Being spied on at work(long)

[Swan4Me]

A few months ago boss hired his wife's sister-SIL to answer phones and do simple bookeeping-
we were told not to discuss anything personal with her-her life is in turmoil

(she left her DH and kids for boyfriend, boyfriend left, DH has custody, she threatened to kill herself, went into treatment...now lives with her 85 year old parents because she bought a $30K SUV she really cant afford .?

Just to clarify-we were told , by this manager , to not ask her questions about her personal life

I dontShe is always in our area, showing us pictures of her kids-telling us personal things that I
honestly dont want to know

 

[Swan4Me]

I guess the real question to me is whether or not you want to work for them. You obviously have disdain for the family and whatever it is they have going on. You don't respect them.

So I would suggest you either need to learn to function in accordance with the behavior standards they have set - and the boss does have the right to require you to quit creating a hostile judgmental work atmosphere for an employee, whether she is related to him or not - or you go find another job.

You hit the nail on the head

 

[crashbb]

Just to clarify-we were told , by this manager , to not ask her questions about her personal life

I dontShe is always in our area, showing us pictures of her kids-telling us personal things that I
honestly dont want to know

Yet, you feel compelled to immediately share with someone who wasn't there?

 

[Swan4Me]

She and I are best friends

She has told me lots, lots about this situation that boss confided in her-so we're both gossips

-like SIL has to turn in all her bills to him and he is going to micromanage her financial situation

-like she had to move into 85 year old parents tiny home
(the day after she went on a spending spree-showed us all the clothes she blew her check on, because she "was sad")

-Boss tried to get the car dealer to get a trade into a cheaper vehicle on this new SUV she "had" to buy right after she got job with us-because the note takes half her monthly pay.

 

[crashbb]

So, perhaps you should stop the charade that you only know things about the her because she "forces" you to listen to her stories?

I don't see this as spying. Unless I'm in my office (with the door closed), I'm going to assume that anything that I say (gossip or not) can be overheard by other people. This is especially true if I'm in a public area. If my boss (or someone else at my office), were to put some sort of listening device in my office - that would be spying.

 

[Swan4Me]

So, perhaps you should stop the charade that you only know things about the her because she "forces" you to listen to her stories?
.

Just reread my posts-never said that

But i do learn way too much about her because she tells us
Like "Where can I find really, really cheap prefilled Christmas stockings for my kids"

Right after she bragged about buying some items for the boyfriend and setting them up in his apartment when he was away

(You know, those kids she abandoned to "shack up with a guy"-exact words my boss used to me about her last year , not knowing he's give her a job and I'd know all the stuff HE told me about her)
This is the other problem i have-i know way too much about her because he , himself, told me

 

[goofy!]

She and I are best friends

She has told me lots, lots about this situation that boss confided in her-so we're both gossips

-like SIL has to turn in all her bills to him and he is going to micromanage her financial situation

-like she had to move into 85 year old parents tiny home
(the day after she went on a spending spree-showed us all the clothes she blew her check on, because she "was sad")

-Boss tried to get the car dealer to get a trade into a cheaper vehicle on this new SUV she "had" to buy right after she got job with us-because the note takes half her monthly pay.

And the OP continues to gossip and badmouth a fellow employee. I hope your "best friend" doesn't gossip back to the boss what your dis username is.

You were gossiping, you were caught, you are completely in the wrong.

Your boss has every right to maintain a non-hostile environment for all of his employees. And since your posts are seething with hostility, the boss probably has good reason to be "spying" on an employee who continues to create a hostile environment.

 

[Magic Mom]

Just reread my posts-never said that

But i do learn way too much about her because she tells us
Like "Where can I find really, really cheap prefilled Christmas stockings for my kids"

Right after she bragged about buying some items for the boyfriend and setting them up in his apartment when he was away

(You know, those kids she abandoned to "shack up with a guy"-exact words my boss used to me about her last year , not knowing he's give her a job and I'd know all the stuff HE told me about her)
This is the other problem i have-i know way too much about her because he , himself, told me

Just because you know it doesn't mean you have to share it or discuss it. I'm not judging you, but the bottom line is that it's their shop and their rules. You MAY NOT discuss her personal life. It doesn't matter who else does discuss it, you should not if you want to keep your job. I think you dodged a bullet this time, but next time expect a pink slip.

Plus, who cares about her. Why waste time discussing such nonsense. When she blabs her ugly business let it go in one ear and out the other. If the boss talks about her to you, smile, nod and subtly change the subject back to work.

 

[crashbb]

Just to clarify-we were told , by this manager , to not ask her questions about her personal life

I dontShe is always in our area, showing us pictures of her kids-telling us personal things that I
honestly dont want to know

Just reread my posts-never said that

Here you go.

She tells you personal things that (according to you), you "honestly don't want to know", yet you and your co-worker share information that you get so that you can both know *more* personal information about her.

So, on one hand, you are saying that you know too much about her because she and her boss tell you too much. On the other hand, you purposefully find out more about her by sharing information about her with your co-worker.

If you really think you know too much about her - why are you trying to find out more (by gossiping with your co-worker)?

 

[Goofyluver]

I wonder what this thread would have been like if this lady hadn't been your best friend?

 

[Swan4Me]

If you really think you know too much about her - why are you trying to find out more (by gossiping with your co-worker)?

Honestly, i could care less that she got a lowish speeding ticket-we've all gotten them.

The fact that she had her 85-ish parents pay the speeding ticket floored me (she's 40-not a kid)

 

[Swan4Me]

I wonder what this thread would have been like if this lady hadn't been your best friend?

She is not-the person who was off Thurs is my best friend(at work)

 

[Magic Mom]

I wonder what this thread would have been like if this lady hadn't been your best friend?

I think the office manager is her best friend, not the woman being gossiped about.

 

[Goofyluver]

She is not-the person who was off Thurs is my best friend(at work)

Oops. My apologies. I thought you said the lady you were gossiping about was your best friend.

Maybe y'all should go to lunch to gossip.

 

[crashbb]

Honestly, i could care less that she got a lowish speeding ticket-we've all gotten them.

The fact that she had her 85-ish parents pay the speeding ticket floored me (she's 40-not a kid)

I assume you meant to say that you couldn't care less (or given your need to gossip about her, perhaps not).

Still haven't explained why you say don't want to know the information (not that you couldn't care less about it - you've said that you don't want to know the information), yet feel the need to gossip about her in order to get more information (the information that you don't want).

 

[Mama Who]

Just to clarify-we were told , by this manager , to not ask her questions about her personal life

I dontShe is always in our area, showing us pictures of her kids-telling us personal things that I
honestly dont want to know

If you don't want to know about her and her messy life, why would you want to spread it to other people? I mean, why burden your co-worker with the drama you say you didn't want to know in the first place?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think that the OP probably didn't think it was a problem, since the woman told her all of this.

I think they are ALL wrong in one way or another. OP, for repeating it(though I don't find you to be a HORRIBLE emplyee because of it)...

The woman being gossiped ABOUT(She should keep her private, personal life, private and personal)....

AND the OP's boss( for not only allowing SIL to discuss these issues with his employees but for also being a gossip HIMSELF).

I think the boss actually bothers me the most. I know that he is the boss and what he says goes...BUT....he should lead by example. When you are in management position it should never be a "Do as I say, not as I do" situation.

But that's just MY opinion and I have only had a few job in my entire life. One was for my grandfather where I WAS the manager as soon as I came on and another where I was a regular associate.

 

[Swan4Me]

AND the OP's boss( for not only allowing SIL to discuss these issues with his employees but for also being a gossip HIMSELF).

I think the boss actually bothers me the most. I know that he is the boss and what he says goes...BUT....he should lead by example. When you are in management position it should never be a "Do as I say, not as I do" situation.

.

Exactly-he told me scads of stuff about her last year, I had no idea who she was, only that he had his SIL living with them , a suicide watch...etc


I loathe the fact she left her kids...all 5 of them

 

[fadingnebula]

Honestly, if you're not interested in hearing about her life, then you shouldn't care enough to share it with others.

And, quite frankly, it's HIGHLY unprofessional to be talking about a coworker, especially a coworker who is related to your employer at work. If you're going to do it at all, don't do it in the workplace.

In this economy, you should be as professional as possible. It's rough out there.

 

[Acklander]

Just reread my posts-never said that

But i do learn way too much about her because she tells us
Like "Where can I find really, really cheap prefilled Christmas stockings for my kids"

Right after she bragged about buying some items for the boyfriend and setting them up in his apartment when he was away

(You know, those kids she abandoned to "shack up with a guy"-exact words my boss used to me about her last year , not knowing he's give her a job and I'd know all the stuff HE told me about her)
This is the other problem i have-i know way too much about her because he , himself, told me

It doesn't matter if she's the crappiest parent in the world, or has her parents support her, or she spends her entire shift telling everyone her life story - she's related to the owner and your not. As explained by your boss, part of your job description is to not gossip about her, even to the office manager and best friend. It doesn't matter if he's talked down about her - he owns the business, you don't. That's where the difference it. Accept it, or move on.

It may seem unfair, but it is what it is. You were wrong.