Anyone have a non-Disney-loving SO? Advice please

[sb682]

Really appreciating all your opinions! Please excuse me while I use your comments as a springboard:

Separate trips are not in the cards right now due to finances. We can afford one family vacation this year, and that's it. He is still on board with going in September, because he knows it will make our son's year to go to MNSSHP and his dad is bringing our nieces for a few days while we're there. He also doesn't want to see that money we spent on APs go down the drain.

His favorite places to vacation are national parks, and he loves spending time outdoors. He perked up when I asked him if he'd like to do the snorkeling tour at Epcot, but we found out it's too expensive. I am looking into booking the Fort Wilderness Segway tour for him (with AP discount I think it's reasonable); don't know if anyone here has done it, I have read great reviews but would love more. I may also rearrange our schedule to spend some time walking through Fort Wilderness and Wilderness Lodge, or maybe rent a kayak or canoe for an hour or two. We're staying at Bonnet Creek and I've heard they have walking trails running through the nature preserve. He would probably enjoy that, too. If my sister babysits, or Grandpa will take DS and the nieces one evening, we can have a nice dinner out since it's restaurant month in Orlando. I may also see if I can fit Never Land Club into the budget.

We had a nice morning at HS where DH had a coffee and cinnamon roll at Writer's Stop while I took DS on Star Tours. I also took him to Hollywood and Vine while DH watched One Man's Dream and took it easy. I will see if splitting up in the parks will help. If sister is there, she will gladly do anything her only nephew wants while DH and I do something together. I may also cut back on how many times we ride a ride. We've been able to ride things like Peter Pan, Finding Nemo and Grand Fiesta a few times back-to-back, but that's a bit much sometimes, even for me. We jump on the chance because we can, but it probably doesn't mean we should.

What do you guys think of my ideas? Please keep your suggestions coming! Maybe one day in the future, a mom-and-kid(s) trip will be feasible, but right now, I'm looking for how to help the whole family have a good time.

 

[sk!mom]

Honestly, not everyone loves Disney. It's crazy to me when people ask how they can get a nondisney loving spouse to love it and want to travel there multiple times a year. In my view, it's selfish to even try. You've already been to Disney twice this year, go somewhere else that your DH would enjoy.

If I had to guess, I would say that it was probably the heat that killed it this time and September won't be a lot better. Take a break and plan a future trip for a cool month. It takes a hardcore Disney fan to love it in the Summer.

Going without him is a fine suggestion unless it spends all of the family vacation budget and means that he doesn't get a vacation at all.

My DH doesn't love Disney. He has severe motion sickness so many of the rides are out for him. He enjoys our trips to Disney but they have been spaced out. We've been 6 times in 23 years. He loves EpCot so we go there a couple of times each trip, hates AK so he usually skips it altogether for a rest day for him, enjoys MK so it gets a couple of days too.

We travel to other places that we all enjoy. Honestly after the trip we just took to Hawaii- the best and most relaxing trip ever- I don't see me wanting to spend the money on WDW any time soon either.

 

[powellrj]

My DH really doesn't like going, but what has helped is not staying on-site. He hates the WDW hotels and will go willingly if we stay in a condo or a pool house. To him a vacation isn't spending his off time in a small hotel room. He wants his own room with his own TV so he can spread out. He loves having a kitchen so he can fix a snack when he wants it and not have to get a shirt and shoes on to go. He really loves it when we have a pool off our bedroom that he can just open the sliding door and take a swim early or late with nobody splashing him.

My oldest DS hates it so much that while he will go to FL with us, he refuses to go to any parks and will go to visit friends while his wife goes with us to the parks.

Show him some pool homes or condos and see if he would like those better.

 

[jerseygirl82]

I guess I'm looking for ANY suggestions I can get from spouses of semi-unwilling Disney visitors. We will have more downtime on this next trip since we'll have 7 days to spend doing things, not 3. I am planning some more pool time (we had none due to thunderstorms) and we'll have a condo instead of a single room, so we can relax and talk in the living room or bedroom at night while DS sleeps in his room. My sister may tag along and has offered to babysit so we can go out to dinner, which would be nice and might help break up the park monotony for him. I would appreciate ANY advice you guys have to offer!

I too have some of the same issues when it comes to DH and WDW. I think you are on the right track with everything you outlined about. When we go for more than a few days, I always do a schedule of park day, pool day, park day, pool day. Having the condo will be great for you and DH to have that alone time after DS goes down for the night.

When it comes to the parks, utilize the fast passes as much as possible to cut down on wait times. I think that will help your situation a lot. Go slow, take breaks and if DS or DH hit a wall, head back to the condo. If he will get involved in the planning, ask DH to pick some places he'd like to eat.

Let us know how it goes!

 

[jerseygirl82]

Honestly, not everyone loves Disney. It's crazy to me when people ask how they can get a nondisney loving spouse to love it and want to travel there multiple times a year. In my view, it's selfish to even try. You've already been to Disney twice this year, go somewhere else that your DH would enjoy.

Unless I am mistaken, OP said they went for 3 days and that the second trip was the pending trip, right?

IMHO, as the mom of a 3 year old, it is selfish for DH to put his needs and desires above his child. From my point of view, DH had 28 years to vacation wherever he wanted and many vacations now will center around DD and what she would enjoy doing. What kind of vacation would it be if DH and I were enjoying ourselves but DD wasn't? In my mind it is all about compromise and I think OP has some great ideas to make it more of a family vacation

 

[sk!mom]

Here's the story: we went to Orlando this weekend with DH. After 3 days, he tells me he is having an awful time and he doesn't think he can do our trip we have planned in September! He isn't a Disney person in the first place, but we both wanted to take our little boy for his birthday and now he's not so sure.

Edit: Here's what I'm thinking so far:
- he doesn't like large crowds, so maybe low crowd levels will be better. He complained less and said he had a good time when we went in February.

Unless I am mistaken, OP said they went for 3 days and that the second trip was the pending trip, right?

IMHO, as the mom of a 3 year old, it is selfish for DH to put his needs and desires above his child. From my point of view, DH had 28 years to vacation wherever he wanted and many vacations now will center around DD and what she would enjoy doing. What kind of vacation would it be if DH and I were enjoying ourselves but DD wasn't? In my mind it is all about compromise and I think OP has some great ideas to make it more of a family vacation

The way I'm reading it the upcoming trip will be the 3rd trip in 7 months. That's a lot unless you really love Disney.

I'm a mom too (DS28 and DD17). We only visited WDW once when DS was young because he doesn't like it either. DD came along and we visited several more times because she loves it. Believe it or not, there are many places that a family can travel where everyone has a good time not just Disney. Plenty of families were having a blast in Hawaii last week. I stand by my statement, it's selfish to put your wants above your partners. He's been a good sport and visited twice this year. Go somewhere else in September and return to Disney at a future time and in a cool month. Trying to convince him he'll have fun is a bit manipulative.

DH and I have been married for 33 years. We've visited Disney 6 times which I love and have been skiing 6 or 7 times which he loves. We both compromise and have a good time even if the destination isn't our favorite place because no one is asking us to go there over and over.

 

[disneywalkers]

I'm sorry, I can't even imagine I am such a Disney nut that I have to be honest, we go every year because of me. The kids are just blessed to get to come along

Maybe you could let him plan a day? Maybe if he was able to sit down and read more about what there is to do at WDW and he could make up the schedule for the day?

Is he into golfing? Maybe one day you can take your son to the parks and he could go golfing if he's into that?

My first reaction was to joke and say that calls for a divorce but I'm kidding. It's really just really a one to two times (gosh how blessed to get to go more than once) a year thing. I am sure that he can put up with the next trip.

I have found that going at different times of the year does make a difference to each person.

My best friend used to go every September, but then tried January and now she won't go in September again.

I have another friend who won't go any time of the year but in the summer, even if though she could because she homeschools.

So each person is different.

Have you been to the Universal Parks? Maybe being able to throw in a day there would be nice for him? My guys (hubby, brother and son) love US and seem to get even more excited about it than us girls (me, Mom and daughters).

I am going to be even more appreciative now of the fact that my hubby is just like me. He loves all things Disney. We are both rope drop to close every time we are there.

Last year we had a sick little one so we missed rope drop one day of our trip and we were both so sad.

I hope you are able to keep the trip and he will have a much better time. Maybe he felt guilty about being away from the conference?

Good luck!

Here's the story: we went to Orlando this weekend with DH. He was going to a conference and DS3 and I tagged along so we could go to Disney. DH ended up bailing on the conference and going with us to the parks. After 3 days, he tells me he is having an awful time and he doesn't think he can do our trip we have planned in September! He isn't a Disney person in the first place, but we both wanted to take our little boy for his birthday and now he's not so sure. We can get a refund on our room deposit, but we just bought APs and I was so excited about taking a long trip with low crowd levels.

I tried to get him to tell me what was a problem for him, but he didn't really want to talk about it while we were on the trip. Now that we're home, I hope he'll say exactly what was bothering him. All he's told me is that he felt like there was nothing for him to do and we spent most of our time doing things for our son. I tried asking him many times what he wanted to do, and he just said a variation of "Whatever you want" every time.

Does anyone have a DH/DW/SO who is not a Disney fan? How do you help them have a good time, too?

Edit: Here's what I'm thinking so far:
- he doesn't like large crowds, so maybe low crowd levels will be better. He complained less and said he had a good time when we went in February.
- making sure we take mid-day breaks. We did this every day in Feb. because DS was consistently napping. We tried to get him to nap in the park on Saturday and the scorching heat and humidity mid-day did us no favors. DS also gets a little bratty when his schedule is messed with, so that will probably mean mostly early nights as well.

 

[disneywalkers]

Aw that is a wonderful story!

I am a firm believer in you take fun with you So make the best of it and it sounds like he did and it turned out to be great for both of you!

The first two trips, I had to basically force DH to go. At that point, I was the only one working, so we went because that is what I wanted to do with my money. He did go and complained here and there (especially when it was time to spend money), but was overall pretty pleasant. In between trips I wouldn't talk to him about my plans because he just wouldn't care, and as the trip approached he would look for reasons why we shouldn't go.

But something changed on our last trip. It started out the same with him looking for reasons not to go and we had a "little disagreement" about it the evening that we left. We drove in two separate cars since we did not have an SUV or minivan at the time, but at every rest stop I could tell he was still mad. So, we got to AS Music, checked in, unpacked our bags (with him basically ignoring me) and went to the food court to eat. I really thought we were going to have a miserable time. He got in line behind me and all the sudden he wrapped his arms around me, gave me a huge long hug, and so began the best trip we have ever had. He really enjoyed himself, did NOT want to leave and now he is always talking about our next trip and how he can't wait to go back. I can now plan with him and it is a savings priority for both of us

Not really sure what changed for him, but I'm glad it did

Sorry I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer some hope that maybe your DH will become a Disney Lover someday!

 

[sb682]

Aww, I just want him to have fun, too! And he does enjoy it, at least most of the time. I think Disney is just a little in-your-face with the fun and not everyone enjoys that. My husband is one of those people, but that doesn't make him a bad guy and I think everyone in the family deserves to come away from a vacation happy.

Good news for me: he is not backing out of the trip altogether. He just doesn't want to tour commando-style and he wants to skip over AK and HS. He likes EP and MK but was bored at the other parks. We might skip AK altogether and let DH sleep in while we go to HS. I have been looking more and more at Fort Wilderness and I might plan a day there for us in the middle of our trip. I'm also planning a few early nights and at least one morning of sleeping in and pool time. More down time and more time in our favorite parks might help things, along with the lower crowd levels. Thank you for the advice and constructive criticism. I knew I wasn't the only person on DIS with a spouse who hadn't drunk the Disney kool-aid yet.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Welcome to being a parent. When we go to WDW with my children (took a dad/daughter trip for her 9th b-day) it is always doing things for my children. Sounds a little selfish to me.

Yup, going to Disney was ALL about the kids. I enjoyed myself BECAUSE they enjoyed themselves

 

[iheartdisney]

IMHO, as the mom of a 3 year old, it is selfish for DH to put his needs and desires above his child. From my point of view, DH had 28 years to vacation wherever he wanted and many vacations now will center around DD and what she would enjoy doing. What kind of vacation would it be if DH and I were enjoying ourselves but DD wasn't? In my mind it is all about compromise and I think OP has some great ideas to make it more of a family vacation

i love my children as much as the next parent, but to call it selfish for someone to do something they enjoy for the next 18 years is unreasonable. You might be a parent, but you are still a person.

 

[DummbGiRL]

i love my children as much as the next parent, but to call it selfish for someone to do something they enjoy for the next 18 years is unreasonable. You might be a parent, but you are still a person.

Have you looked into Disney child care? They can come to your resort or you can drop them off at a place at Beach Club. I ask because maybe your DH needs some "alone" time and you guys can plan something "Adult". Most people who are not WDW fanatics just cannot understand HOW Disney can be mature and only view it as childish. I have to go through this conversation with my friends when I talk about my solo trips to Disney and how I really want my SO to experience WDW as an adult with me BEFORE we have kids, so he can understand what it's like to just hang out as an adult without kids at Disney.
I got to have a little preview with him for a day at California Adventure this year, but that's not like WDW where resort staying is just, different... and awesome. I'm giving him some US/IoA time for the roller coasters and we are going to rent a car and visit the Kennedy Space Center (something we'll both enjoy, but he stated clearly that's something he's interested in).

 

[Disneyaddictz]

My DH started out the same way, he is a family man and although he didn't hate disney he just didn't understand why I felt an undying need to go over and over! Over the last year something changed, I can't even tell you what happened it's like he was bitten by a disney bug overnight. As we left our last trip and said to pull over at the POR store and came out with license plate cover, key chains, antenna balls and such and proceeded to tell me how we need to start planning the next trip cuAse our girls are getting older and he doesn't want them to be over it.... They are 3 and 10!!! Lol I say find some activities that he can appreciate as an adult, keys to the kingdom tour, maybe an afternoon at grand floridian spa, night at DTD or boardwalk, NASCAR experience or perhaps rent a boat for him to drive hopefully he will come around there is soooo much to do, my family and friends can't understand why we are planning our big anniversary trip at disney of all places but we couldn't imagine a more romantic place!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[sb682]

My DH started out the same way, he is a family man and although he didn't hate disney he just didn't understand why I felt an undying need to go over and over! Over the last year something changed, I can't even tell you what happened it's like he was bitten by a disney bug overnight. As we left our last trip and said to pull over at the POR store and came out with license plate cover, key chains, antenna balls and such and proceeded to tell me how we need to start planning the next trip cuAse our girls are getting older and he doesn't want them to be over it.... They are 3 and 10!!! Lol I say find some activities that he can appreciate as an adult, keys to the kingdom tour, maybe an afternoon at grand floridian spa, night at DTD or boardwalk, NASCAR experience or perhaps rent a boat for him to drive hopefully he will come around there is soooo much to do, my family and friends can't understand why we are planning our big anniversary trip at disney of all places but we couldn't imagine a more romantic place!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

A massage! That's one I didn't think of yet! Thank you!

 

[Lorelei Lee]

i love my children as much as the next parent, but to call it selfish for someone to do something they enjoy for the next 18 years is unreasonable. You might be a parent, but you are still a person.

Not to mention, my children loved every vacation we took, not just the ones to Disney. I wanted my children to have lots of different experiences. they loved Disney as much I did, but the also loved vacations we took in Washington, Boston, Philadelphia, Virginia...

 

[Robbi]

I cringe every time I see someone here say that. We all love Disney - that's why we're here. But, vacations are for family time. Just because someone doesn't LOVE Disney doesn't mean there's something wrong with them or that they don't deserve to take vacations with their family. If he's totally fine with not being with his family on his son's birthday and wants them to go - that's one thing. But, that's just me.

Why would this make you cringe? Some families, like ours, take multiple vacations a year. My husband would rather have his teeth pulled with no anesthesia than go to WDW. My daughter and I would go without him and then the 3 of us would go on a family trip somewhere else.
My husband and I have been married 32 years. If we had not respected each other's choices, we may not have made it that long.

 

[Justmeandnooneelse]

The first two trips, I had to basically force DH to go. At that point, I was the only one working, so we went because that is what I wanted to do with my money.

Wow! I wonder, how many women here would accept a MAN saying that it's his money, so the family has to go where he wants to go??

 

[aimeeinohio]

Man I was thinking the same thing!

 

[honeybunches]

Our first family trip to WDW was in June a few years ago. It was 1 week and I planned enough for a month. While I was happy to do it all, my DH hated every minute. He hated the heat, the crowds, the rushing to and fro in order to make an ADR on time. We drove 12 hours and stopped at the beach halfway on the way down. On the way back, he insisted on driving straight through the night. That's how badly he wanted to get home.

The next year, he told me to take DD on a Mommy/daughter trip over spring break. He kept DS (then 2 years old) at home. We had SUCH a great time just the two of us!! We did everything she wanted to do and it was wonderful not to feel like we had to keep DH happy. Because we did a short 4 days, we flew down. It made such a difference. My DD came back and couldn't stop talking about how great it was. So I think that made DH consider it again. He loved hearing how much she enjoyed herself.

We all went again last October for 5 days. This time we flew--1 1/2 hour direct flight. Made things sooooo much easier because we weren't already exhausted. Also, the temps were so mild in Oct. I planned a lot more down time. We went back to the hotel for a daily rest. It gave each of us a chance to recharge before heading back out in the evening. DH loved that trip and we all had a wonderful time. We are going again this fall, this time for 10 days. I bought a new guide and asked DH to help plan our ressies and some rides he would like to try. He loved that. We both agree that we want to do what we can to make great memories. If that is at WDW, fine. But if needs to be something else, we are both ok with that too.

 

[DawnM]

Oh my word to the bolded part. I am not working right now, by choice! I would feel horrible if my husband said it was HIS money so we have to do with it what HE wants and I get no say.

There was a time when I worked and he didn't (he was in grad school). I never once thought the money was MINE and not ours.

The first two trips, I had to basically force DH to go. At that point, I was the only one working, so we went because that is what I wanted to do with my money. He did go and complained here and there (especially when it was time to spend money), but was overall pretty pleasant. In between trips I wouldn't talk to him about my plans because he just wouldn't care, and as the trip approached he would look for reasons why we shouldn't go.

But something changed on our last trip. It started out the same with him looking for reasons not to go and we had a "little disagreement" about it the evening that we left. We drove in two separate cars since we did not have an SUV or minivan at the time, but at every rest stop I could tell he was still mad. So, we got to AS Music, checked in, unpacked our bags (with him basically ignoring me) and went to the food court to eat. I really thought we were going to have a miserable time. He got in line behind me and all the sudden he wrapped his arms around me, gave me a huge long hug, and so began the best trip we have ever had. He really enjoyed himself, did NOT want to leave and now he is always talking about our next trip and how he can't wait to go back. I can now plan with him and it is a savings priority for both of us

Not really sure what changed for him, but I'm glad it did

Sorry I don't have any advice, just wanted to offer some hope that maybe your DH will become a Disney Lover someday!