Anxiety when spending money

[hsmamato2]

I ask myself the same thing with every big purchase too! sounds like you are frugal,not the other dreaded thing I have learned that once we decide on a purchase,after researching our options for the best buy,I just have to let it go once it's decided. If you find a good price,then try to relax with that. Another one for $10 less may pop up later,but that $10 isn't worth extra stress....just breathe.....

 

[blanq]

I am wondering if I am the only one? Whenever we are about to spend a large amount of money I have terrible anxiety. In the beginning of our marriage we lived a bit beyond our means, but in the past 12 or more years I have really changed and now I pride myself on being frugal. But now it's almost like it's gone too far. Even when we need something I get very nervouse about putting out the money. When we bought our last car (6 years ago) I actually was in tears and shaking when we were signing the papers. I got over it, we bought the van and I was OK but at first it freaks me out.

Today DH and I bought a new mattress. Ours is so bad we have not slept in it for about 3 months. I've been sleeping on the couch and DH has been sleeping in the recliner. It has not been the best night sleep but better then our bed that was so bad we would literally wake up and not be able to move our backs were so bad. Neither one of us was happy and we have missed cuddling at night, but I just could not committ to buying a new one. (I tried buying a foam topper and a pillowtop cover, neither or both made a difference they were so bad.) Finally today he said we were going and buying a new one. We did but even once we found one and got a discount and free delivery because as it turned out the owner of the place is good friends with DH's boss (both small buisness owners, looking out for each other kind of thing,) I had to sit and take deep breaths for a while beefore I could let DH pay. In fact I sat till they were closing and he kind of said he was buying because he knew I'd be OK with it.

Am I crazy? I know a good mattress is really a necessity. I know we can't have a good day when we are always tired. But I just hate not having that $1000 in our bank account now just in case.

After he took me shopping for a new fridge. I found one but couldn't do it. Just couldn't. I think we are going to go tomorrow to look at refurbished ones, MAYBE that I can do. But we'll see. I may need to seperate the 2 out a little more.

So, tell me---am I nuts??? I know in all the marriges of our friends we are so opposite, the wives want to shop, but for us my husband almost need to force me to get even the basics.

I don't consider a mattress a large purchase, so buying one would not make me anxious. I also would not get anxious if I needed to replace an appliance. I guess I consider those things to be necessary. I do get anxious when we make, what I consider to be, large purchases that are not needs. Like when we took out an $80K loan to renovate our kitchen, laundry room and bathroom. Or, when we buy a new vehicle. Even though we have a 6 month emergency savings account, and can afford the purchases we make, spending big amounts of money always makes me nervous. I usually get over it though.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I don't consider a mattress a large purchase, so buying one would not make me anxious. I also would not get anxious if I needed to replace an appliance. I guess I consider those things to be necessary. I do get anxious when we make, what I consider to be, large purchases that are not needs. Like when we took out an $80K loan to renovate our kitchen, laundry room and bathroom. Or, when we buy a new vehicle. Even though we have a 6 month emergency savings account, and can afford the purchases we make, spending big amounts of money always makes me nervous. I usually get over it though.

Sometimes when things are typed they sound different then they are intended, and I don't mean this in a mean way if that is how it comes across, but to say it isn't a major purchase to you doesn't make it not one for us. To us $1000 is a huge purchase. And while I do consider it to be a necessity, it's still a lot. To put it in perspective, you put $80,000 into your home, our home we paid less then $80,000 for, (and unfortunatly it is valued at even less then we paid for it now, but that's another story. ) So everyone's income being different $1000 is a lot to some people.

And I have gotten over it, quickly. The car was a different story, it took me a couple months of seeing tat we could in fact handle the payments to feel good about it, but the mattress I am excited about. I was cuddling my DH on the couch this morning aand he was saying he couldn't wait to hold me all night again and I was so excited, so yes, I am totally over it, but that doesn't mean next time (probably the fridge) that I won't feel nervous again. I guess that's just part of who I am.

 

[wdwfan16]

Sometimes when things are typed they sound different then they are intended, and I don't mean this in a mean way if that is how it comes across, but to say it isn't a major purchase to you doesn't make it not one for us. To us $1000 is a huge purchase. And while I do consider it to be a necessity, it's still a lot. To put it in perspective, you put $80,000 into your home, our home we paid less then $80,000 for, (and unfortunatly it is valued at even less then we paid for it now, but that's another story. ) So everyone's income being different $1000 is a lot to some people.

And I have gotten over it, quickly. The car was a different story, it took me a couple months of seeing tat we could in fact handle the payments to feel good about it, but the mattress I am excited about. I was cuddling my DH on the couch this morning aand he was saying he couldn't wait to hold me all night again and I was so excited, so yes, I am totally over it, but that doesn't mean next time (probably the fridge) that I won't feel nervous again. I guess that's just part of who I am.

I guess it seems odd to me that you would fret of it for months. Once you signed the papers and loan, if there was one, that should have been the end of the fretting. There was no going back.

We think about it before we decide on the purchase but then just go on with life after the purchase is made.

 

[Andrea]

I am completely with you, the only thing it doesn't bother me to spend money on is our vacations (not that we go all the time). I get extremely nervous spending money even on groceries. We've had some hard times in the past financially and it does not leave me, I feel like the people who went through the depression who would never spend money even when they had it. I know it's mental, but it's me. My dh is the EXACT opposite of me, which is good because he gets things taken care but it drives me crazy sometimes. I know exactly what you mean by spreading it out, the spending done with time in between makes me feel much better although it makes no difference financially.

wow i could have typed the exact same thing. I don't think twice about spending money on vacations, but everything else I do. Food is the hardest.

I was thinking i was the only one

 

[okeydokey]

I know what you mean. We are putting in a pool this spring. We have been saving for it for at least 3 years and we have the money set aside, but it's still pretty scary. A good mattress is such a worthwhile investment. You can't put a price on a good night's sleep.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I guess it seems odd to me that you would fret of it for months. Once you signed the papers and loan, if there was one, that should have been the end of the fretting. There was no going back.

We think about it before we decide on the purchase but then just go on with life after the purchase is made.

That's a great way to be, unfortunately for us we had just bought DH a new car for commuting when my car was totalled in an accident. We had been burned before buiung used so my DH (who knows nothing about cars) was nervous to buy used and his 4 seater commuter car as our only car was not going to work for our family of 5. So, we knew we were getting in over our heads a bit (I mean, we made every payment on time, but 2 car payments on one income is a scary thing.) I needed to see that we were actually able to make the payments and still eat. Mind you, our 2 payments were smaller then some people's single payments (DH's car was under $10,000 and mine was $17,000) but it still made me nervous. And while we do research and did with my van purchase too, it was still a scary thought of if something happens we have 2 car payments, so it did take me some time to feel OK about it.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

Spending money really makes me nervous. If we have to make a big purchase I make my husband do it.
I think it comes down to the fact that we really value the value of money. We work hard, save our money, budget tightly, & its hard to let a large chunk of it go.
Money is our security blanket. It helps to know we have it in the bank if we have an emergency.

None the less you are not alone as you can see there are a lot of us just like you.

 

[DISdreamin']

I guess it seems odd to me that you would fret of it for months. Once you signed the papers and loan, if there was one, that should have been the end of the fretting. There was no going back.

We think about it before we decide on the purchase but then just go on with life after the purchase is made.

Yes and no about signing the papers ending the fretting. When DH and I purchased our current home, there was a period of time when I was really worried about how the finances would work out. Yes, we had done a budget and yes, the mortgage payment was well within it BUT DH was doing PT/contracting work and it really made me nervous. Also, with building new we had a lot of incidental expenses I knew would pop up and it concerned me. It wasn't until we were in the house about a year that I became really comfortable with the fact that we were okay. So yes, there ARE people who worry past signing the papers.

Oh, and lest you think we pushed the finances, we were preapproved for more than twice the mortgage we ended up taking out. It was NUTS, and having lived that I can totally see why we are in the mess we're in with foreclosures!

 

[wdwfan16]

That's a great way to be, unfortunately for us we had just bought DH a new car for commuting when my car was totalled in an accident. We had been burned before buiung used so my DH (who knows nothing about cars) was nervous to buy used and his 4 seater commuter car as our only car was not going to work for our family of 5. So, we knew we were getting in over our heads a bit (I mean, we made every payment on time, but 2 car payments on one income is a scary thing.) I needed to see that we were actually able to make the payments and still eat. Mind you, our 2 payments were smaller then some people's single payments (DH's car was under $10,000 and mine was $17,000) but it still made me nervous. And while we do research and did with my van purchase too, it was still a scary thought of if something happens we have 2 car payments, so it did take me some time to feel OK about it.

One always gets screwed when your car is total in an accident. That would be very annoying especially if you have to take a payment to do it.

Just realize that both of your cars cost less than many pay for one car.

-------

I see a house purchase a little different. The OP was talking about a car and a mattress.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Spending money really makes me nervous. If we have to make a big purchase I make my husband do it.
I think it comes down to the fact that we really value the value of money. We work hard, save our money, budget tightly, & its hard to let a large chunk of it go.
Money is our security blanket. It helps to know we have it in the bank if we have an emergency.

None the less you are not alone as you can see there are a lot of us just like you.

Thanks, it does help to know I am not the only one.

Yes and no about signing the papers ending the fretting. When DH and I purchased our current home, there was a period of time when I was really worried about how the finances would work out. Yes, we had done a budget and yes, the mortgage payment was well within it BUT DH was doing PT/contracting work and it really made me nervous. Also, with building new we had a lot of incidental expenses I knew would pop up and it concerned me. It wasn't until we were in the house about a year that I became really comfortable with the fact that we were okay. So yes, there ARE people who worry past signing the papers.

Oh, and lest you think we pushed the finances, we were preapproved for more than twice the mortgage we ended up taking out. It was NUTS, and having lived that I can totally see why we are in the mess we're in with foreclosures!

Ironically I wasn't scared at all when we bought this house. But, I was a different person and we were in a bad rental situation and I thought we'd be in it for a few to maybe 5 years, it's been 13. But we too were approed for much more then we bought, but DH siad there was no way we could handle the payment and I am so glad he was smart enough to say that. I was all set to buy a $200,000 house and he said we could afford to PAY for $80,000 max. Good thing because we have never worried about paying or morgage and have not had to give up vacations and stuff to keep it.

One always gets screwed when your car is total in an accident. That would be very annoying especially if you have to take a payment to do it.

Just realize that both of your cars cost less than many pay for one car.

-------

I see a house purchase a little different. The OP was talking about a car and a mattress.

Yes, we did buy new cars, but inexpensive ones, and now with no car payment and 2 good working cars (fingers crossed) we are able to save that amount every month.


I just needed to see that I wasn't alone. Seems of the couples we know, the wives think I am crazy. They spend money so freely and without worry. I do worry. I try not to over worry, but enough to be realistic. I have friends that borrow, borrow, borrow from family and credit cards and when I say we are weighing our options, researching purchases what have you they act like we are crazy. I just knew that here on the BB there would be people who could relate to me. We are by no means perfect when it comes to dealing with money, though we have come a very long way in our 19 years together, but we try really hard to make the best financial decisions for our family and sometimes that makes me especially want to hold on tightly to what we have worked so hard to save for.

Thanks to everyone who made me feel like I am not crazy. I appreciate it!

 

[Minnie]

Just realize that both of your cars cost less than many pay for one car.

I don't see how this helps.... that's like comparing one families 50k annual income to one that has 100k....

A large purchase for those families would be very different....

 

[Minnie]

OP - I also have anxiety when spending my hard earned dollars. Though I now have a very good job - it definitely wasn't always that way... Lots of lean years went into finishing the MBA that got my foot in the door

Those lean years have made me cautious and have some anxiety when spending money. One of the reasons I drive a paid off 6yr old car while many of my co-workers drive new models.

Anxiety comes in many forms and in this economy spending hard earned money rather than having it in the bank.... yep many of us are right there with you

If nothing else know that with the anxiety means your cautious and that the decisions are not without a lot of thought. Or many, many spreadsheets for some of us

 

[honeydiane1953]

I am wondering if I am the only one? Whenever we are about to spend a large amount of money I have terrible anxiety. In the beginning of our marriage we lived a bit beyond our means, but in the past 12 or more years I have really changed and now I pride myself on being frugal. But now it's almost like it's gone too far. Even when we need something I get very nervouse about putting out the money. When we bought our last car (6 years ago) I actually was in tears and shaking when we were signing the papers. I got over it, we bought the van and I was OK but at first it freaks me out.

Today DH and I bought a new mattress. Ours is so bad we have not slept in it for about 3 months. I've been sleeping on the couch and DH has been sleeping in the recliner. It has not been the best night sleep but better then our bed that was so bad we would literally wake up and not be able to move our backs were so bad. Neither one of us was happy and we have missed cuddling at night, but I just could not committ to buying a new one. (I tried buying a foam topper and a pillowtop cover, neither or both made a difference they were so bad.) Finally today he said we were going and buying a new one. We did but even once we found one and got a discount and free delivery because as it turned out the owner of the place is good friends with DH's boss (both small buisness owners, looking out for each other kind of thing,) I had to sit and take deep breaths for a while beefore I could let DH pay. In fact I sat till they were closing and he kind of said he was buying because he knew I'd be OK with it.

Am I crazy? I know a good mattress is really a necessity. I know we can't have a good day when we are always tired. But I just hate not having that $1000 in our bank account now just in case.

After he took me shopping for a new fridge. I found one but couldn't do it. Just couldn't. I think we are going to go tomorrow to look at refurbished ones, MAYBE that I can do. But we'll see. I may need to seperate the 2 out a little more.

So, tell me---am I nuts??? I know in all the marriges of our friends we are so opposite, the wives want to shop, but for us my husband almost need to force me to get even the basics.

I have a girlfriend just like you. I spend way to much money and her thriftiness drives me insane. She grew up very poor so I think this is the reason she is like this. We didn't have it so tough. But I on the other hand spend like a crazy person.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I have a girlfriend just like you. I spend way to much money and her thriftiness drives me insane. She grew up very poor so I think this is the reason she is like this. We didn't have it so tough. But I on the other hand spend like a crazy person.

Most of my friends are like you. I try not to drive them crazy but I am sure I do.

 

[Brancaneve]

Thankfully things like groceries don't bother me. It's just when you see $1000 all at once come out of your account when you have saved so hard to get it there, I don't know, it's just hard to spend in seconds what it took you so long to save.
Maybe because we too have ahd a few of those tough times, I don't want to get to a place where we worry about that again. I am such a smarter consumer now though and I need to remind myself of that.


At least you have $1000 in the bank!!!!
A lot of people don't even have a $1 in savings. Feel good about that!

 

[EarthSong]

1000 for a bed???WOW....I got a deluxe pillow top queen sized mattress for under $400 its like sleeping on a little piece of heaven. I would never spend that much on a mattress .

 

[DISdreamin']

Ironically I wasn't scared at all when we bought this house. But, I was a different person and we were in a bad rental situation and I thought we'd be in it for a few to maybe 5 years, it's been 13. But we too were approed for much more then we bought, but DH siad there was no way we could handle the payment and I am so glad he was smart enough to say that. I was all set to buy a $200,000 house and he said we could afford to PAY for $80,000 max. Good thing because we have never worried about paying or morgage and have not had to give up vacations and stuff to keep it.

Yup, the mortgage game is/was crazy! DH and I both struggled with the idea of a mortgage as we had a house that was fully paid for that we had bought when we were in school. It was hard to give up that "free" place to live to move to somewhere we owed a mortgage, but the school district we were in was abominable - we HAD to move.

We looked for the right area and home for the better part of a year (probably seriously looking for 7 or 8 months) before we found "it". And we LOVE our home. We started looking at a lower price range but finally realized that, to get what we wanted, we needed to go higher. We ended up with a mortgage that was a little less than half of what we were pre-approved for. It was still a LOT more than zero. So yes, it freaked me out!

As for other purchases, I tend to weigh all larger purchases (>$100) pretty carefully before buying. Once you get up to ~$1K I tend to do serious research - if it's electronics, I'll read up on brands and models to be sure we have a good chance at being happy with our purchase, and also to try and make sure we aren't spending more than we really need to to get what we want. For vacations/airfare/etc, I try to do my homework so we don't spend more than is absolutely necessary there either. It's just who I am.

I have some friends who spend like crazy - but don't have a dime in savings. Any windfall they get is immediately spent...and then some, sometimes. It scares me for them, and I could NOT do that. That emergency fund keeps me happy. As Dave Ramsey followers at llnoe.com sometimes say, I may have an overactive security gland. Anyways, it's all about balance. I can't spend at the expense of having what I consider to be enough savings. Yes, we could always have more, but what we DO have lets me sleep at night.

 

[NotUrsula]

Sure. I think that most people who have ever been in real financial trouble feel this way to some extent. There is always that memory of how miserable it was to have to [fill in the blank].

I call them "radishes moments" ...

"As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again."