Appropriate age to take along a daughters friend

[emilyann415]

My husband and I tossed around the idea of taking my DD BFF with on our upcoming cruise. We have not talked with the parents yet and don't even know if it is an appropriate thing to ask. It's a 5 night cruise during summer vacation. The girls will have just turned 9 and it will be for my DD birthday. We would pay for the cruise and airfare. Has anyone else taken a child's friend at this early an age. We would most likely not get off the ship in Nassau and if we do it would be to go to Atlantis.

We are just in the thinking stages of this....cruise isn't until next summer.

TIA

Emily

 

[zenjenn]

It really, REALLY depends on the mentality of your daughter's friend and her parents.

Age 9 could go either way. If you want to *play it safe*, probably around age 12 is a more universal comfort zone for a child to travel without their parents, but there are lots of adventurous and independent 9-year-olds that would jump at the chance and have a complete blast and not miss home or mom and dad one bit.

(Coming from the position as a scout leader of 6 years that currently has girls ages 8-12 in my troop. I've seen the gamut in terms of how girls behave at overnights, events without parents, etc. Also both my girls go to resident camp for a month each summer.)

The main thing is if you choose to let her bring a friend, it has to be a friend that you're SURE is pretty homesickness-immune. While most kids who get homesick get over being homesick, it can take 2-3 days for them to recover... that that would be half your cruise and no fun for her OR you. A friend that has had ample experience being away from home for more than a night or two would be ideal.

 

[jlwhitney]

For how far out it is, hard to plan. So many things could happen between now and then. Also once PIF hits or airfare is purchased you can't cancel if she bails.

IMO, too young and probably not appropriate. Family vacations are for families to spend time together.

 

[Dug720]

For how far out it is, hard to plan. So many things could happen between now and then. Also once PIF hits or airfare is purchased you can't cancel if she bails. IMO, too young and probably not appropriate. Family vacations are for families to spend time together.

I agree. Anything can happen between now and then. Today's BFF could be next week's mortal enemy.

 

[MinnesotaMouseketeers]

JMHO but to me it's too young. When we brought a friend of my son along they were both 16. Which I think is older than we needed to wait; but it was when we could afford a seven night cruise for two adults and two children.

I agree with zenjenn that I would feel more comfortable at age 12. Not only taking another child along with us but if someone had asked my wife and me if our son could go along on their cruise. Unless it was one of his aunt and uncles.

Ultimately only you know how mature your child and the friend you want to ask are. How confident are you in the friend that they won't all of a sudden feel anxiety in leaving mom and dad.

 

[JoyB-UK]

I think 9 may be a little too young. There is no way I would let my daughter out of the country with anyone who wasn't family. If they are very close friends ie the parents are your close friends then maybe but the rooms are very small without much privacy, it can be awkward for a child to share with two adults they don't know well. Also you need all kinds of signed documents giving you both permission to take the child and for you to authorise medical care if necessary.

 

[E ticket rider]

My husband and I tossed around the idea of taking my DD BFF with on our upcoming cruise. We have not talked with the parents yet and don't even know if it is an appropriate thing to ask. It's a 5 night cruise during summer vacation. The girls will have just turned 9 and it will be for my DD birthday. We would pay for the cruise and airfare. Has anyone else taken a child's friend at this early an age. We would most likely not get off the ship in Nassau and if we do it would be to go to Atlantis.

We are just in the thinking stages of this....cruise isn't until next summer.

TIA

Emily

There are a lot of variables to consider... How close are you with the BFF's family? Are you comfortable to take responsibility for someone else's child outside the country? How mature is the BFF? Will she be in tears missing her family every night before bed or will she be ready for the next adventure? What if she became ill or injured while under your care?

We took one of my son's friends to Hollywood Studios with us on a trip to WDW a few years ago, but her family was also staying at WDW, so it was just a day trip. The kids were only 8 at the time, but we had known this little girl since she was an infant and she and my son have been "thick as thieves" ever since.

My gut says 9 is too young to take someone else's child on a cruise without her family, but again it all comes down to the variables...

 

[Lisa Lisa]

Our DD is an only child, and DH and I have talked a lot about the "right" age to allow her invite a friend on a vacation. She'll be 11 soon, and at the moment we're thinking that 12 would be a good age for this. As the PPs have said, a lot depends on both the friend and that friend's parents. I also think it's important that the friend be a very competent swimmer. Of course either DH or I would always be supervising, but we all know that things happen. We go to the Outer Banks every summer, and I think we'll try that trip first. If things go awry, at least we'll only be a 5-6 hour drive from home!

FWIW, I don't see anything inappropriate about allowing DD to bring a friend on vacation. DH and I spend a lot of time interacting with her on all of our vacations and we enjoy the family time, but she would really love to have another kid to hang out with. If we only took one vacation/year we might feel differently, but we take at least two week-long vacations and go away for several long weekends. We certainly wouldn't allow her to bring a friend every time.

 

[sunryzez]

I think it just depends on so many things like other posters said. I am super over protective and would never let my child go on a cruise with anyone else but me ( even family) I dont even let my kids go to sleepovers. However, I know this just works for me and my family. I do not judge others for feeling differently. So I would think about how close you are with the parents, how long you have known them, all case scenarios and weigh the pros and cons. The only thing I would STRONGLY suggest is do not mention anything to your dd or her friend without talking to her parents first....

 

[Mickeyhugger]

FWIW, I don't see anything inappropriate about allowing DD to bring a friend on vacation. DH and I spend a lot of time interacting with her on all of our vacations and we enjoy the family time, but she would really love to have another kid to hang out with.

This is so true. And, parents who have just one child, especially understand this.

I agree with what many here have already posted. I think 9 is still too young. Our (now 19 year-old) DD's BFF has been with us on five Disney cruises but did not sail with us until she was 11. However, every child is different. Go with your gut feeling.

 

[sushi2]

OP - would YOU let YOUR child go on a cruise with the BFF's family? That might be one of the gut-checks you need to do.

BTW, I do think it's a very lovely and generous offer. I'm not sure about the age though. As others have said, "it depends".

 

[chris31997]

OP - would YOU let YOUR child go on a cruise with the BFF's family? That might be one of the gut-checks you need to do.

BTW, I do think it's a very lovely and generous offer. I'm not sure about the age though. As others have said, "it depends".

I think you nailed it. Would you let your kiddo go with BFF??

There are so many things to consider:
Cost, homesick, maturity, Spending Money, Legally Responsible for BFF, Something Medical Happens, Power of Attorny, Passport, etc.....


How close are you to this family? Can you bring up these issues? You offered to pay for the trip but what if BFF bails, would you ask to be reimbursed? Maybe a good medium would be to ask them to pay half, BUT only if you really know this family and can talk openly with this family about the cost of this trip and what they would need to provide you with to take their child on this cruise.

 

[emilyann415]

Thank you for all the responses. I was really nervous to ask this question as I didn't know how people would respond. I think the poster who asked if we'd be comfortable really decided it for me and the answer is no. I would never allow my DD to go on a trip like this without at least one of her parents. We have the friend at our home for sleepovers quite often and I think she'd be ok especially on a 5 night trip but I personally would not allow my DD so I am guessing it's not something I should ask someone else. Heaven forbid something were to happen! Perhaps in a few years. We do have a son as well so she's not an only child but he is over 4 years younger than her and we often take a niece along for company for her....but I don't think it's the right time for a friend YET.......

 

[Tower]

I agree. Anything can happen between now and then. Today's BFF could be next week's mortal enemy.

Our DD is 10, very, very true. Her BFF is not quite her enemy, but no longer her friend and she teases and insults our daughter now.
Be careful who you choose to bring along.

 

[zoom8942]

I completely understand wanting to let her take a friend. We do this with our kids at WDW. We usually wait until 13-15 though. We like them to be old enough to do the parks together without us. We have older and smaller kids and older ones want the "thrill rides" while we do the "kid friendly" rides with the little ones. It works out so well!!! plus we get to introduce a child to Disney who otherwise probably wouldn't ever have a chance to go. We took a friend on a camping trip (4 nights 45 min from home) once and it was a disaster. The boys were about 9-10. This boy had spent countless overnights with us since Kindergarden, so I did not anticipate a problem. He was soooo homesick it ruined the whole trip and we came home a day early!!!! I would have hated it if it had been a several thousand dollar cruise

 

[MakiraMarlena]

For how far out it is, hard to plan. So many things could happen between now and then. Also once PIF hits or airfare is purchased you can't cancel if she bails.

IMO, too young and probably not appropriate. Family vacations are for families to spend time together.

See, here we go. To this poster, it should be the immediate family and only the immediate family and anything else is "inappropriate." The OP may do things differently - obviously they do if they want to bring along a friend for their daughter. There's nothing wrong with that. Who are any of us to say how anyone else ought to be vacationing.

Which is beside the point of whether the kids are old enough. At 9, I don't know. I think I'd be more comfortable if they were at least 12. But that is just me, and I don't know these kids or their parents.

 

[scm]

Just my 2 cents to add to the discussion~
I took my daughter's best friend (9 years old) on a cruise and it was a wonderful experience for them both discovering historical East Coast landmarks-Peggy's Cove, Plymouth rock,etc. There was no hesitation on the side of either family as we'd had a close relationship of many years.

This may be a reflection of times past as this cruise would have been 30 years ago and sensitivites about children have changed. For us, it remains a wonderful memory.

 

[emilyann415]

I completely understand wanting to let her take a friend. We do this with our kids at WDW. We usually wait until 13-15 though. We like them to be old enough to do the parks together without us. We have older and smaller kids and older ones want the "thrill rides" while we do the "kid friendly" rides with the little ones. It works out so well!!! plus we get to introduce a child to Disney who otherwise probably wouldn't ever have a chance to go. We took a friend on a camping trip (4 nights 45 min from home) once and it was a disaster. The boys were about 9-10. This boy had spent countless overnights with us since Kindergarden, so I did not anticipate a problem. He was soooo homesick it ruined the whole trip and we came home a day early!!!! I would have hated it if it had been a several thousand dollar cruise

Who are you cruising with that it's ONLY several thousand dollars for a cruise......

 

[DahliaRW]

I started vacationing with my best friend's family around 9 or 10, but it was in the same state we lived in or the next state. I don't think my parents would have gone for something out of the country, and they knew this family well. Maturity wise for me it was great, I had no issues being away from my family, but I had also already gone to overnight camp, etc, so my parents knew I'd be fine. Plus, I could call if I wanted, on a cruise that is harder.

My oldest is 9 1/2. I would let him do something like a cruise with extended family, but I don't know if I'd be ok with any of his friend's families taking him yet. And we know a couple of them really well.

 

[WDWJonasGirl]

I think at least 12-13. On many of my summer trips, I would bring my yearbook and/or text my friends to let them know how it was going