Childbirth is not a stage show?

[OneOftheB's]

My MIL was very forceful about wanting to be there when I delivered DS. I told my husband (once other people told me about my MIL's plan to be in the room) that no one other than the doctors and DH were going to be in the room once things really started happening. MIL complained for several months and was very reluctant to leave the room when asked to go. People were allowed to come in and visit, in 2's and 3's while I was in early labor, but the numbers were kept small, per hospital rules. I ended up having a c-section, so I didn't have to continue to hear about it. DD was a scheduled c-section, so MIL was nipped out of the gate.

I felt awful for my SIL, who isn't the most forceful person. She went into labor while my in-laws were at her house. They went to the hospital with my BIL & SIL (separate cars, thankfully). Her labor progressed extremely quickly (or maybe she was ignoring it, hoping the in-laws would leave, lol). Her baby crowned within minutes of her arriving in the labor & delivery room and the staff hustled my MIL out of the door (FIL was still parking the car). My SIL said she could hear MIL yelling in the hallway that she wanted to be in the room, that someone should LET HER IN!!!

I hope, should I ever be blessed with grand kids, that I can remember those feelings of privacy and not become like my MIL.

 

[Annadesu]

Jesus, so many forceful mother in laws... LOL Sadly, I know for a fact that my mother would be like that, too. Thankfully, she's in another state and will have to drive 13 hours when the time comes! My MIL knows she isn't invited, and is not taking it personally. lol

 

[tcufrog]

I'm finding this to be very educational. Where I live it's typically just the dh and medical professionals in the room if you're at a hospital. If you go to a birthing center or birth at home it may be different. It would never have occurred to me to invite anyone else in. There's no way in hell I'd have allowed my mil. Talk about a recipe for high blood pressure at the wrong time

 

[mjkacmom]

With DS#1, DH and my mom were in the room. DH and I had debated if my mom would be allowed (he wasn't a fan of the idea). In the end, it was decided at the hospital. DH said that my mom had to stay up by my head and she was great about respecting his wishes. She became our water girl and was getting both of us drinks as needed. I pushed for 4 hours. I had told my MIL in advance that she would not be in the room for delivery. She was not happy with me. At that point, she had been there for the delivery for 2 other grandkids (and 1 she was not there for). Despite living about 35 minutes away, my in-laws did not come to the hospital until the next day (but that's a whole other story).

With DS#2, it was just DH and I. My mom was watching DS#1 for us. We dropped #1 off at her house at about 430am as we were heading to the hospital.

Why did he care where your mom stood? I can se you caring, but him?

My mom was there for all of my kids' births, including my c/s with the twins. As my mom, she had been my go-to person when I was sick or injured most of my life, my comfort person. She was so grateful to be there. I invited MIL for one of them, too.

 

[hereyago]

I can't recall what the number of people allowed was when I had dd.
I knew I wasn't going to have anyone but dh with me.

I can't recall what the number was when dd had baby girl for the delivery, there was hardly enough room for me,dd and the 4 medical team. But when she was moved to the room for after delivery it was a limit of 5.
When she made her wishes known she just wanted me in there for the birth (I had not planned on being in there lol). The nurse wrote it out and put it on the board in her room so every one could see.

 

[tzolkin]

After 20 some hours of very difficult labor, the Vienna Boy's Choir could have been in my labor room, it wouldn't have phased me in the least!!

Yes, we always joke in my family that you may think you're modest, but once you hit transition there could be a parade walking through and you do not care at all.

My mom is like an unofficial doula and has been present at dozens of births (aunts, cousins, even family friends have asked her to be with them), so it doesn't seem that odd to me to have people other than just the baby's father there.

My first, I had planned for my mom and best friend to be there. My dad came in to check on me and in the frenzy just wound up staying. (I have a bleeding disorder, so the doctors were stressing about having platelets and blood ready since I was about to start pushing.) I would have thought it would sound "creepy" to have your father present if I thought about it beforehand, but at that point I don't think it entered any of our minds. I had been in labor for 47 hours over the course of three days (major lack of sleep for everyone), when it came time I only pushed twice (and I did very nearly bleed to death) so there wasn't much consideration given to what extra people might be in the room.

With my second, the policy was that siblings could attend but they had to have another adult (so they could leave if they wanted to) and they also had to be prepared in advance including watching a birth video. Turned out that the labor went much faster than the first (and there was a huge snowstorm), so my older child didn't arrive at the hospital until after the birth. So just DH and my mom were there.

With my third, I decided in advance that I would allow my MIL to be present if she wanted. We knew that this would be her last grandchild and she would likely not have the opportunity to be present at a birth, so I figured I would extend the offer. I did not feel comfortable having her in the room while I was in intense labor, so I asked her to leave. (I don't use any pain meds and I really don't like having people watch me when I'm in pain.) But the med student went out and got her from the waiting room just as he was about to be delivered.

 

[scrhsa]

I had 2 friends and my husband at one of my deliveries. I really wish I had only had my husband...or even by myself. I know I certainly would have been able to concentrate a little harder with out chatting it up with my friends

 

[wgeo]

I always joke that we had to have bleacher seats for my sons birth but it wasn't family. We lived out of state so it never even came up, it was just my husband and I, but I gave birth at a teaching hospital and my doctor was the chief resident, so when I started there were 3 doctors and 2 nurses. And then things went south and in what seemed very fast to me there were over 30 people in the room. The funny thing is that since so many students would come along with whatever dr was coming in, they had to specifically get my permission each time. So after every single contraction there was someone saying, Ok Surgeon so and so is here with a student is that ok? Ok, the NICU nurse is here and she has a student, is that ok? And of course I could have cared less, I just wanted my son to be born healthy, could have had the entire hospital watching for all I cared at that point. The clapping when he came out healthy was pretty nice though!

 

[stout]

I had both daughters at our local clinic which is a major educational facility. For DD 11, it was me, DH, nurse, doctor, fellow or senior resident, two residents, and a medical student, if my husband's story is correct...and at one point I sternly told (yelled at) the nurse to clear the entire room except her and DH...including having the doctor leave (he and I didn't apparently see eye to eye at that moment!) the chaos died down (it was an uneventful delivery and believe me, they didn't learn anything new by being there), the doctor did leave the room for a couple minutes, then he stepped back in with a much more calm bedside manor, everyone else who had left stayed out, and my daughter was delivered less than 10 minutes later. I cannot imagine family members on top of that circus! No thank you!

 

[disykat]

There were about 15 people cheering after each contraction in the birthing room next to mine. It was actually quite traumatizing to me since my labor wasn't going well and I kept getting bad news. It still makes me kind of angry thinking about it 24 years later!

 

[kahrani]

I could not imagine anything worse than that many people being present whilst I was in labour! My hubby was lucky I wanted him there (and to be honest he didn't do much, he took a nap on the bed at one point!) even the midwife was relatively hands off. There was a NICU doctor lurking behind the door because my daughter was slightly early (36+5) but I didn't pay much attention to her.

My in laws were actually away for a long weekend and I think my MiL would have liked to have been there but didn't push it, and they didn't get back in time anyway. My mum lives 4hrs away and my poor dad was stuck at my house having just had surgery himself the day before and I was meant to be looking after him for two weeks as he couldn't walk. The only other person I'd consider having at my birth was my sister but as she lives in America and I live in New Zealand that was impossible.

This time around I'm planning a homebirth. If it happens during the day we will need an extra adult to look after our daughter, but if it's in the night we will just let her sleep through it.

I'm a labour in a darkened room in the early hours type person - bit like how a horse does it haha! (Horses almost always give birth in the early hours of the morning, it must be a prey instinct to keep their young safe).

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Everyone wanted to be in the room with me. I'm a people pleaser so I probably would have allowed it to avoid hurt feelings. Luckily DH wasn't at all concerned about their feelings and made it known that he was the only one coming in. I had a c-section anyway so it didn't matter... Only one person allowed

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Mom to be: Hey, you and 13 other people are invited to witness the birth of my child!

Me: Nah, I'm good.

 

[MrsDuck]

I'm due in November. I figure DH and my mom can be in the room. As soon as it's really time to deliver, I think I'll kick my mom out. I do not do well with sympathetic looks/pats/comments when I'm in pain so she's got to go.

DH can stay since it's his baby and all.

My daddy will want nothing to do with labor and will stay out in the waiting room or at home, most likely. But when it's time, he will be the first one waiting to hold him. I'm due on his birthday...

 

[Magpie]

This time around I'm planning a homebirth. If it happens during the day we will need an extra adult to look after our daughter, but if it's in the night we will just let her sleep through it.

I'm a labour in a darkened room in the early hours type person - bit like how a horse does it haha! (Horses almost always give birth in the early hours of the morning, it must be a prey instinct to keep their young safe).

Well, I don't have a particular time of day (one was born just before midnight, the other in the middle of the afternoon). With my second, we ended up sending our eldest to a neighbour's house, where they fed her lunch and entertained her for a few hours.

I really appreciated the fact that our medical system offered homebirth as an option! It was so nice not having to worry about who might walk in on me, and getting to shower right after, before being tucked into my own bed with my new baby. It was all very pleasant and low-key, and I felt extremely safe and comfortable being in my own home.

The first time, the midwives even did a load of laundry for us before leaving for the night!

 

[ronandannette]

Mom to be: Hey, you and 13 other people are invited to witness the birth of my child!

Me: Nah, I'm good.

I've sat on pins-and-needles hoping that close friends and family members would NOT request that I be present for their deliveries. That's the last place on God's green earth I ever want to be.

 

[hereyago]

This was me when at the hospital, dd requested I be there. Now, we had discussed it because well I get quesy with blood and I am not good around people who are in pain. Well, the nurse asks her to let her know who is allowed to be there so she can write it down. blabber mouth dd says my mom. I looked at her like what?
So I was there. I saw my dgd when she came out(I was not near the catch zone, lol) and I swear if she could have talked, she would have said" Who took me out?!" Her expression was hilarious.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

The birthing rooms at the hospital where I had my kids had been remodeled and are huge. I had my DD in one of the huge rooms. My son was supposed to be born in one of the huge rooms but I went into labor during a Hurricane (he was 2 weeks late too) and so did everyone else it seemed like so we ended up in one of the un-remodeled rooms.

But I agree with you - only my husband was approved to be in the room.
The doc did ask if an Ob/Gyn intern could come in to witness the actual birth and I asked several questions about the intern (how long they'd be interning, how close they were to being a full doctor) and then approved that.

I was lucky though - we didn't have any family even in the same state. Most live halfway across the country. So none of them came down until the babies were 3 months old.
My Dad said he didn't hold babies younger than 6 months but I got him to hold mine at 3 months. LOL

 

[marcyleecorgan]

The hospital that I delivered in had a strict rule of no more than 4 people in the room, and when you checked in to the L&D wing you had to write those 4 names down on a sheet of paper. The original was kept at the nurse's station, a photocopy was tacked onto the door, and ID's were compared against the list before a person could gain admittance to the unit, let alone the room itself.

This was our hospital's policy.

sadly, this did NOT stop my MIL from driving down to the hospital she thought I was at (sadly she got it right on the first guess, but she WOULD have driven to all 5 if she didn't find it first off) and starting a SCREAMING FIGHT with the NICU nurses because she wasn't on the list, she has immune issues of her own, and she wanted to DROWN the room in roses - yeah she brought like 4 dozen white roses... and NICU doesn't have "rooms" as some of you might know. And I despise cut flowers... buy me a living rosebush, don't buy me flowers that are already on their way to the compost pile...

Somehow they were supposed to let some crazy woman, not listed on anyone's security list, toss highly-allergen-filled objects all over a NICU and also to top it, allow her to enter without the scrub down procedure, just because she has lupus? Uh no. Even the hospital security guards were like, "lady, your option is to GO HOME and let your DIL advise you as to when she wants visitors. If you step across this line, we arrest you."

Oh she was so angry she was all like, "I'm not visiting them at home! I'll just pretend I have no DGD! *Narcissist Personality Disorder Adult Temper Tantrum*" and I'm like, "aaaaaaaah finally... silence from the in-law department...."

FOURTEEN PEOPLE?! Okay this is just childbirth, it is not a spectator sport! In what hospital is it even SAFE to have that many visitors milling around???

 

[kmb584]

This was our hospital's policy.

sadly, this did NOT stop my MIL from driving down to the hospital she thought I was at (sadly she got it right on the first guess, but she WOULD have driven to all 5 if she didn't find it first off) and starting a SCREAMING FIGHT with the NICU nurses because she wasn't on the list, she has immune issues of her own, and she wanted to DROWN the room in roses - yeah she brought like 4 dozen white roses... and NICU doesn't have "rooms" as some of you might know. And I despise cut flowers... buy me a living rosebush, don't buy me flowers that are already on their way to the compost pile...

Somehow they were supposed to let some crazy woman, not listed on anyone's security list, toss highly-allergen-filled objects all over a NICU and also to top it, allow her to enter without the scrub down procedure, just because she has lupus? Uh no. Even the hospital security guards were like, "lady, your option is to GO HOME and let your DIL advise you as to when she wants visitors. If you step across this line, we arrest you."

Oh she was so angry she was all like, "I'm not visiting them at home! I'll just pretend I have no DGD! *Narcissist Personality Disorder Adult Temper Tantrum*" and I'm like, "aaaaaaaah finally... silence from the in-law department...."

FOURTEEN PEOPLE?! Okay this is just childbirth, it is not a spectator sport! In what hospital is it even SAFE to have that many visitors milling around???

I can see why your MIL wasn't on the list to begin with! Yikes!