At what age would you let your children play outside alone?

[DopeyDame]

I agree. It's definately not unheard of now. I have four kids....6, 9, 10 and 12 and they all are allowed outside for extended periods of time without supervision. I don't even know where they are half the time as they go from yard to yard, into the woods, in and out of people's houses. It can be hours and hours (and hours) before I see them again. Do I ever get uncomfortable with that? Sure. But they are kids and they need their freedom to play independently and just 'be kids'.

I do think this notion that "kids don't do that anymore" is a common misconception, and sometimes (not always) even an excuse for those who feel the need to defend their position to not let their kids roam freely.

My neighborhood is definitely one where kids play outside by themselves and where "be home by dark" is still heard. That's one of the reasons we moved here. It's a pretty generic suburban neighborhood, so I can't imagine it's all that out of the norm.
My almost-3 year old plays in our fenced in backyard by himself, and I'll stay in the kitchen where I can see (and hear!) him most of the time. I don't let him play outfront by himself yet, but just last week he played out front with the neighborhood kids for the first time without an adult - there were six kids randing from 3 to 13 out front, and I felt totally comfortable with his being out there. I didn't leave him alone long (maybe 10 minutes, if that) mostly because I didn't want the older kids to have to feel like unpaid babysitters.

If he isn't capable of being out front alone by the time he's 6 or 7, I will definitely be disappointed in myself.

 

[Colleen27]

I think it's interesting in that it seems - in great generality, I'm sure dozens of people could come up with anecdotes that refute it - that the suburban cul de sac, small neighbourhood, etc., that people tend to think of as safer, tend toward the overprotective while the cities, thought of as less safe, tend toward much more freedom for kids.

I think that's because overprotective types tend to seek out the neighborhoods that are perceived to be safer when choosing where to raise their children. It has been my experience that lot of the people who wouldn't let their kids play outdoors alone wouldn't set foot on a city street at night. I grew up in one of Detroit's "white flight" suburbs, about 15-20min outside the city limits, and a lot of my friends' parents were that way. I had friends who were driving before they were allowed to go to McDs or the neighborhood bowling alley without a parent, and many of those same friends never set a single foot in Detroit in their entire lives, not even to attend the auto show or a Tigers game or to see a ballet or play. A couple friends' parents even called my mom to try to talk her out of "letting" me attend the inner-city college that I went to; little did they know that she's an alum and was the one pushing me to go there.

 

[Rockin'Rodent]

We're bombarded with it now. When we were kids if a kid was kidnapped in Colorado or went missing in Florida we never heard about it. But a half dozen 24/7 news networks with time to fill now scour the country finding the most shocking, upsetting, and alarming stories they can to fill their airtime, and in many cases they don't follow up much when it is revealed that it wasn't a random event after all. We are essentially trained by our media-rich culture to be fearful.

Nancy Grace wouldn't have a career if this were not the case!!!

Of Course you can always have your kids chipped, can always find them then.

 

[Coconut36]

I was looking at my dd's class pic and there was this one girl who looked older... I asked her how old she was... she is 11 in 3rd grade... now my dd was right at cut off for her bday so the school told us it would be best to wait a year (I'm talking a week before the cut off) and she is 9 in 3rd grade but wont be 10 for another 5 months.

She likely was held back at one point. It's possible she was not only held back but had a "late" birthday that made her already on the older end, combined with retention she would be 11 in 3rd grade.

 

[Nature Mom]

My kids have been going outside and playing from the time that they could reach the mailbox, which would be 4-5. If they could go to mailbox and back, then they could stay in the yard where I could see them, and it just built from there, until like a PP said, they have the run of the neighborhood now. I think it depends on the kid and where you live. My oldest would sit outside with his army men for hours and be content, while my middle one only wanted to go out if her brother was out there and then only to the trampoline or ride bikes in the cul-de-sac. My youngest though, even before I thought she should be going outside, she was determined to go outside, so we adjusted the rules to her. I do know I am blessed to live on a quiet, back neighborhood street, and that other neighbor moms are keeping watch. If I lived in a different area, maybe I would think differently, but then again I doubt it. I grew up with the Atlanta Child Murders and it made a big impact on me at the time. I think I just prepare my kids and pray they remember what I've taught them. My DS is about to go off to the Navy, so I guess I am doing something okay.

 

[pacrosby]

She likely was held back at one point. It's possible she was not only held back but had a "late" birthday that made her already on the older end, combined with retention she would be 11 in 3rd grade.

One of my sons will turn 10 in January during 3rd grade (difference is he'll look like he's 7). It happens

 

[jennyjinx3]

How will kids learn to take care of themselves if never given the opportunity?[/QUOTE]

This is very true, and good points by all on this thread. We all want kids that are independent and confident, and who have the ability to make smart choices. I know for myself I need to let up a bit (just a bit!) and let them grow. You have all given me something to think about today! Thanks OP for starting this thread.

 

[lillygator]

I let mine out at 5 with out me but not "alone" either with a friend or a brother or sister. My 3 yr old is allowed outside to play in the sand box. Its next to my back door so I can see him at all times.

ETA there are a TON of kids by me and I live very close to the park. Monday night there were 30 kids there. I was the only parent because my 3 yr old was there.. so I'm not afraid of them being taken.. I'm pretty sure a gang of 30 kids would kill anyone who went after another kid... I live in a great neighborhood.

I have to disagree with you there....a 13 yr old was taken at his bus stop FULL of kids and his mom standing there....guns or knives tend to make people a tad scared....

my girls are 9 and 7 (and my baby boy 6 months!!) they don't play outside without one of us being out there....there are no kids on our street and lots of vacant homes (for 6 months out of the year - snow birds) - not to mention a canal at one end of the street and the bay at the other. Quite frankly --- they get enough outside play time at school that they've never asked to go out and play by themselves...we've just never done it - I wouldn't let them though, there is no need for them to be roaming the streets or in peoples homes or yards.

 

[StarLight StarBright]

My kids are 8 and 6. They play outside by themselves, and have been for a couple years. We live in a rural area though, and our neighborhood is not very developed yet.

Although I'm not stupid and I know there are "bad guys" everywhere, my main fear isn't people getting them, but coyotes.

If they are in the front yard( where they ride bikes) I check on them frequently. If they are in the back yard, I am less crazy about checking on them since we are close with our neighbors and the only thing behind my house is a huge field, and no houses.

If I lived in a city or more populated area, I probably wouldn't give them so much freedom.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

We live in a rural area. Our house is on 10 acres with lots of woods, a shallow creek and a pond. My kids have been playing outside alone for a long time. Probably ages 3 and 4. At that age they had to stay in the yard, and they worked up to being able to play in the woods and down by the creek by ages 5 and 6. Once they could swim good I started letting them go back to the pond together. They probably started riding their bikes on the street around 8 years old. We live on a street with a 55 mile speed limit so I was worried about that. Last year when the youngest was 9, I started letting him walk back to the pond to fish by himself. I sent him with a walkie talkie, which he dropped into the pond! So we decided to forget about that!

They are asking to ride their bikes to the gas station to get ice cream this summer. It is few miles away. I haven't made that decision yet. I'm mostly worried about the cars driving by at 55 mph or faster!

My kids will play outside all day too. I had to make a rule that after school they need to bring their backpacks to the house and let me know they are home before they disapear into the woods. That way I know they got off the bus! My youngest has fallen asleep and missed his stop before.

My neighbors use a big triangle bell to call their kids in for dinner. I usually just stick my head out the door and yell!

 

[iheartnmr's]

It's not a one size fits all scenario. Where you live, the type of neighborhood, the crime stats and the maturity of your child are the factors a parent needs to weigh in making the decision.

If I lived in Detroit in a neighborhood by one of the run-down areas, my kids would not be going anywhere alone. If I lived in a rural area where the neighbors all knew and looked out for each other, they would have more freedom. Not at 4, but a lot earlier than scenario 1.

 

[goofy!]

My kids have always had a ton of freedom to play and roam.

Crime statistics are actually way down from those "good ol' days" when we used to leave in the morning and come home when the lights turned on. As others have mentioned, due to the media, we just hear about every crime under the sun, making the impression that there is an increase in crime.

My kids have been walking a mile to the store (with a friend) since they were around 7-8, walking to school (across a 4 lane street) since 2nd grade, playing outside alone since about 5.

However, it is hard to judge as we live on a quiet cul-de-sac with a ton of kids. All the neighbors know each other and when our kids were young, it was parent social hour too. We would drag the lawn chairs out and grab a bottle(s) of wine and we would sit together while the kids played. So, while our kids were allowed to play by themselves, we were usually out there too.

I am glad to see so many parents that let their kids go out and play without too much worry. What drives me bonkers are the entitled, helicopter parents that seem to think they can claim part of the street by putting out those little green plastic men with flags and cones, etc so snowy can play in the street. They take half the street and sit in the driveway with their propellers whirling, yelling at any car that has the audacity to drive down the street.

We had a neighbor like that (lasted a year) who would turn our street into a single lane street. She had a 5ft stop sign, several green men and cones and would take half the street in front of her house for her kids to play in. The neighbor whose driveway was opposite of theirs got fed up one day as they always worried about backing out their driveway, just ran over the stop sign and one of the men (kids were inside). The kicker was when helicopter mom decided to block off the whole circle of the culdesac with her cones because her snowflakes were doing chalk paintings in the circle. I live at the top of the circle and had to sit their and honk for 5 minutes in order to get the kids to move out of the street, get her to move her cones so I could get into our driveway. They moved to a different part of the subdivision because they said they felt unwelcome - wonder why?

 

[Andtototoo]

I'm pretty sure a gang of 30 kids would kill anyone who went after another kid... I live in a great neighborhood.

Most people do not react in a crisis. And the bigger the crowd, the less likely ANY one person is to react.

Here is an example of the research:

A main goal of their research was to determine whether the presence of other people inhibits someone from intervening in an emergency, as had seemed to be the case in the Genovese murder. In one of their studies, college students sat in a cubicle and were instructed to talk with fellow students through an intercom. They were told that they would be speaking with one, two, or five other students, and only one person could use the intercom at a time.

There was actually only one other person in the study—a confederate (someone working with the researchers). Early in the study, the confederate mentioned that he sometimes suffered from seizures. The next time he spoke, he became increasingly loud and incoherent; he pretended to choke and gasp. Before falling silent, he stammered:

If someone could help me out it would it would er er s-s-sure be sure be good… because er there er er a cause I er I uh I’ve got a a one of the er sei-er-er things coming on and and and I could really er use some help… I’m gonna die er er I’m gonna die er help er er seizure er…

Eighty-five percent of the participants who were in the two-person situation, and hence believed they were the only witness to the victim’s seizure, left their cubicles to help. In contrast, only 62 percent of the participants who were in the three-person situation and 31 percent of the participants in the six-person situation tried to help.

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/we_are_all_bystanders/

 

[fortwildernessishome]

My kids are 7 and 4 and they are/have been allowed for a couple of years. Most nights, we come home, they stay outside (well, unless homework needs to be done), I go in and start the dinner (or DH does..). And then I usually grab a beer and go sit on the front step and chat with the neighbors. Not so I am out there for my kids, but so I can get some fresh air, too! I go in every few minutes or so to check on dinner.

We have a huge backyard and the kids never play back there! It's why we bought the house, grrr! Our block is over 1/2 mile long, and no sidewalks, and a fairly busy street, too. But they are allowed to ride their bikes in the street and the 7 year old is allowed to ride from one end to the other.

How will kids learn to take care of themselves if never given the opportunity?

Everyone is different, but most kids will learn to take care of themselves even is they don't roam the neighorhood unsupervised.

My kids never played outside on their too much. Now my eldest is in college and we barely see him. He is very independent and takes care of himself quite well.

I know some kids need to be outside on their own to learn to be independent, but certainly not all!

So for the parents that either go outside with their kids or monitor them fairly closely, I wouldnt worry about it. They will most likely grow up fine too!

 

[badblackpug]

Okay, I will elaborate.

I have 4 kids, 14, 11, 4, 2. I would say my kids have been playing, in the neighborhood without constant, direct supervision since they were about 7. When they were 5 or 6 they could play in the yard (ours or a friend's) but they needed 1 place to be. At 3 & 4 I let my kids play in our fenced back yard without me actually being out there with them, but I can see them from the house. My daughter likes to ride her bike on the deck or play in the sandbox or on the swings. Sometimes her little friend comes over to play, too.

I will take my 14 year old and 2 year old out of the equation. One is a freshman in high school, the other not even potty trained... but... my 11 year old son (5th grade, November bday) would be mortified if I sat outside and watched him and his friends play. At 11 I am pretty sure he and his friends have a pretty good handle on traffic safety. He also walks to and from school himself. He makes it very, very clear that he is too old to have his mother hover over him. I drop off and/or pick him up from school if the weather is miserable, but, otherwise, he prefers to walk with his friends. I am also not allowed to go in the barber shop with him because it "a man's place." LOLOLOLOLOLOL

School barely provides any physical exercise at all any more. They get maybe a 15-20 minute recess and 15 minutes at lunch (in elementary only, last year for that) and PE twice a week. They only go outdoors when the weather is warm and never in inclement weather. Until last year, my son was they type that would rather stay in and watch TV or play video games. I am glad they want to play outside! Run around the neighborhood, ride bikes, as my grandmother would say, "Go outside and get the stink blown off you!"

 

[cornflake]

Everyone is different, but most kids will learn to take care of themselves even is they don't roam the neighorhood unsupervised.

My kids never played outside on their too much. Now my eldest is in college and we barely see him. He is very independent and takes care of himself quite well.

I know some kids need to be outside on their own to learn to be independent, but certainly not all!

So for the parents that either go outside with their kids or monitor them fairly closely, I wouldnt worry about it. They will most likely grow up fine too!

Not to speak for that poster but I don't think it was just about roaming the neighbourhood alone. Some kids might not just because they're not the ride-their-bikes around type of kids.

But that not allowing an 11- or 12-year-old out unsupervised (not in the yard, not to go to friends' houses, not to go to town, presumably, or presumably to do other things) indicates to some that the kids involved may not be independent in a lot of respects. Yes, some may but the allowing kind of suggests...

No one goes off to college and just by virtue of going or by virtue of turning a certain age knows how to study, do their own laundry, get around their new town, make their own food, shop, deal with money and shop workers - asking for things, returning things, etc., decide when to go to bed, get up by the alarm (I once knew a kid who flunked out of a boarding school because his mother had always woken him with five minute warnings and he didn't get up with the alarm on his own - she 'explained' to the school that they needed to send someone to wake him every morning with warnings. They didn't feel the need to do that.), get home from school, etc., etc.

Those things are all learned in stages as kids get more independent. If kids don't start learning them at appropriate times not only do they get behind and then can't get up without maternal snooze alarms, but may be more scared of the world, more unsure of how stuff works, more immature than the kids who've been doing their own laundry and going to the store and being responsible for stuff like that for 6 years by the time they get to college, not 6 months, if you see what I mean.

 

[HelenePA]

Hey guess what... my kids are outside playing alone

 

[brookmey]

It's not a one size fits all scenario. Where you live, the type of neighborhood, the crime stats and the maturity of your child are the factors a parent needs to weigh in making the decision.

If I lived in Detroit in a neighborhood by one of the run-down areas, my kids would not be going anywhere alone. If I lived in a rural area where the neighbors all knew and looked out for each other, they would have more freedom. Not at 4, but a lot earlier than scenario 1.

This is a very good point. I grew up in a really small town in northern MI where everyone knew everyone else and by default, kept an eye out for each other. During the summer we spent the entire day outside, all over our neighborhood, riding our bikes to the library 5 minutes away or my grandparents 10 minutes away. We lived in town, but on a street that was barely used. I think it got more traffic from our bikes than from cars. We really had no limits. Just be in for lunch and dinner.

My kids don't have that same freedom because of the type of neighborhood we live in. If we lived in my hometown, I would have no problem letting my 5 and 7 year old kids out without supervision.

 

[jodifla]

My son started playing outside alone at 5 years old. That works for my street in my neighborhood. On my street, there isn't a lot of traffic, and almost everybody knows each other. We have huge front yard, perfect for playing in, and I can see it from my kitchen window. My city has a very small town vibe, and kids here are out all summer on their bikes, going down to our beach, lake, park and community center. Or they bike down to the DQ.

It's a real throwback here, which is why we picked the neighborhood.

 

[Poohforyou]

My dd is now 12 and is allowed free reign in our neighborhood and can go to the ice cream shop and a few other places with friends. She started going out w/o me when she was in 1st grade. Over the years her boundaries & privileges have been expanded. She's a very responsible kid & knows she'll lose in the end if she pushes her independence too far. Eventually you have to let them go. It's easier on everyone to do it a little at a time.