Are my feelings unreasonable?

[PirateSnowmen]

Sorry in advance if this is long. I'll try to make this as short and as easy to understand as possible

Background: I'm a senior in college. I've been living with G (stands for girl; just trying to simply things) since last August. We've been friends since the first month of our freshman year of college. Everything this past year has been great; we both get along really well and have the same personality. I've really enjoyed living with her (especially after 2 disastrous years of having bad roommates) and we decided to live with each other again this upcoming school year. Last December, she started dating B (stands for boy). They're truly the perfect couple and are practically engaged already (no ring, but they've been pretty much planning their wedding and the rest of their lives together for a while now). I get along really well with him, but we do have our differences and if he weren't dating G, I doubt I'd be really good friends with him.

G and B met through a mutual friend. B went to school about 2 hours away, but ever since they started dating, they spent every weekend together either at our place or at his. He graduated in May and moved in with us about a month ago. Originally, G and I were supposed to live together next year and he was going to get his own place. Eventually they just decided that all 3 of us would get a place together. I had my reservations, and I let them know about it, but I ultimately agreed because I wanted to live with G again since we get along so great and have such a good time together. I'm locked into living with them now and there's no way out.

G and B are the quintessential "we" couple. They do EVERYTHING together. Ever since he moved here, I haven't gotten to do a single thing alone with G. They're a package deal. And when I say they do everything together, I mean everything. If G gets up to go into the kitchen, B follows. If B gets up to go into the bedroom, G follows. For example, one evening I decided to go get some ice cream. I asked if they wanted anything, and they said yes. I asked if one of them could come with me to help carry the stuff, but B was busy and G "didn't want to leave him alone" so no one came with me. I have many more examples, but I'll spare you the details.

Another thing: they're always touching. I can't sit on the couch because they have to sit together and they have to be touching. And when I say touching, I mean everything from holding hands to rubbing each other's inner thighs. It gets old trying to converse with one of them while they're rubbing their hands all over each other. Also, if we're all sitting in the living room together, every time I'll get up to leave, they have a mini make-out session together on the couch. I guess I appreciate that they try to hold off until I leave, but I can still hear it, and they're almost always still going at it when I get back.

They also whisper to each other all the time. It gets annoying when I'm the only person there and they're whispering and giggling with each other all the time. One of our other friends actually talked to them about it and told them that it was rude and made everyone else feel uncomfortable, but B & G shrugged it off and insisted it wasn't rude at all and that we had no reason to feel uncomfortable.

Lastly, I'm just tired of having to hear them. I think that they think I can't hear them if there's a door/wall between them and me, even though we've had a few discussions about it and they do insist that they try to be quiet. And I'm talking about just hearing normal conversations, not anything intimate. Although I can hear them loud & clear while they're in the shower & bed together.

Am I wrong to feel annoyed with them? Because I had a conversation with her today about all of this (because she always tells me to talk to her if I'm frustrated with them or anything), but she pretty much made me feel like I was being unreasonable. She says they are trying their best to not make me feel uncomfortable, but holy cow I've never been around such a touchy-feely couple before.

I've never asked them to stop what they're doing. If I ever have a problem with something or if I get annoyed, I'll politely leave. If they're too loud, I'll either leave the apartment or get away from them and put in earplugs or headphones. If G ever asks me if there's a problem, I'll politely tell her some of the things I'm feeling, but that's it. I'd never want them to change the way they act/live their lives because of me.

Are my feelings of annoyance with them unreasonable? I've left a lot out of the story, but I've touched on the main points. Again, I've never asked/told them to stop, but I have politely voiced a couple of my problems when asked. G is trying her best to make me feel comfortable, and I appreciate that. But every time she asks me why I feel uncomfortable, she makes me feel like I'm being totally unreasonable. Am I?

I've been really stressed lately (I have 4 exams this coming week) and I've been sick for the past 5 weeks, so I feel like I've just reached my breaking point. Especially since none of my other friends are in town this summer to give me a break from B & G.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Sorry in advance if this is long. I'll try to make this as short and as easy to understand as possible

Background: I'm a senior in college. I've been living with G (stands for girl; just trying to simply things) since last August. We've been friends since the first month of our freshman year of college. Everything this past year has been great; we both get along really well and have the same personality. I've really enjoyed living with her (especially after 2 disastrous years of having bad roommates) and we decided to live with each other again this upcoming school year. Last December, she started dating B (stands for boy). They're truly the perfect couple and are practically engaged already (no ring, but they've been pretty much planning their wedding and the rest of their lives together for a while now). I get along really well with him, but we do have our differences and if he weren't dating G, I doubt I'd be really good friends with him.

G and B met through a mutual friend. B went to school about 2 hours away, but ever since they started dating, they spent every weekend together either at our place or at his. He graduated in May and moved in with us about a month ago. Originally, G and I were supposed to live together next year and he was going to get his own place. Eventually they just decided that all 3 of us would get a place together. I had my reservations, and I let them know about it, but I ultimately agreed because I wanted to live with G again since we get along so great and have such a good time together. I'm locked into living with them now and there's no way out.

G and B are the quintessential "we" couple. They do EVERYTHING together. Ever since he moved here, I haven't gotten to do a single thing alone with G. They're a package deal. And when I say they do everything together, I mean everything. If G gets up to go into the kitchen, B follows. If B gets up to go into the bedroom, G follows. For example, one evening I decided to go get some ice cream. I asked if they wanted anything, and they said yes. I asked if one of them could come with me to help carry the stuff, but B was busy and G "didn't want to leave him alone" so no one came with me. I have many more examples, but I'll spare you the details.

Another thing: they're always touching. I can't sit on the couch because they have to sit together and they have to be touching. And when I say touching, I mean everything from holding hands to rubbing each other's inner thighs. It gets old trying to converse with one of them while they're rubbing their hands all over each other. Also, if we're all sitting in the living room together, every time I'll get up to leave, they have a mini make-out session together on the couch. I guess I appreciate that they try to hold off until I leave, but I can still hear it, and they're almost always still going at it when I get back.

They also whisper to each other all the time. It gets annoying when I'm the only person there and they're whispering and giggling with each other all the time. One of our other friends actually talked to them about it and told them that it was rude and made everyone else feel uncomfortable, but B & G shrugged it off and insisted it wasn't rude at all and that we had no reason to feel uncomfortable.

Lastly, I'm just tired of having to hear them. I think that they think I can't hear them if there's a door/wall between them and me, even though we've had a few discussions about it and they do insist that they try to be quiet. And I'm talking about just hearing normal conversations, not anything intimate. Although I can hear them loud & clear while they're in the shower & bed together.

Am I wrong to feel annoyed with them? Because I had a conversation with her today about all of this (because she always tells me to talk to her if I'm frustrated with them or anything), but she pretty much made me feel like I was being unreasonable. She says they are trying their best to not make me feel uncomfortable, but holy cow I've never been around such a touchy-feely couple before.

I've never asked them to stop what they're doing. If I ever have a problem with something or if I get annoyed, I'll politely leave. If they're too loud, I'll either leave the apartment or get away from them and put in earplugs or headphones. If G ever asks me if there's a problem, I'll politely tell her some of the things I'm feeling, but that's it. I'd never want them to change the way they act/live their lives because of me.

Are my feelings of annoyance with them unreasonable? I've left a lot out of the story, but I've touched on the main points. Again, I've never asked/told them to stop, but I have politely voiced a couple of my problems when asked. G is trying her best to make me feel comfortable, and I appreciate that. But every time she asks me why I feel uncomfortable, she makes me feel like I'm being totally unreasonable. Am I?

I've been really stressed lately (I have 4 exams this coming week) and I've been sick for the past 5 weeks, so I feel like I've just reached my breaking point. Especially since none of my other friends are in town this summer to give me a break from B & G.

If your name is on the lease, tough it out or pay up and get out. How much longer do you have on the lease?

I would also find other friends outside of G and kind of let them go.

In other words time to get out of the drama and move on with life. Make yourself scare, study elsewhere, etc....When the lease is up move out.

In the meantime slowly pull away and meet other people.

 

[PirateSnowmen]

If your name is on the lease, tough it out or pay up and get out. How much longer do you have on the lease?

I would also find other friends outside of G and kind of let them go.

In other words time to get out of the drama and move on with life. Make yourself scare, study elsewhere, etc....When the lease is up move out.

In the meantime slowly pull away and meet other people.

Lease is good until next summer. His name isn't on the lease, but he's helping her pay her share (we pay individually per room). In order to break the lease, I have to pay $200 and keep paying my monthly rent until they place someone in that room. I can't afford that

I have plenty of other friends outside of G. None of them are here this summer though.

Every time I try to leave, G always texts me and asks me why I left. It gets old.

 

[alex9179]

Man! Welcome to watching young love in action. Sorry to tell you, it's kind of the way it goes.
Are they being inconsiderate? Yeah, but a lot of people their age are exactly the same way.
Are they completely clueless that their PDAs/giggley-googley eyed whispering makes everyone else uncomfortable. Absolutely! They can't fathom how anyone can expect them to keep their hands off one another.

Grit your teeth and, when you have time, find other housing arrangements. They aren't going to change for anyone, although their relationship will evolve and the constant rubbing will go away. But it will happen again with the new guy.

I feel for you! One of the funniest/true lines I've ever heard was from the movie Valentine's Day, "Young love, so full of promise. So ignorant of reality."

 

[disykat]

No, you are not being unreasonable to have those feelings. However, I think you're realistic that it's not going to change. I'd try to get out of living with them if at all possible.

Also, if you are not all sharing in the costs equally, you are getting ripped off big time. If they share one room, they should each pay less, but their amount together should be considerably over half. There's no way the two of them take up only 1/2 of the apartment.

 

[firecracker725]

Lease is good until next summer. His name isn't on the lease, but he's helping her pay her share (we pay individually per room). In order to break the lease, I have to pay $200 and keep paying my monthly rent until they place someone in that room. I can't afford that

I have plenty of other friends outside of G. None of them are here this summer though.

Every time I try to leave, G always texts me and asks me why I left. It gets old.

If his name isn't on the lease then perhaps he shouldn't be living there. Check your lease very carefully to see what it says about visitors. If they're sharing half the expenses, that's a pretty sweet deal for them. No wonder she doesn't want you to leave.

 

[okeydokey]

Ask them to let you off the hook. Said you tried it out and it i snot working for you and you would like to find a new place to live. Maybe one of them has another friend that is looking for a place.

I think you are in for a very LONG year if you stick it out.

 

[DMickey28]

So you are paying 1/2 the rent and they are each paying 1/4 the rent? First, I think the rent needs to be split in 3rds. Who cares about the bedrooms, they chose to live together so they get one bedroom. You should not be paying 1/2 the rent when their are three of you in the kitchen and the living room.

Next, I agree with advice about getting out with other friends and stuff. However in the summer I can understand that it is hard with a college area being deserted. Are you working now? Can you go home for a few weeks for a summer vacation? Why are you staying at school for the summer?

 

[PirateSnowmen]

If his name isn't on the lease then perhaps he shouldn't be living there. Check your lease very carefully to see what it says about visitors. If they're sharing half the expenses, that's a pretty sweet deal for them. No wonder she doesn't want you to leave.

Honestly, I'm about 99.9% sure he's paying her rent for her. She has a job, but she sends every paycheck back to her family because they are in a huge bind for money right now.

He just recently found a job, so she said she'll be quitting her job within the next week or so.

 

[PirateSnowmen]

So you are paying 1/2 the rent and they are each paying 1/4 the rent? First, I think the rent needs to be split in 3rds. Who cares about the bedrooms, they chose to live together so they get one bedroom. You should not be paying 1/2 the rent when their are three of you in the kitchen and the living room.

Next, I agree with advice about getting out with other friends and stuff. However in the summer I can understand that it is hard with a college area being deserted. Are you working now? Can you go home for a few weeks for a summer vacation? Why are you staying at school for the summer?

As for the rent, check my last post (I posted before I saw your reply).

No, I'm not working because I'm taking 2 very intense classes, hence the reason I'm at school for the summer. Just trying to graduate on time

 

[Hannathy]

First thing speak up! You keep saying you don't tell them to stop, do it tell them to stop.

They are adults they don't need to be making out all the time in front of you. Tell them to stop or go to their bedroom you don't want to watch or listen to them.

When you can hear them tell them don't just put in ear plugs for goodness sake.

You are being treated like a door mat but you are letting them walk all over you.

Do you pay utilities? I hope if you do those are being split 3 ways. I also agree he should be paying something to live there. maybe not a 1/3 but you should only be paying maybe 40% not 50%

As far as the ice cream you needed to say "oh well then I guess I can't bring you any because I can't carry it all myself' and don't bring them any.

Quit being a wimp get a back bone or suffer in silence all year.

 

[PirateSnowmen]

First thing speak up! You keep saying you don't tell them to stop, do it tell them to stop.

They are adults they don't need to be making out all the time in front of you. Tell them to stop or go to their bedroom you don't want to watch or listen to them.

When you can hear them tell them don't just put in ear plugs for goodness sake.

You are being treated like a door mat but you are letting them walk all over you.

Do you pay utilities? I hope if you do those are being split 3 ways. I also agree he should be paying something to live there. maybe not a 1/3 but you should only be paying maybe 40% not 50%

As far as the ice cream you needed to say "oh well then I guess I can't bring you any because I can't carry it all myself' and don't bring them any.

Quit being a wimp get a back bone or suffer in silence all year.

I did say that I told them my complaints. I've told them many times. They just won't change. And the way they're acting, I know they won't change. As I said, there's more to the story than what I've put here. Hence the question of "am I being unreasonable?"

No, we don't pay separate utilities. The rent includes utilities.

 

[moon]

I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, but I will answer your question. No, you are not being unreasonable.

I'd hate to live like that, and can't imagine a whole year eduring it.

G and B are getting all the benefits of your living arrangements. i'd try to find a way to leave as soon as possible.

 

[disneydee6]

I've had my fair share of roommate issues, and that would annoy the crap outta me too. My old roommate used to be very lovey dovey when her bf came to visit, but I saw that immediately and if it came to living with them, I would've said no way! But sometimes you don't see these things coming.

With my former roommate, I did tell her that I didn't care for when she did that right to her face. She didn't like it but at least she knew. And it sounds like you did the same. I think maybe an idea is to say, maybe when u are out in a text or if you have a chance,"I think we need some girl time. Lets grab a coffee just you and me." I have done this many times when I feel I need private time with a friend. Let her know that you feel like you were happy to have her as a roommate and friend, but it is unfair for her to disregard your feelings. You are paying rent just like them and deserve to feel like you are a part of the decisions. If they were living with a random person, I can gurantee they would keep their 'lovin' in the bedroom. You've put up with being uncomfortable in your own place long enough, and if things don't change, you will have no choice but to start looking for a new place to live.

Or give her a message and do things that make them uncomfortable. Walk around in bra and undies, if they tell you it makes them uncomfortable, say too damn bad!

 

[Hannathy]

I've never asked them to stop what they're doing. If I ever have a problem with something or if I get annoyed, I'll politely leave. If they're too loud, I'll either leave the apartment or get away from them and put in earplugs or headphones. If G ever asks me if there's a problem, I'll politely tell her some of the things I'm feeling, but that's it. I'd never want them to change the way they act/live their lives because of me.

I based my answer on this statement right here!

You are not being unreasonable they are and until you tell them to stop, they won't!

Don't "tell them my complaints" tell them to stop.

Tell them to go to their room, be quieter, knock it off.
All 3 of you live there not just them they need to adapt also not just you.
You have as many rights as they do.

Tell them to stop. Or he has to move out. You have to act like an adult and speak up.

 

[minkydog]

I think if I were in your shoes I would look for another apartment. I think they are being immature, but as the song goes, you can't stop love. You need to get the BF on the lease, so you can get off it. If you're unable to break the lease, then BF needs to move out. I just don't see this uncomfortable situation improving. Nobody wants to be a third wheel. You shouldn't be made to feel bad in your own home.

 

[Alsobrook]

....did i read this correctly.....G is your friend?


.....huh.



Carry on.

 

[PirateSnowmen]

I based my answer on this statement right here!

You are not being unreasonable they are and until you tell them to stop, they won't!

Don't "tell them my complaints" tell them to stop.

Tell them to go to their room, be quieter, knock it off.
All 3 of you live there not just them they need to adapt also not just you.
You have as many rights as they do.

Tell them to stop. Or he has to move out. You have to act like an adult and speak up.

I guess I should clarify. I have told them what annoys me. They've said they'll stop. They don't stop. This continues around and around in a circle. I've finally just shut up about it because I know nothing will change.

As I've said, there's more to the story that I haven't included. I'm just trying to retain some peace because I want to still be friends with them and I'm 100% stuck living with them for the next year. I'm just frustrated right now. If I didn't want to maintain a friendship with them I'd for sure just yell at them until they stopped.

 

[Disney Doll]

Not sure why you'd want to maintain a friednship with people who are so blatantly taking advantage of you on many levels, but if that is your feeling, then I guess you better learn to suck it up.

To answer your original question, no you are not being unreasonable.

You're a better woman than I am. All that googly eyes making out etc. would drive me insane.

 

[Hannathy]

As I've said, there's more to the story that I haven't included. I'm just trying to retain some peace because I want to still be friends with them and I'm 100% stuck living with them for the next year. I'm just frustrated right now. If I didn't want to maintain a friendship with them I'd for sure just yell at them until they stopped.

BUT they don't care whether they are your friend!

If they cared to maintain the friendship they wouldn't be acting like they are. That ship has sailed. the best you can hope for is to be civil for the year.

I would tell them things have to change or he moves out, it isn't working.

(someone else said are you sure he can live there without notifying the landlord and getting it approved? because this could be your way to get him out if they don't stop)