Autistic Girlfriend

[Aseros]

Hello,

My girlfriend is autistic, she has a mild form of Asperger syndrome. Anyway, we are heading to Disney world next year near the end of the year (you will see why I am planning so early now). This is the 6th time I have ever been to Disney World, but this will be the 1st time she has ever left England, or even been separated from one of her parents for anything more than a day, so this trip is going to be incredibly difficult for her. She assures me that she wants to go however. She does need to know everything in advance so it gives her a chance to 'absorb' the information. It helps her prepare mentally for what is going to come. She needs a detailed plan of what we are going to do and when, including the exact places we will eat. Deviating from this plan would cause her to become 'lost' and make her unhappy, she really does not like sudden change or surprises (ride surprises are fine!). Basically she doesn't like not being in control of a situation. We have a few problems though which I haven't had to face since I am not autistic and have no known somebody that is before.

1. She is afraid of crowds. We are planning for a quieter period of the year but she assures me she will get around the issue. I have no problem with this, we will be booking a longer holiday than we normally would in an attempt to allow her more time to absorb what its like in the theme parks. I honestly don't care if we only complete 2-3 attractions a day as long as she is feeling comfortable inside the parks.

2. This is where the real problem lies. It is her birthday on the 2nd day of the trip, and she has never done anything special for her birthday. I am planning on taking her somewhere nice to eat. The thing is, she has a fear of being surrounded by people whilst eating. I am looking for a table service meal, but in a relatively secluded area of a restaurant. Can anybody suggest somewhere that is suitable for our needs?

She will be 20 on her birthday. To be honest, she does not really show that she is autistic, it is only went you put her under pressure that symptoms begin to be displayed. I am a little worried that people we encounter won't actually understand that. As an example, we would have to avoid all nemo related attractions as she has a fear of sharks, even a character as simple as 'Bruce' will cause her to break down into tears.

I am sure there were questions up there! But if anybody can give any additional tips on how to cope in a theme park I would love to know. I have looked at the autism in parks website, but most of that information isn't really relevant to her as her symptoms are not as extreme as other peoples, in fact if you didn't know her you would assume that she was 'normal' (don't really want to use that word as it sounds wrong! Everybody is normal. It is not until that you get to know her in depth that you know about the intricacies of her personality I really want this to be the best holiday of her life, and something she will remember for years to come. She loves Disney and this is the best way to do it!

We won't be travelling until October 13, we would travel sooner, but she really feels that she needs time to adjust to actually going, after all its a massive step in her life and something she would not actually do if she weren't with me.

 

[dancin Disney style]

Sounds to me like you are a truely caring friend. The only piece of advice that I can offer is on the issue with crowds. Plan to be at the parks early in the morning before rope drop. Give her some time to look around and absorb the surroundings. There will be a crowd for RD....so stand away and just let it all happen. Then proceed into the park. Stay there until approx 11am. At that time leave the park and go back to your resort and spend the afternoon relaxing or at the pool or whatever you wish. Then plan to go back to the parks around dinner time. I suggest this because the parks are busiest midday. Even in a slower time of year. Also, on an particular day avoid going to the park that is having EMH. This will elevate that days crowd.

One other thing. There a two TS restaurants that are a little quieter. The Turf Club and Olivia's.

 

[Aseros]

Sounds to me like you are a truely caring friend. The only piece of advice that I can offer is on the issue with crowds. Plan to be at the parks early in the morning before rope drop. Give her some time to look around and absorb the surroundings. There will be a crowd for RD....so stand away and just let it all happen. Then proceed into the park. Stay there until approx 11am. At that time leave the park and go back to your resort and spend the afternoon relaxing or at the pool or whatever you wish. Then plan to go back to the parks around dinner time. I suggest this because the parks are busiest midday. Even in a slower time of year. Also, on an particular day avoid going to the park that is having EMH. This will elevate that days crowd.

One other thing. There a two TS restaurants that are a little quieter. The Turf Club and Olivia's.

We will be staying in international drive, so the option to leave and come back isn't really there. I am fairly confident she should be able to handle the crowds after a while, as long as they are not too 'rough' on her, i.e. bumping into her constantly.Having been in October before I am fairly confident the crowds shouldn't phase her too much (who am I to judge though?), she is especially looking forward to MNSCHP, so i think she believes she can cope though, and a great deal of it is down to mental preparation (hence the planning in advance) She does get used to stuff like this, just takes a while e.g. she has a fear of using money in any shop and never had until she met me. Now she does it with ease, although how well she will do with dollars instead of pounds remains to be seen.

Thanks for the restaurant tips! Olivia's sounds great and I shall forward the menu onto her later.

My parents find it a little odd that she has to plan something as intricate as what she wants to eat a year and a half in advance! But hey, that's what she has got to do!

 

[flortlebap]

I understand the aspergers symptoms totally.

Write an itinerary for where you're visiting each day and which restaurants. Then let her plan which rides to hit, but have in mind what time you need to leave the parks for dinner ressies or getting back to the hotel. That way you have a rigid routine to help her out but she can also be spontaneous in terms of rides.

Also, get there early when it's less busy and take a lunchtime break when the crowds hit.

Let the restaurant know your girlfriends disability and ask to be seated outside, away from crowds.

Oh and check the disabilities board out too

 

[dancin Disney style]

We will be staying in international drive, so the option to leave and come back isn't really there. I am fairly confident she should be able to handle the crowds after a while, as long as they are not too 'rough' on her, i.e. bumping into her constantly.Having been in October before I am fairly confident the crowds shouldn't phase her too much (who am I to judge though?), she is especially looking forward to MNSCHP, so i think she believes she can cope though, and a great deal of it is down to mental preparation (hence the planning in advance) She does get used to stuff like this, just takes a while e.g. she has a fear of using money in any shop and never had until she met me. Now she does it with ease, although how well she will do with dollars instead of pounds remains to be seen.

Thanks for the restaurant tips! Olivia's sounds great and I shall forward the menu onto her later.

My parents find it a little odd that she has to plan something as intricate as what she wants to eat a year and a half in advance! But hey, that's what she has got to do!

Another option would be to leave the park at lunch time and head to a nearby WDW resort and just have lunch, explore the resort and find a quiet area to relax for a little while.

BTW...here on the Dis we all plan meals a year in advance. So your DGF fits right in with us. In fact, we love that.

 

[GAN]

Maybe this link will help a bit:

http://www.autismattheparks.com/index.html

 

[creativeamanda]

You can also try the DISabilities forum here. I think it's in the touring area. I'd suggest going to youtube, as someone has recorded a run through of about every Disney ride there and letting her watch them. You're in good company here! There are lots of parents who take their kids with autism/aspergers to Disney.

 

[shellybaxter]

I think Jiko would be a great restaurant for your special dinner. Explain when you check in that you need a secluded table and why. They have some great tables that would work well for you and it is a very relaxing restaurant that has a special feeling.

As for the crowds, they will be hard for your GF after the fireworks at MNNSHP. I have some crowd phobias myself. I suggest that you skip the "perfect view" in front of the castle and veiw the fireworks from liberty square. It will be a lot less crowded. Sometimes after fireworks at the parties it gets so bad in front of the castle you can't even move - which is awful for phobia people.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

Most restaurants will have some tables that are not completely surrounded. I would recommend trying to schedule any meals at the start of the mealtime. (So the earliest breakfast time, lunch time, or dinner time.) It may mean it is earlier than you are used to eating, but I think it would be worth it. My husband has a hard time hearing with lots of background noise so we do this. We make sure we arrive 15 minutes early to check in and we explain that we need a quiet table. Because the restaurant is just opening for that meal, they have more flexibility in where to seat you and you are not left waiting for an hour or more for someone to finish their meal freeing up the specific table you need.

 

[bookwormde]

Welcome,
You may find it a good resource to look at the disabilities threads, as there are lots of families who have individual at all points on the spectrum. If she is open to it have her start "researching" on disboards.
I am an aspie with an Apsergers son.
First question is have she flown before and if so have she flown internationally. If she is not experience and comfortable with this then that is your starting point.
One of the best ways is to find videos of each part of your vacation experience and let her watch them (repeatedly) and ask questions.
Even with a detailed "plan" things will go aerie so prep her for that also.
Part of what you need to fully understand is that interpreting the societal social world and all it non logical rules is difficult for her, even though for that parts that she is familiar with she has created intellectual self adaptive skills to manage and often appear quite adept. When things fall outside that realm she will need a patient and stable translator (you).
If you can, change your plans, I would stay on site, and in a park based deluxe or Old Key West Resort, if budget allows. Renting a DVC Studio is a great money saving option, at Old Key West for $150/night This allows you to get to the parks early and have a few hours before the crowds build, when you can return to the resorts so you do not get overstressed or overtired. Relaxing at the resort and pool and other facilities is a great way to decompress so you can return to the parks later after they have thinned out. The trick is to keep a relaxed pace adn do not feel "forced" to do anything. If she has a rough spot or meltdown, that is ok, and do not worry about what others might think, there are lots of spectrum people that visit Disney so it is not al that unusual.
As for "birthday dinner" the first thing is to ask her preferences. For many of us while we appreciate the thought, the social imperative to "celebrate" is not that strong. I was going to suggest Coral Reef (EPCOT) restaurant, but I guess that is our since they have some small species of sharks in the tank that you sit by in fact you likely want to avoid the Seas at EPCOT altogether unless she want to have you help her work on her shark fears. One of the quietest palaces in Captains Table at Yacht Club, I do not think they have any stuffed sharks on the wall but you might want to double check.
For wording "typical" is perceived much better than "normal" since it does not exclude her being perceived as exceptional and gifted in addition to the challenges that spectrum genetics bring with it.
If she loves Disney, WDW is a magical place, and as long as you are patient, stable adn supportive, it is a great place for spectrum individuals to stretch their world, and to allow you to see the park with someone you care about.

 

[Hannathy]

May I suggest that you plan for this trip now but before you buy non refundable very expensive airline tickets (because the Disney stuff is refundable up till close to the trip) you plan and take a shorter trip somewhere closer to home?

This is a major big trip for someone who has never been away from home and then when you throw in the added complications of dealing with autism.
I know you are trying to do something nice and helping her to experience new things, BUT Florida is an awful long distance from family and help if she can't handle it and needs to go home or you need help. I was thinking this from the second sentence in your post until I read she can't eat in a crowded restaurant and then I really thought it. Every rest. in Disney is crowded.


IMO you are trying to run a marathon before she has even taken a step. Please take a short trip somewhere that has crowds and restaurants before you get on a plane to go across the ocean to a very busy and crowded theme park in another country. At the very least have good travel insurance and a plan in place if she needs to come home early.

 

[JessHS]

It sounds like preparing mentally is something that is of value. We like to prepare too, in our case to heighten our anticipation of the trip. Netflix has several 50 min videos "Behind the scenes at WDW" that you may be interested in watching. So far we have just watched one, and I will warn you that it had a clip on "The Seas" at Epcot, so you may want to pre-watch them and edit out the parts with sharks if necessary.

 

[ireland_nicole]

There are several services that help you with touring plans. I think one of the easiest for you may be touringplans.com You can customize a touring plan including all of your breaks and you can click a button to "optomize"them or you can use one of theirs. I suggest easywdw for pretty accurate crowd forcasting. Start researching restaurants now for sit down meals- I suggest www.disneyfoodblog.com and www.allears.net as great resources. You can make your reservations 180 days out so its never to early to start planning.

My daughter is on the Autism spectrum as well, she does much better if she has a clear schedule in her hand at all times. We do make sure that there are alternates included in the plan in case we have to deviate from the initial one. (plan b, c, and so on). She also benefitted from watching youtube videos of rides and other vacation videos to get an idea of the setting.

She carries a "survival tool kit" with items to help if she gets overwhelmed or overstimulated, and this might work for your gf as well. A hat, sunglasses, noise cancelling headphones, and ipod, a penlight, a small fidget. These help her to cope when things get a little "too much" in any direction.

I would also encourage you both to check ou the disabilities forum. There are a lot of us there who encourage each other and share experiences to help plan.

 

[ireland_nicole]

Also, I'd really encourage you to take a trip somewhere in the country overnight before you travel overseas. If things dont work out or you need to make adjustments, it gives you a chance to tweak things. This is a major undertaking, and its doable, but can require a tremendous amount of work in the planning stages to make it enjoyable when you arrive.

 

[Aseros]

Welcome,

First question is have she flown before and if so have she flown internationally. If she is not experience and comfortable with this then that is your starting point.

As for "birthday dinner" the first thing is to ask her preferences. For many of us while we appreciate the thought, the social imperative to "celebrate" is not that strong. I was going to suggest Coral Reef (EPCOT) restaurant, but I guess that is our since they have some small species of sharks in the tank that you sit by in fact you likely want to avoid the Seas at EPCOT altogether unless she want to have you help her work on her shark fears. One of the quietest palaces in Captains Table at Yacht Club, I do not think they have any stuffed sharks on the wall but you might want to double check.
For wording "typical" is perceived much better than "normal" since it does not exclude her being perceived as exceptional and gifted in addition to the challenges that spectrum genetics bring with it.

To the first thing, no she hasn't flown before. She seems fairly confident that she is able to do it though. I have had her look at a few videos and she asked me to write a little guide up about what the process of checking in for a flight is, and what happens during the flight I done this for her, total was around 2 pages, it was pretty in depth! She didn't have many questions but she reads through it from time to time. One thing she is worried about is the process of security at the airport, she doesn't want to be 'touched' if the buzzer goes off, and I am not really sure how to deal with this situation, it's not like I can say to the security people 'she doesn't like being touched', although I am sure they encounter the situation all the time though.

She wants to eat out for her birthday That much I do know. We are going to attempt living seas attraction, I have experienced it before so I know what to expect. She has promised me she will 'try' to stop fearing sharks as she feel it is irrational. I won't force her into it at all, if she doesn't want to try then there is no point making her. I won't go in elevators and she won't ever get me in one of them! Even though that is a strange phobia as well.

This is a major big trip for someone who has never been away from home and then when you throw in the added complications of dealing with autism.
I know you are trying to do something nice and helping her to experience new things, BUT Florida is an awful long distance from family and help if she can't handle it and needs to go home or you need help. I was thinking this from the second sentence in your post until I read she can't eat in a crowded restaurant and then I really thought it. Every rest. in Disney is crowded.


IMO you are trying to run a marathon before she has even taken a step. Please take a short trip somewhere that has crowds and restaurants before you get on a plane to go across the ocean to a very busy and crowded theme park in another country. At the very least have good travel insurance and a plan in place if she needs to come home early.

I understand your points on both of these, yes it is a huge trip but she feels as though she is able to cope. She trusts me a lot and would go virtually anywhere with me as long as I was by her side. Her fear of leaving her parents isn't so much the separation issue, it's the fact that she doesn't have a plan in place to make her feel confident about being so far away from home. Once she knows everything is in place she is fairly capable of travelling any amount of distance. I trust her when she says this, sure you can't predict 'breakdowns' easily, but she says the enjoyment of travelling to disney world will outweigh any fears that she has. I can of course only base my opinion on what she says. We have taken over night trips around the country, and as long as she knew I had enough money in my bank to cover tickets if I did lose them so we could get home she was fine!

My daughter is on the Autism spectrum as well, she does much better if she has a clear schedule in her hand at all times. We do make sure that there are alternates included in the plan in case we have to deviate from the initial one. (plan b, c, and so on). She also benefitted from watching youtube videos of rides and other vacation videos to get an idea of the setting.

She carries a "survival tool kit" with items to help if she gets overwhelmed or overstimulated, and this might work for your gf as well. A hat, sunglasses, noise cancelling headphones, and ipod, a penlight, a small fidget. These help her to cope when things get a little "too much" in any direction.

Many thanks for the tips of websites! Used those in the past. We are going to head to the theme parks with a clear schedule. I have asked her to tell me what rides she wants to go on and attractions she wants to see, these have all been written down in a little notepad, we are then going to print it up into a file so that she has a copy so she can get used to it! She is religiously watching youtube videos right now of the rides, and unfortunately already planning the souvineers that I have to buy her She is very upbeat about the whole situation!

As for the 'survival tool kit', I admit this is a fantastic suggestion, but she doesn't ever appear to be overstimulated by anything, I have never known her to want to block something out at least. Could be different in disney world and I will put this idea in my mind! I hoping to buy her a Nintendo DS or a Kindle to keep her occupied during the flight, although the movies on the plane should also be suffice for her. Strangely she is not actually concerned about the flight! She seems pretty excited that we have a 30 minute stop-over in New York 0_o, she just wants to say she has been to New York I believe

I think that has answered everything that caught my eye here! I am going to admit, I don't really understand autism, I am learning a bit each day because I care for this girl a lot. Its even pretty new to her as she has only recently been diagnosed (last two years). Many thanks to the people weighing in with ideas from experience, it really does help. To be perfectly honest most of the time I cannot tell that she is on the autism spectrum, in fact most people didn't realise until she was 16 when she was diagnosed. At that point they whipped her out of school and sent her to a 'special' school and things got worse for her from that point, it is being cooped up in a classroom on her own with lack of social interaction that has been the root of most of her fears.

And that was a lot I wrote! Sorry if you had to read all of that

 

[SueM in MN]

As for the 'survival tool kit', I admit this is a fantastic suggestion, but she doesn't ever appear to be overstimulated by anything, I have never known her to want to block something out at least. Could be different in disney world and I will put this idea in my mind! I hoping to buy her a Nintendo DS or a Kindle to keep her occupied during the flight, although the movies on the plane should also be suffice for her. Strangely she is not actually concerned about the flight! She seems pretty excited that we have a 30 minute stop-over in New York 0_o, she just wants to say she has been to New York I believe

Since you are flying from England, you will need to clear customs some place and it has to be the first place your plane lands in the US.
A thirty minute stop over in New York is not really enough time to even change planes, much less clear customs and catch another plane.

 

[Aseros]

Since you are flying from England, you will need to clear customs some place and it has to be the first place your plane lands in the US.
A thirty minute stop over in New York is not really enough time to even change planes, much less clear customs and catch another plane.

You do? Maybe this stop over is a placeholder then, or maybe I should avoid the flight totally. I must admit, I have never had a plane not go direct to Orlando International, so I was a little dubious when it gave me the option of a 30 min stop in either Atlanta or in New York (this is with Delta Airlines). I guess I will have to look at it a bit more, either case its still another few months before we can book the flight.

 

[larryz]

You do? Maybe this stop over is a placeholder then, or maybe I should avoid the flight totally. I must admit, I have never had a plane not go direct to Orlando International, so I was a little dubious when it gave me the option of a 30 min stop in either Atlanta or in New York (this is with Delta Airlines). I guess I will have to look at it a bit more, either case its still another few months before we can book the flight.

Give yourself at least an hour and a half, two hours is even better, especially if time stress causes any issues.

 

[Aseros]

Give yourself at least an hour and a half, two hours is even better, especially if time stress causes any issues.

I think I will be best flying with a British airline, that way I can go direct to Orlando. Only went for Delta Airlines as it saved around $100, but in the long run it's probably not worth it.

 

[Texas Rob]

I would also know where the nuses stations are in each park. If things get too intense you can ask them if it is okay for her to lay down for a bit and relax where it is quiet.