Bringing daughters boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Disney for Families' started by growinupdisney, Jan 24, 2010.

  1. growinupdisney

    growinupdisney DIS Veteran

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    :confused3:rotfl:My daughter wants to bring her boyfriend when or if we go in April! He loves WDW, has been a few times with his family. He would pay for his tickets, and his own food! We go to Disney every year and have never taken one of their friends before kast year we did take my mother(loved it).

    Here is the prob: #1 I know he and my dd will want to explore the parks alone and I want her to be w/ us. I know she won't get to do as much as we will and will stand in long lines because she won't follow the routes we do. (Going during Easter) Which I know will make her grumpy and then she will have spent the trip yes, with her boyfriend but not getting to do everything she usually gets to.

    She says they will do everything we do but I know them...They won't. He is not use to doing what we do. We do Fantasylad, we have dd2 and ds13 also so we fit in everything usually for everyone. But I already heard him say he doesn't like those things(fantasyland,toontown, etc.)


    plus I am the disney planner, have been over 40 times it is just as exciting to plan as to do the trip!:love:

    He tends to have that know it all personality he is (17) and only been 4 times. But he is like that with everything. I'm not sure I will be able to handle it.:scared1:
    I prob. could but might have to bite my tongue.

    I did tell my dd No he couldn't go after she had already told him he could. I didn't every tell her yes to start off with just maybe. So now he has cancelled plans w/ his guy friends for his last sping break in HS to go with us and now I'm noy sure if I want him to go.

    My dh doesnt want him to go either because the boy gets on his nerves but he deals with him of our daughter.

    Plus now my dd is moping around the house because he can't go, he is upset because he can't go and thought he was, and apparently it's my fault.:mad:

    So what should I do? Convince my husband to let him go
    Tell my daughter No, have her go and then mope around the whole time we are there.
    Have her stay home while we go that way she can spend time with him since he changed his plans to spend his last year home with her:hug:
    Or change our trip to Nov. when he will be off to college( and maybe not even dating anymore) to lessen the blow him not going.

    All this being said when I was in HS my parents did let me bring my bf, We did have fun but when I got home I broke up with him (because his little mannerisms that you don't usually see day in day out drove me crazy)

    They have been dating a year now and last year when we went they had just started dating so it wasn't a prob. She had asked before, if we went again could he come and I said yes! But I said that a year ago before I really knew him.
    What do I do... I love my dd and want her to fun, not be in an awkard situation w/ him especially when or if we go without him.

    I'm not sure I could have fun knowing she stayed behind while we went
     
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  3. disneylovin24

    disneylovin24 ~Let It Go~

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    I would not change your trip just to avoid having to say no to him!!!

    First, you should have never told your daughter yes a year ago! Of course she was gonig to remember and hold you to it!!

    If I were you then I would say he can come IF he agrees to follow your plans. You have to make it clear that he has to listen to you and do what the rest of the family is. Then (and I wouldn't tell them this;) ) if he's good and they listen, him and your DD can go off on their own one day.
     
  4. Teresa Pitman

    Teresa Pitman Disney Grandma

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    I think that because you told her yes a year ago, you really should stick with it. I'd invite them to go to the parks with you, remind them of your planning skills, but if they want to go on their own - let them. If they end up standing in long lines, well, that might be a lesson for them. Some things you have to learn the hard way, and that's okay. Maybe they'll stick with you after that.

    Teresa
     
  5. arielmomma

    arielmomma DIS Veteran

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    I would just say NO!
     
  6. Tinker'n'Fun

    Tinker'n'Fun Apple peaches pumpkin pie, not ready holler "I"

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    Big NO, little no, bolded NO, underlined No.
     
  7. Ghosthost999

    Ghosthost999 Earning My Ears

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    If it is going to be so much stress for your other family members to have him along, I would go with your gut and say no. Your daughter will be upset with you for awhile (probably a long while) but someday she will be mature enough to understand. Especially two years from now when they most likely won't even be dating.

    If you do allow him to go, then I would simply let them go and make their own mistakes. That would also lessen the impact he has on the rest of your family with his "know it all attitude".

    I hope a resolutiyou can find a resolution that makes you happy.
     
  8. mybabesuz

    mybabesuz DIS Veteran

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    Another big NO Vote!

    It sounds to me like you already know in your gut it is a bad idea...:rolleyes:
     
  9. nicki.momof3

    nicki.momof3 Addicted to Disney Vacations

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    First - I would say NO but I would also never have told her YES in the past. With teenages you have to be very clear - YES or NO. A maybe is the same as a yes to teenages so say what you mean the first time and stick to your guns.

    Second - If you do allow him to go who cares if they skip certain attractions (She has been a number of times in the past) - really it is up to them to do what they want to do.


    I personally would never allow (or consider allowing) my 17 year old daughter to bring her BF on a trip. Reversed I would not allow my 17 year old son to go on vacation with his GF. I also would not leave a 17 year old home alone in this situation. You are asking for trouble on so many levels with all the above situtions.

    Maybe I am comming at it as a high school teacher (which I am) but teens wil be teens.

    Good Luck with your decision.
     
  10. disneylovin24

    disneylovin24 ~Let It Go~

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    About letting them go off on their own, would you rather have your daughter off doing her own thing or with you and being miserable because you told her she couldn't bring her bf?
     
  11. MSSANDRA

    MSSANDRA DIS Veteran

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    Do NOT leave her at home or change your vacation.

    I would never have said yes to start with and I think it will be very hard to say no now but I am not sure that I would not do it. It just does not sound like it will work out and this may be your last trip as a family before she leaves home.

    If he does go, set your rules and guidlines now. I would certainly allow them some alone time but also set some family time.

    I am sure she would rather spend time with him than hit every attration including the kiddie stuff.

    What kind of resort do you have? I can see having a teen boy along very uncomfortable for everyone.
     
  12. growinupdisney

    growinupdisney DIS Veteran

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    So far I thank you all for your advice.....When I said I would leave my daughter behind it was not going to be her left alone at home she would stay with her father (we are divorced I'm remarried but my husband considers her his)
    I also am a teacher and coach cheerleading at the high school so I do know what would happen if I left her home alone! I would never do that!!!!

    Yes, I did forget in the teenage mind maybe means yes! I guess I really never believed they still would be dating! She had never had a boyfriend before so I didn't think it would last this long!

    They do tend to fight over the littlest things so I don't want that to be an issue either.....How do I get my husband to agree if I change my mind should she talk to him or me?
     
  13. kwitcherkicken99

    kwitcherkicken99 <font color=deeppink>Sleep keeps me pretty. CAFFEI

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    Granted the kids are in their teens, I still would not take a boyfriend of my teenage daughter to WDW. Where is he going to sleep? Are you going to get a family suite due to the size of your party?

    I really wouldn't want my kids to leave our party, especially during spring break. I look at Disney as a family trip. I wouldn't want to deal with someone else's kid on vacation, espcially if he gets up my DH's hide. It's just not worth dealing with the attitude.

    I can understand you wanting to please everyone in the party, but it just doesn't seem to be something I would want to fight over. Now, if the kids were in their 20's, I think that would be a lot different, but not at their current age.

    Just put your foot down and say no.
     
  14. tlh0726

    tlh0726 DIS Veteran

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    NO would be my answer.
    Been there, done that, took oldest DS's last GF along on a few vacations.
    Having to insist that they both get off there butts and do something other than sitting on the couch watching tv hangin all over each other, the disagreements between them, plus having to lock them out of the camper so that we could do something with the younger kids was no fun what so ever.

    If her dad will supervise her the entire time during your absence than I would give her 2 choices - go and have fun with the family or sit at home with her dad.
     
  15. Tiger926

    Tiger926 DIS Veteran

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    I would not allow it either for so many reasons: sleeping arrangements, schedule conflicts, too young to be going on vacation, etc.

    Also, you never should have told her maybe in the first place. I'm a highschool teacher, so I hang with teens all day, and as a previous poster said, you need to mean what you say, and say what you mean. You are now stuck in a mess because you didn't have the foresight to think through your answer a year ago. You already made lots of good points why it's not a good idea for him not to go, so stick with the no.

    The problem is, you might now have to deal with a daughter who may very well ruin your family vacation if she goes. How will you handle that? I also don't think it's right that your daughter is allowed to stay home just because she is moping around since you wouldn't let the boy come along. This is not a good coping skill...and will not bode well for future disappointments.

    Hard call, mostly due to the fact that you made the mistake of lying to your daughter about your intentions with him coming along. There could be major trust issues between you and your daughter now, and in the teen years, you don't want this, believe me. On the other hand, it could be a good teachable moment that you changed your mind, based on the behaviours they have exhibited over the past year in their relationship, or his personality quirks?

    Lots to consider in this scenario. Good luck, Tiger
     
  16. mrsbornkuntry

    mrsbornkuntry <font color=FF6666>I'm worried about raccoons<br><

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    If the sleeping arrangements are comfortable I would bring him and make plans for them to spend one family day with you at your family's favorite park and let them go off on their own the rest of the time. If the only concern about them going off on their own is that they won't get to do as much as she usually does, that sounds like she's made plenty of trips to Disney so it probably isn't as big of a deal at this point if she misses out on some things.

    You already said yes, although it was a long time ago, you did say it and if you aren't going to stand by your word how can you expect your DD to respect you when you say no?
     
  17. PEANUT1

    PEANUT1 You can Fly!

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    Ok....you already told her she could possibly take him..that doesn't mean yes. Teenagers can be very manipulative. I would never leave a 17 year old out of a family vacation. I also don't think its appropriate to take him. He can still find something to do on spring break if he really wants to. You already have issues with him with his attitude and going on vacation will only heighten these feelings. Your daughter will get over it and have a good time..and if she is moping around alot, it is probably not much different than when she is at home.;)
     
  18. daisyduck123

    daisyduck123 <font color=green>I just love those parmesan mashe

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    Teenage boyfriend?? Nope, sorry, no way. This is a family vacation & you may not have many (if any) more with just the 5 of you.

    It doesn't matter that a year ago you told her "yes". Part of being a parent with minor children living under your roof is that you get to change your mind whenever you want. She's not the parent. Tell her "Sorry Charlie".

    I think you're just asking for trouble if you bring along a teenage boy who gets on your nerves.
     
  19. momofrrr

    momofrrr ILOVEEEYORE

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    I have been in that boat. We booked our Disney vacation last February for New Years. Our DS (22) asked if his girfriend of 2 years could come as well. We agreed but under our terms to which they also agreed. We always get two rooms (we also have two teenage daughters) so the girls would have one room and DS would share the room with us. They agreed to stay with us and do what the family did since it was a "family vacation"

    Well, as luck would have it, she broke up with him on Thanksgiving day. After everything was paid for and all was a done deal. I learned my lesson! A family vacation is just that. Unless there is a gold (or platinum) band on the left had they are not family!!!
     
  20. Kae

    Kae DIS Veteran

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    I would say no for quite a few reasons. But them wanting to go do things on their own because I want them to do things my way would not be one of them.

    Kae
     
  21. PrincessTiffany

    PrincessTiffany Is there anything better than Free Dining and Fast

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    OMG, NO! Put your foot down. There is no way I would bring my daughter's 17 year old boyfriend along on our Disney vacation - I don't care if she moped or not!
     

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