Childless and Moving On

[ReaderGirl]

Hi everybody!

I'm glad you're still here! I got swept up in lots of things going on around here -- everything happened at once! Anyway, I'm back in circulation.

Thanks to everyone who posted pet photos.

Warning: a little glum ahead...
I've been feeling my kidless state lately. I can go for a while and not be aware of it, but then suddenly I'm in a situation in which everyone is talking about their kids, and it's just awkward, you know? People occasionally ask "Why don't you have kids?" There is no good answer to that question. (And of course, it's none of their business.) If I say "We couldn't have kids", then they sometimes start promoting adoption. (By the way, I have a friend who was approved to adopt a little girl from China. She set up an adorable room for her... and then nothing happened -- she's been waiting for 3 years! It's so sad.)

I think that sometimes my childlessness feels more important when I'm feeling, well... old. I'm only 45, I'm very active, I bike, I hike, I take dance classes, but some days, it gets harder than others. And I do worry occasionally... will I be a lonely elderly person since I won't have kids and grandkids to check in on me? On the other hand, I often enjoy my solitude. And lots of people with kids don't get as many visits as they'd like.

Okay, thanks for letting me get that out of my system!
I know, I'll watch that new tv show, Baby Borrowers! That'll cure me!

It's been a beautiful week, weather-wise. My husband and I are going biking in the morning. Then maybe we'll head to a pool to recuperate! And I think we're going out for breakfast on Sunday. I'm a brunchaholic. Love it.

Jumoo, I'm sorry to hear about Molly. I'm glad she had a good home after her rough beginnings.

Welcome Dischick! I enjoyed the Biergarten, too! Liked the furbabies photo. Corgis are such little characters. I think their tail-less appearance is so cute.

Princess Suzanne, I hope you enjoy your trip to Atlanta!

Thanks to everyone who's been posting. I'd love to keep the thread going.

Here's some pixie dust for everyone's weekend!

ReaderGirl

 

[jumoo044]

Hi, Readergirl!
I hear what you're saying, I feel that way too, sometimes. Like, when I'm old, no one will be there to take care of me. But then I think, having children is no guarantee that you wont still end up in a nursing home, all alone with no visitors! It happens all the time. Besides, do I really want my kids to came visit me on Sundays or whatever, checking their watches and rolling their eyes? No way!

 

[j-jhall]

Just wanted to say hi, and to the kind person who started this, thank you. Due to my wife's endometriosis, our only options are IVF and adoption. IVF is so expensive, and we decided to move on. We are blesses to have lots of nieces and nephews and "adopted" nieces and nephews who love their Uncle Jim and Aunt Janice.

Disney is definitely a fun place for us and holds a lot of memories especially for me. I will post more later, and tell you some of my favorite things to do there.

Have a great day!

 

[ReaderGirl]

Hi everyone! Had a bit of trouble posting; hope you don't get this twice.

How is everyone doing?
Jumoo, thanks for the kind words.
Jim, welcome! We're happy to hear from you. I'm the thread starter, and I'm delighted that people are showing up! It's easy to feel like the odd one out in the sea of parents and kids.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but our current culture is sort of into parent worshipping. One example is "Hollywood Moms" (!) constantly on the covers of tabloids, sporting kids like fashion accessories. I'm old enough to remember when parenthood wasn't quite so heralded as The Thing to Do.

Book talk: I'm currently listening to an audiobook called In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollack, author of the bestselling Omnivore's Dilemma. I'm also browsing lots of knitting books, looking for inspiration! How about you?

Disney talk: Interestingly, I think Disney is a great place to be kid-free. While I so enjoy watching the little kids meeting the characters, I've never looked at the children and their parents at Disney and felt like I missing something. On the contrary, both my husband and I commented on the stressed-out looks on the parents' faces. They definitely didn't look like they were enjoying themselves.

Got a present for you. Here are two feel good articles, containing real research, which show that childless women fare quite well. Enjoy!
http://www.physorg.com/news97774048.html
http://news.ufl.edu/2003/04/17/childlessness/

Everyone take care!
ReaderGirl

 

[ReaderGirl]

Hey all.

I know we're all childless (and moving on), and chat on that topic is always welcome, but I'd love some pure Disney chat, too.

Haven't been to WDW in a while, might go to Mousefest (December) or my husband and I might celebrate our birthdays there in the fall.

I love to eat in restaurants,and especially enjoy the Disney restaurants... What was your favorite restaurant experience in Disney, and why? Was it the food, the atmosphere? What were your least fav dining experiences and why?

So far (!), my favorite restaurant experiences at Disney were...
1. Crystal Palace (MK). I really loved the food. There was a good mix of healthy choices and fun food, and while many complain about buffet style service, I like it. You can pick and choose a little bit of so many different foods. It was delightful watching the Pooh gang run around, too.
2. Biergarten (Epcot). The food was a little too sausage-and-beer for me (though my husband loved it), but the atmosphere was fun, and the people we sat with were super nice, which of course made it an even better meal.

Least fav was probably the restaurant in Norway (Epcot). The staff seemed unenthusiastic and annoyed, but maybe they were having a bad day.

I'd like to try Le Cellier (Canada), Boma (Animal Kingdom Lodge), Raglan Road (Downtown), among others.

Hmm.... now I'm hungry....
ReaderGirl

 

[j-jhall]

My favorite places are Le Cellier, California Grill for the fireworks along with Narcoosees, and Crystal Palace for early breakfast. With CP early ADR you feel like a VIP walking down Main Street with only a few people with you. I have pictures of us with the castle in the background and nobody else around. How often do you get that?

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Sorry, I have been away a few days, I got violently ill Sunday night after eating some shrimp and I stayed home from work on Monday, cause I still felt bad. Then I got sent home early last night because the system went down and since I can't call patients after 9pm, there was nothing for me to do, but I still have to make up that time and that stinks.

I love to talk Disney, all day everyday. I just love to eat, especially at Disney. Chef Mickey's is my moms favorite breakfast. We aren't big supper eaters at WDW, we prefer the CS restaurants for supper. We really like CP especially before park opening, just like j-jhall said, and Boma Bkfst was out of this world. I really enjoyed O'hana for Dh's birthday last year, but it wasn't great on my birthday this year. I don't have just one favorite. I love turkey legs, the popcorn, the popsicles, and candy apples. I may have missed something, but I can't remember what.

I do however have one I don't like and that was Cantina de San Angel at Epcot, the food was awful. We thought what we were getting was a taco salad, but it had no taco shell or bowl, all it had was grilled chicken, lettuce and cheese, talk about dry and nasty. I don't like the new chicke nuggets they have instead of the chicken strips. I loved those chicken strips and would even have cravings for them.

We are going to try some different places in December and I am looking forward to that.

You know most of the time, I don't even notice the children at WDW. I did this last time, I guess because of having my cousin with us. I was really glad we didn't have any, I wouldn't be able to have any fun That may sound wrong, but that is the point I am in my life, I am ready to enjoy myself and my DH and what others call our "freedom". Although having a child wouldn't stop me from doing what I want to do, my mom did it, why can't I? She was a single parent, too. She did have her parents that helped though, but they didn't take me over.

Suzanne

 

[ReaderGirl]

Hey everybody!

Princess Suzanne, sorry to hear you got sick. Hope you're feeling better and having a nice weekend! I'm a turkey leg muncher, too.

I've noticed that some people rave about Dole Whips; I haven't tried 'em yet.

Jim, I love the Crystal Palace photo of you and your wife. We had breakfast there once, and it was so fun to see Magic Kingdom's Main Street come alive in the morning. In addition to the food at the CP (and Pooh and friends are always fun ), I just love the way the place looks. It's so bright and airy. Super cheerful.

My husband and I were thinking of going to WDW in November, for our birthdays, but now I see that Typhoon Lagoon will closed then. I've been so wanting to try Typhoon Lagoon. Oh well, can't do everything.


Everyone take care,
ReaderGirl

 

[ReaderGirl]

DisChick, you still out there?

I have to comment on your refillable mug surplus... I love the mugs! I use mine at Starbucks. It's a fun way to go -- you get to feel virtuous for avoiding more disposables, and you find out who the Disney fans in the cafe are! They usually start squealing "Oh, you go to Disney toooooo!!!!" It's fun.

ReaderGirl

 

[j-jhall]

Hey everybody!

Princess Suzanne, sorry to hear you got sick. Hope you're feeling better and having a nice weekend! I'm a turkey leg muncher, too.

I've noticed that some people rave about Dole Whips; I haven't tried 'em yet.

Jim, I love the Crystal Palace photo of you and your wife. We had breakfast there once, and it was so fun to see Magic Kingdom's Main Street come alive in the morning. In addition to the food at the CP (and Pooh and friends are always fun ), I just love the way the place looks. It's so bright and airy. Super cheerful.

My husband and I were thinking of going to WDW in November, for our birthdays, but now I see that Typhoon Lagoon will closed then. I've been so wanting to try Typhoon Lagoon. Oh well, can't do everything.


Everyone take care,
ReaderGirl

Thanks for the compliment. Pooh insisted that we get a picture of us together and he had one of the servers take it. My wife's boss told us to get the early breakfast at CP so you can get into the park early. Can't wait until this year!

 

[aclov]

I've also posted on the other "child-free" thread and although I've had a very hard time with infertility I have decided to move on and just accept God's will. I'm 36 and DH is 37, we've been married for 8 years and ttc for 7 years. I've had numerous IUI's and two IVF's which were unsuccessful. DH is not warm on the adoption front and we really can't afford it. We have two doggies and are DVC members.

It's good to hear from a group of people that understand, it seems that everywhere I go, people are just amazed that we don't have children and than the questions start. Sometimes the comments can be hurtful.....lots of ignorant people out there.

 

[j-jhall]

I've also posted on the other "child-free" thread and although I've had a very hard time with infertility I have decided to move on and just accept God's will. I'm 36 and DH is 37, we've been married for 8 years and ttc for 7 years. I've had numerous IUI's and two IVF's which were unsuccessful. DH is not warm on the adoption front and we really can't afford it. We have two doggies and are DVC members.

It's good to hear from a group of people that understand, it seems that everywhere I go, people are just amazed that we don't have children and than the questions start. Sometimes the comments can be hurtful.....lots of ignorant people out there.

Welcome! I can relate to some of what you said there. It's nice to have this outlet and talk about one of our favorite subjects with people who can relate!

 

[Leger13]

Hi Leger, yes I am from the other thread and it really is time to move on. I think it is making me stronger. It really might make me very strong after our December trip to WDW with my cousin and her sister and 3 children (10, 6, & 3). the 6 year old has Autism and might be a challenge. We normally take my mom, so we aren't really use to a DH and me trip, that only happended once. Was hoping to surprise him for his 30 b-day in August, but can't see that happening.

I am planning that big trip in December. We had decided to take this trip as soon as we got back from our December 2006 trip, so I have been planning it since then, plus we added a trip in June 07, Aug 07, Dec 07, and June 08. Haven't started planning anything for 2009 yet, but just might soon. My cousin decided in April that she wanted to go and take her 3 children since she was getting a huge child support back payment, so we have added them. She has a heart condition and can't take them alone, because she can't ride much and she knows the 6 year old will want to ride everything. Plus, she can't stand the heat. Smart me decided to stay at a different resort than she will be at though. At first we were at AS Music Fam Suites, then added her to a regular room there, it got my juices flowing and decided to move to WL and she moved to Pop, which is better for everyone. Her oldest (10) will stay with us, since she has an AP and will stay the 2 extra days we are staying.

I'm glad to hear that moving on is making you stronger. It is helping me as well. Going to WDW with 3 kids and one has autism...you are a brave soul. I'm sure you all will have fun still....will just have to go through the parks slower. Sounds like you've been planning that trip for quite a while though. I think as soon as I get back from WDW in September I'll be planning my '09 trip too. I just can't resist. Plus if they offer the bounce back free dining offer again I'm not sure I'll be able to resist that either.

Hi everybody!

I'm glad you're still here! I got swept up in lots of things going on around here -- everything happened at once! Anyway, I'm back in circulation.

Thanks to everyone who posted pet photos.

Warning: a little glum ahead...
I've been feeling my kidless state lately. I can go for a while and not be aware of it, but then suddenly I'm in a situation in which everyone is talking about their kids, and it's just awkward, you know? People occasionally ask "Why don't you have kids?" There is no good answer to that question. (And of course, it's none of their business.) If I say "We couldn't have kids", then they sometimes start promoting adoption. (By the way, I have a friend who was approved to adopt a little girl from China. She set up an adorable room for her... and then nothing happened -- she's been waiting for 3 years! It's so sad.)

I think that sometimes my childlessness feels more important when I'm feeling, well... old. I'm only 45, I'm very active, I bike, I hike, I take dance classes, but some days, it gets harder than others. And I do worry occasionally... will I be a lonely elderly person since I won't have kids and grandkids to check in on me? On the other hand, I often enjoy my solitude. And lots of people with kids don't get as many visits as they'd like.

Okay, thanks for letting me get that out of my system!
I know, I'll watch that new tv show, Baby Borrowers! That'll cure me!

It's been a beautiful week, weather-wise. My husband and I are going biking in the morning. Then maybe we'll head to a pool to recuperate! And I think we're going out for breakfast on Sunday. I'm a brunchaholic. Love it.

Oh that reminds me that I still need to post pictures of my doggies here. Doh!

I'm sorry you were having a gloomy day. I think we all have those days and we are allowed. I've read that dealing with the fact that you will never have children is like mourning the loss of a loved one. And in many ways I feel that is so true. Even in the way that others treat you. As soon as you say, "oh we can't have children" they immediately start apologizing and finding some way of changing the subject. Or they say something about adoption like you said. I hope you are feeling better this week!

Hi everyone! Had a bit of trouble posting; hope you don't get this twice.

How is everyone doing?

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but our current culture is sort of into parent worshipping. One example is "Hollywood Moms" (!) constantly on the covers of tabloids, sporting kids like fashion accessories. I'm old enough to remember when parenthood wasn't quite so heralded as The Thing to Do.

Book talk: I'm currently listening to an audiobook called In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollack, author of the bestselling Omnivore's Dilemma. I'm also browsing lots of knitting books, looking for inspiration! How about you?

Disney talk: Interestingly, I think Disney is a great place to be kid-free. While I so enjoy watching the little kids meeting the characters, I've never looked at the children and their parents at Disney and felt like I missing something. On the contrary, both my husband and I commented on the stressed-out looks on the parents' faces. They definitely didn't look like they were enjoying themselves.

Got a present for you. Here are two feel good articles, containing real research, which show that childless women fare quite well. Enjoy!
http://www.physorg.com/news97774048.html
http://news.ufl.edu/2003/04/17/childlessness/

Everyone take care!
ReaderGirl

Yeah I've noticed how Hollywood is romanticizing parenting. Like it's the thing to do right now! They flaunt their kids like it's a designer purse or something. It's sad really. I read in my OK magazine last week that Angie and Brad (who are expecting twins any day now) are adopting another baby. I'm not sure why they are doing it but I really have a feeling it's for the publicity.

I'm not big on books so I'll skip to the Disney talk. I think WDW is a great place to be kid free too. I've never looked at a family and wished that was me because the parents always look so flustered. I pass by a screaming child and am glad I'm not the one that has to deal with it. Although, I'm sure I'd deal just fine and I know it's different when it is your own child but I'm fine being able to enjoy WDW without that stuff.

And thanks for those articles. It's nice to know!

Hey all.

I know we're all childless (and moving on), and chat on that topic is always welcome, but I'd love some pure Disney chat, too.

Haven't been to WDW in a while, might go to Mousefest (December) or my husband and I might celebrate our birthdays there in the fall.

I love to eat in restaurants,and especially enjoy the Disney restaurants... What was your favorite restaurant experience in Disney, and why? Was it the food, the atmosphere? What were your least fav dining experiences and why?

So far (!), my favorite restaurant experiences at Disney were...
1. Crystal Palace (MK). I really loved the food. There was a good mix of healthy choices and fun food, and while many complain about buffet style service, I like it. You can pick and choose a little bit of so many different foods. It was delightful watching the Pooh gang run around, too.
2. Biergarten (Epcot). The food was a little too sausage-and-beer for me (though my husband loved it), but the atmosphere was fun, and the people we sat with were super nice, which of course made it an even better meal.

Least fav was probably the restaurant in Norway (Epcot). The staff seemed unenthusiastic and annoyed, but maybe they were having a bad day.

I'd like to try Le Cellier (Canada), Boma (Animal Kingdom Lodge), Raglan Road (Downtown), among others.

Hmm.... now I'm hungry....
ReaderGirl

I hope you get to take your trip in december like you want. I've never been at that time of year but I've heard it's fantastic.

My favorite place to eat is LTT for sure. It's so homey and good comfort food. I even love the character dinner which I've heard they are getting rid of in January

The worst dining experiance I had at WDW was last year on my birthday. We went to Concorse Steakhouse and the service was terrible! We had to wait forever for our food and once we got it it tasted terrible! They never did anything special for my birthday either. I was very upset. We ended up taking the chocolate cake we got for desert back to our resort. It was delicious but that was the only good thing about the entire experience. I'm so glad they've replaced that restaurant.

 

[ReaderGirl]

Hey everybody!

We all would have made great parents, we would have enjoyed having kids, but since we're not going in that direction...
you've gotta read this!! It's a very positive article about being childless.

Enjoy!
http://www.newsweek.com/id/143792

Will chat more later -- gotta run!
ReaderGirl

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

I've also posted on the other "child-free" thread and although I've had a very hard time with infertility I have decided to move on and just accept God's will. I'm 36 and DH is 37, we've been married for 8 years and ttc for 7 years. I've had numerous IUI's and two IVF's which were unsuccessful. DH is not warm on the adoption front and we really can't afford it. We have two doggies and are DVC members.

It's good to hear from a group of people that understand, it seems that everywhere I go, people are just amazed that we don't have children and than the questions start. Sometimes the comments can be hurtful.....lots of ignorant people out there.

Hi Aclov, long time no "see". How have you been?

I hate when someone says something about not having children, cause I am not a nice person about it, but I think me being firm and not so nice keeps me from breaking down. It has gotten easier, except for May, I had a hard time and even broke down in my GYN's office, because I was surrounded by pregnant women. I think it was a hormonal imbalance, cause she gave me those Seasonique BC pills and I am like a new woman. No period for 3 months is a great thing too. I hate having one anyway, so the less I have the better.

I had to have a Colposcopy on Thursday afternoon, so I hope everything turns out alright with that. My Gyn feels like it was nothing, but she wanted to be sure. I should know something by the middle of the week. Even though she says she feels it is nothing, I always picture bad things in the back of my mind, but she reassured me afterwards.

Well, my mom finally sold our old house and DH, mom, and I spent the weekend finishing up the packing and moving boxes to storage. Now if we could just find some help moving the furniture, we would be A-ok. DH's supposed friend was supposed to help (he has a truck), but backed out Saturday morning (shoulda known, he is the type). I am so angry at him and told Dh he better stay away from him (long story). So, I am stuck not knowing how to move the furniture with no help and we have to be completely out by Sunday. I was supposed to take mom to buy a car on Saturday, but don't know if that will happen, I will probably be helping DH move the furniture.

Well, I better get back to work, talk at you later

Suzanne

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Hey everybody!

We all would have made great parents, we would have enjoyed having kids, but since we're not going in that direction...
you've gotta read this!! It's a very positive article about being childless.

Enjoy!
http://www.newsweek.com/id/143792

Will chat more later -- gotta run!
ReaderGirl

That was a great article. Now, I don't feel so much like an old maid or is that an old hag. I think I probably do enjoy life more and have more freedom without children. Certainly going through all those medical procedures to have a baby didn't make for a very good time, so being childless is better

Suzanne

 

[ReaderGirl]

Hi Leger! Glad you stopped by to say "Hello!" I have never been to the Liberty Tree Tavern. I've heard only good things, though.
My husband and I "discovered" Disney only about six years ago, so we still have so many places we'd like to try. We never made it to the Adventurer's Club, and now I've read that it's closing. It'll be interesting to see what they do with Downtown Disney next.
Everyone take care!
ReaderGirl

 

[Leger13]

Hi Leger! Glad you stopped by to say "Hello!" I have never been to the Liberty Tree Tavern. I've heard only good things, though.
My husband and I "discovered" Disney only about six years ago, so we still have so many places we'd like to try. We never made it to the Adventurer's Club, and now I've read that it's closing. It'll be interesting to see what they do with Downtown Disney next.
Everyone take care!
ReaderGirl

thanks ReaderGirl. This will be the first time my DH and I get to go to Adventurer's Club and the Comedy Warehouse. You should definately try LTT. Love that resturant. Check out www.screamscape.com for lots of good Disney rumors and to read about what they are doing with Pleasure Island.

 

[kisobel]

i just stumbled over this thread and feel like i've come home. hi i'm kate(40) and my husband is todd(42). we have been married for 5years and had been trying to have kids right from the start. we stopped trying 2years ago. i was only willing to go so far in the assisted reproductive end. i'm a nurse and i work in labor and delivery. i see all the time older women trying to have babies and having all sorts of complications. i am already at risk with chronic hypertension so i choose not to continue on. my husband has been very supportive but it definetly put a strain on us for a few years. its better lately but it hasn't gotten back to how we used to be. we are lucky to have 10 nieces and nephews- i say lucky now but at the time it was very frustrating to watch all my friends and family having babies right and left.

i thought i was doing ok with the moving on part. but something happened last week. we happened to be at a restauant with some of my husband coworkers. a very casual affair. one of his coworkers showed up for dessert and brought her 3 year old with her. not a big deal. but while we were waiting for the check, she leans over to me and says "aren't you ready for one yet". people say the dumbest things. i barely know this women and i'm not about to discuss all we went through and how we have chosen to stop trying. i was bothered for hours after this. so i guess i still have some baggage.

on the disney side, we went last year to celebrate my 40th birthday and had a blast. we have another trip planned for this oct and i'm going with some women from my work in jan. our favorite restauant was O'Hana's- we rolled out of there- stuffed to the seams.


we recently (two weeks ago) bought our first home, and are settling in. we have 3 cats- 2 siamese(willow and savannah) and 1 pound cat(isis). we also have a sheltie named frodo.

sorry for the ramble (and i think there was a rant in there), i work night shift and sometimes get lost in the topics.

kate

 

[Leger13]

i just stumbled over this thread and feel like i've come home. hi i'm kate(40) and my husband is todd(42). we have been married for 5years and had been trying to have kids right from the start. we stopped trying 2years ago. i was only willing to go so far in the assisted reproductive end. i'm a nurse and i work in labor and delivery. i see all the time older women trying to have babies and having all sorts of complications. i am already at risk with chronic hypertension so i choose not to continue on. my husband has been very supportive but it definetly put a strain on us for a few years. its better lately but it hasn't gotten back to how we used to be. we are lucky to have 10 nieces and nephews- i say lucky now but at the time it was very frustrating to watch all my friends and family having babies right and left.

i thought i was doing ok with the moving on part. but something happened last week. we happened to be at a restauant with some of my husband coworkers. a very casual affair. one of his coworkers showed up for dessert and brought her 3 year old with her. not a big deal. but while we were waiting for the check, she leans over to me and says "aren't you ready for one yet". people say the dumbest things. i barely know this women and i'm not about to discuss all we went through and how we have chosen to stop trying. i was bothered for hours after this. so i guess i still have some baggage.

on the disney side, we went last year to celebrate my 40th birthday and had a blast. we have another trip planned for this oct and i'm going with some women from my work in jan. our favorite restauant was O'Hana's- we rolled out of there- stuffed to the seams.


we recently (two weeks ago) bought our first home, and are settling in. we have 3 cats- 2 siamese(willow and savannah) and 1 pound cat(isis). we also have a sheltie named frodo.

sorry for the ramble (and i think there was a rant in there), i work night shift and sometimes get lost in the topics.

kate

Hi there and welcome. People really do say the darnedest things like every woman who is married should have a baby by such and such a time. People that can procreate easily just don't have a 2nd thought about butting their nose in there about children. When you are struggling it is hard to remember that they just don't understand. I hope you re-gain your strength.

I'm glad to hear that O'hana's is good...I am going there for the first time in September