Are my feelings justified?

[roxysmum123]

If someone offers to buy my meal, I go for the coffee or muffin as well. Or if I was super hungry, I politely decline the offer saying "oh no, I'm ordering big today, thanks so much for the offer though" and then if they insist I may let them buy (depending on how well I know the person). I think it's low-rent to get a big meal on someone elses dime if it's a spur of the moment offer, but lets be honest it was breakfast not a steak dinner.

I get your annoyance, but I think this a "chalk it up as a lesson learned" experience. Hopefully they pay it forward sometime.

 

[ScotsMinnie]

If someone offered to treat me in that situation I would have said thanks for the offer but I was planning on having my breakfast so I can get it.

I can understand why its bugged you. It wasn't first thing in the morning so I am sure that you didn't expect people to be buying their full breakfast.

Just because someone offers to pay it does not mean that you should take advantage.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

If someone offered to treat me in that situation I would have said thanks for the offer but I was planning on having my breakfast so I can get it.

I can understand why its bugged you. It wasn't first thing in the morning so I am sure that you didn't expect people to be buying their full breakfast.

Just because someone offers to pay it does not mean that you should take advantage.

OP here, yes thank you as you seem to "get it". I do agree with others who said that I offered so I should pay even though they went overboard IMHO. I treat people and have been treated by others many, many times. This is not about money. My beef is that we only went "for coffee" in order to wait for our girls. This was not a pre-planned outing but spur of the moment decision. Accepting a cup of coffee from an acquaintance is one thing but allowing me to pay for BOTH their huge breakfasts is another. They could have also offered to treat me as I was only 1 person and my order was only $1.50 as opposed to what they wanted to eat but they chose not to.
By the way, they never did finish it all and a lot of food went in the garbage.
Lesson learned. Not the end of the world. I really do appreciate everyone's opinions.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

1. You shouldn't have offered to buy if you are going to be annoyed by what they ordered.

2. When did McDonald's start offering muffins?

3. All coffee sizes are 89 cents.

4. I thought priests couldn't get married. But then, I thought you only call a minister a priest if catholic, and use the word pastor for other denominations.

5. What does this have to do with Disney For Families?

1. Since when is the correct format for a response a numbered list?
2. Some of the McDonald's near me have muffins and cookies; others do not. At least one also has soup!
3. Around here coffees come in different sizes and varieties and have different prices.
4. Epicopalians have priests and they get married. And those priests can be women, who can also get married. WOW!
5. For this complaint, I suggest contacting a moderator and requesting that the thread be moved to the appropriate forum. OR--just ignore this thread if you don't like it.

 

[bumbershoot]

I would have felt uncomfortable allowing an acquaintance to treat me to anything more than a coffee and a bit too.

In their place, I would have declined and paid for myself.

E

Same here. "Oh, I was planning on getting xyz, so I'll just pay for myself!"

I've done it before with a friend who loves telling me that what I order is on her; if I'm ordering about the same, I go for it. If I was planning on getting more, I don't.

So in your shoes I would have felt funny, but...you offered! Simply saying that you're meeting "for coffee" isn't a binding decision, FWIW. Gosh, when I had just moved from Californian to Washington, I'd say "let's go get a Coke" ALL the time, then would get a Sprite or Pepsi or whatever...it was just a CA phrase. Took me a year to break it, because it was confusing people, LOL. "Let's go get a soda" replaced it (b/c I cannot say "pop" like many Washingtonians do), and then I'd decide to get a coffee at the last minute...

 

[AshleeH]

Personally, if I was hungry and planning on ordering the full breakfast, someone treating me would not change my order. I also would not expect them to turn around and say that it was on them since I offered first.

It would be different if they had ordered first and you made your offer and they followed it with, "In that case, I'll add ___ to my order."

But this situation wouldn't irritate me at all.

 

[labst60]

I get what you are saying, but I think you are all getting a little too irriated by about $7.

If your bill was 12 and $1.50 of it was yours - that leaves 10.50 they "spent". You had to figure theirs would be at LEAST an incremental $3 (1.5x2) and that's if they ordered the SAME .THING as you. So, that leaves $7.50.

I do get your point, but I think if you let an extra $7.50 eat you up this much (no pun intended), you probably shouldn't be offering to treat again with friends/acquaintences- or just order 3 coffees and present the other 2 as a "gift", but you can't offer then micromanange what they order. (And yes, I think $7 is micromanaging)

 

[FlightlessDuck]

1. Since when is the correct format for a response a numbered list?

I like being a trendsetter.

5. For this complaint, I suggest contacting a moderator and requesting that the thread be moved to the appropriate forum. OR--just ignore this thread if you don't like it.

Well, I wanted to answer the question, I thought it was an interesting topic. I didn't say I didn't like it, I said it was in the wrong spot. I'm not sure which is worse, though: is it snarkier to point out in the thread that it's OT, or more tattle-tailing to complain to a moderator?

 

[Micka Mouse]

Little different perspective- I work in a church. Most of most congregations are "carried" by a few people; Maybe 1/3 or 1/4 do all the giving, all the volunteering, etc....Those that DO give tend to be generous givers. So our pastors tend to get generous gifts, lavish meals out, etc. So it might be possible that this might have phased someone who wasn't used to someone else 'treating' but as pastors their life experience makes it something they are more used to.

This made me smile. DH's grandmother lived with us for years until she passed away. She was "up there" in age, and ALWAYS asked the priest over for holiday dinners (Thanksgiving, Greek Easter, etc). He is a funny guy, and one day he got into a conversation with dh about how he goes to "visit" members of the church at their restaurants around lunch/dinnertime {wink wink}. He said that he hadn't paid for a meal in years . Our church is tight knit, so there is no offense to be taken here.....to be honest, it's kind of an honor to have him in your home/restaurant.......as long as the kids behave !

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

I get what you are saying, but I think you are all getting a little too irriated by about $7.

If your bill was 12 and $1.50 of it was yours - that leaves 10.50 they "spent". You had to figure theirs would be at LEAST an incremental $3 (1.5x2) and that's if they ordered the SAME .THING as you. So, that leaves $7.50.

I do get your point, but I think if you let an extra $7.50 eat you up this much (no pun intended), you probably shouldn't be offering to treat again with friends/acquaintences- or just order 3 coffees and present the other 2 as a "gift", but you can't offer then micromanange what they order. (And yes, I think $7 is micromanaging)

I'm happy you get my point. If you bother to read the entire thread you will see where I mention that MONEY was not the issue, their attitude was.
Dh and I have paid for dinner for entire families whom we invited out and which cost a lot more than $7.50. It was our pleasure to do it and others have reciprocated to us. I will continue to invite and treat people as that is something we enjoy doing, we will however pick the people more carefully.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

1. Since when is the correct format for a response a numbered list?
2. Some of the McDonald's near me have muffins and cookies; others do not. At least one also has soup!
3. Around here coffees come in different sizes and varieties and have different prices.
4. Epicopalians have priests and they get married. And those priests can be women, who can also get married. WOW!
5. For this complaint, I suggest contacting a moderator and requesting that the thread be moved to the appropriate forum. OR--just ignore this thread if you don't like it.

OP here. Thank you for this answer. I did not bother with replying to FlightlessDuck because I found the response rude, implying that somehow I was lying with my facts. I did, however, answer her questions in another post.

 

[LilyWDW]

If you don't want to pay no matter WHAT someone orders, then do not offer. Once you offer, you can't really worry about what will be ordered. Always expect to have to pay for the most expensive item on the menu, even if it's most likely what is not going to be ordered.

I do not find what they did as rude. You offered, they ordered.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

If I am not able to afford (or in your case willing to purchase) the most expensive thing on the menu, then I do not offer to pay for someone else's meal.

Now if they had already made their order when I offered to pay for it and then said "Oh in that case I will also order such and such as well," then I would be irritated. In your situation however, I wouldn't even have batted an eye.

 

[disykat]

This is one of the reasons that I can't stand it when someone tries to pick up the whole bill. They were counting on having breakfast. They shouldn't have had to downgrade to a snack because you changed the rules on them.

It doesn't sound like they ordered more just because you were paying. They weren't the ones who changed the rules, you were. It has been my experience that insisting "no thank you, I want to pay for my own" doesn't work.

 

[brockash]

Your objective opinions would really help me out so thank you.
One day before the holidays my dd only had school for 1 hour in the a.m. so I drove her and met up with her bff's mom and dad. We decided to wait that hour at McDonalds. We are not close friends but we live in the same neighborhood and I occasionaly speak on the phone with the mom. The dad is also one of our local priests and we go to his church from time to time. The girls have been friends throughout elementary school and now into grade 8.

We got to the restaurant at around 9:30 and as it happened I was first in line and they were behind me. I ordered a coffee and muffin and turned around and said to them "it's on me" assuming they would also get the same thing more or less. They never offered to treat me instead (since they were 2 of them) which was fine by me, but proceeded to both order a full breakfast with extra large coffees. While waiting for the food the mom explained to me that they had not had breakfast at home. My immediate feeling was that I had just been had but I did not say or show anything to them.

I know everyone is different but if I was them I either would have ordered something light or declined the offer explaining why. The total bill was $13 of which only $1.50 was for my coffee/muffin. My dh is in complete agreement with my feelings but I wonder if I am making too much out of it?
Still, it bugs me, makes me reconsider such offers in the future to friends.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Ummm yes. You're making way to much out of this, I'd say to the point of sounding REALLY petty. You offered for goodness sake, were you just doing that in hopes that they would treat you Really pathetic if so, but I can't imagine why else you would offer and than be upset at what they ordered. Also, lets not forget that this is McDonalds, I mean for goodness sake, it was what $12....you should have never offered if you were going to be so easily offended.

 

[North of Mouse]

Wow. brockash, just wow

 

[Leajess99]

when you offer to treat someone, you should NEVER set a limit. It is completely within their right to order a full meal. Just because you eat a muffin for breakfast doesn't mean everyone does. Perhaps you could have offered to just buy their coffee. I don't think you should let it bug you, I mean, they didn't do anything wrong and YOU made the offer.

This!!! If I offer to treat someone than I don't set limits. If I can't afford to do it than I don't do it.

OP, you stated it was on you and I guess I don't understand being upset that they ordered breakfast.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Ummm yes. You're making way to much out of this, I'd say to the point of sounding REALLY petty. You offered for goodness sake, were you just doing that in hopes that they would treat you Really pathetic if so, but I can't imagine why else you would offer and than be upset at what they ordered. Also, lets not forget that this is McDonalds, I mean for goodness sake, it was what $12....you should have never offered if you were going to be so easily offended.

Almost all replies have been polite with people giving their opinions, which I greatly respect. It does not matter to me if they disagree as long as they are civil. That is what this board is for.
You however seem to have an axe to grind. The anger you display to a total stranger is incredible. You assume a lot with no basis for it. The language you use tells me everything I need to know about you and your opinion, therefore, means less than nothing to me. "Pathetic" is an adjective better used to describe the "person" looking back at you in the mirror.

 

[disykat]

Actually, although we're trying to play nice, I think brocash probably verbalized what some of us might be picturing in the "wanting them to pay for you" comment.

If you say "let me get this" then step back, they pretty much have the choice of letting you get this or saying "no, let me" as they step forward to order. (which you seem to think is what they should have done since you pointed out there were two of them and only one of you.) I think it would have been awkward for them to have to convince you to go back up and pay your own order so they could proceed with theirs.

I've had that awkward conversation many times - it really irritates me that I have to convince people to pay their own bill and leave mine out of it. People act like I'm cheap because I want to pay my own bill.

We see this many time on these forums where people seem to think people eating together paying their own bills is tacky and that one party has to pick up the entire tab.

I go to coffee with some ladies weekly. One gal started showing up early and ordering our drinks for us. Not only could we not order what we wanted, but none of us could get there earlier than her to "pay her back." I finally told her flat out how uncomfortable it made me and that I would stop coming if she continued. It was all very awkward and I'm sure she thought I was rude - just as I thought she was. I tried to accept her behavior as wanting to treat us, now I sort of wonder if she was complaining that she had to pay?
She's my friend, a great person, and I still love her. But we had a definite difference of opinion about whether it was appropriate for her to insist on paying.

I think reconsidering offering to pay in the future is a great idea. It'll save a lot of annoyance on both sides.

 

[badblackpug]

OP here, yes thank you as you seem to "get it". I do agree with others who said that I offered so I should pay even though they went overboard IMHO. I treat people and have been treated by others many, many times. This is not about money. My beef is that we only went "for coffee" in order to wait for our girls. This was not a pre-planned outing but spur of the moment decision. Accepting a cup of coffee from an acquaintance is one thing but allowing me to pay for BOTH their huge breakfasts is another. They could have also offered to treat me as I was only 1 person and my order was only $1.50 as opposed to what they wanted to eat but they chose not to.
By the way, they never did finish it all and a lot of food went in the garbage.
Lesson learned. Not the end of the world. I really do appreciate everyone's opinions.

Really? For goodness sake it was a $12 meal for 3 people. I would never dream of inviting someone for a meal and then telling them what they could, or couldn't have. You are making way too much of this. You offered to treat and they ordered. They probably do not consider a $5 breakfast that big of a deal.

Ummm yes. You're making way to much out of this, I'd say to the point of sounding REALLY petty. You offered for goodness sake, were you just doing that in hopes that they would treat you Really pathetic if so, but I can't imagine why else you would offer and than be upset at what they ordered. Also, lets not forget that this is McDonalds, I mean for goodness sake, it was what $12....you should have never offered if you were going to be so easily offended.

You are offended by this, but your post certainly makes it sound like your offer to treat was only an attempt to get them to offer to pay for your meal. Again, just because a muffin and coffee is your breakfast doesn't mean it is so for others.