Broke down and gave DC a phone

[mommasita]

You as a parent can choose what you wish, it doesn't make you any better than the parent next door.. Judging other parents, as you do, and write it here, actually makes you worse, in my opinion.. It sounds very petty..

I grew up VERY poor... Divorced parents, the whole 9 yards.. I had (and still Do) an extremely rich best friend.... She had the car, as you judge entitled, the everything.. She was awesome though.. She helped me out, my Mom as well, getting groceries etc. we had no car...They actually were millionaires, but I never realized it when I was young, they acted like everyone else.. I was blessed, and still am to have such a good best friend.

To me THE ONLY job a child that young should have is to go to school, to get an education, NOT to worry about paying Mom or Dad back.. Jobs come later.. The phone my 15 year old Daughter has that we pay for, is as much for me as for her.. I want to know she has arrived to school safely, after all she takes the bus, the metro (subway) and goes to private school, so it is at the other end of the city.. She actually wants a part time job at the age of 16, but she won't be paying her cell..

My son is 18, in College, we gave him a car, pay his cell, insurance.. He pays his gas, he works part time at McDonald's... His FULL TIME job is to get an education...

See, the one thing I KNEW I wanted was for my children to have MORE than what I had... To have what I didn't.. That to me is what all parents should want for their children.. More than what we had.. I want them to have EVERY opportunity to make it.. I will go without so they have... Everything my husband and I have is theirs when we die anyway.. I guess it is MUCH different in my house than yours.. My purse is there, my wallet is there.. The kids know if they need to take what they need.. I honestly can say that that never happens very often...

 

[HappyTogether]

When I turned 16, my parents got me a brand new car with 0 miles on it, because they were able to afford it. Also, because I had great grades and deserved it.

IMHO, this is the exact entitlement I am talking about.

OP, requiring your child to pay you back for everything you give them is unrealistic and it's making your child's life harder.

Who said we required our child to pay us back for everything? We provide an amazing home life, wonderful vacations, swim, travel soccer. We do however require DC to pay us back for certain things that will earn money. We believe DC should have skin in this game called life.

 

[HappyTogether]

Ok, you're just messing with us, right?

Nope, we found that contract at Clark Howard's website and used it as the basis for ours which DC and we signed. This is what works in our family.

 

[SnowWhite112]

IMHO, this is the exact entitlement I am talking about.

"Entitlement" has a negative connotation, so I usually use it to refer to someone who thinks they deserve something when they clearly do not. Also, to someone who isn't thankful. Having a wonderful open relationship with my parents, being in the top 10% of my class, working a part-time job on weekends+school nights, and volunteering? Yes, I do think I was entitled to my parents buying me a car. I don't think its unreasonable for a parent to buy a child a car to help them get to school, their job, etc. Brand new? That was a bonus. And nobody said I wasn't thankful. I am going to do the exact same thing with my children. My parents both grew up in a communist country and made it clear to us that not everybody has these things growing up. So I was never "entitled" in the way you are portraying these other kids.

IWho said we required our child to pay us back for everything? We provide an amazing home life, wonderful vacations, swim, travel soccer. We do however require DC to pay us back for certain things that will earn money. We believe DC should have skin in this game called life.

Requiring your kid to pay you back for all of the things you mentioned is placing an unnecessary burden on him/her. Spending money on the weekends? Get a part-time job. But necessities such as a phone bill? No. Soccer referee classes which are productive, beneficial, learning experiences for your child? Definitely not.

 

[Hrhpd]

Nope, we found that contract at Clark Howard's website and used it as the basis for ours which DC and we signed. This is what works in our family.

Oh please. Stop with the DC thing. You have already identified this DC as an 11 year old little girl.

In earlier posts, you weren't so coy about not using pronouns, especially when you were bragging about flying her up to Seattle for her 11th birthday this past spring to watch a soccer game.

You didn't answer my previous question.

If you are so concerned about her being bullied, so much so that you have started several threads about her being bullied, why did you set her up to be mocked even more?

You fully admit in the first post on this thread that she is being mocked for her antiquated phone. So why did you do it when you have previously said that you were tired of her getting off the bus crying every day?

Especially when your posts are filled with veiled brags of how fabulously wealthy (and entitled) you are. Renting out Palo for 20 people so you can have privacy

 

[HappyTogether]

Requiring your kid to pay you back for all of the things you mentioned is placing an unnecessary burden on him/her. Spending money on the weekends? Get a part-time job. But necessities such as a phone bill? No. Soccer referee classes which are productive, beneficial, learning experiences for your child? Definitely not.

I have mentioned two classes that are needed for DC to work. Refereeing and babysitting are part time jobs which can pay $12-15 an hour game and babysitting around here is $10-20 an hour. Unnecessary burden, give me a break. We paid for our school and have invested hours in time, money and sweat equity to get where we are. We want DC to have an understanding that some things come as gifts and some come with a personal cost in time and money.

Right now a phone is a convenience for me, and not a necessity.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I have mentioned two classes that are needed for DC to work. Refereeing and babysitting are part time jobs which can pay $12-15 an hour game and babysitting around here is $10-20 an hour. Unnecessary burden, give me a break. We paid for our school and have invested hours in time, money and sweat equity to get where we are. We want DC to have an understanding that some things come as gifts and some come with a personal cost in time and money.

Right now a phone is a convenience for me, and not a necessity.

Respectfully -- it seems to be a convenience be for you based on choices you are making.

 

[Laura66]

Okay - so you're not in the top 1% as far as wealth - and you say it isn't necessary for you to work ever again.

But you nickel and dime your kids and buy her an antiquated phone - especially when you're beside yourself worrying about your daughter being bullied? If she's in all these activities and babysitting I can't see how you're comfortable without her having a phone for you to reach her or her to reach you!

I don't buy it!

 

[Pixiedustaway]

Oh jeez. Give me a break.

My parents got me a cell phone at the age of 11. It wasn't the most expensive or fancy phone at the time, but it was a decent cell phone, on-par with the average phones at the time. When I turned 16, my parents got me a brand new car with 0 miles on it, because they were able to afford it. Also, because I had great grades and deserved it. I was never spoiled because although my parents got me nice things, they made sure to teach me to work hard through school. It worked- I am at a state university with a full ride. I'm not like other girls my age who need "Michael Kors" everything. They raised me to be a sensible human being. That has nothing to do with what they bought me.

OP, requiring your child to pay you back for everything you give them is unrealistic and it's making your child's life harder. My BFs parents were like that. They never wanted to help him out with anything, which is why he wasn't able get his license an entire 4 years after I did. He started working as soon as he could, but couldn't afford the sky-high car insurance rates in our area. If it wasn't for ME being able to drive to our university (45+ minutes away from home) every morning, he would have had to settle for the local community college.

He is a smart guy and he deserved to have all of the opportunities I did, but because his parents didn't feel like helping him out, it took him a lot longer to get on his own two feet.

IMO, a child who is hard-working in school and socially responsible (not drinking, etc) should be helped financially as much as the parents are able to.

This is an excellent attitude to have. Good for you!

I hope we are able to help our girls when they are older, they are 7 and 4 now. I sure as hell will NOT have them pay us back for swim, gymnastics and dance classes. I don't think that teaches them anything.

 

[HappyTogether]

But you nickel and dime your kids and buy her an antiquated phone - especially when you're beside yourself worrying about your daughter being bullied? If she's in all these activities and babysitting I can't see how you're comfortable without her having a phone for you to reach her or her to reach you!

I don't buy it!

No nickel and diming at all. Giving my child the basics. Until this year, other than school and some friend's houses, DC has never been where I am not. I am at all soccer and swim practices. A phone was NOT a necessity. In the first post, I mentioned I would not be staying at a soccer tournament all day and therefore got the phone.

Giving DC a phone with the ability to talk and text only is NOT an antiquated phone. DC is thrilled with our arrangement and isn't bothered not having data. As I also said, data is not needed in the two places where a phone would be a convenience/necessity...the soccer fields or babysitting at a home with no landline. When DC is WORKING, data should not be used anyway.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Okay - so you're not in the top 1% as far as wealth - and you say it isn't necessary for you to work ever again.

But you nickel and dime your kids and buy her an antiquated phone - especially when you're beside yourself worrying about your daughter being bullied? If she's in all these activities and babysitting I can't see how you're comfortable without her having a phone for you to reach her or her to reach you!

I don't buy it!

Dis is all kind of Crazy

 

[HappyTogether]

I sure as hell will NOT have them pay us back for swim, gymnastics and dance classes. I don't think that teaches them anything.

Who said we were making DC pay for swim or soccer?

I said we were making DC pay us back for those classes which are required to earn income. Totally reasonable in our neck of the woods. Two of DC's friends have similar arrangements with their parents.

 

[sam_gordon]

Okay - so you're not in the top 1% as far as wealth - and you say it isn't necessary for you to work ever again.

But you nickel and dime your kids and buy her an antiquated phone - especially when you're beside yourself worrying about your daughter being bullied? If she's in all these activities and babysitting I can't see how you're comfortable without her having a phone for you to reach her or her to reach you!

I don't buy it!

Maybe it's not necessary for the OP to work because (s)he has "nickel and dimed" their way through life. You know, like Dave Ramsey says "Live like no one else so you can live like no one else" (I think that's right).

And I don't get it. If the OP had started blasting posters for providing too much for their kids, others would get upset saying "you can't tell me how to raise my kids", but that's exactly what's happening here.

The OP was honest enough to come on here and say they were wrong in their earlier stance about no cell phones for kids.

As far as having 'DC' pay them back for their classes, I don't see a problem with it. I believe our soccer referee classes are $60. Then you have to pay for uniforms. I see nothing wrong with having a child pay back those expenses once they start collecting a paycheck.

 

[mom2rtk]

The OP was honest enough to come on here and say they were wrong in their earlier stance about no cell phones for kids.

I think I missed the post where she said she was wrong. Because I think this post was about playing both sides of the equation. Her kid has a phone now, but doesn't have a phone in the same way all of our entitled kids have phones.

 

[HappyTogether]

As far as having 'DC' pay them back for their classes, I don't see a problem with it. I believe our soccer referee classes are $60. Then you have to pay for uniforms. I see nothing wrong with having a child pay back those expenses once they start collecting a paycheck.

The class was $85
Shoes were $25
Ref kit, bag, flags. Whistle, yellow and red cards, game score card, coin, bag and watch were $91

Our agreement is DC pays back half of everything earned until what we have invested is paid back. It isn't about not having the money for it, it is to make DC realize there is a cost to earning money.

 

[sam_gordon]

I think I missed the post where she said she was wrong. Because I think this post was about playing both sides of the equation. Her kid has a phone now, but doesn't have a phone in the same way all of our entitled kids have phones.

I think the fact that she even posted 'DC' got a phone was the admission.

 

[mom2rtk]

Our agreement is DC pays back half of everything earned until what we have invested is paid back. It isn't about not having the money for it, it is to make DC realize there is a cost to earning money.

It almost seem like you are trying to discourage her.

 

[Poohforyou]

So you never answered the question of why you posted this in the first place. There isn't a question attached to your op so what gives? You aren't venting, asking for advice etc. This seems more suited as a blog posted than a post on a message board.

 

[Christine]

So you never answered the question of why you posted this in the first place. There isn't a question attached to your op so what gives? You aren't venting, asking for advice etc. This seems more suited as a blog posted than a post on a message board.

Yeah, that's what I've been wondering the whole time.

 

[emer95]

Ahh, I'm suddenly remembering this poster from long ago, when she wasn't afraid to refer to her "DC" as her daughter. Didn't she buy her daughter a cow? Or a sheep, or something? And then have an over-the-top elaborate birthday party for her with a limo? I may be remembering some of the details wrong.