experience a bunch of people come on and act like we're saying that students who don't get that experience are doomed.

This entire thread, people have talked about providing the best options for their student that they can AFFORD. No one has said, go into massive debt for things you can't afford. If I couldn't afford for my child to go off to school and live in a dorm, we wouldn't do it. That doesn't keep me from thinking it's the best case scenario for him.

Maybe because some posts are worded exactly like that?

The poster above just gave the example that she went away to college and has now lived in multiple locations and has had multiple opportunities but her siblings lived at home and their lives just aren't as fulfilling as hers. They live only a half hour from their parents and have good jobs but not as great as hers. She literally says they might "actually act like independent adults" if they had done things the way she did because apparently being married, supporting your family, and having a good job wasn't the correct way to go about it. Yep, she pretty much says, "go away to college or you'll be doomed."

 

[disykat]

Maybe because some posts are worded exactly like that?

The poster above just gave the example that she went away to college and has now lived in multiple locations and has had multiple opportunities but her siblings lived at home and their lives just aren't as fulfilling as hers. They live only a half hour from their parents and have good jobs but not as great as hers. She literally says they might "actually act like independent adults" if they had done things the way she did because apparently being married, supporting your family, and having a good job wasn't the correct way to go about it. Yep, she pretty much says, "go away to college or you'll be doomed."

Huh. I read it that she was RESPONDING to a post that questioned the "worth" of living in a dorm. She was telling why she thought living in a dorm had worth by sharing her experience.

 

[LisaR]

Huh. I read it that she was RESPONDING to a post that questioned the "worth" of living in a dorm. She was telling why she thought living in a dorm had worth by sharing her experience.

I understand what she was responding to. It doesn't take away from the words she wrote. It was her experience and she compared it to that of her siblings. She somehow feels they are not acting as independent adults and maybe it would have been different had they gone away. I'd venture to guess that the poster has some issues with her sibling that go far beyond their college experience but she still wrote the words.

 

[Elinor Dashwood]

However, living in a dorm is a great way to learn how to live independently. In my family, I was the only one to go away to school. I think having the experience of living away from home provided me with more opportunities (as well as the courage) to pursue jobs in multiple locations. I was eventually recruited on campus for a job in a city 5 hours from home. I have had many great jobs since that time, all due to my decision to move away from home.

My siblings on the other hand went to school near home, lived at home until they got married, and then all bought houses within a half hour drive from my parents. They all have jobs, but not great jobs and all continue to mooch off of my parents. Also, they complain about the lack of jobs in the area but are unwilling to move away because they continue to be dependent on my parents. Who knows, if they had decided to go away to school maybe they would have better jobs and would actually act like independent adults.

Going away to school is about learning the lessons that they can't teach you in a classroom!

I think living in a dorm is peusdo independence. It's not the real world by any means, especially if your parents are footing the bill or you're taking out loans that don't need to be repaid immediately. But that point aside, just because one doesn't live on campus doesn't mean they won't have opportunities. Taking classes means you're on campus, right?

As far as your own siblings go, obviously I don't know your family situation. But you make it sound as if living close to family is a bad thing and that had they only gone away to college, they might have better jobs?

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I like the idea of having my kids living around me after college.