Blessings.....

[Sabeking]

This may seem to be a strange thread title for my circumstances but focusing on the blessings helps me cope. I lost my mom yesterday after 5 years of illness. It's kind of therapeutic to share. My parents were married 54 years and have five kids. Moms illness has been a challenge but I see so much fruit in the suffering.
~ Mom was the giver and dad was the receiver, during mom's illness they were forced to switch roles and grow.
~My brothers and I were put in a position to lean on one another for support .
~We took a family vacation with all 23 of us for our parents which we may have not done had mom not been ill.
~Countless opportunities occurred where complete strangers aided my parents. I had shared a story about how some teenagers bought my parent's meal after seeing my dad feed my mom. They shared that he was an inspiration.
~ I want to hug or smile at everyone over 75! They have so much to share and may lonely.
~Thanksgiving day all 23 of us gathered around her bed and told her what she meant to us. We have a family bond now that means so much.

I can think of another 50 but don't want to go on. I hope you don't mind me sharing and I would love to hear how others are blessed in keeping with the holidays!

 

[lynxstch]

So sorry for your loss. It's especially hard near the Holidays. Sounds like you have a very loving family and you all have each other to lean on to support all of you through this. Sending prayers for your family and also ---

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm very sorry for your loss -- and very humbled by your ability to recognize how much you have in your time of immediate and profound loss.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I'm very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful testimony you shared with us. Praying for your family

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your lovely post.

 

[denisem]

I, too, am sorry for your loss, but what a wonderful tribute to your mother! She raised a very loving family. Prayers going out for continued strength...

 

[Sabeking]

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers! Mom was awesome; her name was Claire, so we called her St. Claire growing up! She rarely raised her voice at us and approached most of her life with grace.

I would love to hear your blessings!

 

[katie01]

I am so sorry for your loss. You are indeed blessed to have such a loving family and to be the kind of person who can still find things to be thankful for in the midst of your suffering. You will be in my thoughts, that you may continue to find comfort in your memories and the support of your loved ones.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother, and all of you, are very blessed!

It sounds a lot like my MIL's passing a few years back. DH's family pulled together like that and took care of MIL for six months at home. Even though it was really hard, and sad, everyone came through it counting their blessings. My DH now takes his father out every Saturday. They have a good time together. All the other sibs do things with him, too. He has a good relationship with all his children, grandchildren and children in law, and I think it's a testamony to how he and his wife were with all of them/us all their lives.

Sending prayers and good thoughts for you for the coming days.

 

[Sabeking]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother, and all of you, are very blessed!

It sounds a lot like my MIL's passing a few years back. DH's family pulled together like that and took care of MIL for six months at home. Even though it was really hard, and sad, everyone came through it counting their blessings. My DH now takes his father out every Saturday. They have a good time together. All the other sibs do things with him, too. He has a good relationship with all his children, grandchildren and children in law, and I think it's a testamony to how he and his wife were with all of them/us all their lives.

Sending prayers and good thoughts for you for the coming days.

Thank you Pea-n-me. You gave me some advice a few weeks back when I had some concerns about some of the changes in her condition. It was so helpful to hear what others experienced. Just knowing what the end would look like made me less scared.

 

[maxaroni]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved mom.

I lost my mom last year and reading your thoughts and blessings there were some similarities,

My parents were married 58 years, HS sweethearts. The were both only children, as am I and my DS. At any rate, my mom got sick at age 69 and was sick for 9 years before she passed. They had to switch roles and my dad was the devoted caregiver. She needed dialysis and she did the peritoneal dialysis at home....dad took care of this 4-5 times per day, everyday. So many people told me how devoted he was to her and the love was evident. She was in and out of the hospitals and rehabs so often. When mom needed to go on hospice, dad wanted her home. She was in the hospital when we made the decision for hospice and dad wanted her home. We came together as a family and went through so much but was so inspired by the love my parents had for each other. DH and I became stronger as well.

My dad, DH, DS and I went to bermuda for vacation this year. A celebration fo DS college graduation, my dads 80 th birthday and remembering my mom in one of her favorite places.

 

[mom2rtk]

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Thanks for sharing some of your blessings with us. Claire is such a beautiful name.

 

[Sabeking]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved mom.

I lost my mom last year and reading your thoughts and blessings there were some similarities,

My parents were married 58 years, HS sweethearts. The were both only children, as am I and my DS. At any rate, my mom got sick at age 69 and was sick for 9 years before she passed. They had to switch roles and my dad was the devoted caregiver. She needed dialysis and she did the peritoneal dialysis at home....dad took care of this 4-5 times per day, everyday. So many people told me how devoted he was to her and the love was evident. She was in and out of the hospitals and rehabs so often. When mom needed to go on hospice, dad wanted her home. She was in the hospital when we made the decision for hospice and dad wanted her home. We came together as a family and went through so much but was so inspired by the love my parents had for each other. DH and I became stronger as well.

My dad, DH, DS and I went to bermuda for vacation this year. A celebration fo DS college graduation, my dads 80 th birthday and remembering my mom in one of her favorite places.

Thank you for sharing that! I am sorry for your loss as well! How is your dad? My dad too was the primary caregiver and was adamant that mom would be at home till the bitter end. So that has been his life for 5 years. Has your dad moved forward easily with life?

 

[maxaroni]

Thank you for sharing that! I am sorry for your loss as well! How is your dad? My dad too was the primary caregiver and was adamant that mom would be at home till the bitter end. So that has been his life for 5 years. Has your dad moved forward easily with life?

Thank you.

My dad has had a very hard time. He is independent and made it clear he didn't want us hovering. The first week we all had dinner together but then needed time. As I said, we are a very small family and I feel as though I need to watch over him type thing. Being a daughter, I grew up as daddy's little girl and I feel protective of him. Don't know if that makes sense. We make sure to invite him over, or include him in things we do. He accepts some but declines a lot. He says the house is too quiet and will leave the tv on. He can't eat dinner at the kitchen table, just can't He eats in the den in front of the tv. Something he never did. However, he will go out to eat himself. He takes day trips to places he and my mom enjoyed. He is even looking to go on a road trip after the first of the year.... Driving from NJ to FL. He wants to see The Villages and a few other things. He putters around the house and runs errands. All in all, he is doing well considering he is heartbroken. Remember, your dad has lost your mom, his soul mate. But he has also lost his caregiver role. While it is less stressful, it's what has kept him busy for the length of your moms illness. Now, he's alone and having all day to fill.

 

[Sabeking]

Thank you.

My dad has had a very hard time. He is independent and made it clear he didn't want us hovering. The first week we all had dinner together but then needed time. As I said, we are a very small family and I feel as though I need to watch over him type thing. Being a daughter, I grew up as daddy's little girl and I feel protective of him. Don't know if that makes sense. We make sure to invite him over, or include him in things we do. He accepts some but declines a lot. He says the house is too quiet and will leave the tv on. He can't eat dinner at the kitchen table, just can't He eats in the den in front of the tv. Something he never did. However, he will go out to eat himself. He takes day trips to places he and my mom enjoyed. He is even looking to go on a road trip after the first of the year.... Driving from NJ to FL. He wants to see The Villages and a few other things. He putters around the house and runs errands. All in all, he is doing well considering he is heartbroken. Remember, your dad has lost your mom, his soul mate. But he has also lost his caregiver role. While it is less stressful, it's what has kept him busy for the length of your moms illness. Now, he's alone and having all day to fill.

I wa t to cry for your dad! I have a feeling that we are headed toward the same thing exactly. Dad has already told us he was not going to be pushed to "do things." I am his only daughter, I have four brothers and we talk everyday. Literally the saddest moment took place yesterday when the funeral home took mom. He stood on the steps and cries like a baby as the car drove away. My brother and I had to take him back in the house. That will stay with me forever.

 

[maxaroni]

I wa t to cry for your dad! I have a feeling that we are headed toward the same thing exactly. Dad has already told us he was not going to be pushed to "do things." I am his only daughter, I have four brothers and we talk everyday. Literally the saddest moment took place yesterday when the funeral home took mom. He stood on the steps and cries like a baby as the car drove away. My brother and I had to take him back in the house. That will stay with me forever.

OMG, I can relate. When hospice came to the house to pronounce, they told us it may be best if we didn't see the bag and leaving the house. DS and I stayed in the den but dad was there every step of the way. I can still hear him crying. It ripped another hole in my heart. I still hear the zipper....sorry if that is tmi.

The holidays or any special occasion will be hard. It's still so raw for you and going into the winter.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

^

My FIL kept his independence, too, but he also enjoys going out with everyone, too, as well as by himself. Basically he's stayed pretty busy. He's going to FL next week (I booked his flights online!) to visit a nephew and it sounds like they're going to have some fun. He does not like when his daughters "baby" him, but at the same time, I think he enjoys feeling cared about, if that makes sense. It's a fine line. At the same time, he's aging, too. He was working out in his garden when he moved something really heavy (that someone had given him as a memorial) and he wound up really hurting his arm. That bummed him out. So he takes it a little easier than before because he doesn't want limitations. He kept the meals on wheels delivery they started when MIL was ill - he likes the "free" meals and it's sort of like a friendly visitor every day, too. The dogs in the house (an in law situation) stay with him at night and they take a walk at least once a day, sometimes more. He likes their company. Holidays and special occasions are still at the house, as they always were, but everyone chips in to cook and clean so he doesn't have to do it all. He enjoys his Saturday routine with DH. Sometimes I'm invited along and he'll tease me saying he knew I was coming cause DH was running late but we always have a good time. It's a sad situation but IME (as a nurse) most people at that age realize it's part of life and often find ways to count their blessings and move forward into the next stages of their lives. We had been dealing with my mother being alone for many years, built an in-law onto our home when my father passed. She just turned 90. She was one of those old-fashioned women who barely drove and such, so we weren't sure how she was going to do, but she actually did pretty well on her own, with us, for a long time. Give it some time. Holidays are going to be tough.

 

[maxaroni]

^

My FIL kept his independence, too, but he also enjoys going out with everyone, too, as well as by himself. Basically he's stayed pretty busy. He's going to FL next week (I booked his flights online!) to visit a nephew and it sounds like they're going to have some fun. He does not like when his daughters "baby" him, but at the same time, I think he enjoys feeling cared about, if that makes sense. It's a fine line. At the same time, he's aging, too. He was working out in his garden when he moved something really heavy (that someone had given him as a memorial) and he wound up really hurting his arm. That bummed him out. So he takes it a little easier than before because he doesn't want limitations. He kept the meals on wheels delivery they started when MIL was ill - he likes the "free" meals and it's sort of like a friendly visitor every day, too. The dogs in the house (an in law situation) stay with him at night and they take a walk at least once a day, sometimes more. He likes their company. Holidays and special occasions are still at the house, as they always were, but everyone chips in to cook and clean so he doesn't have to do it all. He enjoys his Saturday routine with DH. Sometimes I'm invited along and he'll tease me saying he knew I was coming cause DH was running late but we always have a good time. It's a sad situation but IME (as a nurse) most people at that age realize it's part of life and often find ways to count their blessings and move forward into the next stages of their lives. We had been dealing with my mother being alone for many years, built an in-law onto our home when my father passed. She just turned 90. She was one of those old-fashioned women who barely drove and such, so we weren't sure how she was going to do, but she actually did pretty well on her own, with us, for a long time. Give it some time. Holidays are going to be tough.

I totally feel that "fine line". Dad is now 80 and, of course, aging. I don't want to baby him, act like his mother, or even wife. Try and keep tabs on him, include him but let him live his own life. All the while aware he's aging.

 

[dashofsunshine]

I am so sorry for your loss I cannot imagine, though I am getting to an age where my Mom is no longer young, and I don't know how I will cope when she passes. I hope that I will be able to handle it even half as gracefully and lovingly as you are. I'm sure she was very, very special to you. You're in my prayers

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Yes, leaving the house is hard. I wasn't there the day they took my father away. My mother was - and she was alone, as it happened suddenly. We were all there when they came for MIL. FIL oversaw the process, and we made sure he was ok. It was very sad, and almost surreal. The people who came were very nice, and cousins had just delivered food a little while earlier, so that was appreciated. We were at least all together in our grief, surrounded by the kindness of others who understood.

In the hospital, a nurse has to bring a deceased patient down to the morgue and log them into the log book and see that all information is correct, etc. - later a funeral home or other attendant signs them out of the same book. I have always had a hard time with that. I don't like to leave people I care for, and/or about, and have had many somber walks back to my unit over the years. I think if you think about it in terms like those, being at home, even though it's hard, has an upside.