boyfriends/girlfriends sleeping over each others house

[pookybean]

hello everyone, i would like some other opinions...

my son is 18 and going to prom this coming friday with his g/f of a little over a year. her mother wants him to go with them to their shore house after the prom and stay the weekend there. she will be there to supervise.

i know they are having sex, and i am not ok with it, although her mother is. she said they will not be sleeping in the same room at the shore. truthfully i dont have any faith in that happening.

i believe that if i say ok to him going just because it is prom they will expect it to be ok any other time.

his father (my ex) seems to think he should be able to go. i dont think he realizes our daughter may ask the same question when it is her turn for prom....

her mother is really badgering me about this and will not let up.

opinions, thoughts or comments?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Well, he is 18. Not really someone you can give rules to anymore. He's old enough to drive, vote, enter the military, drop out of school, get a full time job, rent his own place, etc.

 

[mombrontrent]

Well, he is 18. Not really someone you can give rules to anymore. He's old enough to drive, vote, enter the military, drop out of school, get a full time job, rent his own place, etc.

I agree, I really don't see the issue here. Let him go, he's an adult and can make these decisions on his own.

 

[smitch425]

Well, he is 18. Not really someone you can give rules to anymore. He's old enough to drive, vote, enter the military, drop out of school, get a full time job, rent his own place, etc.

I agree. Ultimately, if he wants to go, he'll go. I would let him go, and I would also remind him of the consequences of unprotected sex. That pushy mom could be his mother-in-law one day. I would not make a huge deal about it.

 

[JVL1018]

When I went to my prom, everyone went down the shore with no parents, we all rented hotel rooms in Seaside Heights.

I'd consider myself lucky that they'll be staying with adult supervision.
We had no supervision, and as far as I know that's still what all the seniors do.

 

[Keli]

Honestly, if I wasn't ok with him having sex then I would say no. And the mother badgering me for an answer would walk me towards no faster than anything.

Sure he's 18 but he's still living like a child, in your home and you are supporting him. When he lives like a man then he can make adult decisions.

 

[skatalite]

Sure, he's 18 and legally an adult, but he's still your child living under your roof.

Your roof, your rules.

With that said, they're already doing the dirty, you don't like it, but you don't keep him from seeing her. So, what's the worst that can happen that wouldn't be able to happen any other time?

I say let him go. Trust they'll use protection. Hell, remind him to use protection. But also remind him to have fun, because it very well could be one of the most memorable weekends of his life.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I started staying over at my boyfriend's house at 17. I stayed in his room and he slept in the couch. We only saw each other on weekends and it was quite a drive which is why my parents allowed it. We followed the rules, no sneaking in to the room at night.

I would let him go. Either he has learned to be safe by now or he hasn't.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Prom weekend we all stayed at a friend's house. I have no idea if her parents were there or not.

18 is plenty old enough to be making your own decisions about sex and responsibility.

 

[NaLisa]

I agree with those who've said let him go. They're going to find a way to continue to have sex. It won't stop because you refuse to let him go on this trip. Be happy there's adult supervision and that he won't be hanging out at a hotel with just a bunch of other teens.

 

[emma'smom]

In just a few months he'll be off to college, right?


When I was a senior in high school I visited my boyfriend at his cottage for two-weeks during the summer and then he came and visited our's (in another state). In both cases, the guest slept in a guest room and parents were around.


If he was going to visit a guy friend, would this be an issue for you? This girl is probably closer and more important to him than many of his guy friends---so why not support him in enjoying spending time with this girl and her family?

 

[Tozzie]

You say the girlfriends mother is nagging you, what is your son doing is he bringing it up every chance he gets or did he ask once or twice and has not brought it up again.

As far as sex goes, are you sure the mom is okay with it or does she know that she can't stop it so she is going to pick her battles?

 

[Poohforyou]

Well, he is 18. Not really someone you can give rules to anymore. He's old enough to drive, vote, enter the military, drop out of school, get a full time job, rent his own place, etc.

Sorry, but if I'm providing financial support to my 18+ yo in the form of college tuition etc I will have a say in what my child does. Now in this case I'd probably let him go.

op, if your son is having sex he'll find a way no matter what. It's fine not allow the opportunity in your house but elsewhere there isn't much you can do. I'd probably just make sure he's safe and leave it at that.

 

[lizabu]

He's 18. You don't have a say. And for the poster who thinks if she's paying for college she gets to decide....what if the roles were reversed? Something happened and he was supporting you (paying the nursing home bills? Helping you out?)....does he suddenly get a say in your sex life? Didn't think so...it's just as silly an idea.

 

[shortbun]

My son will be 18 in July. I can not see myself waving goodbye with a happy face as he goes to sleep with his girlfriend. I'd say it's time that you accept that they are having sex though. Sit them down and have a frank talk about birth control, becoming parents and what that means. Insist that they discuss a plan IF their birth control fails. Seriously. The only sure way to avoid parenthood is abstinence. Have percentages of how often all the options fail-condoms are the worst!!! Ask the other mother to be involved in your talk with them. SHE needs a serious wake up call regarding her responsibilities IF there is a baby. THEN-allow him to go. You should probably trick everyone into being there instead of telling them your agenda. Fix a nice lunch.

 

[mhsjax]

He's 18. You don't have a say. And for the poster who thinks if she's paying for college she gets to decide....what if the roles were reversed? Something happened and he was supporting you (paying the nursing home bills? Helping you out?)....does he suddenly get a say in your sex life? Didn't think so...it's just as silly an idea.

You can't compare the two. They are totally different.

 

[AntePrincess]

I'd let him go. And I'd let my hypothetical 18 year old daughter go, too. If you want to make a point about safe sex, consider offering to treat them something for the prom (limo ride?) in exchange for them letting you take them to get tested at a clinic. Together. The good folks working there will no doubt shower them with information about preventing pregnancy. I'm sure, at their age, I would have protested that we were exclusive and had no prior partners, that we trusted one another implicitly, so maybe one more mother-son chat without the girlfriend around, talking about the realities of young pregnancy and how he'd be on the hook for child support for 18+ years, would be called for. I'd also tell my child, if anything went badly on prom night, they could always call me and I'd come get them.

TBH, come prom night I'd be MUCH more concerned about drinking than I would be about sex. Drunk driving is far more likely to kill or maim than a couple of teenagers doing what teenagers have always done, that's the battle I'd choose to fight.

 

[Robbi]

They're going to have sex whether you allow him to go or not. Your son will be going to college or moving on in some way. This would be a way for you to acknowledge that he's growing up. It really would mean a lot to him.

 

[clh2]

I agree - he is 18. If he is having sex already - what does it matter if it is at the shore or back in your hometown?

If I was the mom of an 18 YO son who was having sex with his girlfriend (OR NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND) I would make darn sure that he has a clue about preventing an unwanted pregnancy, as well as any STDs

So - truth be told - I am the mom of a 19YO DD. She happens to know the ins/outs of pregnancy/STD protection, and the consequences if the protection fails. Of course - I could lecture all I want...the best lesson is a good friend of hers who ended up with a baby girl 3 weeks before she turned 19.

Of course - ESPECIALLY on prom weekend - I would be especially be discussing other things too. Driving, drinking, providing alcohol to minors. OH YES - my DD gets this lecture on a regular basis.

 

[hereyago]

Um, you have no control if your 18 year old son has sex, it isn't any of your business. It doesn't matter if they live at home or not. Time to learn boundaries and how parent and child dynamics change as the child becomes an adult.