Anybody not have a bestfriend?

[Master Mason]

I have one

She never talks back, she goes with me everywhere, she snuggles up to me when I sleep, she never complains...

 

[sunlver]

Wow I could have written this post, including the part about praying for a friend. I always thought I was the only one! My dad and my DH were both military so I never stayed in one place long enough to really connect with anyone. Now that my DH is retired I still can't seem to connect. We have lived here for almost 4 years and I barely get a wave from any of my neighbors let alone conversation. I'm not the most talkative person in the world but I try to be nice to everyone. I never noticed so much until my mom passed away, even though we didn't always live near each other she was my BF and traveling buddy. The lonliness really kicked in after she was gone. My DH is great but would rather have a root canal than go to the mall! I look at other people and wonder what I'm doing wrong, I'm so pathetic! I've got a great idea, I live near WDW, you all move down here and we'll be each others BF!

Oh gosh.. I wish I lived WDW, that has always been my dream to live in Florida, not so much my husbands

Yes, it is hard when your husband is military. My husband was in the Navy for one enlistment, as why we ended up in Va Beach/Norfolk area. After one enlistment he realized the military wasnt the right life for him, but we stayed in this area, because frankly I didn't want to move back to the cold frigid winters of Chicago LOL..
I have had so many friends come and go in the 15 yrs living in Vabeach. All of my friends who have went have been military. Sure, some I still keep in contact via email, every once in awhile. Others, haven't heard one word since they have moved
When I make a friend who I truley like, I give it my whole heart and soul. No, I am not a pest.. I try "never" to be smothering...even when I back off a bit, it never seems like the people I meet want to be a close friend. I mean I do have friends who call me from time to time, but never more then that.

 

[sunlver]

I have one

She never talks back, she goes with me everywhere, she snuggles up to me when I sleep, she never complains...

Aren't they wonderful .... I have a lot of those around here. I have 2 dogs, and 2 foster dogs(one I am adopting in Jan)...they seem to be my only bestfriends, always wanting to lay their head in my lap, always watching my next move, always following me around, walking when I walk, stopping when I stop

 

[sunlver]

Wow, thank you all for sharing your stories with me. I was hesitant to post a topic like that, for fear of feeling silly. I mean really how many women in their 40's complain about a lack of a bestfriend?

I know why I wrote this post, first winter is a hard time of year for me, the cold days, the darkness comes early. I am such a summer girl at heart, bring me hot sunny days, and darkness close to 9pm and Iam truley happy

Also I have no sisters. I have 2 older brothers. I always felt like I missed out on something. Sure I know just because you have a sister doesn't mean you were close. I wasn't and still not particularly close to my mother. We never really fought or argued(and still don't), but we are not close. Although I probably talk to her more then anybody on the phone(She lives in Florida). When we talk it is basically about the kids, what they are up too, my 4 yr old loves to talk to her on the phone. My kids are my world, and she is probably the person who doesn';t mind hearing about them.

Even when I got married(I was 29), and even though my husband was the first person I truley fell in love with, I just never considered him my bestfriend . As the years have past, we have had some problems(the common marriage problems)and when I am going through those, I wish I had that bestfriend to call up and let it all out. I have shared a "little" of my the issues with some friends, but never fully open up as I just don't want to scare a friend away with so many problems. Or, be known as that person who ALWAYS complains.

 

[powellrj]

"BFFs" outside of the family become less and less important as you age. Your immediate family become your "friends" after awhile, if you're lucky. I remember thinking that "friends" were the end all when I was in my teens and twenties and even in my 30s... not anymore.

Boy I have to disagree with that. I find as I get older, I need a friend that isn't family just for my own sanity.

My DH is my soul mate, but he doesn't "get me" like my friend does. Its funny because we are 2 middle aged women who are 12 years apart and way apart socially, and we just clicked! She is 61 and I am 49, she is wealthy and entertains celebrities, and I am a social nobody who lives in a blue collar town while she lives in a gated community on a golf course!

We don't even see each other very often. I haven't seen her since July, but we talk everyday for hours on the phone. I know I talked to her at least an hour yesterday.

She has seen me through my kids dramas, in laws drama and I do the same for her. We can tell each other things we can't tell anyone because nobody knows the other people. When she complains about family, I have never met them, but feel I can be honest and she is the same with me.

I went many years without a friend and didn't realize how much I missed having one. What I would love to have is a friend like my DDIL has. They are best friends who do things together like go to movies and go shopping. I wish I had that kind of friend. DD who is 12 is becoming more of a friend, but she has lots of good friends that she likes to hang out with instead of mom! I hope we remain close because she is really person I enjoy!

 

[KimR]

C. Ann, I am so very sorry about the loss of your friend.

To answer the OP's question, outside of family (my sister and my 3 DDs) no, I don't have a best friend. I would like to, though. When we go out to dinner I'll occasionally see groups of women having a girls night out and I'm so jealous. I'd love to have a group of friends, or even one friend, to do that with.

I do worry about it sometimes though because I don't really interact with other adults much at all. Like the OP, I don't really consider DH a friend. We don't have much in common or spend that much time together. He has his interests and I have mine. What's going to happen when my kids grow up and move away? I'm afraid as I grow older, I'm going to end up being some sort of weird, lonely recluse.

I know that sounds dramatic but in reality, I try not to let it bother me that much. I have my family, my job, a nice home - life is good (for now, at least).

 

[sunlver]

Cfriend.

To answer the OP's question, outside of family (my sister and my 3 DDs) no, I don't have a best friend. I would like to, though. When we go out to dinner I'll occasionally see groups of women having a girls night out and I'm so jealous. I'd love to have a group of friends, or even one friend, to do that with.

I do worry about it sometimes though because I don't really interact with other adults much at all. Like the OP, I don't really consider DH a friend. We don't have much in common or spend that much time together. He has his interests and I have mine. What's going to happen when my kids grow up and move away? I'm afraid as I grow older, I'm going to end up being some sort of weird, lonely recluse.

I know that sounds dramatic but in reality, I try not to let it bother me that much. I have my family, my job, a nice home - life is good (for now, at least).

Wow, we have so much in common. I don't feel I have much in common with my husband either, other then the kids. He is a good person, and I feel I am a good person. We do some things together, but not much.I often wonder what will happen when the kids are grown and have moved on. My youngest is 4 and my oldest is 14, so I have a bit of time before this happens.

I often envy women who get together for lunch and coffee etc.. I guess I have been watching too many repeats of "Sex and The City". I know it is just a made up tv show, but I so wish for that sort of friendship. I never watched the show when it was first on many years ago. I just got into it the last 6 months. My Tivo tapes the 2 shows on at Midnight and I watch them first thing in the morning and wish I had friendships like those

What I wanted to add was that I feel like I do interact with a lot of different adults, just haven't made that special connection with anybody.
I feel my life is full, I have 3 kids, I have 4 dogs, I volunteer with a doggie rescue, I am involved in my daughters girlscout troop, I help at school when I can, I dogsit out of my house. I am not sitting at home not interacting with other adults. I just wish I could find a connection with somebody looking for a friend.

 

[Buckalew11]

well, to make everyone feel a bit better (maybe) but we had a DISer start a thread like this a year or so back. She had to give up a friendship that was sucking the life out of her and so she was missing a female friendship too. It turned into one very long thread with many, many woman saying just what everyone is saying here!!

It is a common thing. Probably because between work, marriages, children and taking care of a home, we just do not have a lot of time to put into friendships so they suffer on both ends of the relationships.

Anyway, this thread makes me think how lucky I am to have my friendship with Emily. She makes it easy and is a lot of fun. I am hoping to go to WDW with her sometime because we both love it and I think we'd have a blast there. I really need to make the effort tofeed this friendship though. I seem to struggle with that type of thing.

Hugs to all of you on this thread! I do enjoy my DIS and 'net friendships!!

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

My husband is my best friend. By far. I couldn't imagine being married and sharing every aspect of my life with someone who was not my best friend.
I love him like crazy, he is everything to me.

We have been together for 12 years. And share a 6 year old daughter together.

I can't imagine not being married to your best friend.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I have a best friend, we met working at a daycare 7 years ago and are partners in crime. I love her and know I could go to her for anything. We have been through a lot of things together. We have never had a fight and we also joke that we have to remain friends because we have so many secrets on each other that we could destroy each other. She has moved to FL and back and we still remain best friends.

 

[nana2tots]

My Bestest Friend, my Daughter, whom i miss so much, the pain will never, ever go away !!

 

[MickeysMommy]

My Bestest Friend, my Daughter, whom i miss so much, the pain will never, ever go away !!

I'm sorry

 

[lsherman]

i really dont have a best friend, i would concider my mom my closest friend. Everyone I have every been close to has hurt me, I had a best friend but she slept w my dh. Dh and i went through a lot but we are working it out for our 4 boys, i had to find a way to forgive him even though i will never forget. I am afaird to be close to anyone in fear of being hurt again, i dont think I could make it through that kind of hurt again. It has made me very numb. I talk to my mother a lot but she always gripes at me for anything I do. My sister I love her daerly but she talks behind my back and steals my kids clothes for her own kids. I really just here alone.

 

[Poohgirl]

I used to have a best friend for 10+ years. We had some great times, then she stole my husband... that was kind of the end to that. I do miss having someone so close, but most of my close friends now are related to me in some way (cousins wives, boyfriends SIL etc.) I guess Im too cautious and guarded now.

 

[PaulaSue]

My Dh is mine but I wish I had a Girl Friend that close. I have friends don't get me wrong but no one that close anymore like in school.

Sad thing is my girls seem to be the same, lots of friends but no one close as having playdates all the time and sleepovers kind of thing.

 

[okeydokey]

My very best girlfriends are the ones I grew up with. I moved far from home years ago and we still keep up the friendship by phone and visits when we can. The thing about best friends, you can not get together for a long time and then when you do it's like the last time you saw them was yesterday. I do have friends here in FL, but it's not like my best girlfriends from MA.

The thing I think about when I see Sex and the City is not the looking for love part, but the part about how your best girlfriends can pull you through all kinds of times.

 

[sunlver]

My husband is my best friend. By far. I couldn't imagine being married and sharing every aspect of my life with someone who was not my best friend.
I love him like crazy, he is everything to me.

We have been together for 12 years. And share a 6 year old daughter together.

I can't imagine not being married to your best friend.

I think it is great when that happens. It seems like there is a small minority of us who are not married to our bestfriends, for whatever the reason.

 

[ols386]

My SO isn't necessarily my best friend, but we do get along extremely well. I do have two best friends, but we don't see one another very often, just once in awhile. I also consider my dd26 one of my best friends. I didn't try to be her friend when she was growing up, because I was (an am) her Mom, and I don't think it's a wise idea to try to be friends with your children when they are growing up. But now that she's grown, we are definately best friends.

 

[Tiggeroo]

my dh is my best friend but a dh as a bestfriend is not the same thing as a best gf. I really wish I had a good gf to go get a pedicure, have lunch, coffee, a drink or two and even to gripe about men. I watch SATC with a good deal of envy. I don't know how to make a good friend as an adult.

 

[LisaR]

My husband is my best friend. By far. I couldn't imagine being married and sharing every aspect of my life with someone who was not my best friend.
I love him like crazy, he is everything to me.

We have been together for 12 years. And share a 6 year old daughter together.

I can't imagine not being married to your best friend.

I do understand what you are saying. I am truly married to my best friend. My DH and I have so much in common and there isn't a single thing we don't talk about. We love being together and if we don't talk several times during the day, we both feel off. Having said that, the relationship IS different compared to having that best girlfriend. I really can't explain it but there is something different about it. Now that my BF and I have gone our separate ways, I do notice a void. It doesn't take away from my relationship with DH at all but there is just something different about a BF husband and a BF girlfriend, IMO.