Cold Feet?!?!

[Pomlover2586]

Ok so last Friday DF and I went to our Local Barnes and Nobles to get the new Harry Potter book. While we were there we looked at wedding books/planners. I kid you not every single book I looked at had a whole section [if not an entire chapter!] related to getting cold feet and how to cancel a wedding with class! I hadn't even thought about cold feet this early on! So It made me wonder........how many people do get cold feet? Have you gotten it and if so what happened? How [if you did] did you calm yourself and convince yourself this was the right thing? Being one of the younger brides-to-be on this board i've wondered if I should get married so young [I know i'll marry Sean one way or another its just a matter of when to marry him i.e 1-2 years...more? how long of an engagement etc] I was just wondering what all of your experiences are? Thanks!

 

[jasonandlisa]

I don't know that it was exactly "cold feet", but I did call off my first wedding a few years ago. We had already been engaged a year-and-a-half, after dating for 4.5 years before that. But it was still a full year until my (non-Disney) wedding. That time, I had plenty of reservations, and everybody was very relieved I called it off. (On my side, that is. His side wasn't too thrilled...) This time around, even though we'd only known each other 5 months when we got engaged, I just knew it felt "right". Our wedding's just a few weeks away now, and I can't imagine I'll get cold feet.

Don't know whether that helps you at all. I guess my advice would be to not rush to get married, if you're not absolutely certain. It's so, so, so much better when you don't have any doubts or lingering questions or reservations.

 

[Lynn5700]

Well let me tell you something about cold feet. This is horrible.

One of my clients was supposed to be getting married Sept 8 and her bf called it off 4 days after they sent out the invitations. I felt so bad for her. I was shocked.

He said that it just didn't feel right to him anymore. She had already had her shower and EVERYTHING for the wedding so she had to cancel everything all by herself. He only called the officiant because it was one of his friends.

 

[B2B-2008]

I have the same experience as Lisa, thankfully we hadn't started to plan the wedding yet but we had only just purchased and apartment together. That was a little messy to sort out but I survived.

I got engaged to my H2B after just three months of knowing each other. It just feels so right and natural. Everyone tells us that we are a perfect match. We are both really looking forward to our Disney Wedding

 

[tmli]

Well, this may sound awful but stick with me. I have had cold feet, some days colder than others, and I am getting married in 3 weeks!

Its very hard to explain....I love DF more than anything. I am absolutely certain that life without him is not an option. This is my second marriage...the first one wasn't great and ended with alot of pain. After the divorce I felt for the first time ever I found myself. I was early 30's and had never lived on my own (not even college), went from Dad's house to husbands. All of a sudden I am independent, raising my son and doing really well. Now I feel like a loss of independence is happening again. Not because DF is taking away--he's great. But just because as half of a couple you have to share decision making etc. But inside it still feels like a loss of independence.

The other part of it is a fear that this one won't work either. The pain the first time was brutal, going through it again would be crippling. If you asked my ex he would tell ya that I was the worst wife ever, so I think part of me is over sensitive worrying that maybe he was right and I will screw up this one too!

All of that being said I am getting married in less than a month to a great man who loves more than I ever thought possible and who I love just as much! When the feet get cold, I put on socks.

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Tracey, I completely understand where you're coming from. Now although I haven't been married before, my DF and I did break up temporarily last year (2 months) I had wanted marriage so badly and it felt like he was stalling. Let me just say last year was our worst year ever. When we got back together we got engaged again after a few months and we both realised just how much we really loved eachother and wanted to be married to one another.
Now I don't have cold feet as such but I do worry that we may take eachother for granted again and fall into old habits. I love him so much but sometimes I get scared.

Like Tracey said the break up of a long term relationship can be brutal and I would hate to have to go through that again, communication is the key though and not to let things fester. We have learned from our mistakes and want to continue on this path totally commited to eachother.
I think everyone gets pre wedding jitters, but deep down you should know if you're making the right decision.

 

[IrishLily]

Cold feet? Of course! And it's natural for any bride--that's why so many books have a chapter dedicated to it. I think brides get it because committing yourself to stay with this person is probably the biggest decision you'll ever make. This means that all of a sudden you'll see that persons flaws, that when you were bf and gf seemed cute...but now that it'll be there for the REST of your LIFE? And of course it never helps to be around someone who is in a lousy marraige or who is divorced (and not happily remarried or in love) because they can drag up the worst things in any relationship that you never thought of (my boss was one).

I know that my DF has a temper that's on a short leash (this is when I always say " You must control your temper!" hahaha). He cusses like a sailor (I hate this, but his parents let him do it and now I have to undo it), he can't sleep in bed without tossing and turning and uprooting all of the sheets, he drives way too fast for my comfort, and he spends his money as though it burns a hole in his pocket.

With ALL that said, there are a million more great and absolutely wonderful things about him that not only do I love, but they bear more weight than the aforementioned "flaws". So, yeah sometimes I worry about whether or not he'll ever stop cussing (like when we have kids), or when or if he'll get his temper under control...and this is the cold feet part. But we both know we have flaws and have promised to work on them. When I get cold feet I realize that I can't see myself without him, can't imagine being with anybody else, and that I'll take him forever--flaws and all, because I know that his main objective is making me happy (and he's really good at that!).

 

[BrcsDisneyPrncs]

Getting cold feet is incredibly common, when you think about it, this really is one of the biggest decisions/life events you will ever have! Cold feet doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't ready, or that you don't want to be married, just means that you finally realized how big of a deal this is, and I know a lot of my friends were getting cold feet about the wedding itself, not the marriage - nervous about being the center of attention, and the cost etc. not whether or not they should be married to their Sig. Other. Thats what i'm going to be most nervous about, i HATE having my picture taken, and having everyone stare at me!!! Also, the age thing really doesn't come into play too much, only you know when you are ready, i'm only 22 (will be 23 by the big day, but still!) and heck, i know there is younger brides on here, I believe Laura is 17, and she made a beautiful bride, and you can tell by her TR that she is happy as a clam and is loving being married, so as far as age, as long as you both feel ready (and are legally able to do so, which you are!) go for it, and best of luck!!

 

[wdwtheplacetobe]

Well, this may sound awful but stick with me. I have had cold feet, some days colder than others, and I am getting married in 3 weeks!

Its very hard to explain....I love DF more than anything. I am absolutely certain that life without him is not an option. This is my second marriage...the first one wasn't great and ended with alot of pain. After the divorce I felt for the first time ever I found myself. I was early 30's and had never lived on my own (not even college), went from Dad's house to husbands. All of a sudden I am independent, raising my son and doing really well. Now I feel like a loss of independence is happening again. Not because DF is taking away--he's great. But just because as half of a couple you have to share decision making etc. But inside it still feels like a loss of independence.

The other part of it is a fear that this one won't work either. The pain the first time was brutal, going through it again would be crippling. If you asked my ex he would tell ya that I was the worst wife ever, so I think part of me is over sensitive worrying that maybe he was right and I will screw up this one too!

All of that being said I am getting married in less than a month to a great man who loves more than I ever thought possible and who I love just as much! When the feet get cold, I put on socks.

I read your whole story before I realized this was you!!!

I will be crying at your wedding....not from sorrow...from sheer happiness in just a FEW weeks!!!

 

[Dremwvr]

I honestly think every bride and every groom get cold feet to some degree. It doesn't matter if it is pertaining to the marriage or ceremony. I have to completely agree with Tracey.

I have had cold feet, some days are colder than others.

I love my DF. I can't even concieve an idea of not being with him. This is my first (and hopefully only) marriage. This is also my longest relationship so far, which in itself scares me. Since moving out of my mom's house at the age of 18, I have been dancing to the beat of my own drum. Dated here and there in college, but never really felt the need to be attached. There was honestly 3 years where I was against marriage. I use to look at marriage as the death of oneself.

Now, since I am older and more mature I have realized the error in my ways. After dating DF 3 months, I knew he was the one, without a doubt. Now, 2 years later, as the wedding date grows closer I look at the entire situation and stress the line "till death do you part" HA thats why I am writing my own ceremony.

I worry that since we both came from broken homes that we will create what our parents went through (since it's what we both know). But I can't let worry keep me from following my heart.

I do look at the things I wish were different about him ; drives too fast, short temper, cusses too much for my taste, low self-esteem, spends money as soon as it hits his pocket, smokes like a chimney. Then I look at the entire picture, he isn't absuive, he is the kindest and gentle-ist person I have met, He has a heart of gold, and he loves me and all the rest somewhat goes away.

When you get cold feet don't think it is age related. People mature at all different ages. Age is just a number. If you know he is the one, good for you for finding him so early in life. Some people out there never find their "one".

Hope this Helps, or at least makes sense.

 

[helloirishkitty]

I think everyone gets cold feet, it just depends on how cold they get and whether or not the love you feel is really true

One of my ex-boyfriends (from high school) got engaged 2 years ago to what I thought was THE perfect woman for him. We got invitations in the mail about 6 months ago for a September wedding. Just last week, we got another envelope (which surprisingly matched the invitations) pretty much "retracting" the wedding. And stating that all gifts that had been received prior to the retraction would be returned

At the end of the day, you know why you're in love, why you said "yes" when he asked you to marry him, and why you cannot wait to walk down the aisle. Cold feet or no cold feet, every relationship takes some work and can still be the perfect fairytale

 

[theantibride]

I've had some cold feet already. We've been together for almost 8 years, and known each other for 10 but I still freak out everytime I make a decision about the wedding. It's not so much the wedding per se that freaks me out but the after the marriage. Money, home, kids, all of that stuff it just sort of hits me like a ton of bricks and I flip out. And then we talk about it and he tells me what he's nervous about and then after a few minutes we start laughing and all is well until we decide ons omething again. Hee hee....our wedding coordinator is going to love us. "We want the buttercream frosting." Panic attack. "We want this table setting." Panic attack. "We want this location." Panic attack. Here's hoping they have the patience of a saint!

 

[tmli]

Wow! I am glad to read all of these posts! Its so nice to hear that others not only understand but have similar feelings themselves. I have to make sure DF reads this thread so he realizes its not him!

 

[DisBride2007]

These kinds of feelings apply to any big decision in life... We just bought our first house and there were many times when we weren't sure if we were doing the right thing. However, there's a reason why there's a chapter in every wedding book about cold feet, and one in every homebuying book about buyers' remorse. It's human nature to question the "other" road you could be taking, and it's only natural to want to continue down the path you're currently taking. I've also felt this way when leaving a job and starting a new one. But you can't keep continuing down the same path you're on, or else you won't go anywhere. Just know that other people have the same feelings as you and it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

 

[cinderella0712]

Everyone has taken the words right out of my mouth. I got cold feet 1 week before my wedding at work....to the point...i was numb...was like...wow I am taking a huge step. My coworker came over and saw me just staring out of the window told me to get up and go home. I went to the park and took a moment to "BREATH". I was 150% sure I was going to marry him, but the light bulb just turned on in my brain...where I realized that is a huge step..but I love my DH and I am soo glad that I married him.

 

[Emwit27]

Oh yeah, I can totally relate to this. I was having some serious anxiety last night (wedding is less than 3 weeks away). DF had gone over to a friend's house and I was all alone...and I sort of freaked out. It's okay, I self medicated with some vodka, but before that I took a few minutes to reflect on things.
I am nervous that I am too young (24...is that silly?), that I am crazy for marrying a marriage couselor, and that I am supposed to be single for longer. BUT I quickly realized that this is it. He had been gone for an hour and I MISSED him. I wasn't comfortable without him just being there (he was just at a friend's house). He is such a huge part of me. Marriage makes perfect sense. It is the next step. And, quite frankly, it doesn't change much about our relationship. It's what we have now with some serious tax breaks (he is a grad student...yaaahooo!).
So now I am okay. Cold feet over...and from reading what everyone else wrote this is normal. *phew*

 

[DisneyFairy19]

Well let me tell you something about cold feet. This is horrible.

One of my clients was supposed to be getting married Sept 8 and her bf called it off 4 days after they sent out the invitations. I felt so bad for her. I was shocked.

He said that it just didn't feel right to him anymore. She had already had her shower and EVERYTHING for the wedding so she had to cancel everything all by herself. He only called the officiant because it was one of his friends.

OMG that is soooo horrible...