Childless and Moving On

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi Readergirl,

Well, I will report back next week about the MNSSHP, we are going on Friday night. I am really looking forward to it and getting away from everything. It has been a really hard 4 weeks and I need this trip. We have never been to MNSSHP, but we love MVMCP.

I am most excited about the Headless Horseman and Hallowishes.

Hope the prez has something good to say.

Suzanne

 

[Leger13]

Hi everyone, sorry I've been MIA for a while. I haven't had a chance to catch up but I did see the few posts about MNSSHP.

I just wanted to say that I went last year and again the week before last and both times were fantastic. The parade is one of the best I have seen by far and so are the fire works. Suzanne, I recommend staying and watching the 2nd parade instead of the first scheduled one. There will be less of a crowd and you will be able to enjoy it more. We watched the first parade and then the fire works right after that last year and the crowd was just horrendous. But this year we watched the fire works and then the 2nd parade and it was great. Seems like most of the crowd decided to hit the road once they saw the fire works.

Anyways, thems my two cents for the day. Hope everyone is doing well. I am currently with a really bad cold. But other than that and the Gas shortage here in Georgia we are doing fine.

 

[ReaderGirl]

Leger, I'm sooo envious. It sounds like it was wonderful.

Suzanne, I'm hoping for a big report when you get back. And hang in there. Here's some p.d. for your trip...

The weather is beautiful here today (Illinois). Hope it holds for a while... I love the sun!

ReaderGirl

 

[ReaderGirl]

How are you doing, Princess Suzanne?
How did the trip go?
I would LOVE to go to Disney for Halloween!
(One of these days. And I want to try a cruise, too...)

Hey to everyone else, too! Hope you're all doing well.

Way off topic -- Last night I watched Cranford on dvd (a BBC Masterpiece Theater program, starring Judi Dench). If you like "gentle" period pieces, it's a good one.

ReaderGirl

 

[Disney Darling]

Hi! I'm hoping to talk to other "Moving On-ers"!

My husband and I both love Disney. The first time I visited, I was amazed by how many fun things there were for adults to do. Having said that, I thoroughly enjoyed the very "non-adult" character breakfast at the Crystal Palace! There are so many things at Disney that I want to explore....
we've never been to the water parks,
I want to go to the Adventurer's Club,
I'd love to eat at Boma...
well, that's just a start.

Here is a potpourri of topics I'd love to hear about from others who, like me, are childless but didn't really choose it, and have decided to move on (hey, I'm 45, it isn't going to happen).
1. How you coped with childlessness that you didn't choose, and how you've moved on, or are moving on.
2. Do you think being childless has helped or hurt your marriage? (Sorry if this is a little too serious!)
3. Your favorite restaurants at Disney. (Unofficial guidebooks always complain about the Disney food, but I love to eat at Disney!)
4. Pets, pets, pets!!

Here's a copy of my post to the childless-not-by-choice thread.
Hi everybody.

My husband and I couldn't have kids, we're 45 now, and it's just not going to happen.

Everyone has such a different approach; everyone is following a different path... I'd be very interested to talk to Disney fans who were unable to have kids, who have decided against adoption for whatever reason, basically, women who, like me, have decided to go forth with a childless life. I know there are lots of women on this thread who are ardently seeking a pregnancy (more power to you!), so this would be a "different take".

There is a childfree by choice thread, and I've posted there sometimes. I get the feeling that the childfree group is a bit younger than I, and (obviously, given my member name!) I'm a stay-home-and-read-a-book sort of girl, not really much of a party girl. And I never said "I want to be childfree"; it just sort of happened.

I think I'll start a new thread and see if anyone wants to chat. I'll call it Childless and Moving On... how's that sound? Here's a little starter -- I live in the Midwest, love Disney (of course), am married, don't have a dog yet but want one, read voraciously, and (drum roll...) I like to tap dance! I love to travel (especially to warm places when it's 10 degrees in the Midwest).

If you are childless and probably gonna stay that way, please come chat with me!
ReaderGirl
P.S. I just finished Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict. Not the best book I ever read, but it was fun.

WOW! I'm so glad I found this thread!

I also have seen the other threads but never felt like I belonged to either of them. Because while we are child-free it certainly wasn't by choice and there are still times when I feel ambivalent towards our lot in life.
I admit I'll sometimes find myself imagining what life would be like if we had a little one and at other times (most of the time over the past three years ) where I've felt, "Thank GOD we don't have kids". It's hard for many people to understand this so I rarely ever talk about these feelings. I guess I keep them locked up inside.

I've seen the Child-free but not by choice thread and while that group seems like a good group of folks they seem to be talking about ttc quite a bit and I don't want to revisit that place again. There was a time when all I did was eat, sleep, breathe baby and looking back, it wasn't healthy on my psychey.

So, here I am. I have been happily married to my best friend for almost 11 years.

In answer to your questions:
1. How you coped with childlessness that you didn't choose, and how you've moved on, or are moving on. As I mentioned before, there was a time I eat, breathed, slept baby. I was charting my temperature and holding my butt up in the air until my tailbone went numb. I even tried a "fertility diet". I visited doctors, RE's and even tried adoption. The adoption was so painful because the mom was just using us and in the end she "changed her mind" but I know in my heart, now, that she never intended to give the baby up for adoption. About four years ago, I was diagnosed with stage 3 endometriosis. I've had two surgeries for it. The endo ravished my insides. I lost a tube and ovary. The doctor didn't say I couldn't have children but it hasn't happened and at this time I'm taking birth control pills to control the pain of the endo. I know the turning point in my life. I know the exact moment it happened. I was in WDW at the time. I had just received news that someone extremely close to me was pregnant. I spiraled into a deep depression. Finally, my wonderful DH just wanted to get me out of the situation. He booked a last minute trip to Disney for just some he and me healing time. I was standing on Main Street watching Wishes and DH was standing behind me holding me tight and in that moment I realized that we were a family and that we were good and that if we didn't ever have children it was ok because we were already a whole family. It was in that moment that I gave myself permission to stop trying to grow our family. Recently, DH and I moved away from our families, away from our old friends and old church. We moved several states away and this has been a BLESSING!! It was the best thing we EVER could have done for our lives!! It was like we were stuck on a merry-go-round of same ol', same ol'. Stagnent water if you will. All of our friends were having children (one right after another). We had NO friends that did not have kids. Family was having baby after baby. We didn't know anyone that didn't have kids! In that environment it's NO wonder we felt like failures or like we were missing out or our life wasn't complete! These were the messages we were being fed on a daily basis through family, friends and church.
Since the move, we've become good friends with two other child-free couples. Our one couple-friends' story is amazing. Now, we don't feel like we're incomplete and life doesn't feel so dismal. I feel like we have a purpose again. I'm really sorry for the babbling. It just feels so good to get it out and connect to others who may understand.

2. Do you think being childless has helped or hurt your marriage? (Sorry if this is a little too serious!) I think it's made us stronger and we have a more united front.

3. Your favorite restaurants at Disney. (Unofficial guidebooks always complain about the Disney food, but I love to eat at Disney!) Hhhm, I'm going to go with two places. The Crystal Palace and The Sunshine Food Fair. DH and I are vegetarians and these two places provide a great selection of vegetarian food.

4. Pets, pets, pets!! A dog and a cat.

Thank you for giving me a platform to have a voice. I don't know why I didn't see this thread before.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hi Disney Darling, I think I have seen you on the Childless, Not by choice thread. I was there for a while and then moved over here. Those ladies were still TTC a little too much for me too. Dh and I have moved on, even though I still occasionally have an inkling. DH can do something stupid and that inkling passes in a heartbeat.

I may becoming a parent of sorts on Wednesday, depending on the outcome of our court hearing for my 17 year old cousin. Her sister and I have petitioned the court for custody, since my mom's death. Mom had won custody of her last December. She will be 18 on Dec 27, but she still needs a guardian, because the age of majority in AL is 19. Right now, we can't sign for her to get her drivers license (not that she needs it), but we can't sign for anything and I can't even get her child support, because it is still in mom's name.

I need some advice and I think this is the perfect place to ask. I have boxes and boxes of baby clothes and toys mom and I collected when I was TTC and I don't know what to do with them. I also have a VERY expensive stroller and 2 car seats. I really don't want to get rid of them yet, everytime I think about it I get ill, but I know we have really moved past this. Most of the stuff is packed up in the attic, but some of it is still sitting on my living room couch (in boxes of course). I just think I would die all over again if I got rid of it. Just over a year ago, about $2500 worth of baby stuff was stolen out of our storage unit and I still cry about it, because I can remember what was in most of those boxes and it can't be replaced. I don't know what to do, please help.

Suzanne

 

[ReaderGirl]

Hi Disney Darling! Welcome.

It's *very* helpful to have no-kids friends. First, they get it, and also, people with kids are, naturally, very involved in their children. They don't have much time. Friends without children have more time for friends, and they often treat friends like family.

And hey to a fellow veg. I occasionally go off the wagon, but I very seldom eat meat. I'm an animal lover, and I was thrilled that Prop 2 passed yesterday, improving conditions in California for animals, including farm animals.

Crystal Palace is one of my favorite restaurants.

Finally!!!! DH and I are planning a trip to Disney for the spring. Yes! We are celebrating my health. Last year I was treated for cancer, and I'm so happy to be one of the lucky ones. Re the new Disney theme -- What Will You Celebrate? -- my celebration will be about accomplishment -- I did it. Wish they'd come out with their new promo dvd.

Back to readin'....
ReaderGirl

 

[ReaderGirl]

WDW has a new promo theme (What Will You Celebrate?),
but still no new promo dvd (just checked again today).
When the new one comes out,
someone give me a heads up!!
ReaderGirl

 

[Donald&Tinkerbell]

Suzanne, you have to know you are ready to let go of the baby things, but think of these thoughts-Couldn't they be doing more good for a baby in need? And also, don't you need to make room for and make welcome the 17 yo cousin? She's had so much upset in her life, enjoy what you have and who needs you and try to let go of what isn't to be.

But if it hurts to let go, wait until the right time, but do put it in storage and out of sight.

Best wishes for you and your expanded family.

 

[ArielRae]

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to everyone. DH and I just recently found out that we will be childless. DH is 28 and I am 27. I have a few questions. What does TTC stand for? I know it as the ticket and transportation center but what does it mean here? Also Where is the other childless not by choice thread I heard mentioned in this thread?

 

[hematite153]

Just wanted to pop in and say hi to everyone. DH and I just recently found out that we will be childless. DH is 28 and I am 27. I have a few questions. What does TTC stand for? I know it as the ticket and transportation center but what does it mean here? Also Where is the other childless not by choice thread I heard mentioned in this thread?

The other thread can be found at: Child-free, but, not by choice

TTC stands for trying-to-conceive in TTC circles. The posters on this thread are correct that the other thread is more focused on people who are still trying to have children, or people who finally managed to have children (through many different methods) after many many years of trying, whereas this thread is more filled with people who have accepted that they will remain childless.

 

[ArielRae]

Thanks for the reply and answering my questions. I think this thread is more for DH and I then the other one. We have tried for 3 years doing treatments and now have accepted that we will be childless. I look forward to future topics here.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Well, hi guys, partying without me I see

Well, I am gonna throw a new topic in the mix: DVC. I am seriously looking into making a purchase into DVC. I think it would be more cost effective for us, since we have been averaging 3 trips a years for the last 2 years (see I could already have it paid for by now) and I already have 2 booked for 2009. I think our first move will be a small re-sale, until I get the rest of my inheritance (sound like a rich person, Huh ). Well, my mom worked hard for 30 years for Uncle Sam to provide me with a nice cushion after she passed away, obviously not knowing she wouldn't live past 60. I kinda feel like this would be an investment in our futures and that of the the children in the family. I think I have had a chance to really step back and more appreciate the family I have, although I have always appreciated them and family has always come first, I feel they need to more so now, because we never know when our time will be up.

My mom LOVED LOVED Walt Disney World and wasn't able to afford to take me as a child, so I feel very fortunate to have been able to finally take her on her first trip at the age of 57, and we enjoyed 4 additional trips and were actually packing for her 5th trip when she passed. I feel like this is probably meant to be. I feel so close to her when I am there. She and I made up for the many years that we weren't close, because she was a single working mother. She felt very comfortable at WDW, from accommodations to the parades (Spectro being her favorite), to the food and characters.

Are any of you DVC owners? Have any of you seriously considered it? Hematite, I know you are a member, I would love to hear more from those I know.

Now onto other things, I finally got my yard cleaned up, what a relief that is. Now we are hoping to get a new fence around our patio, the current one is rotten, don't know how long it has been there.

Suzanne

 

[If U Had Wings]

I dream of owning DVC, but won't let myself seriously consider it until I am credit card free. I'm almost there. I want to purchase a very small resale contract that will let me go every year or year and a half and then build from there. Plus I dream of the Boardwalk Inn, so I'll have to go resale. I figure that at the rate I'm going it will more than pay for itself.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I dream of owning DVC, but won't let myself seriously consider it until I am credit card free. I'm almost there. I want to purchase a very small resale contract that will let me go every year or year and a half and then build from there. Plus I dream of the Boardwalk Inn, so I'll have to go resale. I figure that at the rate I'm going it will more than pay for itself.

Well, we have been going 3 times a year for the last 2 years so I am thinking it would be more cost effective to already have accommodations and not have to pay for them each time and we have loved being AP holders and getting a $105 discount to renew each year is awfully attractive along with all of the perks that go with that. I have been looking at a small re-sale at AKV of 50 points and may purchase that and give it a try. I have some more money coming to me in the Spring and it depends on how much I get, I may purchase a larger contract then. I could have probably already paid for one as many times as we have been and all we have spent.

Suzanne

 

[Disney Darling]

I'm sorry, I've totally been MIA. I've been very busy and have been having trouble with my endo . . . AGAIN!! Good Grief!! Will it never end??? They want to do lapro (again) on Dec. 22. It's good because I've already met my deductible and it's good because I have off that week from work but the thought of having to go through this again really gets me down. It's the nature of the beast er disease I guess.

We do own DVC outright (YEA!!) and we love it! We know we always have a room waiting. When we were annual pass holders, it was nothing for us to get a wild hair and call Disney up one day and be on our way the next. After all, we had park tickets, accomodations were taken care of so no cost there. Generally we took Magical Express to the hotel so no cost there and most times we could get pretty good airline tickets. You have to eat anyway. . . There were times when our weekends to Disney didn't cost anymore than a good time around home.

Since then, we've bought a house and had to do some much needed repairs. We've got a little debt that we're trying to pay off before we go back. We've banked all of this years points into next year so we have 300 points to use on our accomodations. It's been almost two years since we've been there.

In order to stretch out our yearly alloted points, DH and I usually choose an OKW studio for roughly 8-10 points a night but with 300 points to use next year we're planning on splurging w/ a 1 bedroom, boardwalk view!! I can't wait!! And I can't wait to get my annual passes back. But, I can't wait to get this debt paid off either so I'm focused on that right now.

We've own at Vero (never been) but we've stayed at OKW, Saratoga Springs and Hilton Head. We love the flexibility of DVC and how it's met our needs in accomodating the two of us or a larger family trip of six which we did once.

I like how I can choose to splurge with bigger accomodations or be frugal with my points and go several times a year as opposed to a traditional timeshare where I HAVE to go on week 17 of 52. I like that we aren't locked into one week.

I like some of the perks that we're provided like the annual passes. DVC passes are roughly $5 more than a Florida resident pass. I enjoy the discounts in some of the stores and restaurants that my DVC provides. I like the feeling of being a part of a larger family and you really get that feeling at OKW. I like the special Member Only parties and the meetings that are exclusive to DVC owners.

I can honestly go on and on. We don't regret our purchase at all. I've heard many people say they just wish they had done it sooner. I can't really say that because I wasn't old enough to do it sooner. We got in as soon as we could.

Please let me know if I can answer any more questions because I'd be glad too!

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Disney Darling, I am probably going to question you to death. I REALLY want to do this. I have since our first trip. Now, I have never stayed DVC, but prefer Deluxe accommodations, but as long as I am at Disney, I would stay in a closet if I have to. That is why I think DVC is for us. I am just not quite ready to plop down $17,000 yet. I am leaning towards a small Re-sale, until the last of mom's money come through to me and if it is enough, I want to just on a larger contact. I am just worried that there will not be any incentives if I wait and there is a really nice one at AKV right now, or so I am told. I am not sure how to decide how many points we need. We like to go for each of our birthdays for a long weekend and for about a week the week before Christmas. A studio would be all we would need, but I would like to have the option for a 1 or 2 bedroom, so we could take family sometimes.

Should I try a small Re-Sale, maybe at AKV to see if we like it?

I am so confused, I used to have mom to help with decisions like this, but now I don't and DH doesn't have a clue. He is all for it, but he doesn't think about needing a cushion in the bank in case of an emergency and I now have that, unfortunately due to mom's death. We have paid off a good bit of our debt and I am about to finish up soon, hopefully, fingers crossed. I live for Disney and that is almost all I think about anymore. I think I am obcessed

We have really enjoyed being AP holders and I am going to be sad when they expire in December, but I do have plans to renew.

Any more advice you have would be greatly appreciated

Suzanne

 

[Disney Darling]

I think a small re-sale would be a nice way to ease into DVC.

I think one of the things you need to think about is your vacation planning style. What do I mean? Well, do you know when you are going every year and can plan months ahead? It sounds like you do with birthdays and week before Christmas. If this is how you plan than the BEST BEST BEST piece of advice I can give is buy where you want to stay!!! This gives you the 11 month window so that you can secure the type of accomodations you want when you want them (like a 1-bedroom overlooking the boardwalk the week before Christmas )

If you are a last minute planner (which is how we tend to be) it doesn't really matter where you own as the advantage of the booking window isn't going to matter. Sometimes we decide two months out, sometimes we decided two days out and just call Disney to get into whatever is available (which lately has been Saratoga Springs ). On occasion we've taken the family and have taken the time to "plan" the vacation and I was on the phone at my 7 month window getting those reservations. The problem with owning at Vero is that we can only take advantage of the 7 month planning window to stay at a different resort because you only get the 11 month advantage at your home resort.

Let me just say that December is a bear to try and get into any of the DVC resorts. It's a low point time and all of the Christmas decorations are up and this is the time many DVCers like to go. This is when if you knew you were going at Christmas (and I say Christmas but really mean the month of December) you could use your 11 month window and pretty much be guaranteed a room at the Inn.

We really don't mind a studio. Sure it's nice to have a 1 bedroom which provides and in-room washer and dryer and a working kitchen is a nice option as opposed to a kitchenette but a studio meets our needs and gets us more time in the World.

I love talking DVC so feel free to ask away.

 

[If U Had Wings]

Thanks for all the info Disney Darling. I'm hoping to take the DVC tour on my trip next year and check out all the resorts a bit on my own to see what I really like. I may also look into renting some points along the line for a short trip to test the waters. I'm leaning towards resale at BWI or OKW. OKW mainly because of the two queen beds since I often travel with family or friends. It would just be a bit more comfortable.

 

[Disney Darling]

Thanks for all the info Disney Darling. I'm hoping to take the DVC tour on my trip next year and check out all the resorts a bit on my own to see what I really like. I may also look into renting some points along the line for a short trip to test the waters. I'm leaning towards resale at BWI or OKW. OKW mainly because of the two queen beds since I often travel with family or friends. It would just be a bit more comfortable.

I love OKW because the rooms are so big. I think the 2 bedrooms are around 1300sq ft. I know it had more square feet than our little 3 bed, 2 bath starter home! I also appreciate the 2 queen beds as opposed to a pullout when traveling with family or friends.
I've also enjoyed the couch and bed at Saratoga. That's the great thing about DVC!! It's so accomodating!