Baby fever

[ZephyrHawk]

Sounds like you pretty much have everything under control.

That's how I like it.

To clarify, DH only doesn't want a second because he was traumatized by my birth experience. Long story.

 

[Kalliope]

Sounds like you pretty much have everything under control.

I am curious what her DH would say about what she wrote in that post.

 

[AmandaTM]

All the time! It's on my mind all day sometimes and then I'll go for a while where I KNOW I am happy with the 2 I have and don't think a third is the right fit for us.
I LOVE being pregnant and the whole labor and delivery part, and of course the newborn stage, and really every stage, but I'm at the point where I don't know if I'm talking myself into a 3rd because I want to "do it all again" or if there is really someone missing that needs to be in our family.

I think part of it stems from not deciding with #2 that we were DONE, so it's like I didn't prepare myself for that being the last one. I'm giving myself until my 34 birthday (in March) to decide. My kids will be 10, and almost 5 at that point and I won't be getting any younger. I think I'll be heartbroken for a long time if the answer is NO, but maybe that's OK.

 

[dashofsunshine]

I have it terribly some days, but then I convince myself it isn't the right time just yet. I'll be 27 in October, my husband and I have been married about a year and a half, together for 5.5 years. Traveling has always been a dream of mine and we are finally at a point financially where we can do some of that...we are headed to Japan next Spring and are planning a Europe trip for 2017. Obviously I'd really like to wait until after those trips to have children. My big brother and my SIL had my sweet nephew 6 months ago, and every time I see him, the baby desire is overwhelming but I know we are young yet and have plenty of time to explore the world before having little ones!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I am curious what her DH would say about what she wrote in that post.

He knows his place.

 

[Kalliope]

He knows his place.

I'm sure he's well aware of his place.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I always wanted two, hopefully while I was still pretty young and hopefully about 2 years apart. DH and I discussed that before we ever married.
DD18 was due 9 months from our wedding day and born 11 days later. DS16 was born 4 days before DD turned 2 a few weeks later DH was snipped. Neither of us has ever regretted that or felt any fever or need for more.

I feel really sorry for you--I would really struggle to be at odds with someone I was already tied to for life over such an important decision as if and how many children to have.

He's from a large family(8 kids) . He wants our son to be an only child. We are at an age where time matters. I'm not sure he'll ever change his mind.

Like others, I am wondering if you discussed this before marrying and starting a family?

I am an only child and when we (both) decided to have kids I was adamant it was going to be at least 2 because I did not want an only child coming from experience.

I guess everyone is different--but I find that odd based on my experiences. I do have two and wanted two, but just because it felt like a good number to me--not because there was anything about bring an only child myself that I did not like. I wished for a sibling once in a while, but in the same sort of starry eyed kid version of what that would entail as wishing for a pony.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Ask him why he wants your child to be an only child. My DH is an only child, and my brother is mentally handicapped and 15 years older than me so I've been raised as an only child since he's lived in a specialized facility for a lot of my life. Being an only child has its perks, but DH and I both wish we had a sibling as our parents are getting up in years and we are facing the possibility of losing them.

 

[bcwife76]

@NHdisneylover as an only child of older parents I am part of the 'sandwich' generation - I have young children but my mother is older (I'm 39 and she is 76, 77 next month) and I am the ONLY family member here. She is not in the greatest of health so a lot of her care has fallen on my shoulders. This is difficult as I'm still raising young children so sometimes it's a huge balance in my life. I wish I had a sibling to help me with my mom.

 

[Christine]

Ask him why he wants your child to be an only child. My DH is an only child, and my brother is mentally handicapped and 15 years older than me so I've been raised as an only child since he's lived in a specialized facility for a lot of my life. Being an only child has its perks, but DH and I both wish we had a sibling as our parents are getting up in years and we are facing the possibility of losing them.

Her DH was one of 8 and, apparently, that experience was enough for him and he doesn't want his child to have siblings. That's what I'm gathering. I've talked to more than a few people from very large families like that and have heard some pretty negative experiences (positive ones also). He may feel that he doesn't have the time to give more than one child the attention he feels a child deserves. Since both of them work, his feelings might be valid for him. I had two kids and both of us worked, and it was rough.

 

[NHdisneylover]

@NHdisneylover as an only child of older parents I am part of the 'sandwich' generation - I have young children but my mother is older (I'm 39 and she is 76, 77 next month) and I am the ONLY family member here. She is not in the greatest of health so a lot of her care has fallen on my shoulders. This is difficult as I'm still raising young children so sometimes it's a huge balance in my life. I wish I had a sibling to help me with my mom.

Thanks for clarifying. I can sort of understand that, though I find it odd to choose to have a second child primarily to be sure that my first child is not the only one caring for me as an adult. I imagine there must be other reasons too.
Personally, I prefer to work at making sure I save enough to not need to rely financially on my kid(s) and have a plan in place to move into an assisted environment when needed so as not to put my child(ren) in that position. I have seen so many sibling relationships torn apart by differences of opinion over how and who would care for aging parents, that I worry about that aspect myself and think being an only child might be easier when it comes time to help my own parents in their old age.

 

[hereyago]

Im an only who has an only,lol.

Also, just because you have siblings,doesnt mean they would love like each other,let alone help take care of a parent later on.

 

[HM]

We originally planned on three kids. After two we decided to stop.

There was that feeling for a good while after #2 was a toddler that I wanted to be pregnant again and have a baby, but in the back of my mind, I knew I didn't want the responsibility of another child. That's what grounded me and helped me get past the feeling.

What is it about a second child that turns off your husband to the idea? It's very expensive to have children now....could it be worry about finances?

 

[NHdisneylover]

Her DH was one of 8 and, apparently, that experience was enough for him and he doesn't want his child to have siblings. That's what I'm gathering. I've talked to more than a few people from very large families like that and have heard some pretty negative experiences (positive ones also). He may feel that he doesn't have the time to give more than one child the attention he feels a child deserves. Since both of them work, his feelings might be valid for him. I had two kids and both of us worked, and it was rough.

I take it you know her in real life and she is okay with you sharing this here?

This does not sound like an opinion that has evolved with time--did her DH feel this way all along and share that with her and she went into the marriage thinking she only wanted one as well, and has no changed? Or thinking she could change his mind?

 

[Stitch69]

He knows his place.

I see an accident in his future.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Investigation Discovery - "Men who should have known their place, but didn't!"

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I get baby fever every so often. Then my kids get home from school... or it's the weekend/summer and I'm with them 24/7. Then the thought of any more kids makes me want to jump off a bridge

 

[mjkacmom]

I take it you know her in real life and she is okay with you sharing this here?

This does not sound like an opinion that has evolved with time--did her DH feel this way all along and share that with her and she went into the marriage thinking she only wanted one as well, and has no changed? Or thinking she could change his mind?

The OP stated that in her second post. I have two good friends who are only children, and they both have three kids themselves. Not only do they not like having to deal with aging parents, but they both felt that their parents focused on them too much when they were growing up, and still do. Right now both of my parents have terminal illnesses (one will probably be around for a while, with no caregiver, because my mom's illness was unexpected), and I thank God every day for my sister. She doesn't live here, but we will deal with this nightmare together. We talk almost daily.

 

[Art 1]

@NHdisneylover as an only child of older parents I am part of the 'sandwich' generation - I have young children but my mother is older (I'm 39 and she is 76, 77 next month) and I am the ONLY family member here. She is not in the greatest of health so a lot of her care has fallen on my shoulders. This is difficult as I'm still raising young children so sometimes it's a huge balance in my life. I wish I had a sibling to help me with my mom.

On the bright side you will inherit all the money. You won't have to share.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Now if that's not a twisty turn, I don't know what one is.