Chipping in for a bridal shower?? Help with etiquette

[merekc]

Honey I love it when people come up with better words than I have-that's a great post!

Thank you!
I think that is one of my special talents!
If only I could get paid giving advice on the Dis.

 

[TXmom2princesses]

It isso funny I found this thread...cause I literally just got off the phone with my cousin talking about this. My cousins wedding was in Oct. I was the matron of honor and her sister maid of honor and we planned everything with all the other bridesmaids. It was agreed upon by all of us how much stuff would cost. $15 for the shower and her sister and I did all the work and paid, which we loved to do for her. ALL the other bridesmaids did help clean up, except one and she did not pay either. No biggie right $15...well then for the bacherlorette party everyone was supposed to chip in $36 for the limo and tip for all night. This was again decided on by everyone. The same girl never paid. I asked her if she had the money later and she just ignored me. All the other girls were pissed cause she stiffed me. I didn't want to make a big deal, since it was all for my cousin. Well now the girl is getting married and her MOH wants my cousin to chip in $50 for her bach partyerlorette, that my cousin won't even be attending since she has another obligation. My cousin is still just a little mad that she never paid me, and her MOH is very pushy and emails my cousin telling her even if she doesn't attend she needs to pay. What should she do?

 

[bethy]

Regarding the above post I would recommend that she keep politely declining. She should only pay if she is hosting something and had agreed to the timing, cost and plans ahead of time. Clearly she must not be involved in the planning if she has a conflict that same night. No way would I pay $50 for 'hosting" something I wasn't even going to.

Ah the irony . . .

 

[CLR4321]

I'd let MOH pay for it. If she is planning everything without asking for feedback, that would be pretty rude if she expected you to just fork over the money for it, without even confirming that you were able to afford it. If she needs help paying, I am sure she will ask.

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

It's sad how petty all of this tends to get. In the end, the only one who tends to get hurt the most is the bride. No matter how hard they try to keep it from her we always find out, causing undue resentment.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

Ive never been asked to be in a wedding, im kind of glad because i cant afford to buy a dress, party and all that jazz. whoa.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Ive never been asked to be in a wedding, im kind of glad because i cant afford to buy a dress, party and all that jazz. whoa.

When I was asked to be in my cousin's wedding last Fall I was so excited. And then I started thinking about gifts, showers, parties, the dress, shoes, hair, nails, travelling, hotels... After hers I'd be perfectly happy to never be in one again!

 

[CarolA]

Ive never been asked to be in a wedding, im kind of glad because i cant afford to buy a dress, party and all that jazz. whoa.

I was in more then I can possibly recall.

After my best friend got married just before we turned thirty I publicly "retired" I let ALL the unmarried women know "I was done!" No more ugly dresses, matching shoes etc... If they wanted me to help in other ways I was more then glad to, but NO MORE BRIDESMAIDS! (And I have stuck to it LOL!)

 

[PinkRhombus]

In order to head it off, you might want to email or call the MOH and say something along the lines of..."It sounds like you have some very exciting thing planned for whatever. In order to help you plan and budget, I thought I would let you know that I am willing to contribue $XX total towards these events. Let me know if you need any help.".

Exactly. Or maybe just say you wanted to talk about the financial end of all of the plans, and see where it goes from there.

It's easy to get more worked up over this kind of thing if you haven't had a discussion with her.

 

[TXmom2princesses]

Ah the irony . . .[/QUOTE]

EXACTLY! What comes around...goes around

 

[penjen]

The last and final wedding that I was in the MOH was her twin. The MOH has a lot of money through her DH. So she planned the whole thing wanted her sister to have the royal treatment. She had the shower at a private country club. Before the day I had asked her how much she wanted. She said "nothing" and brushed it off. After the shower she calls me and said that the shower cost more than $1200 and that her DH was mad. She was wondering if I could pay $100. OK so I did. This wedding set me back about $700!
I never was in another wedding, gratefully decline!