Budget Baby Shower gift? The is a budget-related rant...

[StitchandPooh'sMom]

OP, if I were in your situation, I wouldn't go to the shower. You don't seem to be up for celebrating this baby. I'd have a prior commitment and express my disappointment at the conflict. I would still buy a gift for the baby.

Do you belong to Sam's or Costco? You can frequently get Carter's sleepers for under $7 at either place, and they are very useful. You can also find them on sale for under $10 at JC Penney or Kohl's.

Do you know if your co-worker is having a boy or girl? Land's End has this on clearance, and I know there is a free shipping code floating around:

http://www.landsend.com/pp/Playsuit...e&sku_0=::YPD&CM_MERCH=IDX_00008&origin=index

A small infant-safe toy is always a safe gift, and you can find many choices for under $10. If you can get an AC Moore or Michael's 40% or 50% off coupon, the picture frame idea is great, too.

 

[Belle5]

As far as the scandalous second shower, well, many people believe that all babies should be celebrated.

Certain people who have joined this thread would have a heart attack if they knew how many showers I have had--mostly surprise showers. Different groups of friends (sometimes neighbors, sometimes friends from programs I am involved with, church...) would just decide that they loved me and wanted to do something special to celebrate our new child. All of these people would have brought me a gift after the baby was born, anyway, so they just gave it to me ahead of time and had some cake and punch (sometimes food) as a group instead. On my fourth child my neighbors had everyone pay their own way at a restaurant and a few pitched in on a custom cake that was brought to the restaurant. Nobody had to come. I never put a list of names together. The word just got around and people wanted to come. I am very happy that my children all have pictures in their baby books of people celebrating their arrival. I have never expected anything. I just seem to have a very generous circle of friends. They are to me as I have been to them. I love to give to people! It is a joy to celebrate a new life!

 

[Mickeyorbust]

OP I understand how you feel. Have a co-worker I'm not close to, hardly even talk to, who is pregnant. Her 1st child is 13, so I don't complain about the need for a shower. However, she has become very demanding during her pregnancy. To the point of being bratty. Ok, before I get flamed, I have two kids so I do know how the hormones can send your emotions into overdrive. BUT, hers are way over the top. Anyway, back to the point, she has registered not for the basics like the list you posted, but for expensive items...like a $150 car seat, $200 basinette, etc. Nothing on her registry is less than $75. She's also made it very clear, over and over, that registry is for her co-workers. She has a seperate registry for family and friends. I won't tell you what you should do, afterall you know your "office" politics better than we do. However, I will tell you what my plan is; where ever we go, usually a restaurant and we are each expected to pay our own way, I will not attend. I will buy her a gift but not from her registry as that is way out of my budget.

 

[quentina]

first baby 20 months old and now another shower...to me that is tacky.

When my friends are expecting close together, a few of us go to Panera Bread and have coffee. She usually gets a couple packs of diapers (one friend likes to have babies, I don't recall her not being pregnant for more that a few months).

She loves the adult time. Loves the wipes and diapers....not an organized shower, more of a hang out time.

I think a formal shower after just having one not long ago is wrong.

 

[erin.w]

I was just in Macy's and they have racks of clothes on sale for $2.49 (some Carter's brand, etc). I would buy a couple shirts or bottoms for whatever you feel you can afford to spend. I think that is a great deal if you feel you want to buy a gift.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I am a struggling college student, but I also work retail. At my job, my assistant manager is having her 2nd baby. Her first baby is 20 months old.

Well, my main manager throwing her a baby a shower at work. At Olive Garden! First budget buster: I'm assuming I'm going to have to pay $10+ for a meal celebrating the this so-called miracle.

Without me asking, the mom-to-be has brought to my attention that she is registered at Target. She has told me this THREE times now, once even before a shower was planned. I never asked about it and I feel like I'm being thrown "You need to buy me something off my registry!"

Also brings me to another thing, she doesn't celebrate holidays or birthdays (Isn't a baby being born technically a "BIRTH-DAY?"). I respect her religion, but it's not like I will ever receive a gift from her for anything. I believe in the gift-giving spirit, but yet she doesn't.

It just makes me mad that this woman has told me she is in a really bad financial situation. Well, JOIN THE CLUB HONEY! haha!
I printed off her registry just out of curiosity. If she is in a bad situation money wise, why does she need the following?:

$8 rectal thermometer
$25 ear thermometer
$20 bathtub
$25 diaper bag
$17 bottle tote
$10 bath toys
$10 burp cloths 3pk
$8 3pk bibs
$6 socks 6 pairs
$6 pacifier clip
$4 rattle
$4 bottle brush
FIVE different blankets
plus a whole bunch of outfits costing $8 - $18


Return for store credit anyone?! I think this lady is just trying to work the system!

I'm a professional yard sale shopper and I used to work in JCPenney infants, I know how cheap you can get baby outfits. I shop at the dollar tree too! I know you can buy a lot of baby stuff there! Maybe make a gift basket from dollar tree stuff? Or would that be tacky?

I would just buy her diapers (this is the logical thing for a poor mom), but she said she didn't know what type would be the best for her unborn baby because every child uses a different kind. I thought her baby's butt would be the same as any other baby's butt. But what do I know. That's why I'm not a mommy yet! haha! (My budget mind says use cloth diapers!)

I'm not giving money or gift cards because that's too boring. I'm normally creative in gift-giving and I like to buy cheap things that people don't realize how cheap they were. I'm pretty crafty too, I just can't of anything I can give somebody who wants the expesive version of everything!

Any ideas?!

My goodness, I hate to sound rude, but you seem very bitter.

You can't respect her religion if you say she "doesn't have a gift-giving spirit." It's what her religion calls for!

Yes, she was wrong to tell you where she was registered without you asking first - no doubt.

It doesn't seem like she is wanting an expensive version of anything. All those items you listed are very reasonably priced (and I'm a budget shopper). And yes, different butts do well in different diapers. It's really not your business whether she chooses cloth or disposable.

I'd either buy a gift you can afford (could you not afford the socks? you could put them in a cute basket and make a nice gift) or tell her you can't attend.

 

[Eeyore's Wife]

I think the biggest issue here is that the woman having the baby is in managment and the woman throwing this event is even higher in management. It is unethical to seek out gifts from those beneath you in a business situation.

My husband and I just had a surprise baby 13 years after our youngest child was born, but we would have NEVER invited any of his employees to a shower. He is the boss, and it would be a violation of his position to put his employees in that kind of position.

I find it at best inappropriate, and at worst a gross misuse of authority, to invite underlings to a gift giving opportunity for the boss.

The expectant mother is not a co-worker, she is a boss, and she should start acting like one.

The original poster seemed a bit upset, but I believe she has every right to feel put frustrated and trapped. She is plopped in the middle of a ridiculous situation.

So, to the OP, I suggest you have other plans the evening of the event. Since you said you are crafty, I suggest you get an inexpensive frame and then write out a prayer/ blessing/ poem for the baby in calligraphy. You could get a dollar store frame, and since it shoud hang on the wall away from the baby, you needn't worry about any contamination issues. All told, you could put together this kind of gift for a very small financial investment.

I am sorry you have been put in this awkward situation, but children really are a miracle, even if their mothers are ridiculous loons.

 

[Nina1]

Frankly, it is tacky and greedy to have a baby shower for a second baby (especially when your first is only 20 months old and you are going around informing people as to where you are registered - tacky, tacky, tacky). Traditionally, there is only a shower for baby number 1, unless there are extenuating circumstances like a big age difference between the first and second baby. I do not think you should go. Whether or not she is poor, you are not obligated. As a mom, I know the things she is registered for are necessities; however, she should have these items from her first baby. Since you are on a budget, if you feel you must buy something for her, buy a small token (pack of bibs, some onesies or sleepers, a CD of lullabyes) and tell her you wish her well but will be unable to attend the shower due to a previous commitment. She is not your boss and, from what you have told us, I don't believe you owe her a thing.

 

[MaumeeMom]

My comments are in red.

PARTIAL
Well, my main manager throwing her a baby a shower at work. At Olive Garden! First budget buster: I'm assuming I'm going to have to pay $10+ for a meal celebrating the this so-called miracle.
$10 for dinner out doesn't seem unreasonable. You honestly can't save up or scrimp to find $10? Maybe skip a night out with college friends, skip a coffee here or there. You can get soup and water for less than $10.

I agree with PP's that the phrase, "so-called miracle" is very off putting. All children are miracles. This makes you sound petty and bitter.

Without me asking, the mom-to-be has brought to my attention that she is registered at Target. She has told me this THREE times now, once even before a shower was planned. I never asked about it and I feel like I'm being thrown "You need to buy me something off my registry!"
How has she talked about the registry? Has she actually come right out and told you to go to Target and buy a gift, I would guess not. Was it more a "I had so much fun last night, we went to Target to register..." Maybe due to the hard feelings you seem to have for this woman you mistook what she was saying. The day after I registered for my shower we talked about it at work. It wasn't done in a "BUY ME SOMETHING" way at all but more as a "what did you do last night?" way.

I respect her religion, but it's not like I will ever receive a gift from her for anything. I believe in the gift-giving spirit, but yet she doesn't.

This isn't a buy one get one kind of deal. Gift giving should come from the heart not because you think you might get one back some day.

Return for store credit anyone?! I think this lady is just trying to work the system!

Wow! That is a pretty heavy accusation; can you back that up with prior habits? BTW as other PP's have said, those prices are not really bad at all and many of those things are considered necessities. If you should ever have a child, you will see how many blankets you will need.

Also, maybe whomever is throwing the shower asked her to register or encouraged it. Part of the fun of having a registry is picking things that you might not normally buy for yourself. A bottle tote may not be a necessity but it does make a nice gift.

I shop at the dollar tree too! I know you can buy a lot of baby stuff there! Maybe make a gift basket from dollar tree stuff? Or would that be tacky?

Yes, that would be tacky. I wouldn't buy stuff from Dollar Tree, it is cheap for a reason - many of these things end up on the recall lists for lead or inferior manufacturing (pacis that fall apart & can choke baby, etc.)

I thought her baby's butt would be the same as any other baby's butt. But what do I know. That's why I'm not a mommy yet! haha! (My budget mind says use cloth diapers!)
First, not all babies' butt are the same. One of my kids could only wear Huggies. Secondly, cloth diapers are not always less expensive (laundry costs or a diaper service) and if the child is in day care, the center may refuse to deal with them.

I just can't of anything I can give somebody who wants the expesive version of everything!
I don't really see anything that is the most expensive thing of it's kind on the list that you shared so I don't get this statement.

Any ideas?!
Yes, don't go. You obviously do not want to celebrate this child but if you have to go for political reasons, please check your attitude at the door.

PARTIAL

Many of my friends just had their 2nd babies and they said it is because everyone asks them what they need/want so why not register. Especially if the children are different sexes.

Whatever you do just remember that what goes around comes around. Children may not be in your immediate future now but some day you may want to get married or have your own babies. Imagine how you would feel if someone was critisizing you for registering for 6 socks that cost $6. Oh how horrible!
That is what I was thinking too on both counts.

I wanted to clear up the whole paying for the shower thing if I may.

When we had showers etc. at work everyone paid for their plate and all got together and celebrated. It would have been a fortune if one person paid. This shower is separate from a shower that family would throw that you would not pay to attend. I think that is why the OP is saying she has to pay her way.
That is how we used to do it where I worked as well and it went fine. Sometimes we would split the cost of the honorees food.

I've never worked anywhere that didn't have a shower for every child born to every employee, male or female. Sometimes even new grandparents. No. 1 or no. 5. I never begrudged anyone a gift for a new baby, marriage, etc. But I agree, the OP's snottiness about the "so called" miracle indicates that she is not a friend, and as I posted earlier I wouldn't have wanted her to be at a shower or party for me or my child.
That is how it was for us too, we were always celebrating something. If it got to be too much, no one would think less of someone for not joining in or not buying a gift and just coming to dinner.

 

[Eeyore's Wife]

Nina1, I believe the Original Poster listed that the expecting mother is her assistant manager, which would make her part of managment, which means the woman is her boss. In addition, the person throwing the party is the head manager, most certainly her boss.

 

[pearlieq]

OP, I feel for you.

I wouldn't want to be forced to pony up money I didn't really have to go to the shower of a person I didn't really care for. I can understand how you feel a lot of pressure to go given this person is management and you work in a small business.

I also think having a shower for a 2nd baby (especially this close together), being asked to pay your own way, and having the registry crammed down your throat is incredibly tacky.

I would have trouble being in a festive spirit too. These aren't your friends--these are rude, gift-grubbing people.

Also, what religion precludes the celebration of birthdays? I'm not aware of one, but if so, it sure sounds like a sweet deal in this situation. She can sit back and accept as many gifts as she can browbeat people into getting her, and she never has to reciprocate. It doesn't sound like this lady is bending over backwards to pay back people's generosity any other way.

If you truly feel like you can't get out of it without putting your job in jeapordy, you're going to have to grin and bear it. You could probably invent some conflict that you just can't miss that will mean you have to leave 30 minutes into the shower. That way you put in an appearance, but you don't have to stay for the event or pay for a meal you can't afford.

 

[Jennia]

OP, I feel for you.

I wouldn't want to be forced to pony up money I didn't really have to go to the shower of a person I didn't really care for. I can understand how you feel a lot of pressure to go given this person is management and you work in a small business.

I also think having a shower for a 2nd baby (especially this close together), being asked to pay your own way, and having the registry crammed down your throat is incredibly tacky.

I would have trouble being in a festive spirit too. These aren't your friends--these are rude, gift-grubbing people.

Also, what religion precludes the celebration of birthdays? I'm not aware of one, but if so, it sure sounds like a sweet deal in this situation. She can sit back and accept as many gifts as she can browbeat people into getting her, and she never has to reciprocate. It doesn't sound like this lady is bending over backwards to pay back people's generosity any other way.

If you truly feel like you can't get out of it without putting your job in jeapordy, you're going to have to grin and bear it. You could probably invent some conflict that you just can't miss that will mean you have to leave 30 minutes into the shower. That way you put in an appearance, but you don't have to stay for the event or pay for a meal you can't afford.

I'm guessing she's a Jehovah's Witness.

 

[MaumeeMom]

OP, I feel for you.

I wouldn't want to be forced to pony up money I didn't really have to go to the shower of a person I didn't really care for. I can understand how you feel a lot of pressure to go given this person is management and you work in a small business.

I also think having a shower for a 2nd baby (especially this close together), being asked to pay your own way, and having the registry crammed down your throat is incredibly tacky.

I would have trouble being in a festive spirit too. These aren't your friends--these are rude, gift-grubbing people.

Also, what religion precludes the celebration of birthdays? I'm not aware of one, but if so, it sure sounds like a sweet deal in this situation. She can sit back and accept as many gifts as she can browbeat people into getting her, and she never has to reciprocate. It doesn't sound like this lady is bending over backwards to pay back people's generosity any other way.

If you truly feel like you can't get out of it without putting your job in jeapordy, you're going to have to grin and bear it. You could probably invent some conflict that you just can't miss that will mean you have to leave 30 minutes into the shower. That way you put in an appearance, but you don't have to stay for the event or pay for a meal you can't afford.

It really is amazing how two people can read such different things into the same post. You have really vilified the mom-to-be (rude & gift-grubbing) where I read the original post as the invitee being young and socially inexperienced. It sounds like you have been burned in the past.

There truly are some religions which do not celebrate birthdays or other occasions. Just off the top of my head I believe that Jehovah's Witnesses are this way - anyone know for sure?

IMO generosity should not be expected to be paid back. In this situation, I don't understand the gripe. Say this woman doesn't celebrate birthdays so she doesn't buy b-day presents for people but consequesntly, she would not want them bought for her - sounds like it is even to me.

 

[emma'smom]

Buy a 4.99 board book...write a sweet message about how it was one of your childhood favorites...wrap it up and give it to her...wish her well...call it a day!

If you have to go the meal (and don't want to)...just stop in for a drink (order a soda) and say that can't stay long (or have family meal plans later/earlier) and don't order anything else.
If you feel you need to eat something to fit in...order an appetizer and water.

P.S. These prices are very reasonable for the gifts and they are all things that are necessary. It you look at the things that are not included, it seems she is reusing most things. Is this baby a different gender (thus clothing requests). Also, remember that if she has a 20 month old, that child may still be using things like bibs and blankets--thus she would need new ones for a second child.

 

[hipchickie]

ITA with pearlieq and MousekeMommy, and I love the suggestion Eeyore's Wife made about the frame. I can't imagine how this woman has a 20 MO and doesn't have these pretty basic items. Just say you can't make it, and personally I would give a nice (handmade) card with your best wishes. If it really is just about celebrating a miracle that should be appropriate.

Anyway, your post reminds me of this place I worked in college, where we would get our whopping $10 xmas bonus, and then the manager would come around and collect $10 from everyone for our bosses gift the gall of some people.



BTW, my guess would be Jehovahs witness for not celebrating birthdays.

 

[Octoberbabiesrus]

Jehovahs witness dont celebrate much of anything.

 

[smokeyblue]

I think the biggest issue here is that the woman having the baby is in managment and the woman throwing this event is even higher in management. It is unethical to seek out gifts from those beneath you in a business situation.

My husband and I just had a surprise baby 13 years after our youngest child was born, but we would have NEVER invited any of his employees to a shower. He is the boss, and it would be a violation of his position to put his employees in that kind of position.

I find it at best inappropriate, and at worst a gross misuse of authority, to invite underlings to a gift giving opportunity for the boss.

The expectant mother is not a co-worker, she is a boss, and she should start acting like one.

The original poster seemed a bit upset, but I believe she has every right to feel put frustrated and trapped. She is plopped in the middle of a ridiculous situation.

I am sorry you have been put in this awkward situation, but children really are a miracle, even if their mothers are ridiculous loons.

Wow, you said it better than I ever could!

 

[onelostsockie]

First, I want to thank everybody for the actual gift ideas. I might go through some clearance racks and look for some solid or small print onesies and then make her something.

But seriously people, I'm not looking for harsh comments. I was looking for Budget gift ideas.

I LOVE giving gifts, which is why I was posting asking for ideas for a creative/unique/different gift I could give with limited money.

Since you said you are crafty, I suggest you get an inexpensive frame and then write out a prayer/ blessing/ poem for the baby in calligraphy. You could get a dollar store frame, and since it shoud hang on the wall away from the baby, you needn't worry about any contamination issues.

I like the calligraphy idea! I can do calligraphy and ink drawings. She's doing the room in a jungle theme, so I'll have to google some poems or something.

Do you cook? An I owe you for one homemade dinner would be nice
Artistic?-Paint on a small canvas the baby's name if you know it or a picture for the baby's room (again craft store with coupons)
Scrapbook or picture album
Footprint card and frame

Also check target, maybe something was marked down on her list.

These are good ideas too! Thanks!

Jehovahs witness dont celebrate much of anything.

There are a few Christian groups that don't. I have some Baptist cousins that don't celebrate holidays. To each his own.

Even though she doesn't give or receive birthday gifts, this lady apparently celebrates the birth of babies! It is just ironic. She said she had multiple showers with her first baby, and told me how she had to bring back a lot of gifts back. She told me about her registry in a "matter-of-fact" kind of way. We were in a conversation talking about work, and I never bring up the subject of her babies.
However, to cut her some slack, I don't know if she realized she told me about the registry multiple times. I think she was making sure she has already let everybody know about her gift list. The shower isn't even until Mid-October and I've already had co-workers ask what I'm going to buy her!

I obviously wouldn't go to the shower with a bad attitude. I would never tell her or my coworkers that I think the whole thing is tacky. I would pretend be happy for this yes, the "so-called" miracle. Unless there are special medical circumstances or it is a virgin lady is giving birth to baby Jesus, I personally think the word "Miracle" is far too strong to use to describe a new baby. Sarcasm people. Sarcasm.

I'm not socially inexperienced, I'm at the very age where everybody around me is throwing baby and wedding showers. Within a couple of years, I will be too! I personally would never randomly go up to people and tell them where I'm registered. That is just super tacky!

$6 for 6 pairs of socks is crazy! I just bought 12 pairs of trouser socks for myself for $4 clearance from Target! And that was only because I was down to 1 pair of non-holey socks. It isn't like I have a lot of money to throw around. I'm not some partying college student. There are 4 adults in my household, and I'm the only one who still has a job. I'm not looking for pity, I'm just sayin'.

I would not give a yard sale item as a gift, I was just making a point that some items cost far too much money in comparison. A lot of times I see unopened baby stuff people are selling because they didn't need them. My mom is guilty of giving people that stuff! To supplement my small income, I actually have my own side business professionally buying things from yard sales and reselling them. Yard sale stuff isn't tainted or gross. Just don't buy the underwear!

Oh, on the dollar tree note, I actually grocery shop and EAT dollar tree food on a regular basis, and I'm still alive. I even buy my over-the-counter medicine there. People are sometimes just really paranoid! If I had a child, I would be more than willing to take a risk on using something from the dollar tree. I live life on the edge! She might be one of those people out there though, so I'm scrapping the idea of making a bath-time gift set from the dollar tree.

 

[disneystacy]

First, I want to thank everybody for the actual gift ideas. I might go through some clearance racks and look for some solid or small print onesies and then make her something.

But seriously people, I'm not looking for harsh comments. I was looking for Budget gift ideas.

I LOVE giving gifts, which is why I was posting asking for ideas for a creative/unique/different gift I could give with limited money.



I like the calligraphy idea! I can do calligraphy and ink drawings. She's doing the room in a jungle theme, so I'll have to google some poems or something.



These are good ideas too! Thanks!



There are a few Christian groups that don't. I have some Baptist cousins that don't celebrate holidays. To each his own.

Even though she doesn't give or receive birthday gifts, this lady apparently celebrates the birth of babies! It is just ironic. She said she had multiple showers with her first baby, and told me how she had to bring back a lot of gifts back. She told me about her registry in a "matter-of-fact" kind of way. We were in a conversation talking about work, and I never bring up the subject of her babies.
However, to cut her some slack, I don't know if she realized she told me about the registry multiple times. I think she was making sure she has already let everybody know about her gift list. The shower isn't even until Mid-October and I've already had co-workers ask what I'm going to buy her!

I obviously wouldn't go to the shower with a bad attitude. I would never tell her or my coworkers that I think the whole thing is tacky. I would pretend be happy for this yes, the "so-called" miracle. Unless there are special medical circumstances or it is a virgin lady is giving birth to baby Jesus, I personally think the word "Miracle" is far too strong to use to describe a new baby. Sarcasm people. Sarcasm.

I'm not socially inexperienced, I'm at the very age where everybody around me is throwing baby and wedding showers. Within a couple of years, I will be too! I personally would never randomly go up to people and tell them where I'm registered. That is just super tacky!

$6 for 6 pairs of socks is crazy! I just bought 12 pairs of trouser socks for myself for $4 clearance from Target! And that was only because I was down to 1 pair of non-holey socks. It isn't like I have a lot of money to throw around. I'm not some partying college student. There are 4 adults in my household, and I'm the only one who still has a job. I'm not looking for pity, I'm just sayin'.

I would not give a yard sale item as a gift, I was just making a point that some items cost far too much money in comparison. A lot of times I see unopened baby stuff people are selling because they didn't need them. My mom is guilty of giving people that stuff! To supplement my small income, I actually have my own side business professionally buying things from yard sales and reselling them. Yard sale stuff isn't tainted or gross. Just don't buy the underwear!

Oh, on the dollar tree note, I actually grocery shop and EAT dollar tree food on a regular basis, and I'm still alive. I even buy my over-the-counter medicine there. People are sometimes just really paranoid! If I had a child, I would be more than willing to take a risk on using something from the dollar tree. I live life on the edge! She might be one of those people out there though, so I'm scrapping the idea of making a bath-time gift set from the dollar tree.

Boy, I am really glad you were not out my baby shower, but I do hope everyone who attends yours will think the exact same way you do.
I am going to assume you are very young, because having children and "living on the edge" don't really go well together. I guess I'm one of "those people" who don't live on the edge

 

[Redheaded Sunshine]

As a mother of six, the things on that list are not necesseties! A diaper bag and bottle tote baby bath are not necessities. Necessities are things like diapers and formula. Even bibs are not. Those things on her list are very nice to have but please, not something she couldn't live without. I had my first child very young and we just really had the basics. It was fine. By my sixth I new what I needed and a bottle tote was not one of them.

What is wrong with yard sale clothes? Why buy new for an outfit a child will wear maybe a few months. And really, does a baby know where you got it? This is such a wasteful country.

I do agree about the dollar tree stuff, mainly the bottles.

Buying yard sale clothes for a gift is bar none the absolute tackiest thing I have ever heard of. If you give something to a person after the fact that you picked up and tell them, "Hey I picked this up at a yard sale, thought you might be able to use it." Fine, but as a gift...TACKY.