"Boys will be Boys" Excuse for Bullying????

[Mkrop]

Last night we had a PTA meeting and the guest speaker was our guidance counselor who spoke on bullying, respect for others and tolerance. She said that many times when the parents of the bully come in that they just chalk it up to "boys will be boys" and dont want to address the problem.

IMO, this is a lame excuse for bullying. There is no excuse for it, plain and simple.

Your thoughts?
ETA:
To hopefully clear up confusion : the parents who are called into her office bc their child is being a bully are shocked that it is a problem and just dismiss thier childs actions with the excuse "boys will be boys". The counselor was not happy about the parents not taking the situation seriously.

 

[Michie]

It is an excuse for bad parenting, period. I have 2 grown boys, they have never bullied anybody, period.

 

[SavvyMom]

There is absolutely no excuse for bullying. Kids pick on one another and get mad at one another, but continuous threatening is unacceptable. That attitude is what makes this behavior continue IMO.

 

[minnieandmickey]

These are the parents who say boys will be boys when their kids does something, but when something happens to their kid then something better be done or else.

 

[pjb_hockey_mom]

These are the parents who say boys will be boys when their kids does something, but when something happens to their kid then something better be done or else.

You can say that again! I couldn't agree with you more!

 

[Hannathy]

Except now a days it is more likely girls will be girls! Our schools have a much bigger problem with psychological bullying than physical. Most kids know schools won't tolerate outright physical actions anymore and or "names" so they and this includes mostly girls get nasty instead dangling being "allowed" to play in the right group or sit with the right people or the famous be my friend.

Our elementary school started a whole bullying program focusing on the girl type bullying problem.

 

[BeckyOnTheBlueTrain]

This is not a policy that would sit well with me. I would get a copy of the student handbook and review the policies on bullying. If they weren't tough enough, I'd find out how to change it. My opinion is that bullying isn't something to be taken lightly and can, in some cases, be prevented with strict policies.

 

[Freyja]

I totally agree with you. There is no excuse for bullying, whatsoever. I hear this "boys will be boys" thing much to often and hate it. I think it is far too often used as a bad excuse for bad parenting or even lack there of.

 

[Mkrop]

Except now a days it is more likely girls will be girls! Our schools have a much bigger problem with psychological bullying than physical. Most kids know schools won't tolerate outright physical actions anymore and or "names" so they and this includes mostly girls get nasty instead dangling being "allowed" to play in the right group or sit with the right people or the famous be my friend.

Our elementary school started a whole bullying program focusing on the girl type bullying problem.

The mom who was sitting next to me was actually a little upset with the talk as the counselor did talk more about boys than girls and she is a mom to 2 boys and 1 girl and she said the girls are just as bad I hope they addressing that too.

 

[Mkrop]

This is not a policy that would sit well with me. I would get a copy of the student handbook and review the policies on bullying. If they weren't tough enough, I'd find out how to change it. My opinion is that bullying isn't something to be taken lightly and can, in some cases, be prevented with strict policies.

I'm sorry this is not our school's policy, the counselor was saying that the parents use this as an excuse when they are called in to talk to her instead of owning up to the fact that their kid did something wrong.

I hope that is clearer.

 

[Celluloidgal]

"Boys will be boys."...Never an excuse for bullying.

Children should be allowed to go to school (a safe place) to learn without a fear of being verbally or physically "bullied"/abused.

So when a girl gossips about another student, is it "Girls will be girls"?

I am a bit confused though. Was it the counselor that said that statement, or was she saying that parents give her that excuse for their child's behavior?

 

[4greatboys]

No way

I have 4 boys, ranging in age from 20 down to 5 and not one of them has ever been a bully.

The bully situation needs to be addressed seriously and not just brushed off as a "boy thing".

 

[Mkrop]

"Boys will be boys."...Never an excuse for bullying.

Children should be allowed to go to school (a safe place) to learn without a fear of being verbally or physically "bullied"/abused.

So when a girl gossips about another student, is it "Girls will be girls"?

I am a bit confused though. Was it the counselor that said that statement, or was she saying that parents give her that excuse for their child's behavior?

She was saying the bold part. I am sorry if my original post is unclear, maybe I should fix it?

 

[freckles and boo]

Kids will be kids. Even the best kids will try stuff they know is wrong, for a variety of reasons. And then adults need to be adults and let the kids know that certain behaviors are completely unacceptable and won't be tolerated. Our school is a PBIS school. The staff model the behaviors they expect at the beginning of the year. They reinforce and reward good behavior all day every day. It has made a HUGE difference in discipline and behavior. Respect is expected.

 

[java]

As the mom of 3 boys and 1 girl I will say never ever should boys will be boys used as an excuse. All boys are not obnoxious and rude. They all do not pick on little children. They all don't push each other around. I know that because my boys and their friends don't do that!
Girls are more psychologically manipulative. Not all either- but the select few. And those comments can crush young girls. They had better have great self esteem or middle school is brutal. Thankfully, my dd is sure of herself so far.

Bottom line, bullies are only bullies because they can get away with it. Once someone stands up to them it usually stops- it would be nice if it was a parent.

 

[RitaZ.]

It is an excuse for bad parenting, period. I have 2 grown boys, they have never bullied anybody, period.

Same here. However, my boys have been bullied.

It is an excuse for parents that don't want to do their job. It is easy to be a lousy parent. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment to be a good parent. Some parents don't want to bother with the tough lessons, which there are many in raising children. It's much easier to give in to children and allow them to do as they wish, than it is to be consistent and to have expectations from them.

 

[Mkrop]

Bottom line, bullies are only bullies because they can get away with it. Once someone stands up to them it usually stops- it would be nice if it was a parent.

Excellent post!

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

I hate the phrase "boys will be boys" in general, but especially when it's used as an excuse for any kind of behavior. I've heard it used as an excuse for bullying, assault, and even sexual harassment and abuse. As if being male gives someone a pass to be a jerk. Frankly, I think it demeans both boys and men and seems to say that males are incapable of controling their behavior.

 

[BeckyOnTheBlueTrain]

I'm sorry this is not our school's policy, the counselor was saying that the parents use this as an excuse when they are called in to talk to her instead of owning up to the fact that their kid did something wrong.

I hope that is clearer.

Ah-ha....thankfully makes more sense to me.

I hope the school still holds the children accountable for their actions and explains that to the parents. I have never said "Boys will be boys" to account for my son's behavior, and never would.

 

[daisyduck123]

Some parents amaze me.

I'm a 1st grade teacher

A few years ago, I called a parent early in the school year & told her that her DS had hit another student. I started to explain what his consequences would be & her reply to me was, "Well that's what 1st grade boys do...they hit."

I went and replied, "No, no they don't. Not here at _____ Elementary they don't".
I couldn't believe it.

Two years later, this mom applied to be a substitute at my school. My principal said "No way".